I walked in my house, excitedly wanting to tell Chris that we were having a little girl.
"Hey honey" I walked in, seeing Chris with a devastated expression sitting on the couch, one arm around Clarissa.
"Hi, Claire." He said, almost whispering, "Hum, sit down." At this point I started getting worried.
"Hey baby." I kissed Clarissa's forehead and then sat down next to Chris, she smiled at me. This smile always saved the day, I'd never get tired of it.
"Clarisse, hum, I have bad news." Chris looked at me, and reached for my hand.
"I have good news." I told him, caressing my uterus.
"Please, let me speak." He held my hand lovingly, his eyes red.
"Whats wrong?" I asked worriedly.
"Remember when we were talking about your mother the other night?" He asked me and didn't give me time to answer, "That she didn't answer your letter?"
I nodded, not paying much attention and playing with Clarissa's hair.
"We got a letter back from her address. But it wasn't from her, it was signed by a hospital." He told me, trying to catch my attention.
"Oh my gods, is she okay?" I asked Chris.
"Clarisse" He squeezed my hand, "Your mother had cancer some time ago, when they found out, it was already spread over her organs."
"She has cancer?!" I felt a sudden panic.
"Clarisse, your mother is dead." I couldn't believe these words.
I didn't know what to say or do. I started feeling dizzy, I felt confused, suddenly my vision was blurry, I was in shock, I collapsed on the couch. My heart sunk, it broke into millions of pieces. Its not like my mother was the best mother in the world, but i loved her, she was my mother.
"No…No… That can't be right!" I felt the tears wetting my face, my hands trembled. It was Silena all over again.
"I'm so sorry, Clarisse." He held my hand.
"NO!" I stood up, ran towards the kitchen and broke a plate by throwing it at the wall. It wasn't possible, I felt devastated, like someone struck a knife in my heart.
"Clarisse, no, stop!" Chris stood up, leaving Clarissa on the couch and started trying to stop me.
"SHE CAN'T BE DEAD!" I threw another plate, this time on the ground, making a loud noise and causing Clarissa to start crying.
"Throwing plates won't make her come back." Chris approached me.
"SHE WANTED TO SEE ME! AND I NEVER WENT BACK HOME LIKE I PROMISED! SHE WASN'T EVEN INVITED TO OUR WEDDING! SHE NEVER SAW CLARISSA! AND NOW THIS BABY! AND SHE'S DEAD! SHE'S FUCKING DEAD!" I screamed hysterically, nothing seemed to relieve the pain I was feeling. Its the woman that gave me birth, that gave me life that I was talking about. How could she not have even told me that she had cancer? How was that possible?! I felt like I was going to faint for a second, Clarissa's cries are probably what kept me sane.
Chris held my wrists strongly with his hands, "Its not your fault. I'm here for you, Bella is here for you, even Clarissa is. But you need to control yourself, for Clarissa. For me too, and for our new baby." He hugged me tightly.
I buried my head on his chest and cried with Clarissa, I screamed and cried. At that point, it seemed like everything was lost. That nothing had salvation. Honestly at one point, I wanted to die.
"Cry it all out, I'm here, I'm here." Chris kept telling me, as I screamed and the tears fell. The pain was nothing like I'd ever felt before. I had promised I'd go see her, and I didn't. Now, I can never see her again.
I grunted loudly and then continued crying. I was hysterical, the guilt was too much for me.
"Chris…." I cried.
"Come here, shhhh…" He picked me up and put me on the couch, sitting on his lap. I felt like a eight year old vulnerable girl, not a twenty year old mother of two girls.
"It hurts…" I screamed, trying my best to stay sane.
I felt like a zombie.
"Mommy…" Clarissa hugged me from behind. I wish that I'd have hugged her back, but I was in such a huge shock, I couldn't think straight.
"Baby, mommy isn't feeling very well right now. Go play in your room, please, okay? Do you understand what I'm saying?" Chris tried keeping calm while I screamed in his ear.
She nodded and ran to her room.
"Calm down, Clarisse, please." Chris fondled my hair while i kept crying and puling on my own hair.
And then…black. I don't remember what happened next, all i saw was black and then I collapsed on Chris.
I woke up.
"Chris I had this real fucked up dream, i came home and you told me my mom was dead." I opened my eyes slowly and saw a worried Chris looming over me.
He looked at me with sadness in his eyes, i sighed. "It wasn't a dream, was it?" I felt a small warm cheek falling down.
Chris nodded as in no.
"You passed out from so much emotional stress." He told me.
"I was trained to be strong." I hid my face on his chest, "But I'm not. I'm feeling like shit."
"You're the strongest person I know, Clarisse. He hugged me tight, "She was your mother."
"We…" I sniffed, "We're having another girl." What was a very happy thing, now was turned into news said in a depressing tone of voice.
"How can you be sure?" He asked me, speaking softly.
