BENEATH THE SURFACE
Part Thirty-Eight
Rogue retched over the drain not far from the van, her fingers curled around the nearby chainlink fence. She'd barely held herself together long enough while Remy had been there. She'd thought she'd be fine, her morning sickness hadn't touched her that day. It seemed ironic now that she was having morning sickness in the evening.
Two weeks ago she'd had on and off nausea, but she'd never imagined it was going to be the start of morning sickness, now, she'd thrown up almost every day this week.
She wiped the sweat from her brow, it smeared some of the fake blood onto the sleeve of her almost-invisible body stocking. She supposed it didn't matter in the end, Carrie White had been a bloodied mess by the end of her prom.
This ain't a prom, she reminded herself as she breathed out the last of the nausea. Remy's asking her to prom had seemed to have come out of nowhere, she supposed she should have expected thanks to their costumes, but she'd been too preoccupied because of thinking about the baby and how she was going to deal with it.
Rogue knew it must have seemed incredibly stupid when she'd answered Remy, when she'd told him if he were still around when Prom came around, she'd happily go with him. By then she'd be heavily pregnant if she decided to keep this child and she doubted Remy would be sticking around for that.
How am Ah supposed to go to Prom lookin' like a beachball with legs? She despaired.
A few more moments of standing there it took before she could pull herself together enough to think about going to the dance. She fixed her dress as best she could by slipping folded tissues down the front of each bust section to stop anything from showing through, and she fixed the fake blood as best she could. She chewed a few pieces of gum on the way to the building and spat it out in the trash just before entering, she didn't need anyone smelling the vomit on her breath.
The music was booming already as she walked down the hallway, she passed her ticket to the teacher outside the door of the gymnasium and made her way in, looking around for Remy. He stood out, seeing as he was the only boy at the dance wearing a Tuxedo.
She found him at the drinks table, pouring ridiculously bright green punch into small paper cups. She gently brushed his back as she approached, "Hey," she said loudly.
She didn't expect him to flinch and slightly jump at her touch; it caught her by surprise that she'd startled him. He turned and looked at her, his eyes wide for just a moment.
"Don't tell me Ah frightened you," she frowned with a smirk.
Remy grabbed a napkin to mop up some of the punch he'd spilled on the table, "jus' thought it was gon' be someone else," he admitted.
"Oh?" she raised an eyebrow.
He passed her a drink, "Yeah...bubbly blonde who has a thing f' me?" he pointed out.
"Oh...her," Rogue sipped the punch, it tasted like lime and coconut, but the smell was slightly off-putting. She put the cup down, "you seen her?"
"Not yet," he finished the entire contents of his small cup in one gulp, he made a face, "what the fuck is this? Tastes like a cocktail wit' out the alcohol...it's more cock than cocktail..."
"Mocktail, Ah suppose," she shrugged. "Probably Koolaid and Coconut water or somethin'."
"C'mon, lets dance," he grabbed her arm and tugged her towards the dance floor.
Rogue wasn't sure if she was meant to be dancing in this condition. Was dancing permitted or was it advised against? "Ah'm not really that good you know..." she resisted.
"I don' care."
Rogue hated dancing, she never quite had the moves down like her classmates, and in comparison to Remy, she felt like an utter disappointment. Remy didn't make any complaint though, he seemed to be content enough with her willingness to make a fool of herself on the dance floor with him, although she noted there was a slight anxious expression on his face, he kept looking around like he was looking for something.
Was he looking for Tabitha?
Rogue spied the blonde finally, four songs later, Tabitha entered the gymnasium dressed as Miley Cyrus, short shorts, tight tanktop and hair up in small buns. She even looked like she'd lost a few pounds lately although it might have just been the costume being quite flattering. Rogue groaned but said nothing to Remy, she didn't want him seeing the girl looking like that, it might be enough to sway his attention entirely.
Another two dances later and Rogue was exhausted, they moved to the bleachers to sit, finding a slightly less busy spot out of the way of anyone they knew.
"This the firs' time I've ever been t' a Halloween dance," Remy admitted, he pulled his clip-on bow tie off and undone a few of the buttons on his bloodied shirt to let his neck and chest get a little air.
"It's lame, sort of," Rogue admitted, she pushed a paper spider that had fallen to the floor around with her foot.
"Yeah," he agreed, "but it's nice bein' able t' spend time wit' y'...and in front o' people..."
Rogue chewed her lip, "yeah..."
"Y' look a little upset," he said, "everythin' okay?"
"Yeah, it's fine," she slipped off one of her heels and reached down to rub her foot. Whomever had designed and made these shoes had never intended them to be for dancing like this.
"Y' ankle is a lil' swollen," Remy realised.
"Huh?" she asked.
He reached down and raised her ankle by gently gripping her stockinged foot, "see...lil' swollen."
It's only about two months in, she thought in distress. Is it supposed to happen that soon? Fuck...
Remy gently rubbed her ankle gently, "y' trip or somethin'?"
"Ah stumbled," she lied, "but it doesn't hurt..." she pulled her ankle away from his touch, she hoped no one had seen this rather telling gesture.
"Why didn' y' tell me? I wouldn't have kept y' dancin' f' the last twenty minutes if I thought y' had hurt it."
"It's not hurt...Ah've probably just been wearin' my boots too tight..."
