I slapped the file down on the table.
"So you mean he actually got the dude background checked?" I nodded my head while sipping the raspberry ice tea the waiter had just brought to me.
"I have no idea why you're so surprised Riley, it's exactly something he would do."
"Yeah but, I didn't think he would be so jealous." A shocked looked rested on his face. My eyebrow rose with incredulously; Huey Freeman and jealousy do not fit in the same sentence.
"He's not jealous Riley, he's controlling." He looked at me as if I was stupid then took a bite out of his chicken club sandwich.
"Jazmine, you cannot be that blind?"
"Blind to what?"
"Ok, so apparently you can be. Jazmine he's jealous, that's why he background checked your dude."
"You and Cindy calling him my dude, Jesus, and he background checked Dane because he wants to have some leverage, if Dane turned out to be some kind of registered criminal, Huey could make me drop him or take me to court for child endangerment or something."
"Jazmine, Huey may be a lot of things, but he would never take X away from you, you know that." Sighing I pushed a piece of broccoli around with my fork. I knew Huey would never take X away from me, he wasn't that cruel, but I couldn't grasp the belief that he was jealous.
"Ok Riley, let's say he is jealous, why?" The look crossed his face again.
"He's jealous cause another man is trying to stake a claim on his woman, duh. Com'on Jazmine put that brain of yours to work." I almost spit out my tea, this was absolutely ridiculous. Huey does not do jealous; he rarely does anything but anger and disgust.
"I don't understand the male ego! Huey doesn't want me for himself but he doesn't want anyone else to have me?! Why can't the miserable bastard just let me be happy?" I was frustrated at this point; Riley was making absolutely no sense with his diagnostic.
"Men are real simple creatures, Jazmine. We're like animals really, once we stake our claim on a female, she's ours. And if another man wants her, he's gotta prove he's the top dog, especially if this man is going to be around our offspring." I let the information absorb into my brain. Was it really that simple? Was Huey just feeling Dane out before their macho showdown?
"Riley, why didn't Huey just treat me right in the first place?" He put his sandwich down and a flash of pity appeared in his eyes before it was gone like lightning.
"Jaz, it's more complicated than you think it is. Huey, we went through some things a little after X was born. We both handled it differently. It's not my place to tell you what happened, because Huey's affair is a reaction to it, and he needs to man up and tell you himself what happened. But know that this isn't about you personally, it's just his old demons back to haunt him."
We sat in silence for a while, thinking. After a while I looked up to see Riley watching me.
"X and Cindy are right, you do look better." He stared at me, as if he was trying to figure out what had changed.
"What do you mean?"
"Does Dane make you happy?" I had to fight the smile that threatened to overtake my face; this childish reaction to Dane needed to stop, I'm a grown woman for Christ's sake.
"Yes, he does make me happy. He's exciting and new and he does things that Huey hasn't done in a long time." I glanced up and saw his cheeks puffed out. "Get your head out of the gutter!" He couldn't hold in his laughter and clutched his stomach for relief.
"Sorry, sorry Jaz. Man I'm torn, I mean I'm glad you're happy, I really am, but I also want to tell you not to give up on Huey. Sure my brother is a gay asshole who doesn't deserve you, but he does love you, Jazmine. At the same time I don't want you to stay with someone who takes you for granted. But from what you've said this dude sounds a little too good to be true. Shit if Cindy wouldn't kick my ass, I'd marry you right now."
I laughed at his admission. I was lucky to have him as a brother-in-law and as a friend. Riley was always straight with me and never told me what I wanted to hear or what others thought he should say.
"I can't tell you which way to go Jazmine, but I can tell you that if you want Huey, you need some space from him. You've spent so long with him that you don't know what it's like to be with anyone else. The both of you have grown into totally different people than you were 10 years ago, and even five years ago. You've grown, but you didn't grow together. You're strangers now, and you have to learn the new person you've become, before he can learn who you've become and vice versa. Maybe a separation is good for you two to figure out whom you are now and if you want to stay married to the persons you are not, not who you were. If you want Dane, look at the file; he never has to know. You still love Huey, and if Dane's a good guy, he doesn't deserve only half your heart, so wait until the divorce is final. Don't go rushing into a relationship with Dane just because he's there; don't use him as a rebound. I got to get home; if I stay out any longer Cindy will start leaving voicemails asking if I stay out because I'm unattracted to her. Tell your girl that I love her thickening waist, rounded belly, and all."
After Riley left the café, I continued to sit there and think. Riley was right, Huey and I were two different people than we were before we were married and had X. I was still in love with Huey, but I wanted to try with Dane. Sighing I threw down the money for a tip, since Riley had paid for the meal, and left. I had a lot of thinking to do.
"I'm surprised you agreed to meet me here."
