BENEATH THE SURFACE
Part Forty-Three
*** Note, this is a relatively short chapter, but I'm sure some will like it ***
Rogue waited until midnight before she slipped into Remy's bed, curling around his back. She hadn't been able to fall asleep; since going to bed three hours before all she'd done was lying awake tossing and turning with worries about what was going to happen when the pill she'd taken would kick in.
And of course, her mind kept replaying the conversation with Tabitha over and over. Tabitha was the last person in the house she'd have expected to be identifying with tonight of all nights, but she found herself wishing to talk to her again but ultimately knowing right now, it would be a bad idea to approach her.
Despite what Tabitha had told her earlier that day, nothing had changed. The girl was still mad at her, no apologies had been accepted. She was being civil, just as she had said, but they weren't friends any more.
Right now, now more than ever before, Rogue wished for her as a friend and it seemed even more impossible. Sometimes you don't miss what you have until it's gone, she supposed miserably.
Remy sucked in a breath as she slipped her arm around him, she had awakened him, forgetting about the wounds on his left side.
"Sorry," she whispered.
"S' okay," he mumbled sleepily, he awkwardly glanced over his shoulder at her, "time 's it?"
"Just gone midnight," she said gently, gazing at him in the dim light. He'd bought himself a new lamp, one that had a multitude of settings and a bulb that allowed him to manipulate the colour of light with an app on his phone. Right now, the room was bathed in a soft warm red, and it made him look strangely young despite his unshaven face and tired eyes.
When had he taken to sleeping with the lights on? It seemed to be frequent these days.
"Did Ah hurt you?" she asked, she moved her arm gently from his side, worrying about how much pain she was inflicting even with the slightest touch.
"S' not too bad," he said tiredly, he rolled onto his back and gazed at her, "Logan give y' the third degree f' y' makin' y' way over t' me at this hour?"
"Ah know he's up..." Rogue lay on her stomach and gazed at him, "Ah heard his television on. Ah think he heard me...'cause the volume went down when Ah passed...but he didn't come out and tell me to go back to bed. Ah guess he's really livin' up to what the Professor asked of him."
"So..." he used his left arm to gently stroke her back absently, "What brings y' here t' night?"
"Ah couldn't sleep..." she confessed, sweeping her hair from her face tiredly.
"Been thinkin' about me too much, huh?" He smirked, his face sagging a little with tiredness, his voice thick with exhaustion, his accent was lazy and almost unintelligible and there was something so incredibly appealing about it that it made Rogue melt a little inside.
"Thinkin' about Tabitha, actually," she sighed.
"Okay, that's a tall order," he yawned, "but I'm up for a threeway if y' think our relationship can take it..."
"Don't joke," she sighed.
"Sorry," he looked at her, his eyes full of seriousness, "what's on y' mind."
"It's just...this whole thing is so fucked up. Ah feel bad, Remy. Ah've never felt this bad about anythin' in my life. Ah've been horrible to her lately and the more time has gone on, the more Ah've realised...she's so really not deservin' of some of the stuff Ah said about her..."
"Y' weren' t' know," Remy reminded softly.
"Ah wish you'd told me about her," Rogue grumbled, "then maybe Ah wouldn't have worried so much...maybe then Ah'd have understood."
"Weren' my secret to tell...still isn't," Remy explained.
"We're all entitled to our secrets," Rogue remembered.
"Yeah."
"It's so unfair..." Rogue pressed her cheek down to the pillow, she breathed in, it still smelled of fabric softener, fresh and clean. "She's no saint, Ah know, but...she doesn't deserve some of the shit that's happened to her. God, Ah feel so stupid for ever-"
"Chere, y' weren' t' know..." Remy said again. "She didn' tell y' what was goin' on, how coul' y' know? Y' was jus' tryin' t' protect y'self. F' a good portion of y' life that's all y' had was y' self. I get it."
"Who's gonna protect her, though?" Rogue sighed softly.
"Protect her from what?" Remy frowned a little.
"All this stuff...the guys she screws with. She'll get hurt...or...or a disease...or worse...Ah don't know," Rogue sighed, "now there's this...Ah don't know...this rumour goin' around that she's suckin' guys off at school for thirty bucks..."
Remy seemed to stiffen, his expression darkened, "where y' hear that?"