"Lets sit a few out, give it a chance t' rest..." he suggested.
Rogue nodded, "yeah," she slipped her shoe back on.
"Those are the shoes y' wore t'-" he began, she didn't give him a chance to finish, because she didn't want him to blurt it out in front of people who might overhear.
"Yeah...Ah know," she nodded. "Never had much reason to wear them...but they kind of went with the dress...Ah didn't really think it through what Ah'd wear with the dress and I remembered Ah had them so..."
"It's nice seein' them again. Almost thought y' might have thrown them away."
"No...Ah kept them."
"Y' didn' keep the dress though."
"How could Ah? You ripped it, remember?" she smirked.
He had a somewhat whimsical look on his face for a moment, "yeah...I suppose that wasn' the first honeymoon suite that saw a dress bein' ripped from a bride though," he leaned to whisper it near her ear.
Rogue laughed a little. "That was so awkward...Ah saw you lookin' at me in that stupid corset thing..." she kept her voice low. "Ah'd never been so exposed before to anyone..."
He grinned and stared into space for a moment, "oh yeah...that...that was some corset..."
"Ah, uhm..." she cleared her throat, "Ah did keep that."
Remy turned and looked at her with sudden surprise, "y' did?"
"There wasn't a break in it, why throw it away? Ah thought maybe it might come in handy if Ah ever had to get into another dress or somethin' and Ah was too fat."
"Y' never gon' be too fat," he made a face, "Y' skinny as a rail."
Not for long, she thought. Not if Ah don't take care of this thing...
"Ah had to hide the thing in the hidden bottom of my ottoman," she explained, "otherwise it might have been seen. You know how Tabitha goes through stuff..."
"Yeah," he agreed, "that'd have been hard t' explain, really..." he supposed.
"Yeah," she chewed her lip.
"So, uhm..." he leaned close to whisper, "y' ever gon' wear it again?"
She leaned back on the bench behind her, looking at him with a raised eyebrow, "do Ah have a reason to?" she asked. She gazed across the large gymnasium, seeing a few of the others sitting on the opposite bleachers. She could tell a few were looking at her and Remy.
Probably talkin' about us, she realised, the thought made her slightly anxious. She wondered if she'd be half as anxious if she wasn't carrying Remy's baby right at that moment.
"I dunno..." he chewed his lip, he glanced her up and down briefly, "it is my birthday t' morrow..."
"So you keep pointin' out..." she crossed one leg over the other, "Ah thought you didn't celebrate birthdays..."
"Never really had a reason t' celebrate," he supposed. "Since I never had a real birth certificate...never really had a real birthday..." he shrugged.
Rogue knew where the birthday he used came from. It was the day that Jean-Luc had found him. The fact that he wanted to celebrate this year spoke volumes about how things had changed for him, despite the date didn't come with happy memories. Maybe it was time to start making some.
"But..." he said, "things is differen' now."
"Well..." she said, deciding to try and steer the conversation away from slightly unhappier things, "Ah might put it on tomorrow...maybe..." she teased, "but what are you gonna be wearin'?"
"A weddin' ring an' a great big smile?" he asked.
If Ah put that thing back on, would it hurt the baby?
She hated herself for caring about it, she didn't want to care. She shouldn't care about something she knew ultimately she would have to rid her body of. Stop lettin' yourself get attached to it...there's too many reasons why it won't work, and you can't take the risks...it's not the right time to take risks.
Remy gently stroked her arm, Rogue realised it was something of an absent gesture, but she felt the gaze of the others – especially Kitty and Kurt – as it was happening. Part of her wanted to tell Remy to stop, the other part of her kept reminding herself that she'd made certain promises.
Don't back out now, he's in a better mood now than he's been all year, she told herself.
She leaned near to his ear and whispered, "they're starin' at us..."
"Who?" he asked, not taking his eyes from her.
"The others..."
He smirked and took her gloved hand within his, "good."
"God, they're all gonna be talkin' about us..."
"So?" he shrugged, "let them. We'd be talkin' about them if we saw the same..." he pointed out.
"Yeah, but...it's all gonna be poor Remy."
"Why poor me?"
"'Cause you got a girlfriend you can't touch."
"Far as they know..." he grinned, "weren' nothin' poor about me last night, was there?"
She felt her body flush at the thought of it, "No...that...that was definitely not your poorest moment...nor was it my finest."
"Was pretty fine t' me," He chuckled.
Rogue looked him in the eyes and he stared back at her, his expression was deep and smouldering, his eye contact hard to pull from. Whenever he looked at her that way she always found herself wishing she could kiss him, and it was painful knowing she might never be able to.
God, Ah have to tell him, she realised. It struck her that they were getting closer every day; six days had gone by and she'd been carrying his child and he had no idea of it. It wasn't fair, was it? Didn't he deserve to know?
But what if he freaks? What if he walks away? Ah could take care of this, he'd never know and he'd be none-the-wiser and things would always be just as they are now...
It just seemed so unfair for this to be happening now, just when things were starting to get good.
Always been the way of it in my life, she supposed. Things get good then spectacularly fall apart like always. Why did Ah think this would be any different?
How was she supposed to say it to him now?
Remy, Ah'm pregnant and...Ah don't know what to do...
"Y' want somethin' t' drink?" he asked, standing up.
