TWO MONTHS LATER
I thought I was going to puke until my organs were out. After hours of hellish insomnia and vomiting, I could finally settle in bed.
"Chris" I shook my sleeping husband.
"What is it, Clarisse?" He seemed annoyed.
"I want my toasts." I told him, trying to not get him upset.
"You have to be kidding me, right?" He then looked at my pregnant self, "Ah…alright."
I suddenly felt a trickle down my legs, and suddenly the trickle became more, I squeezed Chris's hand.
"I… My water just broke." I wanted to start crying. My baby, Sophie was premature, I was only seven months pregnant.
"Oh my gods" Chris gasped and tried desperately to get me off bed, "I'm going to grab Clarissa and then we rush to the infirmary."
I kept telling him she was going to die, that her lungs weren't ready yet, that she would have internal bleeding in her brain, that she would be blind, because I was only seven months pregnant.
I didn't want Clarissa to be a part of this, so Chris dropped her off at his old cabin, I stared at the ceiling while a very sleepy Alysa applied a dose of corticosteroids to my veins, in an attempt of making Sophie's lungs develop quickly, before birth. At that point, I didn't care about the pain, I didn't give a damn, i just wanted my baby to be healthy. I didn't care if that took my life away.
Alysa tried to hide the panic she had in her eyes. Chris was trying to hold his cries, something I couldn't handle doing. It was enough to be having a premature baby that could actually die, and these pregnancy hormones were really getting to me.
"I'm going to give you the epidural now, sit up please." She demanded in a hurry. I sat up and felt a sharp pain as the needle penetrated my back, and the liquid was injected quickly, with little care. "That will make you feel nothing from the waist down.
I waited crying, thinking I was close to my baby's death, the Apollo cabin was whispering things in the corner of the infirmary, trying to figure out something that I couldn't understand.
"Everything is going to be alright, calm down baby." Chris held my hand.
In that situation, in that moment right there, I prayed to every single god I could think of, that they keep my baby safe and healthy.
The sound of my beating heart, boomed in my ears. It was all I could hear around me, It was so loud, i couldn't keep myself calm, I thought i was going to go insane. Never had I thought i could feel this way. When I found out my mother had died, i felt a great pain, but only at the thought of Sophie not making it, that pain was what i felt for my mom, multiplied by ten.
I didn't want to go home and have to explain to Clarissa, that the sister she was so excited about having, had passed away. I didn't want to go into that depression again, and this time there would be no motivation to get me out of there. I just wished my water hadn't broken like that, I wish I could've kept her in my womb, safe and warm, growing healthily at each day, and only coming out when she was perfectly ready. I could only think of her, of her breath, that wonderful sensation of seeing your baby sleeping, seeing that little chest moving slightly, up and down. Her first laugh, her first smile, her first steps, her first words… I just couldn't bare the thought of losing all of that.
"We are going to start, Clarisse." Alysa told me and Chris. "Can you feel this?" I felt a small pressure on my leg. I shook my head as in no.
After that, i felt a heavy pressure on my abdomen, but I couldn't feel pain. It was incredible, I felt people touching me, but my legs were numb.
I tried not looking at what they were doing to me, as they hadn't covered the lower half of my body, but I was used to seeing blood. I just felt uncomfortable when she cut the umbilical cord. I cried much more, when I saw that tinny baby coming out of me, not knowing if she would survive or not, her cries made me want to hold her, to be with her at all times, but I didn't know if I would be able to.
"She's out, Clarisse. She's out." Alysa breathed, relaxing a bit i think, and then reminding her self that hell wasn't over.
By then, Chris was crying, unable to stop the tears, she handed my baby to one of her siblings and sewed me up. I thought to myself that after the epidural stopped working, I would be in great pain.
The pain in my chest was growing, the anxiety eating my alive. My eyes frantically tried to keep up with my baby, wondering crazily around the room in the arms of the Apollo cabin. I tried to concentrate on praying, praying for her health.