"You don't have a lot of time, so if I were you I'd make it quick." I was not in the mood for this.
"What could possibly more important than talking to me?" She huffed a little. I pointed to my watch, signifying that I was indeed keeping track of the time I had allotted her.
"What I have to do is none of your business, Yani. Now, What. Do you. Want?" My patience was just about shredded.
"I want to know why I haven't seen you, why you don't talk to me anymore." Yani pushed her braids over her shoulder and folded her leg. She then licked her lip and turned her head to the side, revealing her neck to me in a gesture meant to seduce me, but she had used this trick too many times; I caught on to her game. Someone had taught her how to appeal to men, and she was a very good student. I looked at the woman in front of me and couldn't feel an ounce of attraction.
"I don't repeat myself, if you can't remember than that's too bad." I began to get up from the chair.
"Huey wait! Don't leave. Please." I sighed, knowing I shouldn't have answered her text message. While I blocked her phone number from calling me, there's nothing I could do about her texting me. She asked me to meet her at the restaurant where we had, what could be considered, our first date. I told her I'd meet her there, we would talk, and after that she would cut off all contact with me.
"You have 45 minutes, start talking."
"Huey I don't understand why you ended what we had. We were good together weren't we?" I gave her no semblance of an answer. She sighed and realized the pathetical approach would not work on me.
"You think she's going to take you back? You think you're going to be happy? She can't treat you like I can Huey. Jazmine—"
"Don't let her name come out of your mouth." My eyes narrowed. The last time we were together, I had told her to never speak Jazmine's name with contempt again, or it would be the last thing she ever said. Yani had become a different person the more frequently I saw her. She became obsessive and demented, even delusional. She compared herself to Jazmine, saying how she was more authentic, more of what I needed because she was a pure African American, and had no other races in her pedigree. She would brag about how natural she was, how she had never straightened her hair like Jazmine did on a few occasions. At first I noticed how Jazmine was different than Yani, now I see how Yani is different than Jazmine.
Yani was self-centered and selfish, two things that would never be used to describe Jazmine. Yani was entitled and believed I should dote on her because she deserved me and I deserved her, and I do deserve her. I've begun to realize too late, that I don't want a woman I deserve, I want a woman who I have to work to be worthy of. Yani is the better woman for me, but Jazmine makes me a better man. Jazmine is a devote wife and mother; all she's ever asked is that I love and be faithful to her, and I couldn't even do that right. It hurt to realize that in my negligence I was becoming what I thought I was running away from. I was becoming the very thing that I thought Yani would keep me from being. I was becoming him; I was becoming my father.
"You've been quiet tonight, what's going on honey?" I looked through the rear view mirror at my son. He hadn't said a word since I picked him up from Huey's.
"Mommy?"
"Yes baby?" He wouldn't look up at me, just kept watching his shoes as he swung his legs back and forth.
"Why don't we live with Daddy anymore?" I practically slammed the brakes as we can to a red light. I was dreading this question, but I knew it was coming.
"Sweetie, Mommy and Daddy…we're…"
"Are you going to get a divorce?" He finally looked up at me; his eyes were glassy with tears. Damn you Huey Freeman for always making me answer the hard questions! "I asked Daddy, and he wouldn't give me an answer." So Huey didn't want to tell him either. I concentrated on the road ahead of us and tried to think of an answer suitable for a 5 year old.
"Daddy doesn't make you happy anymore does he?" I bit back the tears threatening to fall. X sounded so small and hurt, I couldn't lie to him, but I couldn't hurt him either.
"It's ok Mommy, I understand…can I…can I meet your friend, the one who makes you happy now?" X was really going for the jugular tonight. I was about to say no but I looked back and our eyes caught each other in the mirror. I saw the tears streaming down his round cheeks and nodded.
"Um, yeah sure baby you can meet him. Don't cry sweetheart, Mommy'll make everything ok."
After I put X to sleep I poured myself a glass of red wine and grabbed Dane's file. Sitting on my bed I could feel the sweat pouring out of my fingertips as I anxiously procrastinate on opening the envelope. Minutes felt like hours, but I tore open the package and pulled out the papers. They were practically blank.
I was shocked to say the least. Dane didn't even have so much as a parking ticket. The only thing that could be counted as a mark on his perfect record was an annulment. Shortly after he was married, he filed for an annulment; the cause being that he left shortly after he was married for a project in Seattle for 6 months, and in that time his new wife cheated on him. My heart went out to him, but at least he didn't spend 10 years married to her to have it all crash and burn to the ground.
Dane had told me everything I needed to truly know about him, and Huey knew it; his annulment was really none of my business. Huey had nothing on Dane, and though I feel it's still too early to bring him around X, at least he's not an ex-child molester. I gulped down the last of my wine, checked on my son, then crawled into bed.