"Uhm...yeah," she answered, "but not that gross punch...it smells funny..."
"Okay, I bring y' somethin' else..." he promised, he let go of her hand.
Rogue watched as he wandered off to go get punch, there were a lot of people congregating at the drinks table, she realised he'd probably be a while.
"Rogue..."
The voice at her left caught her by surprise, she hadn't heard or seen Kurt approaching and she wondered if for a moment he might have teleported to her. She turned and looked to him, "oh, hey."
"What's going on?"
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You and Gambit," Kurt kept his voice low, he leaned forward on the bleachers, "he's all over you..."
"You know Remy," Rogue pretended to roll her eyes, "he likes to be friendly with girls..."
"Oh come on," Kurt snorted, "He asked you to prom, and now he's touching your hands and he's got his arm around you in pictures..."
Rogue tried to remain calm.
"Is something going on?"
"Ah don't know," she replied.
"You like him, right?" Kurt asked, "I mean, we all know you hang out with him but...we thought it was just...you know, the thing you had with Scott."
Rogue didn't need reminding of that portion of her life again.
"He always made those jokes and stuff when he was around you," Kurt realised, "I thought he was just being funny...I didn't think..."
"It's hard to know what goes on with people sometimes," Rogue supposed, she scratched her arm absently.
"Do you want me to ask him how he feels about you? Let you know?" Kurt asked, "Because I could totally be your wingman if you need."
"No...Ah got this," Rogue smiled, "but thanks all the same."
"I just don't want to see him hurt you," Kurt admitted.
"He won't," Rogue assured.
"He hurt Tabitha," Kurt pointed out, his expression was slightly hurt at the thought of the girl he liked being essentially dumped by anyone.
He didn't dump Tabitha though, because they were never together, Rogue reminded herself.
"That's different, Kurt. Tabitha just...took it upon herself to like him...and Remy was tryin' to be nice, that's it."
"He led her on, though..."
"No...he didn't, he was just tryin' to be nice to her, and that's it. Ah think he felt sorry for her. He just...sympathised with her. They have kind of, Ah don't know, similar backgrounds Ah guess," Rogue said, she pause and stared towards the floor.
They have similar backgrounds, she realised. Oh my god...they have similar backgrounds...that's why he's been tellin' her things...why didn't Ah see that?
"I suppose," Kurt shrugged, "Anyway, I'm going to go see if I can find Tabitha...I saw her come in but I don't know where she went."
Rogue stared at the boy for a moment, he looked quite ridiculous in his costume. She almost thought to suggest he ask Tabitha out tonight, but she knew it would be a bad idea to do so. Tabitha was likely to maybe say yes just out of it being something of a rebound from being rejected by Remy. He should definitely leave it for a while.
Watching Kurt walking off, she wondered what his reaction would be if he should learn about her pregnancy. Knowing Kurt, she felt he would probably be enthusiastic, he'd have visions of being an 'uncle', and spending all day playing with the child, teaching it German and singing it to sleep.
He'd be a good uncle, Rogue realised. But now isn't a good time for that.
She sighed inwardly, thinking of the abortion pills still sitting in her bedside cabinet. The longer she left them there and didn't take them, the more she chanced running out of time. She had merely weeks to make this decision, and while weeks seemed like a long time, she knew it really wasn't. Not when already six days had flown by.
There isn't a choice in this, Rogue thought dully. Professor said there is but...there isn't. Ah don't think Ah can do this, Ah don't think any of us can.
Staring across the gymnasium, she watched Remy at the drinks table, he spoke casually to one of their classmates while he was getting their drinks. He can't do this. He's still pulling himself together after what happened in Louisiana...he's so young, nineteen isn't a good age to be havin' a kid and settlin' down. Our lives are so dangerous from one week to the next...how could we protect a baby? And he said he didn't want kids...it wouldn't be fair for me to just make the decision to keep a baby when Ah know how he feels.
Suddenly she felt queasy again, maybe it was the heat in the gymnasium, or the taste of that punch still in her mouth. Or maybe it was just the thought of all her woes that brought it on. She climbed over the bleachers awkwardly and took off in a run for the nearest girl's restroom. She had to push through a group of girls standing talking outside, she barely made it in time, throwing up a little, it unfortunately splattering onto the seat.
At least the restroom had been empty; she was surprised on the night of a party; usually the bathrooms where were all the girls came to gossip. Seemed like tonight they were doing it out in the hall.
She leaned there against the stall, breathing it out, she was growing sick of being sick.
How soon after Ah take those pills will this stop? She wondered. She waited it out until the nausea passed, she wiped the seat down, feeling a little apologetic for who would have to sit there next, and she left the stall. It surprised her that she wasn't as alone in there as she'd thought she had been.
Tabitha was standing at the mirror re-doing her lipstick, lipliner at the ready, making her lips seem slightly larger and fuller than they already were. Rogue saw the girl look at her in the reflection.
It surprised her when Tabitha spoke to her, she'd thought they weren't on speaking terms.
"You okay?"
Rogue leaned against the sink for a moment, the nausea was coming and going as it sometimes did but she knew the vomiting had passed for now. "Yeah..."
"I heard you throwing up," Tabitha said, she finished lining her lips and went through her makeup bag.
"Yeah, that...punch is gross..." Rogue leaned over the sink and took a swig of the tap water, it was warm and foul, she spat it out, making a face.