"It's on the bathroom wall at school...Ah heard about it, the guys were talkin'," she lied. It felt more reasonable to lie; it was on the bathrooms at school, Remy would probably see it if he hadn't already. Telling him Tabitha had told her these things was too close to the bone, it might lead to other things being said...such as the talk about pregnancy.
"Oh," Remy said. "Yeah...I saw it."
"Ah didn't say anythin' before 'cause Ah knew you'd get mad. That you'd defend her..."
Her husband said nothing, he just stared at the ceiling, expression thoughtful.
"It's true," Rogue sighed.
"Y' know that f' sure, huh?"
"Ah've seen her goin' away with boys. Everyone has..."
"I see," Remy replied, making no attempt to defend Tabitha, although Rogue had expected it. He breathed in through his nose for a moment then sighed, "Why y' think she sells f' so low..."
"Is that low?" Rogue asked.
"I knew this girl...hooker..."
"Brandy Buckfast?" Rogue asked pointedly.
He frowned, "Y' ain' never gon' let me f' get about her, are y'?"
"Was just a question," she responded, trying not to be too defensive. "Was it her?"
"Yeah, fine, it was her," Remy grumbled, "she was low end. And she never charged less than fifty f' a blow job..."
"Did you ever have to pay?"
"No," Remy replied, looking almost honest about it, "but I ain' gon' go int' that. All I'm sayin' is, twenty is cheap f' what she's givin'."
"Thirty," Rogue corrected.
"Sorry, I thought y' said twenty," Remy mumbled. "Y' would have t' be real desperate f' money t' go that low...or y' would have t' be pretty lousy at it."
"Somehow Ah don't picture Tabitha as the lousy type," Rogue said.
"I don' either," he commented, then seemed to regret it, "not that...I think o' her like that in any way remotely," he added.
"You better not," Rogue warned him.
"I'll confess," he admitted, "when I first move here...I did think o' it but...only in the way a guy thinks o' every girl in that sense."
"What do you mean?" Rogue queried, leaning up.
"Some guys look at a pretty girl...beautiful woman...they look and weigh up how they think they be. What they look like under the clothes, what they be like in bed...the things they be up for doin'...the things they wouldn't be that y' know y' could persuade 'em t' do. It's not t' say that y' gon' actually have sex wit' the girl, but it runs through y' mind."
"And you thought that about Tabitha," Rogue frowned.
"I coul' look up at her and weigh up everythin' about her in two mins flat, from how she'd look, how she'd sound, what she'd do, what she'd be willin' t' do and how long it'd take t' get there."
"And what did you think she'd be like?" Rogue frowned.
"Wild...passionate...a little dangerous, perhaps a lil' sloppy. It'd be a one time thing if I ever got t' gether wit' her. That's it."
"You sound like you'd like to screw her," Rogue admitted, feeling strangely frustrated, both at the thought of him thinking of Tabitha that way at all, and strangely frustrated with the thought of sex at all right now. Was this a side effect? She wasn't sure, but she did feel strangely turned on. Maybe it was just the anger that he'd think of anyone else but her.
"Not really," he said. "I've come t' think o' her in a different way entirely," he confessed, "more like a lil' sister than anythin' else..."
"You better be tellin' the truth about that," Rogue warned. "Because if you did somethin', even once, even knowin' it would be a 'one time thing', it'd be over, Remy. Ah mean it...Ah could never forgive you for that."
"If I had intentions o' cheatin' on y', it'd have happened already," he assured. "As it is...I'm content wit' what I have."
Rogue sat up slowly, "How can you be?" she asked, feeling slightly uncertain.
He watched her, she felt his intense eyes following her movements as she pulled her knees to her chest.
"Ah can't give you everythin'...and what Ah can give you is so...inexperienced...so...not how you're used to havin' things..." she tried to explain.
He skimmed his fingers gently up her back, bare fingers brushing against the soft brushed cotton of her pyjama top, "inexperience isn' altogether a turn off..." he assured, "it's kin' o'...excitin' in a way."
"Ah don't see how," she scoffed.
"Innocence...when it's you...it's really interestin'...especially watchin' y' learn and pick up things, seein' y' nervous an' all, tryin' t' experiment an' find out what y' think it is I like..." he smirked.
Rogue looked down at him, she wasn't sure if he was really honest about this or was just trying to make her feel better.
"Y' know how y' wen' t' so much trouble t' learn how t' give fantastic head an' all – an' I was real touched by it an' all," he continued, "but part o' me was a lil' disappointed I guess..."
