"Huey, no." Jazmine's eyes pierced into mine through the mirror. My jaw clenched and I dropped my hands back down to my sides. My gaze dropped down to the objects of my desire—her breasts. Jazmine's breasts, naked and waiting, perched just within my grasp, taunting me with their tantalizing presence. Jazmine stood naked still looking over her changing body like she had been for the last 10 minutes. My body moved on its own when I climbed off the bed and went to touch her, but Jazmine had a strict "look but don't touch" policy in place in regards to her beautifully glorious but sensitive womanly curves. The universe was taunting me with the expansion of her already generous assets by making them too sore to accept my caress. I had woken up to too many damp boxers at the thought of touching, kissing, and squeezing them.
"And to think, last time you couldn't keep your hands off me." I muttered before going back to the bed to review the bill proposal neatly scattered over the covers.
"Every pregnancy is different, Huey." She admonished me, but I could easily hear the amusement in her voice. She placed a hand over her noticeably rounded abdomen, stroking the baby bump in what had become a comforting gesture. I grunted before going back to the files I needed to finish. I felt the mattress shift and looked up to see Jazmine sitting on the edge with her legs tucked beneath her. Her wild curls trailing over her shoulders made her look like a goddess, wanton and inviting. The seam of my cotton boxers and pajama pants tightened and I understood how mankind would always fall prey to womankind; how was I expected to resist the sweet temptation of my wife? Every instinct told me to take her, to prove that she was mine. My grip on my pen tightened and I had to release it before a cramp started to form.
"My appointment tomorrow…will you be there?" Jazmine's voice sounded afraid and frightened. Tomorrow her OB-GYN would reveal the test results for health problems or birth defects. We would also listen for the heartbeat, and if we wanted to, find out the sex of the baby. Over the last week I had tried to keep Jazmine calm but I also felt apprehension at the thought of prenatal testing. Her OBGYN believed everything would be fine, as Jazmine was healthy but we could never be 100 percent sure. I grabbed her hand and ran my thumb over the back of her hand while setting aside the papers I had been reviewing. I pulled her, back to chest, into my arms and nestled my hands over our baby.
"Of course I'll be there." I moved her hair over one shoulder and kissed her sweet spot between her shoulder blades. My hands began to massage her shoulders, eliciting moans from her. I grazed my fingers down the sides of her body then trailed back up, pressing her muscles in cyclical motion. Jazmine's head fell back against my chest, her thick curls providing a tickling sensation against one of my nipples causing my lower body to tense. Jazmine chuckled a little then released another sigh of pleasure that perfectly mimicked the sounds she made when I stroked the right spot; good Lord this woman would be the death of me. After a few minutes of massaging her breaths deepened. I tucked Jazmine under the covers and whispered "I love you" before changing into sweats to go pick up X from school.
"Why can't I go? I want to see the baby too." X questioned from the backseat. Jazmine turned and smiled to him.
"If you didn't have school, little man, you would be going with us."
"But Mommy—"
"X, I know you would like to see the baby but we've already had this discussion." Jazmine's tone sharpened slightly. X had learned quickly that Jazmine's patience wasn't what he was used to. She never snapped at him but both he and I picked up on the subtle changes in her tone. X nodded and began to stare out of the window. Jazmine turned back around and let out a soft sigh. I looked over and grabbed her hand, squeezing it lightly. While Jazmine had told X he wasn't allowed to go was because of school work, she and I both knew a contributing factor was the possibility that something could be wrong with her tests. Jazmine and X looked out of opposite windows as I drove to his school, each one absorbed by their separate thoughts. I continued running my thumb over her hand trying to keep her calm. After dropping X off we headed to the hospital for the check-up appointment.
Jazmine sat on the observation chair careful not to rustle the paper under her while looking at the posters of babies pinned on the walls. I tried to look anywhere but at the pamphlets describing multiple symptoms of pregnancy or diseases. The door opened and Jazmine's regular OB-GYN stepped in, eyes searching over a chart I assumed held her results. Dr. Walters looked up and smiled a reassuring smile at us before logging on to her computer.
"You always said we'd be having these check-ups again Jazmine, and I'm very glad you were right." Dr. Walters had been Jazmine's OB-GYN since high school so she knew most if not all of our family plans. The woman, in her early 50's, was a part of our family. She stood up and washed her hands before pulling on the purple surgical gloves to begin the initial check-up. Her fingers traced Jazmine's enlarged womb searching for any irregularities then repeated the same process with each of Jazmine's breast. After scribbling a few things down she asked a nurse to set up the ultrasound machine. While the nurse did as she asked, Dr. Walters picked up the clipboard and began flipping through pages.
"Well we checked on your vitals in order to monitor your case of hyperemesis gravidarum and everything is looking good. Your cholesterol levels are a little higher than normal, nothing dangerous but something to inform you about."
"That's probably the deep fried Twinkies." Jazmine replied sheepishly.
"Probably?" I rose and eyebrow in skepticism. She stuck her tongue out at me knowing the Twinkies were the culprit. Dr. Walters laughed before continuing.
"That will do it. A few Twinkies aren't bad but I'd like you to try choosing healthier options, like fruits, when you get a craving for sweets." Jazmine nodded. "Now on to the other results. Everything is within normal ranges which I know is a huge relief. However, we aren't completely out of the woods yet as you know. We'll continue monitoring throughout your check-ups just to be sure but for now, you two have one healthy baby."