"I made it," said Tabitha, "everyone else said it was great..."
"Sorry," Rogue mumbled, feeling slightly guilty. "It's...probably just...me."
Rogue eyed Tabitha's reflection in the mirror as she removed her gloves to wash her hands. The girl definitely did look slimmer.
"You look...like you've lost weight."
"Yeah," said Tabitha, "six pounds," she didn't take her eyes from her lips as she expertly applied her matte red lipstick.
"You...you look good," Rogue admitted, she felt her stomach churning. Ah really need to bridge this gap and be on okay terms with her. We live together, and the last few days have just been hellish. It's impossible ignorin' each other...it's gonna get really obvious sooner or later and the instructors are gonna get involved.
Tabitha said nothing, she quietly put her lipstick back into her makeup bag, she took out her mascara and unscrewed the cap.
Rogue put her hands under the cold tap, she couldn't take her eyes away from Tabitha, the girl was so beautiful it was hard to fathom why Remy hadn't chosen her instead. She'd noticed her in the gymnasium, nearly every guy had had his eyes on Tabitha tonight.
"Nice costume, by the way..." Rogue said to Tabitha, she noticed the girl had a denim jacket wrapped around her waist now.
"Teacher made me wear this around my waist, she said my shorts were too short," Tabitha stretched her face and applied her mascara with precision, not that Rogue felt she particularly needed to.
"Most of the male teachers in this place are pervs, you know that," Rogue quietly commented, she grabbed for a handful of paper towels, "they have to be sure that they don't give them the opportunity to look."
"Whatever," Tabitha shoved the mascara into her makeup bag and zipped it shut, she paused and was rather still for a moment. And then, nothing else was said, the girl simply put her makeup bag into her purse and left the bathroom. Rogue sighed deeply.
That went well, she supposed. Least she's talking to me.
Rogue supposed she somewhat owed the girl an apology. It might be much easier once everything was out in the open. Ah should have told her just then, but talkin' things out in the bathroom when people could walk in probably isn't the best way to do things.
Without warning, the nausea slammed her again, luckily, the sink was right in front of her this time to catch it. She was going to have to wait it out until she could go back to Remy, going in this condition was definitely not going to work.
Ah need to take care of this, she realised. Or it's just gonna get worse.
Remy had been sitting at the bleachers on his own waiting for Rogue when Tabitha approached him. He'd been sitting there for some moments alone, no sign of Rogue anywhere in the gym and he could only assume she'd gone to use the restroom or had disappeared off to talk to one of her friends.
Tabitha's approach had been sudden and he hadn't expected it, he hadn't even seen her since he'd been here. She was dressed in a slightly inappropriate Miley Cyrus costume, which he couldn't see had anything to do with Halloween.
"Hi," he said, glancing towards her. He supposed it was fine to talk to her here, there were people around to be witness if she should try to make any moves on him he supposed.
There was no warning before the punch came, it was a fairly hard punch, right to the left cheek bone and it caused him to spill his drink over his shirt.
"Tabitha, what the fu-"
Tabitha had already turned off on her heel and took off towards the fire exit; normally the doors were never open, but as the room was so full and so hot the fire exit doors had been opened. Remy wondered if that was so if anything should happen, everyone would be able to make a quick escape without having to fight to get the doors open. Had someone seen Rogue dressed as Carrie and remembered how the movie had ended and decided to make sure all exits were available?
Remy rubbed his cheek, wondering if anyone had actually noticed that. It had happened so fast none of the teachers seemed to have caught it at least. He was sure if they had, someone would have taken her aside and had her escorted from the premises like a criminal.
What the fuck did I do? He thought in complete bewilderment. He'd only been sitting there having a cup of that green punch and the next thing he'd known she'd punched him for what he could see was no reason.
He pushed himself up, he wasn't letting her away with that. She wasn't getting to just punch him for no reason and walk away without at least explaining herself or telling him what it was he'd done.
Remy had to push his way through students to get to the fire exit, and he stepped out, looking around, a few students were out there, a couple slyly smoking weed as far as he could see. They were taking a huge chance doing that on school property, he assumed there'd be a couple of kids expelled before the night was over.
He saw Tabitha walking towards the back gates of the school, he ran after her, "What the fuck, Tabitha?" he demanded, "What I do?!"
She kept walking, her pace quickening, "don't!"
"No," he ran and caught her arm, stopping her, "Maybe I deserve t' be hit, maybe I don't, who knows, but I'm not lettin' y' walk away without at least tellin' me why!"
"You know why!" she pulled her arm out of his grasp.
"What I do!?" he demanded of her.
"It's Rogue."
He stopped, slightly stumped, he wasn't sure if she was asking what he thought she was asking.
"Isn't it?" she asked through gritted teeth.
"Tabitha," he sighed.
"I saw the rings, Remy! I saw them on her hand, she had her gloves off and I saw them!"
He supposed there wasn't any way to lie about this then.
"All this time...all these...weeks..." she squinted at him, "And you've been..." she shook her head, "you've been lying to me."
"I never lied," he said, "I tol' y' I was married, I tol' y' I had a wife I loved."
"You told me you were having problems!"
