Author's Note: Hi guys! Here's chapter 9 yay :D Thank you all so much for your support, likes, follows, favourites, and amazing reviews! Replies are at the end of the chapter!
Before you begin reading this chapter, please take a few seconds to read the note below, if not you'll be terribly lost:
In this chapter, I will be writing from three perspectives, one of which is future Zero in past Zero's body. *erm, I don't think this is a spoiler right? It was very strongly implied in the previous chapter. Or so I hope.* That makes things slightly difficult to represent. However, I've come up with a system which I hope isn't too confusing.
Here's a guide:
1. Kaname is hot. - general perspective, from either Kaname or past Zero's POV. My normal style of writing.
2. Kaname is hot. - thoughts of either Kaname or past Zero. Also a normal style.
3. [Kaname is hot.] - future Zero's perspective
4. [Kaname is hot.] - future Zero talking to past Zero
If an explanation helps, the reason why conversations between past Zero and future Zero are in italics is because they are both basically just thinking aloud when they speak to each other. And since I have always used italics to represent thoughts, it just seemed to fit. And everything that involves future Zero is in '[ ]'s, so please do keep a lookout for them, if not it can get pretty confusing.
Also, please note that the Mindvader Spell allows future Zero to literally invade past Zero's mind, so he can hear all his thoughts. But the same is not true for past Zero. Hence, future Zero's musing go unheard by past Zero.
Okay, so this chapter is pretty long and draggy. I must always warn that it is slightly angsty, because of...stuff. You'll see :) Nevertheless, things will get better, so have faith in that :) Without further ado, I present you to Switched's chapter 9. Hope you guys enjoy this and review too :)
Disclaimer: Credits to Matsuri Hino, Blackened Wing and TammyTBoneTTB!
PRESENT
[Zero?]
Zero frowned, gaze swivelling from side to side. Around him, leaves rustled as a gust of wind blew through the fields of Kuran's compound. He could have sworn he heard his name being called... but no, that couldn't be. No one else was around. It had probably just been the wind blowing through some crevice, resulting in such a strange so-
[Zero! You can hear me, can't you?]
'What the hell?' cursed Zero aloud, eyes frantically searching around him. Louder now, it was unmistakably neither the whispering of the leaves nor the wind. It was definitely a voice. And it was strangely familiar, too.
[Answer me, dammit!]
His footsteps came to an abrupt halt, eyes widening in shock. He definitely recognised that prickly, irritable tone.
Had it finally happened? Had he finally lost it? Was he now doomed to live with voices talking incessantly in his head? Well, that was just peachy.
An exasperated sigh seemed to reverberate around his mind, causing him to jolt in alarm. One hand clawed at his head, even as he tossed it from side to side, as if such ministrations would dispel the monsters lurking within him.
[Calm down, you idiot! I'm the Zero who belongs to this time period.]
Now that got his attention.
'Z-Zero!?'
[Do you want to appear crazy? You don't have to speak aloud; I can hear your thoughts perfectly well.]
What is this? Why are you in my head!?
[There's a spell that allows me to speak to you this way. You can do the same too, if you learn the steps. It's called the Mindvader Spe-.]
I don't care about that, I want to know whyyou're in my head!
[Zero sighed in frustration. He had almost forgotten how unbearably annoying his past self had been. No wonder all the vampires used to hate him. Heck, he hated 'himself' right now. The boy was argumentative and impudent, acting out harshly towards others with no just cause. Biting back a scathing comment, he took a deep breath – metaphorically, of course, considering how he was only a voice in the back of this Zero's head –, before attempting to answer him.
The spell reversal for the Time Switcher Spell – both of us will need to carry it out at the same time for it to work. So Mindvader is a sub-spell to allow us to communicate.]
So that's why you did it? To tell me about reversing the spell?
[...]
Hey, you still there?
[...Yeah, no, well... I guess I thought it wouldn't hurt to try it out. To see what things are like here, too.]
Right. Well, it obviously worked.
[Excellent observation.]
Silence fell over the two Zeros for a moment.
[Hey...]
What?
[Is... is Kaname around?]
Zero narrowed his eyes at the casual mention of the pureblood's name. That's right, this Zero was the one who had agreed to become his protégé, to shaming the name of hunters everywhere and submitting to a pureblood.