"Huh?" she asked.
"I felt...cheated. Part o' me had been kind o' fantasizin' about the firs' time we got t' that part o' the relationship an'...I guess I wanted t'...be part o' y' learnin' what happens...how it goes is all..."
"So you'd rather Ah didn't try to learn from porn?" she raised an eyebrow at him.
"No...y' can learn from porn all y' like, chere, I don' mind that part. I jus' wan' be included in that learnin' is all..."
"Ah just..." she chewed the inside of her cheek thoughtfully, "Ah thought it'd impress you..."
"It did..." he assured, "I jus'...I guess it's jus'...if y' wan' learn things from porn...we coul' look at that t' gether y' know..." he offered, "An' I coul' be part o' it – I coul' lie there an' be y' prop, I don' care, I jus' wan' be part o' it...I don' wan' miss out on things...even the inexperience..."
Rogue snorted, "Ah guess Ah just figured you'd be more into the slutty experience..."
"I don' wan' a slut, I wan' a wife."
"Ah once heard...that a wife is supposed to be a chef in the kitchen, a maid in the livin' room and a whore in the bedroom," Rogue commented.
"Y' neither a good chef, a good maid, nor a good whore, an' I'm fine wit' that. What y' are is a good listener...good friend...good carer...an' an excellen' lover."
"Pfft," she scoffed.
Remy drew an invisible pattern on her back, she felt it, the way his finger moved...he was drawing a heart over and over across her shoulder blades right down to the base of her spine. "Y' the bes' lover I ever have...an' I mean that."
"Oh come on...all the girls with all the experience," she threw him a dirty look.
"Y' know how we were in the van that day y' admitted t' the others that y' had a man in y' life?" he asked. "After they'd gone an' we were screwin' around?"
"Yeah..." she responded.
"That was a real intense momen' f' me...an' my clothes never left my body...I've never had frottage like that before..."
"Frottage?" she raised an eyebrow at him. She'd never heard the word before, she'd thought of it as grinding, it still sounded far sexier than humping.
"That's the term f' it...it's a lil' more...I don' know, romantic soundin' I guess f' what it is..." he shrugged, "I don' usually like frottage, I fin' it frustratin', hard t' get off wit' clothes on...but wit' you...oh God...never had a lover who coul' get me that excited wit' out even gettin' my dick out..." he pressed his finger against the curve of her spine, "that time in the closet...I jerked off t' that f' weeks..."
"Remy!" she gasped.
"What?" he asked, "sometimes things happen in the shower. Y' don' approve?"
"It's not that Ah thought you didn't..." she frowned, "its...you thought of that?"
"Like I said...it was intense...jus' thinkin' about it right now has got me all tinglin'..." he raised his arm and pushed his sleeve to his elbow, "look..." he laughed, "goosepimples..."
Rogue gazed upon his bare arm, she smirked a little, "it's just cold in here..."
"I'm feelin' pretty warm," he shrugged. He pushed his sleeve back down, "Y' know...I think this the firs' time we really talk about sex an y' ain' blushed once..."
Rogue touched her cheek absently, she hadn't expected to feel the heat through her glove, but she realised he was right anyway, she hadn't felt her cheeks flushing in the usual embarrassed way.
"I'm...glad..."
"Glad?"
"That...we're talkin' about it," he said. "I wan' y' t' be able t' talk t' me abou' this stuff...t' share it...t' ask me about anythin'..."
"Ah just don't know what Ah'm supposed to ask," Rogue confessed to him, she hugged her knees tighter.
"Anythin' y' want..." he supposed. "Anythin' that comes to mind."
"You...you know the other night...the night before Halloween..." Rogue chewed her cheek momentarily, "What happened?"
"What d' y' mean what happened?" he asked sounding quite vague, "we had sex...pretty fuckin' good sex, incidentally."
"Yeah...Ah know, Ah mean...Ah was there," she said, her voice barely a whisper now, "But...the sheets."
"Oh...that..." he realised, "it was an orgasm...I thought y' figured that part out..."
"Ah felt it but...Ah've never...peed the bed..."
"I tol' y' it wasn' pee," he shrugged, "I don' know what the term is f' it...I've heard it called the female ejaculation, I don' know what it is exactly that comes out, but it's like water...I only ever saw it happen in really hardcore porn so...I don' know...I didn' expect it t' happen wit' you that night or I'd have put down towels or somethin'," he grinned.