"We were!" he sighed, he ran his hand over his head frustratedly, "Christ, I didn' want her t' tell y' the way she did. I was mad that she did that. It was her idea t' keep this a secret, not me!"
"You could have told me! We were supposed to be friends!"
"You don' make moves on y' married friend, Tabitha," Remy said through gritted teeth, "y' don' make it y' goal t' break a couple up 'cause it suits y'."
"If I had known-" she began, her face red with anger.
"If y' had known?!" he demanded, "what difference it make?! Y' already knew I was married and y' were still determined that I should leave my wife, what difference it make who the girl be?! Y' woul' have had me break her heart 'cause she was in y' way!"
"How could I break her heart!? According to you she didn't love you! She didn't want to tell people about you! And looking back on the way Rogue acts around you, I don't think she really even does!"
"Don' try t' make it fit 'cause it don' quite add up t' what y' want it t', Tabitha," Remy warned her.
"We were supposed to be able to trust each other, Remy. You should have told me," she sniffed, her eyes watering.
"Y' wan' talk about trust?!" he demanded, "Y' keep secrets too, don' y'? There's things you haven' told people. What about your secret, huh? What about this afternoon? Y' think that's not a secret? Were y' gon' tell me about that?"
"What goes on in my life is none of business-"
"Exactly," Remy snapped, "we're entitled t' our personal lives, our own business. My relationship wit' Rogue is mine."
"If you love her, why would you let me get close to you."
"'Cause I knew what it was like!" he hissed, "I know what it's like t' have these damn shames and have t' live wit' it and have no one get it. I didn' think y' was gon' go get feelin's."
"You let me fall for you."
"No...you let y' self fall for me. Y' knew I had someone, y' heard me say it, y' saw the ring, and y' still let y'self feel and y' still pushed."
"All I saw was you unhappy, and alone with a wife who didn't want to be with you. And you're still keeping secrets."
"No...we're not," Remy said, "It's all ending as of tonight. We've had enough of sneakin' around."
"I guess I should have seen it coming, right?" Tabitha snorted, "it should make sense you'd marry someone like her..."
"Huh?" he asked, gazing down at her.
"Daddy diddled you, you have enough of man whoring your way through the better part of town, you're sick of feeling gross and used so you pick the one girl you can't touch because she's safe. She's the one person who can't use you, right?" Tabitha frowned.
"Take that back," Remy clenched his fists.
"You know it's true. That's why you married her, right? Because she was safe. Safe option. You get the benefit of having someone there, she gets to think you love her, and you don't even have to fuck her."
"Y' don' know what y' talkin' about," Remy shook his head at her.
"Whatever," Tabitha frowned, "I hope the two of you are very happy together, Remy, just keep the hell away from me. You and your damn ghost daddy."
Remy watched the girl stomping off towards the gate, he wasn't sure how she was going to get home and part of him didn't even want to care. He hoped she would have the sense to hail a cab. Bayville was a safe town but it was Halloween, it was dark, and there were always a few criminals hanging around the streets using such nights as an opportunity.
He turned back towards the hall trying to calm himself down. He was furious with Tabitha, and he'd been afraid at one point after she'd mentioned Jean-Luc's diddling him that he'd hit her for the remark. It had taken all his self control to not lash out at her for the comment. He was shaking a little by the time he got back to the gym, the rain had soaked through his shirt, he'd left his jacket in the hall and now he was freezing.
Rogue was sitting in the same spot he'd last seen her before he'd left to get drinks earlier, she looked at him quizzically as he approached, his shirt soaked through and clinging to his arms and shoulders, water running down his brow.
"It's rainin' out," he commented in response to her questioning glance.
"Where were you...?" Rogue asked, she eyed him, "What happened to your cheek?" she touched his left cheek with her gloved fingers, he winced because Tabitha's punch had left it feeling tight and sore as it was without Rogue's prodding.
"Don't..."
"What happened?"
"Tabitha happened," Remy muttered.
"What did she do? She hit you?"
"I deserved it, I suppose," Remy picked up his tuxedo jacket and used it to wipe his face.
"What happened?" she touched his arm.
"She stomped up, punched me in the face then stormed out. I took off after her t' try and figure out what was goin' on...turns out she saw y' rings and figured out things from there."
"Fuck," Rogue said under her breath.
"Pretty much my feelin' too," Remy said. "She's...pissed at us both. Me especially..."
Rogue sighed, "Ah'm sorry...Ah know this is all my fault," she swept the hair of her wig away from her face, "if Ah hadn't told her..."
"Look...she was boun' t' be mad at me one way or the other...even if y' hadn' tol' her she'd have still felt the way she felt and sooner or later I'd have had t' be honest wit' her anyway. Either way, this was gon' happen."
Rogue stared to the floor, her expression dull for a moment, "can we go to the van and talk?" she asked quietly.
He looked around the hall, he didn't feel much like celebrating Halloween much any more anyway. "Yeah, I suppose..."
They walked to the van together hand in hand, Remy was aware their friends from the Institute saw them leaving together holding hands but he didn't much care for the glances or the gossip that would spread. The van was quite cold when they climbed in and Rogue switched the engine on to warm it up so she could switch the heating on. Remy sat quiet in the passengers seat, leaning on the door, head propped up in his hand.
Rogue was the first to break the silence. "From the moment Tabitha let it slip that there was things you told her about, Ah've been rackin' my brain tryin' to think why you'd do that..."