[It wasn't that simple, Zero. A lot of things happened that resulted in us becoming... like that.]
Oh yeah? Like what? What could have possibly been so terrible that you had no choice but to serve under a pureblood? Have you forgotten that it was a pureblood who murdered your family and condemned you to this life of hopeless bloodlust, wandering around aimlessly until you fall to E?
[Kaname isn't Shizuka. There are bad vampires, just like there are bad hunters. It doesn't mean they are allbad, does it?]
Incredulity crossed the hunter's features. How could his future self be so stupid? How could he possibly truly believe that? He had always hated all vampires, regardless of who they were. It did not matter. What mattered was that they had ruined his life. They were the cause of everything that had gone wrong in his life. And that Zero had foolishly allowed his life to be upturned by another pureblood, even thinking that it was for the best, and actually defending him!
[Zero, for god's sake, stop being so narrow-minded. An eternal hatred of all vampires is not how you should keep living the rest of your life.]
Oh, so pray tell, how should I be living then? Under the thumb of an arrogant, obnoxious pureblood?
[...This is going nowhere. Will you just tell Kaname about the spell reversal?]
...No.
[You ass-]
Not unless you tell me what happened that caused things to turn out this way.
[What?]
I want to know. I want to know what could have changed Kiryuu Zero from the person I am now, into you.And then, once I get back to my own time, I'm going to do my damnest to make sure it never happens. Ever.]
[Zero's metaphorical heart constricted. How could he tell him that reversing the spell would only lead to him losing all memories? That he would never be able to alter the future, even if Zero desperately wanted him to. That not only would he and Kaname end up as a couple, Yuuki... she would no longer be amongst the living.
He briefly contemplated what explanation Kaname had given this Zero regarding Yuuki's absence. Seeing as how the boy was still calmly idling about the villa, it was highly probable that the pureblood had lied. Not that Zero wouldn't have done the same, faced with telling a trigger-happy, vampire hunter that his most beloved person had been killed.
Shouldn't you ask Kaname himself about that?]
Asking you will help me understand why you were so stupid as to agree to this.
[A surge of bitter anger surged up in Zero at the tactless, abrasive words. If only this foolish young boy knew exactly how much suffering all of them had had to endure to finally end up with some semblance of happiness. And here he was, dismissing it all as just one random, 'stupid' decision Zero had made. If Zero had a physical body with which he could punch his younger self, he would have done it right at that instant, without a moment's hesitation. Perhaps beating some sense into him would help dislodge the proverbial stick that was permanently stuck up his spiteful, cynical ass.
But still, even with only a voice, there was something Zero could do.
He yelled.
It wasn't words that he was shouting, just a loud, unbearable, incessant holler that resounded within this Zero's head as if it were an opera hall. It was just him venting his frustration and murderous rage at the other. Childish though it may have been, it was the only way he could act out under the very trying circumstances.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, he continued on and on, resolutely not letting up on the flinching boy.]
S-shit! What the hell is wrong with you!?
Zero clutched his head desperately in both hands, staggering slightly on his feet as the mental assault never ceased, except for the precious seconds the future Zero took to catch a much-needed breath. But the brief respite was over as swiftly as it had appeared, with the insufferable droning once again dominating his mind, pounding relentlessly at his brain and making it physically impossible for him to even hear himself think.
Stop it, you b-bastard!
The demented hunter shouting in his head didn't let up in the slightest. If anything, he cranked the volume up a notch, causing him to emit a pained groan.
[Zero almost smirked as the boy grew increasingly agitated, pale fingers gripping his silver tresses so forcefully that it would appear to anyone else he was attempting to pull his own hair out. For a brief second, he wondered if this could be counted as masochism, but then he quickly flicked that thought away.]
Damn y-you...!
The prefect was all but collapsed on his knees, nails drawing blood as they raked down his scalp, breaths escaping in harsh, ragged pants. His head was being horrendously battered on the inside, as if it were imploding. This was agony. How long was his future self going to keep this up!?
A-alright! I'll tell him!
[Zero paused for a second.
Oh? Tell who what?]
The ex-human's head was reeling. Even though his future self had stopped for the moment, the echoes of his yelling remained stubbornly in his mind, such that it felt as though the onslaught was still ongoing.
Don't push your luck, bas-
'Shit!'