"You think it's so funny, but it's not, that was really embarrassin'..." she confessed.
"Don' know why y' foun' it embarrassin'. I foun' it really fuckin' hot...I never saw that happen in person before."
Rogue frowned.
"Sex is messy," he explained.
"Not for you, you wear a condom. Your mess is pretty minimal."
Remy turned and looked at her, a serious expression crossed his face, "y' know...even if we wasn' with out the limitations...I still woul' wear one."
"Ah know," she nodded, "You don't want kids..." she added softly, heart breaking a little inside at the thought of pill beginning to break down the lining of her uterus. The baby he'd never know he made...it wasn't going to be there much longer.
His expression was a little unhappy at the mention of it, "I...sometimes get so paranoid I might pass somethin' on..." he confessed, "I've always used protection but protection ain' a hundred percent effective."
No shit, she thought dully.
"I've been checked, jus' so y' know."
Rogue found herself wondering if Tabitha ever had herself checked too. The girl had a reputation, and she certainly had been pregnant so at some point Rogue supposed the girl had had unprotected sex. And if she was giving oral sex to boys in the school, was there a chance something was being passed along? Did the girl use condoms like herself and Remy did?
"Remy?" Rogue sighed as she lay back down, she let her head rest upon the pillow next to his.
"Uh huh?" he asked.
"The money you gave me...it's mine, right?"
"Yeah, it's yours," he nodded, "is it enough, y' need more?"
"No, it's enough," she moved her arm and lay it over him gently, she traced the slightly faded pattern of his pyjama top. "Is...is there rules to it? Ah mean, you called it emergency money..."
"It's money f' whatever y' want," he stated, "why? Y' thinkin' o' applyin' t' college and need t' pay f' tuition?" he asked. "Or...y' wan' buy a car?"
"No..." she shook her head, "Ah was just thinkin' about it, is all."
"Thinkin'...about buyin' me a Harley?" he teased.
"Dream on..." Rogue remarked, "You're not gettin' a Harley."
"I'm nineteen, I can have a Harley if I wan'..."
"You're not gettin' a mobile death machine, Remy," she warned with a frown. "Ah felt like Ah was gonna have a heart attack when you had that crash in the Zodiac. Ah can't bear the thought of you gettin' hurt on a bike..."
He gave an unhappy sigh.
"You can have a...Prius," she decided, with a smirk.
"Are y' fuckin' kiddin' me? Can y' honestly see Remy LeBeau drivin' aroun' in a fuckin' hybrid?"
"More than Ah can a Harley," she teased.
"Y' mean," he responded.
"Ah just care far too much to see you go and kill yourself, sugar," she pulled herself a little closer, trying not to let her body touch his wounded side.
He looked her in the eyes softly, his boyish pout turning into a slight smile.
"Ah love you, Remy LeBeau," she said quietly, "more than anythin' else in this world...and Ah can't lose you now..."
His expression softened even more, and he chewed his bottom lip, his eyes searching hers.
"Ah would do anythin' to protect you...you know that, right?" she asked.
He moved his right hand to twine his fingers with her fingers that had been stroking his chest absently as she spoke. He gave a slow careful nod.
"Remy..." she drew her breath, "Ah want to marry you..."
Remy smiled a little, confusion twisting his handsome features in the red light, "we's already married."
"Ah mean for real, darlin'..." she said softly, "with a church, flowers and...and a cake...and...my friends there...bridesmaids and a best man...and a reception...a real weddin'...not a rushed Vegas quickie..."
He raised his head a little, "are y' serious?"
"Yeah," she answered, "not...not immediately...but...some day, maybe in a few years..." she explained. "Everythin' was so...you know...so rushed. Ah'm sorry that Ah didn't love you from the get go...it took time."
"It's understandable...I never expected y' t' love me at firs' glance..."
"Anyway, the whole weddin' went by so fast and Ah didn't enjoy it...Ah know you did, and that's fine but...Ah just felt so...so out of sorts. Ah didn't like the dress Ah was kind of railroaded into. Ah didn't like the shoes, or the veil and Ah didn't feel like myself. Ah hated the damn fake tan and the way they did my hair. Ah want a personal weddin', you know? Somethin' more tailored to me and you..."
"So...y' gon' wear a black dress?" he asked.