He stared out of the window, down towards a dark puddle and the ripples the rain made across it.
"The minute she said it, Ah sensed it...you've been tellin' her about Jean-Luc, and the things that went on when you were a kid. Things you...didn't quite tell me."
He said nothing, he couldn't deny he'd told Tabitha some things. But they'd still been vague, hadn't they? Tabitha really didn't know much more than Rogue did for the most part, it was why he had never let himself feel too guilty about never telling Rogue.
"Ah've been rackin' my brain since tryin' to figure out why you'd let her in on that stuff when you grudge tellin' me. Ah mean, Ah'm your wife, you're supposed to tell me everythin'..." she gripped the steering wheel, he heard the sound of her leather gloves creaking a little.
"Marie," he began with a sigh, "it ain' that I don' wan' tell y'. I mean...I don' wan' tell y' about them, 'cause...I don' think it's fair t' lay that kind o' stress on y'..."
"Ssh, let me finish," she reached over and touched his arm, "so Ah thought about it and thought about it, but nothin' made sense."
He stared down at the dashboard dully
"Ah mean, it made sense why you guys get along so well...you have the same kind of...you know...personality, you're both thieves, she's not quite to your skill level but..yeah. And you're both so direct and outgoin' and you're both..." she drew her breath, "a little screwed up..."
"Chere..." he sighed, he really didn't want to have this conversation with her.
"Ah knew she was damaged because of her daddy makin' her steal usin' her powers. But it never occurred to me that...maybe somethin' else was goin' on. Ah guess when you grow up without a father...you never expect that kind of thing to happen to girls who got one..." she supposed.
Remy turned to look at her, he wished he could just agree and say it.
"Ah think that's what you two talk about...you both discuss things you think Ah can't understand, because Ah never had a daddy and Ah never had to go through those things. But she did...she can get it in ways Ah never could..." she stroked his arm gently.
He said nothing, he couldn't agree, or disagree; a shrug was all he could give.
"Ah just wish you had said...maybe Ah wouldn't have gotten so mad...maybe Ah'd have understood better...not been so quick to attack her about things...or blame you for cheatin' when Ah know now that you didn't..."
"Even if..." he said, "if that were the case, and I'm not sayin' it is," he finally stated, his voice slightly shaky, "I can't divulge anythin' that was tol' t' me in confidence. She might have hit me, might have yelled at me and called me a liar...but it don' change things. She still kept my secret...and I'm...always gon' be obligated t' do the same."
Rogue sat quietly, her eyes on the wheel, her expression slightly lost.
"There's always gon' be things I can't tell y'...there were things I never tol' Tabitha either. And y' jus' gon' have t' accept that. I ain' that I don' trus' y', or love y' or think I can't tell y' anythin'. I know I can...some day I might. But there's things that are better kept in the dark..."
"You shouldn't be keepin' those things in though, Remy..." she admitted. "It's so hard holdin' secrets...havin' them eat at you, lettin' them get bigger every day..." she frowned at the steering wheel unhappily.
"I know that."
"You need to talk to someone," she decided.
"I am," he said quietly after a moment.
"Ah'm not talkin' about Tabitha, Remy," Rogue sighed.
"Neither am I," he chewed the inside of his cheek, "I...I didn' wan' say anythin'..." he swallowed his nerves back, "there's this...doctor I talk t'..."
Rogue turned to him suddenly, "a...doctor..." she repeated.
"A...shrink...psychiatrist...whatever y' wan' call her..." he made a face.
"How...how long have you been-?" she asked, unable to finish the question.
"Abou' four or five weeks maybe...I don' know, I los' track. Wasn' long after the car wreck. Professor said it was a condition if I wan' t' stay at the institute..."
Rogue was silent, he could see her trying to understand what everything meant. He had expected her to be slightly angry that he hadn't told her, and slightly upset that someone else got to hear what she didn't.
"Is...it helpin'?" was all she asked.
"I...can't say right now..." he shrugged. "I talk through shit...and...nothin' really changes. I'm supposed t' feel this weight off my shoulders but all I feel is just...things runnin' through my mind again and again 'cause I'm made t' think about them f' the first time in forever..."
"Maybe that's the point," Rogue said softly.
"Sorry I didn' tell y'..." he shrugged, "Jus'...didn' know exactly what t' say. Was hopin' it wasn' gon' be a regular thing. An' I wasn' sure how y' would take it...I was...I guess I thought y' was gon' think I was losin' my mind."
"Ah don't..." she promised.
"I'm so sorry, chere..." he looked away from her, unable to meet her eyes right now.
"It's...it's okay..." Rogue leaned back in the seat, "it's...it's like you said...we should be allowed some private things..."
"Y' ain' mad?"
"No," she answered softly, "Ah'm not..."
He took her hand and squeezed it.
"Just...promise me," she said, "that if things change between us, you won't string me along and let me think you still love me if you don't," she turned to him.
"I won'," he promised, "'cause it's never gon' happen..." he sighed, "Y' know what, we came t' this thing, we shoul' get back in there. Y' still owe me a slow dance..."
"Okay..." she nodded, "come on..."
They entered the school together again, still hand in hand; Remy felt the gaze of their friends and didn't care. He tried to force back the drama of the night and focus on having the good time he wanted to have. It didn't matter how bad things had turned out earlier, he was still there with his wife, they were finally in public together, touching each other in public, letting people know there was something between them.
