It was official. Andrews was officially on my shit list. Who buys a six-year-old a volcano chemistry set that comes equipped with an air cannon, "lava", and glitter to simulate a caldera eruption? People who have a death wish. Jazmine thought it was brilliant opportunity for X to explore Earth science and the Rim of Fire; she was not the one who had to supervise. I of course was the only one to see it for what it was, a conspiracy gift meant to make me consider committing a felony. The air cannon was deceivingly small but carried the ungodly ability to sound like a bomb testing range. A huge 'boom' rang through the house as the volcano exploded, spreading imitation lava all over the kitchen. Glitter rained down over us to simulate the ash fall-out that occurred after an eruption. Avenger's loud barking sounded through the halls as footsteps rushed over the carpeted floor to the doorway of the kitchen.

"What in the-?" Jazmine's sentence was cut off by the scene she walked in on. X and I were covered in the baking soda-vinegar solution and glitter stuck to our old t-shirts. I could feel the mixture seeping into my compressed afro. Jazmine's cheeks started to puff up and I could hear her snickers.

"Not. A. Word." I warned her and began to strip off my shirt.

"I wasn't going to say anything." She continued to fight back laughter, but her emerald eyes sparkled with it. She left and returned back with towels. She handed me one before helping X out of his soaked shirt and pants and told him to go into the bathroom upstairs. The entire room smelled sickeningly of vinegar and Jazmine looked like she was going to be sick.

"I'm going to go run his bath and leave you to this." She covered her nose and dashed up the stairs to escape the smell that overpowered her sensitive nose. I sighed and began wiping up the mess. Avenger carefully trod into the room, clearly afraid the cannon would go off again.

"Out boy. The last thing I need is you smelling like vinegar and needing a bath." He whined and sat at the entrance to the kitchen, watching me curse Andrews with my extensive vocabulary. Once most of the kitchen was clean, except for the glitter that was more resilient than a cockroach, I marched up the stairs, ran my own bath, and attempted to scrub the glitter and scent of vinegar off.

After going through almost an entire bottle of shampoo and conditioner most of smell was gone, but every time I shifted a new fleck of glitter exposed itself. Despite the mess and the smell of vinegar, X was excited about his gift and wanted to play with it again tomorrow. I was glad X was interested in learning about science but I was not cleaning that mess up again so soon. Avenger had disobeyed my strict command and went running through the lava and glitter and went running through the house to avoid a bath. Jazmine had been no help catching him since she said he stunk so badly. I wrangled the dog into his bathtub and scrubbed him the best I could; he would need another bath until the smell was gone. I was about to collapse onto the bed when Jazmine stopped me. She took a whiff and wrinkled her nose.

"Nah-uh, you're sleeping in the guest bedroom."

"What?"

"You still smell like vinegar, and I would much rather not be suffocated and made to throw up every hour."

"Jazmine—"

"Guest bedroom, Huey." Her tone left no room for argument. I glared at her but she shrugged her shoulders and shooed me. I cursed Andrews to hell as I settled into the guest bedroom. This smell had better wear off soon.

It took three days for the scent to fully disappear from X and I. By the third day, it hadn't mattered if I still smelled like vinegar; I was going to sleep in my bed, and enjoy the warmth of my wife. I led a pillow of steam out of the bathroom while running a towel through my hair. Jazmine looked up from her laptop and dropped the pen that was previously perched between her deliciously soft lips. Her gaze trailed up my body before she shook her head and went back to typing.

I smirked and through the head towel into the hamper, the towel wrapped around my waist soon following. Jazmine tried to act like she wasn't peaking but the slight shift of her shoulders told me otherwise. I climbed on top of the bed, running my fingers over her smooth legs. She readjusted her laptop to her lap and continued to ignore me. That wasn't going to happen. I picked up her foot and began to draw deep circles with my thumbs squeezing lightly on her toes. She bit her lip and shifted a little more. I moved up to her calves, kneading the firm muscle until I could feel them completely relax. Jazmine stared so hard at her computer screen I thought her eyes would pop out. My fingers slid up further to her thighs almost reaching her core until she grabbed my hand.

"Did you want something, Huey?" She tried to sound nonchalant but her voice shook slightly with anticipation.

"You're not paying attention to me." My eyes narrowed a little. 3 days without sleeping next to her, and she was ignoring me.

"This," She pointed to her laptop, "is important, Huey."

"I'm important too." Letting the recipients know of their award amount could wait for a few hours.

"Not this important." She shrugged and released my hand. I slid her panties aside and ran a finger up the slit of her core, loving how her toes curled and she bit back a moan. She glared at me and continued working. I closed her laptop and sat it on the desk across the room.

"Huey." She faked her exasperated sigh. I smirked and walked back to her. I kneeled between her legs trying to ignore how badly my length strained to be inside her.

"Jazmine, I would really appreciate it if my lovely wife would spread her legs for me."

"Huey, your lovely wife would really appreciate it if her husband would bring her laptop back so she could get back to work." Her eyes narrowed, challenging me. I leaned into her a let her smell me; now that the vinegar scent was gone my trademark Axe body wash surrounded her senses. Jazmine loved when I used Axe body wash: said I knew the right amount to use to make her smell just enough to turn her on without drowning her in it. I wrapped my arms around her hips and pulled her closer to me. Only the thin lace of her panties separated us. I pushed slightly into the lace then leaned down on her. She ran her violet painted nails over my shoulders and back, causing my muscles to ripple with pleasure. She smiled at me before pushing me off the bed and running to the bathroom. I tried to hold in a grumble as I grabbed a pair of boxers before walking into the bathroom to hold her hair.

"Guess you won't be getting any for a little while longer, huh?" She tried to be funny, but she sounded miserable. I shook my head at her before grabbing one of the millions of hair ties she was always losing from the countertop. I tied her wild curls in a loose bun then went downstairs to make a glass of ice water. I came back and dipped a washrag into the water before pressing it to the back of her neck. Jazmine sighed at the simple gesture then tried not to vomit again. Once she was done, she brushed her teeth and gargled. I picked her up and walked into the bedroom. Laying her down in the cool sheets, I climbed in after her and tucked her into my body.

"Thanks." She murmured before falling asleep. I shook my head; this was the least I could do for her. I mentally reminded myself to start stocking up on her favorite things to crave. If this was going to be anything like her first pregnancy, it'd be better to have the ingredients for chocolate covered deep fried Twinkies before 3 o'clock in the morning.