"No...not black..." she shifted closer to lay her head against his shoulder, her body still slightly shifted from his side to be sure not to hurt him, "maybe purple...or black and white..." she sighed wistfully, "with a matchin' cake..."
He gave a chuckle, "y' given this a lil' thought..."
"Ah guess," she tightened her grip on his hand.
"What abou' the honeymoon?" he asked with a tired yawn.
"Ah was thinkin' maybe somewhere like Scotland or Ireland...maybe even Wales," she confessed.
"Really?" he raised an eyebrow, "col' damp weather an' strong accents..."
"Yeah," she grinned, "in fact, we could have the wedding somewhere like that...in an old castle...like somethin' out of Dracula or somethin'."
"You goths," he rolled his eyes, "so stereotypical."
She smiled a little, "the cake would be three tier..." she continued, "vanilla...maybe coffee...and then the biggest part...that'd be chocolate..."
"O' course," he agreed. "What else?"
"Ah want Logan to give me away," she decided, she stared up at the ceiling. "And maybe Kurt as a man of honour, since Ah don't really have a female friend close enough to be a maid of honour."
Rogue couldn't deny her heart felt slightly nervous and excited at the talk of a wedding, of a proper wedding. Not a meticulously planned illusion but something real and meaningful.
"Shoul' we write our own vows?" he asked of her.
"That'd be kind of sweet..." Rogue admitted, "You're good at writin'..."
"Not really."
"You're good at bein' poetic and romantic..." she pointed out. "Ah'm...well, not that great, not compared to the things you come out with...all that stuff about the moon and the tides," she sighed, "that's really romantic and deep."
"Really?"
"You're a deep person for someone who puts up a really arrogant and charming front," Rogue smirked. "Where do you get that from?"
"I don' know," he shrugged. "Jus' come natural. I coul' n't say if it was in my family...my real family, I mean. So...what else our weddin' gon' be like?"
"We'd have a band...not a DJ. I was thinkin' we could have some big band music...you know, like that old crooner stuff you like..."
"Our firs' dance?" he asked, "what song that be to?"
Rogue thought about it, "what was the first song we danced together to?"
"'I Guess I'll Have to Dream the Rest'," Remy replied. "I'd rather it be the last song we danced t' that night."
"What song was that?"
"'Young at Heart'."
"Okay," she agreed, "You can have that one."
"Oh good, I get t' pick somethin', then," he smirked. "What else this weddin' gon' have?" he yawned.
"Am Ah borin' you?" she asked, leaning up to gaze at him.
"No..." he answered, sounding truthful, "Hones', I like it...it's...real nice t' hear what our future gon' be like..." he closed his eyes, "go on, I'm listenin'."
"Okay," she lay her head back against his shoulder, "you'll have a bachelor party the night before...and you can have a stripper, but only one who Ah approve of. And only if she only removes the top half and not the bottoms..."
"Okay," he agreed.
"You're not allowed to get drunk though," she added, "Ah know you'll probably be legal by then but it doesn't mean go nuts."
"Okay..." he yawned again.
Rogue smiled, "You should invite Tante Mattie...Ah'm sure she'd like to get you see married, Ah know she loves you a lot..." she decided. "Ah was thinkin'...maybe we should have fake champagne at the weddin', but stuff that tastes real convincin' and nice. And truffles...like the ones Ah tasted in St. Tropez. Maybe we could get them shipped over? Ah was thinkin' we could give away little boxes of truffles as weddin' favours. And the bridesmaids dresses would match mine. Maybe Tabitha could be a bridesmaid if she sticks around. And Kitty...and hell, even Jean..."
She raised her head and glanced down after a moment, realising Remy had gone rather quiet, he'd fallen asleep listening to her. She wasn't sure if she'd bored him or if it'd simply been his exhaustion.
Smiling, she gently touched a kiss to his shoulder and then lay her head there and closed her eyes, for tonight, despite everything, all felt right with the world.
End of Part Forty-Three
Admit it, who was surprised by her admission of wanting to get married again? It was fun writing that little scene (please don't flame me for writing her wanting the typical goth stuff, etc, she's a goth, I can't help that). It's been interesting writing them as a 'steady couple' for this story (they've only had a brief breakup that was somewhat undramatic in comparison to the usual stuff I write). Hopefully people found this story a bit less "angsty" than my usual fare.
Ah, anyway, I think this should do it for this morning... :)