Jazmine breathed a sigh of relief and I released a breath I didn't know I was holding. I wasn't entirely sure how I would have handled learning there was something wrong. Dr. Walters smiled and pulled a tube from under the cabinets. She asked Jazmine to lie back and raise her shirt before smoothing the warming gel over the revealed skin. Jazmine tensed and laughed a little at the tingling sensation but settled back into the chair. The doctor turned on the monitor and pressed the wand gently onto Jazmine's stomach. The screen flashed with gray static as she moved the wand back and forth, trying to locate the baby. A steady slightly elevated heartbeat emitted from the speakers.
"That's Mommy's heartbeat." Dr. Walters continued to move the wand towards the hem of Jazmine's jeans while Jazmine and I waited in anticipation. I stood up and walked over to her side, grabbing her hand as I leaned on the observation chair. The gray screen shifted and revealed a lighter gray spot in the corner of the screen and a quick thump sounded in the room.
"There you are little one." The camera zoomed in on the tiny bundle and the thumping grew a little louder. I could feel my knees weakening a little. There was our baby; another life that we claimed responsibility for. I tore my eyes from the screen and looked at Jazmine, who was gazing at me with glistening tears that had not yet fallen. I gave her a small smile before turning back to the screen. The baby was small, possibly only the size of a lemon but it was astounding to see how much the baby had grown in only a few weeks from the last time we were here.
"Would you like to know the sex of the baby?" I looked at Jazmine, she nodded to me and I nodded back to her doctor. She moved the camera again, losing view of the baby before finding another angle. X had proudly displayed he was a boy, I wondered if this baby would be as proud to display their sex.
"Looks like you'll have one of each. This one is a little girl." A little girl. Nerves formed in my stomach at the thought. How was I going to father a girl? Boys I could do; there was an expected toughness with boys, but girls required softer emotions than I was used to displaying. A tight squeeze tore me from my slight panic attack. Jazmine just smiled, acknowledging I was afraid, but in her own way telling me I would be fine. Dr. Walters cleaned off the gel from Jazmine's stomach and printed three copies of the ultrasound. She set up our next appointment, congratulated us, and stepped out of the room towards her patient. Jazmine straightened her shirt and wrapped her arms around me.
"A girl." I could hear the tears in her voice and could feel the emotion rising in my own.
"Yeah, a girl."
I walked back into the women's room with a nice piece of cake, deliberately ignoring Huey's intense stare; I had not been doing exceptionally well on the "fruit over sweets" campaign but at least there was a few strawberries and grapes on my plate to accompany the delicious buttercream frosting. I took my seat next to Cindy and snuck a quick rub on her mint and gold lace clad belly before she could notice. Cindy discreetly flicked my thigh while still answering questions from her coworkers. I looked over at Riley through the conjoining door and watched how her watched Cindy; like a guardian angel ready to step in at any moment. My eyes flickered over to Huey who captured the look in a photo for their first baby album. It was kind of funny to feel like we had stepped out of a Brady Bunch episode at Cindy's baby shower; half a year ago our lives had felt so full of false pretenses but now it felt like, maybe, we were a whole family again.
Music and laughter, screams over the football game playing on the men's side, filled the house that had meant so much to Riley and Huey; Granddad's house, which was once filled with the shenanigans of two grieving boys from Chicago, was filled again with familial love. Ed and Rummy stormed in the house yelling loud congratulations to their favorite to 'n-words', hugging Cindy and Riley before digging into Aunt Cookie's famous cooking. While the men focused on the Ravens' defensive line ending offensive runs, I dragged Cindy and the rest of the women upstairs to the room designated as the nursery. Cindy had bugged me for the longest about when she could see it, and now it was time. I understood her eagerness to see where she would be laying her baby's head; after all, the nursery was what made it all seem so real.
Cindy opened the white door and walked in. She didn't say anything as she took in the mint green walls, beige crown molding with gold accents, beige carpet and gauzy white curtains handing from two big windows. A big, white crib with mint and gold pillows sat against the wall under 'Freeman' painted in gold; I left enough room to paint the baby's name once they found out what the sex was at birth. A beige rocking chair nestled in the corner with a girl and boy stuffed monkey. Riley helped me construct a white window seat trimmed in gold with mint pillows for someone to overlook the backyard and Woodcrest with the Baltimore skyline in the distance. A bookshelf sat close to the window seat and rocking chair for easy access. Cindy turned to me with tears in her eyes and hugged me as close as both our stomachs would allow. All the women spent time helping her organize the baby shower presents in the room then went downstairs to join the men. Riley wrapped his arms around Cindy and kissed her cheek while whispering something in her ear. Cindy nodded then looked to me and smiled as her husband assisted her into a comfortable chair. Riley smiled at me too then went back to watching the game, absentmindedly stroking her enlarged stomach. Arms wrapped around my waist and Huey pulled me back into his chest, pressing our bodies so close not even air could fit through us.
"How did she like it?" He whispered into my ear.
"She loved it." I whispered. He nodded.
"I should get started on ours. Pink this time?" I shook my head.
"Lilac, baby blue, and white." His arms stiffened around me and I looked up. He looked down at me.
"Our wedding colors." I nodded. He opened his mouth to say something but shook his head and thought better of it. Instead he kissed my cheek softly and looked back at the T.V. as Joe Flacco threw a game-winning touchdown. I had a tickling feeling he was going to tell me he loved me again and was grateful he didn't; it wasn't that I didn't love him. It wasn't that I didn't see how he was trying. Truth was I was scared, so scared that if I loved him as completely as I did last time, to the point where it was obsession, and our marriage fell apart again, I had to wonder, would I have anything left?