It's somethin' t' be happy about, he reminded himself. Jus' focus on that f' now.
For a while they danced, Rogue seeming fine with it despite her slightly swollen ankle. There were contests that they stood and watched and there was a photographer taking photos in front of a 'graveyard' background which they posed in front of and paid ten dollars for the privilege of their photo to be given to them on Monday. The costume contest unfortunately, Rogue didn't win despite her effort; in fact none of the mutants from the institute won. Remy was quite annoyed when one of the cheerleaders won for her Malefecent costume. He didn't think it was even that great a costume in comparison to Rogue's.
At least Rogue's costume is from an actual horror movie, he thought, rolling his eyes.
Despite Rogue hadn't won the prize, Remy was almost enjoying the night again, and as far as he could tell, Rogue was too.
They spent some time sitting with friends joking and commenting on the costumes or others; he was quite surprised that no one had asked Rogue and himself about their sudden closeness, he supposed it would be a subject eventually that was bound to come up. For a while, he enjoyed being in the company of others, sitting beside Rogue, his hand on her back, at least until Bobby and Jamie started talking about ghost stories and it left him feeling too uncomfortable so he'd had to urge Rogue back to the dance floor instead. He'd had enough of his own ghost story without hearing others.
He eventually did have to pay the DJ to put on something a little more slow just to get close to Rogue in front of everyone, he was sure Rogue was a little livid at the idea, but he couldn't have been happier with the plan. He didn't know the song, it was certainly not Sinatra but it was reasonable enough to dance to, and as the couples paired together and began dancing, Remy found his wife and took her arm, leading her to the dance floor.
"Ah thought you were kiddin' about the dance," she said, holding onto him, he saw her looking around anxiously at the others.
"Yeah, not so much," he grinned. "Y' think I was gon' pass up an opportunity t' get close t' y' in front of everyone..."
"Ah guess not..." she supposed.
"So..." he said, brushing the hair from her wig away from her shoulder, "What happens t' morrow?"
"What do you mean?"
"What's the plan? I mean, we're still comin' out, right?"
"You say it like we're two gay men about to jump out of a closet," Rogue frowned at him.
"Only if I can wear a feather boa, stripper heels and dance t' 'Sex Bomb'," he teased.
"You would," she snorted.
"But seriously," he drew her closer, "what's the plan? How d' we go about it?"
"Well..." she looked away, trying to decide, "Ah guess...Ah don't know...Ah know Ah promised and stuff, but Ah haven't thought that far ahead."
"I thought y' had..." he said disappointedly.
"Ah've...had other things on my mind," she sighed, "Ah'm sorry..."
"It's okay...we got a lot goin' on lately," he supposed.
"Ah guess Ah could, uhm...make you breakfast for your birthday," she offered, "if...that helps?"
"Y' expect me t' get up f' breakfast?" he asked, "I'm sleepin' in late t' morrow...least 'til noon."
"Why so late?" she asked.
Remy leaned close and whispered gently into her ear, "'cause you and me gon' be up all night..."
"Not tonight," she said gently, "Ah don't want to push my luck with the Professor and Logan. Lets not forget, Logan hears things..."
Remy sighed, "thought y' enjoyed las' night..." he said softly.
"Ah did...Ah swear..." she chewed her lip, "it's just...everyone will be up late tonight, and Ah'd likely get caught. Besides...lets not burn it out, okay?"
"Impossible..." he smirked.
"Look, tomorrow, okay?" she asked, "Ah'll make you breakfast...or lunch, dependin' when your lazy ass gets out of bed. We'll go out somewhere, maybe to a movie or somethin'...maybe we'll go out for dinner later...and then after lights out, Ah'll come to your room and..."
"And y' gon' wear that corset?" he asked hopefully.
"Maybe..." she fixed the collar of his shirt.
"And...are y' gon' tell the others about it?"
"About me wearin' the corset?" she gaped.
"No...I mean...'bout us...goin' on the date."
"If you like."
"Are y' gon' tell them we're together?"
"Ah'm gonna tell them Ah'm takin' you out for your birthday. Don't push it, Remy...they're already lookin' at us seein' us clutchin' each other...we want them to think it's startin' to happen...not like it's been goin' on all along."
Remy drew her a little closer, at that close proximity she had no choice but to put her head on his shoulder and sway with him, he saw the others looking, whispering between each other. Let them whisper, let them talk. Finally they gon' all know me and Rogue got somethin'. And if they make jokes they gon' have hell t' pay.
His eyes caught a zombie standing on the bleachers looking down at him, at first he'd thought it was one of the students, but on second glance he realised it was Jean-Luc. He looked angry.
He hadn't shown up all day, Remy had almost thought perhaps his happiness had been keeping the bastard at bay but it seemed there was no such luck when it came to this. Trying to hold himself together, he turned and looked in another direction, but he was there too, everywhere he looked, the bastard was there, every zombie in the room was Jean-Luc, there were two of him, three of him standing in groups, all looking at him like he was going to regret being there tonight.
"I..." Remy swallowed hard and pushed Rogue back a little, "I think it's nearly ten, maybe we shoul' think about leavin'..."