"Alysa got an ultrasound, we saw her, and i'm four months pregnant." I whispered, trying to hold my tears back.
"Four months? Already?" I nodded, "Wow…"
"And she'll never get to see her…" I burst into tears again, but this time, quietly and not hysterical.
"Be strong, baby. Be strong." He caressed my hair.
TWO WEEKS LATER
"Good morning" Chris's voice invaded the room, as he opened the curtains.
"What…time is it?" I asked him.
"Today you're getting up and going back to your normal life, Clarisse." He didn't answer my question and sat on the edge of bed.
I covered my head with the blanket, "I can't."
"You can!" He told me.
"I CAN'T!" I yelled.
"Clarisse" He took a deep breath, probably trying to calm himself down, "Its been two weeks now, you need to get out of bed. You need to go back to living. Clarissa needs you, she asks me whats been wrong with you every single day." I looked down, "I need you. And its cruel what you're doing, Clarisse. You're starving your baby to death, you're not eating, barely sleeping. You're always stressed. Its not healthy for her."
I wanted to get up but I was already so used to just staying in bed. I was a zombie, I didn't really do anything for the past two weeks. I still don't know why I got so upset with my mother's death, since we weren't super duper close or anything.
"Okay" I wormed my way close to Chris, "I'll get up." It was mainly because of Sophie, that was the name we decided to give our baby girl, I was worried I wasn't providing her the things she needed.
I got up and went to the bathroom. When I pulled down my panties, I saw something that usually I would want to see. But not now. Not today. I held my breath, trying not to faint. I looked down at the blood.
"CHRIS!" I yelled.
"Whats wrong?" He ran to the bathroom.
"Look" I showed him my panties.
He looked pale. Maybe even paler than i was.
"Blood" he ran his hand over it.
"Sophie" I whispered worriedly. "No. No. NO! I am not going to lose her!" I was ready to drop dead right there. Blood during the second trimester of a pregnancy meant danger, in most cases, the start of a miscarriage. Its all in the book.
"Quickly, go to the infirmary, I'm going to call Alysa." He told me hurriedly.
I grabbed a new pair of panties and put on a pad.
"Wait" I grabbed Chris's shirt. "Where's Clarissa?"
"With my brothers" He told me, "Go!"
I tried my best to go as quick as I could to the infirmary, in my green fluffy pajamas, walking barefoot on the snow.
I got there and lied on one of the beds, just waiting.
I felt a tear falling down my cheek. Suddenly, I forgot all about my mother, I haven't seen her in ages, what did it matter anyway? She let me become a year round camper. All that mattered now was my baby. My possibly dead baby.
"Clarisse!" Alysa barged in the room. "You're bleeding?"
"Yes…" I cried.
"Okay, stay calm, we aren't sure of anything yet. I'll go grab the ultrasound." She quickly ran to the closet and set things up as fast as she could. I mentally started performing CPR on my unborn baby.
"Clarisse." Chris barged in after Alysa and sat beside me.
I quickly took off my shirt and drank a quick glass of water. Alysa briskly spread the gel and started the process.
"Can you hear her heartbeat?" Chris asked, as I started crying.
"Where's her heartbeat?" I asked Alysa.
She moved the transducer around, but the pumps I had heard a couple weeks ago, weren't there. My heart sunk. It was just too much. My baby had died.
"I'm trying to locate it, but I can't…" She bit her lower lip, trying to think. She squirted some more gel over my stomach and started gliding the transducer. Still nothing. I wanted to die. "I see her, there she is, lets see if she's breathing." She pointed to the little baby in the monitor. She focused on the transducer on the spot Sophie was resting, right on the corner of my uterus, as if she was hiding, the pumps started being heard again. I sighed in relief. "Clarisse, Sophie is there, she's alive." I started crying happiness tears, the shock had been so big.
I squeezed Chris's hand and smiled.
"But i do have bad news, Clarisse." Alysa tugged on her surgical gloves.
I stared at her, waiting for her to say something. "Sophie isn't developing normally, it seems like you haven't been eating enough."
"What did I tell you?!" Chris glared at me.
"You need to eat at every three hours, Clarisse. And all of that, that I told you. Or this bleeding, could become what we thought it was." She warned me.
I listened to everything Alysa said and then we headed home.
"Oh my gods, this was scary." I hugged his arm.
"I know, I know. Hey, tell you what" He smiled at me, "We'll go get Clarissa, and we'll have a nice lunch with everything you need. You check if your bleeding stopped, if it did, after Clarissa's sleeping on her afternoon nap, we can make some sweet love. I mean, if you want to. I know you are still kinda bummed at…you know."
"Sounds great, I do feel kind of sad, but Chris, life goes on. There's nothing I can do, I've been mourning for two weeks. i have a husband and two daughters to take care of."
"See? This is one of the reasons why I love you." He put his arm around me.
A/N: Review please! I wanna talk :P PM me!