Alysa sewed me, I still felt nothing. And after about an hour of crying in desperation, almost tearing my hair off, they handed me this tiny, tiny, baby wrapped around a blanket, crying. It broke my heart to see her crying, I knew it was normal, specially in those circumstances but it still broke my heart. I tried everything to stop her from crying, I offered her my milk but she didn't seem to understand that she had to suck on my breasts to drink the milk, she just stayed there, using them as pillows. I gave up and just held her in my arms, until she fell asleep. Alysa sat in the bed I was lying. The epidural effect had worn off by then, I could feel the pain of the cut.
"Clarisse." She stroked my leg lovingly, and spoke in a very soft tone, almost whispering. "In normal circumstances, if you were in a normal hospital and if you were a mere mortal, Sophie would be connected to dozens of machines." She tried smiling, "I think the gods have heard your prayers, its actually a surprise to me, that your baby is breathing by itself, she is so tiny. She weighs 3 pounds." She stroked my leg, I thought of Clarissa, that was born weighing 10 pounds.
"Is she going to survive?" Chris who I thought had passed out, finally spoke up.
"We are practically sure she will, but a little praying won't do any bad." She still whispered. I took a deep breath, telling myself that Sophie would survive, that she would grow out of this and become a normal baby. "She is a special baby, Clarisse. There is nothing such as taking too much care. She was born way too early, you weren't even on half of your seventh month. In normal circumstances, as I said, it happens a lot, and usually there's no problems, but we are in the middle of nowhere, in camp half blood, our resources aren't really that great, not really advanced like in hospitals, thats what worries me the most, I will pray for my father, Clarisse. I will pray for him to come down and help us if anything happens." I listened carefully, looking at the minuscule infant, almost disappearing in between the blankets. "She was born prematurely and specially exposed to everything she is, her immune system is very weak, anything you do can cause an infection. I'm going to ask you guys, for the next month or two, to the very least, not to touch her without disinfecting your hands. She's very delicate, she suffers from a weak case of anemia and suffers from Respiratory Distress Syndrome, which is the difficulty she has with breathing since her lungs are a bit undeveloped. I'm actually surprised she doesn't have any degree of Jaundice. I'm just worried she may stop breathing and develop Apnea, which is the condition in which she can't control her breath and stops breathing occasionally. I'm so sorry, Clarisse." She looked down at her lap, "She's also a bit unnourished, make sure to feed her vitamins, all liquid of course. And due to her being premature, she will have a bit of a difficulty in the beginning, with understanding what you say and how to even drink, its better if you pump out your milk, because I'm almost sure she won't understand she needs to suck." I started crying and hugged Sophie close to me, her skin felt cold, I wanted to help her.
"I'm here for you, if anything happens, just tell me. I'm going to pray for Apollo, I suggest you do the same." I couldn't process words, I was in too deep with the thoughts of my baby.
"Thank you, Alysa. For everything." Chris gave her a hug.
"I think you guys should be fine if you follow everything I told you, oh and don't take her out of the house, its actually not even good to take her out of your room, of course for these few months, she'll have in you guys' room, in case she develops…" I blocked my ears. I didn't want to listen to what she was saying. I wanted to believe Sophie was normal, she was healthy.
Chris insisted in holding Sophie for a while. And as I watched my daughter in my husband's arms, I started relaxing a little bit, but I knew the panic was soon coming back to haunt me. I dozed off after that, for a bit.
"Look Clarisse, she opened her eyes." Chris shook me gently. I quickly and desperately shot up, in case something had happened. i looked over.
"Give her to me." I ordered, and so he did. I held that little, cut thing in my arms. But it was the first time I was seeing her eyes. She hadn't really opened them for long. They were huge, specially compared to how small she was, the format of the eyes was exactly like Clarissa's. But unlike her sister, her eyes were of an intense blue, that drove me crazy. It was the most beautiful color i had ever seen. Her skin was paler than Clarissa's and her hair was of a darker brown, almost black. I wanted her to survive, I'd be with her every second of her life, if that was what was needed.
"She has blue eyes" I told Chris.
"So beautiful." He told me, stroking my hair.
I started crying. It was just too much for me. Not knowing what would happen next.