[Zero smirked as he started up again, the obstinate hunter's curses and hisses like music to his aggrieved ears.]
Okay, okay! I'll tell Kuran about the reversal! Just stop already!
[Zero smiled in triumph, feeling a strange sense of satisfaction at having bested his past self. In a way, it felt like he was finally dealing with the part of him that had used to loathe the pureblood so much. With the way things had played out so quickly then, Zero had never really had the time to reconcile the strong hatred he had used to have with the feelings he eventually developed for Kaname, what with their relationship progressing so rapidly. He had never really addressed that old part of himself, and what he had just done made him feel like he had, at long last, managed to tie up a loose end, of sorts.
Smart choice.
Although the younger hunter scowled and growled menacingly, Zero could not help letting out a short bark of laughter.]
Massaging his temples in an attempt to ease the throbbing in his head, Zero got to his feet shakily. Then he turned in the direction of the house. He hated that he had been forced to submit to someone else, especially when it was his vampire-loving future self, but he was not one to break his word.
Also, his future self could easily repeat the torment all over again.
Until he figured out a way to kick him out of his head, he was stuck with him.
[You can't kick me out, Zero. I'm here for as long as I want to be.]
Exhaling sharply in frustration, the agitated hunter started walking towards the entrance, mentally hurling wave after wave of curses and death-threats at his 'guest', much to the latter's amusement.
But then his hunter senses prickled, signalling a vampire's imminent approach.
Hand immediately reaching for his gun, he tensed, footsteps coming to an abrupt stop.
[No, don't! It's Kaname.]
Zero glowered as the pureblood suddenly appeared right in front of him. He gave a growl when the brunette tried to step closer to him, warning him not to approach any closer.
'Are you alright, Ze-Kiryuu? I smelled your blood, so I came to check on – are you okay?
For Zero's silver hair was sticking out haphazardly, reminding one of an upturned mop, white yarn strands unkempt and dishevelled. The narrowed amethyst eyes were nothing new, but the orbs themselves seemed slightly darkened, like his lover's often were when extremely peeved at something. And his fingertips – they were stained with tiny patches of blood. A jolt of alarm passed through Kaname when he realised the smell of blood was strongest from the boy's scalp, under his hair.
Had Zero been trying to hurt himself? Could it be because of the time switch?
[The second Zero sensed his lover's presence, he had frozen. Time seemed to slow, even as his heart rate and breathing sped up – for a second, Zero wondered why it still felt like he had a body. Was his actual body back in the Night Class dorm reflecting all the emotions that he was feeling? - He waited impatiently with bated breath, dizzy with anticipation. He made sure to carefully conceal all of that from the younger boy though, not wanting him to blow up again.
When the pureblood had finally come into view, the hunter released a soft sigh of relief and contentment. It was as if he had been gradually drowning in a sea of oil ever since the previous night, only at this moment finally able to breathe again. All the stress and qualms that had been heavily weighing down on his heart fizzled away as his lover turned those beautiful, chocolate eyes onto him, concern and worry for him – okay, not quite him – evident in their gorgeous endless depths.
Kaname...]
Zero baulked at the tender, longing way his future self whispered the pureblood's name. Okay, what the hell? Exactly how close were the two of them, for him to react in such a revolting manner?
'Kiryuu, what happened to your head?'
The pureblood's worried voice snapped his momentarily distracted attention back onto him. The ex-human recoiled in horror as he realised how the other had blatantly ignored his warnings, moving to stand right in front of him. Vehemently slapping away the enquiring hand the brunette was raising towards him, he jumped backwards, keeping a safe distance from him.
If only he could do the same with the voice in his head...
'Kiryu-'
'Your Zero's in my head.'
Kaname's brows furrowed in confusion. Was that supposed to be a sarcastic retort of sorts? If so, he did not quite understand.
'I'm sorry?'
[The hunter almost burst out laughing at the priceless perplexed expression on his lover's face. He looked so adorably confused that Zero just wanted to wrap his arms around him in a tight hug.]
Zero made a frustrated sound, impatience in his eyes.
'Your Zero, the one who belongs to this time, found a spell that allows him to invade my mind,' his repulsed tone a clear indication of how he felt about it. 'He's here now, being a huge pain in the butt.'
[Look who's talking, insolent brat.]