Rogue took his arm and raised his wrist to see his watch, "It's quarter to."
"Yeah, but we leave now we'll beat all the cars out and won' get caught in traffic on the main road."
"Ah guess you're right," she supposed. "Man, It's been a really fast night..."
"Time flies when y' havin' fun," he admitted.
"Okay...you can drive us back as long as you stick to the speed limit. Go warm up the van while Ah get the others?" she took the keys from her small purse and handed them to him.
Remy didn't like the idea of going out there alone, he supposed he hadn't much choice, if he refused it'd seem suspicious. It was better to just agree than to seem afraid to be alone.
"Okay...sure," he nodded. He had to walk past the Jean-Luc zombies, they all looked so much like him, all in various states of decomposition, skin barely hanging onto grey faces, maggoty and rotten, the smell so atrocious that he had to hold his breath.
Every time he turned trying to get through the crowds of students, one was in front of him, he'd have to push it aside, heard the disgruntled complaints of the students that were really there, not Jean-Luc.
He got into the quiet hall, behind the small glass windows of classroom doors, he saw Jean-Luc, he was at every single one of them. Remy walked faster, trying to keep his eyes straight ahead.
It was odd how quiet it was outside, how he couldn't hear the music from the school once he'd gotten to the edge of the parking lot. His footsteps seemed to echo on the ground, rain had stopped but there were puddles everywhere, the lights reflected in them making them seem like pools of lava.
He heard footsteps behind him and started walking faster, he didn't dare look around. He got to the van, something passed by him and disappeared into the bushes. He lost his grip on the key and they tell to a puddle just as the light above the van blew and plunged him into darkness. He fell to his knees and frantically tried to find them in the pitch, his hand in the puddle, he felt another hand touch his and he yanked his fingers away in fear.
Stop it, he told himself. Get y'self t' gether...
He found the keys and fumbled with them to get his hand on the keyring to press the unlock mechanism, the puddle water had seeped in and ruined the thing, he located the key and tried to find the lock in the darkness.
Come on, come on! He thought desperately. The sound of feet moving past him again in the darkness, Jean-Luc was all around him, he could hear the breathing, could feel the cold of his presence, could smell the decay. He kept trying to find the keyhole, where was it?!
Something touched his back and he let out a yelp, he twisted and threw it back, only to discover it had been Rogue.
His wife fell to the ground right into the nearby puddle, he wasn't sure when the light had come back on but everything was now lit up. Rogue was sitting in a puddle, looking quite shocked, Kurt standing by her.
"Jesus...y'...y' shouldn' sneak up on me..." he gasped, "are y' okay?"
The others were coming around the back of the van from the direction of the school, at least they hadn't seen that reaction, he had that to be thankful for.
"Are you all right?"
Rogue nodded, "Ah'm fine...just...soaked...and dirty..."
Kurt helped her up, "You should be more careful, you could have hurt her..." he said, frowning.
Remy was a little speechless. He wasn't sure what had happened, how everything had switched so quickly. Jean-Luc is tryin' t' make me look like a lunatic, and it's startin' t' work, he realised.
"He didn't mean to," Rogue said, "Oh my god...what happened to the van...?!"
Remy turned back to the van to see all the key scratches over the driver's side door. Had he done that in his desperation to get inside? Would he have been any safer even if he had managed to get in there? Jean-Luc couldn't be kept out of anywhere...
"I...got here and it was like that," Remy lied, he touched the door worriedly, "I guess someone got pissed off and did that..."
"Damn, Logan is not gonna be happy," Ray said.
"Hey, no matter," Kitty shrugged, "He always fixes the paint jobs to look like brand new."
"We could always hack the security footage for the school," Bobby smacked a hand into his fist with a slightly mad look on his face, "see who did it, get revenge."
"It's not an eye for an eye, you know that," Kitty warned him.
"Someone deserves to pay..." Jamie spoke up.
"Y' know what...it's probably been a prank...and chasin' the ones responsible jus' probably make it worse..." Remy stated coolly, "some kids do this shit t' get a rise, t' make y' retaliate so they can cause y' more trouble."
"He's right," Kitty said, "we fight back, they fight back, and we get in trouble. Leave it be."
Remy took one last look at the damage he'd made of the van, stomach churning. If he'd done that just getting to the thing, he wondered if it'd be wise to get behind the wheel.
"Kurt, y' wan' drive?" He asked, making the decision for everyone else's safety.
"Sure, I can do that," Kurt shrugged, taking the keys; Remy felt the boy still suspiciously looking at him for the way he'd pushed Rogue. Remy didn't blame him either.
Rogue looked at Remy, "Are you okay?" she asked quietly, "You look a little pale..."
"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, "c' mon, lets jus' get home."
End of Part Thirty-Eight
So it's out now, at least partially, the others know they're "seeing" each other, and Tabitha knows they're married (what a way to find out, lol). Lots of stuff going on. Tabitha's comment was probably a little mean but I suppose she's hurt so it'd be somewhat understandable under the circumstances (not justifiable, but understandable she'd have that reaction).
Poor Rogue trying to hide her pregnancy, lol. Swollen ankles now too (few of my cousins had cankles from week five right up until the babies were born, lol).
More to come hopefully soon (need to go edit 39). Thanks to all who've reviewed so far! I appreciate it so much, a lot of you on tonight! LOL.