The pureblood had frozen, an unmoving Adonis hidden under the shade of the rustling leaves. A conflicting jumble of emotions flitted across his eyes, ranging from shock to hope, from joy to disbelief, from longing to confusion – they were constantly shifting, as if Kaname himself did not know which emotion to put in the driver's seat.
There was a moment of silence, during which future Zero remained fixated on Kaname's expressions, and past Zero got increasingly impatient and annoyed. Was the pureblood going to just stand there in stunned silence all day?
Just as Zero opened his mouth, a sarcastic remark about to spew forth, the pureblood's lips parted.
'Is tha– is that true?' rasped the pureblood.
He already knew the answer, though. After the boy's startling revelation, he had reached out with his mind, trying to lightly probe on the former's, in an attempt to discern if something was different about it.
And he had felt an answering echo from his once-missing bond.
Zero! The pureblood could have wept, knowing that his lover was so, so very close. If he reached out and hugged the body in front of him, would his Zero feel it too? If he kissed those soft, enticing lips, would his Zero be able to respond?
'Yeah, genius. But he's only in my mind and eyes. He can't do anything else.'
Kaname paused in the midst of his imagination. So his Zero couldn't take over the body, after all. If not... well, let us just say Zero would not be getting off his back anytime soon, if Kaname had his way.
But still, his lover, his light, his very life, was right there in front of him, unseen and unheard, but unforgotten, as well. Looking right through those amethyst eyes at him was not just a disgruntled prefect, but his Zero. If only he could speak to him...
But then, he realised he could.
'Kiryuu, how is he doing?'
[Zero's eyes softened at Kaname's obvious concern for him. He wished so much that he could just knock this Zero aside and take over his body, before throwing himself into his lover's warm, waiting arms. The shadow of yearning and pain behind the pureblood's eyes mirrored the sorrow and regret inside him. Kaname too, was in the same situation as he was.
Tell him I'm fine, Zero.]
The hunter's eyebrow twitched. No way in hell was he serving as the conduit for these two idiots to communicate!
Ignoring both of them, and pointedly avoiding the pureblood's beseeching and disgustingly hopeful look, he pronounced, in a hardened tone, 'This Zero's here because of the spell reversal for the Time Switcher Spell.'
The anger and irritation that had welled up in the pureblood at his having his question unanswered melted away instantly at this news. Of course! Why had he not realised it before? Since the two of them had not gotten together until a few years ago, in the past where this Zero came from, Aidou's book would still contain the information that had been deliberately removed from his version. This was one way he could obtain the crucial information he so desperately needed.
'Does he know the spell for it?'
The hunter nodded in affirmation. At that, Kaname's heart rate sped up, excitement driving his heart to pump more and more vigorously. Soon, soon, he could have his lover back by his side, not just as a consciousness, but his actual, physical self. His fingers twitched, aching to trace his lover's face, to caress his smooth skin, to once more bring him intense pleasure and satisfaction.
[Zero's throat tightened at the innocently hopeful expression on Kaname's face. It was obvious that he could not wait to carry out the spell reversal. How could Zero tell him what he knew? That if they did, Yuuki would remain lost to them forever.
Then a thought suddenly struck him, as swift and unexpected as lightning in the sky.
What if... what if Kaname wanted him to do it? To stay there and change the past? Zero knew the pureblood loved him, of course he did, but if it came down to choosing between him and Yuuki, wasn't Yuuki a much better choice? If only on the surface, a sweet, patient woman like Yuuki was just the perfect fit for someone like Kaname, a stiff businessman who often neglected his health for the sake of work.
And then there was also the issue of children...
Ever since falling in love with him, Zero had always known that Kaname would be an excellent father. While the pureblood appeared cold and calculative on the outside, hidden beneath that hard exterior was the loving and caring Kaname he had grown to know and love. And Yuuki could give him that. Not only heirs who would eventually succeed their father's successful empire and continue pushing for coexistence, but also children that Kaname could adore and nurture. Zero could just imagine it right now – Kaname holding Yuuki gently in his arms, both gazing down tenderly at little brown-eyed, brunette vampires running happily around them. It was a picture-perfect family, one that Zero had no right to even be a part of, let alone destroy.
And even though Zero himself wanted to do it, to save Yuuki, how would it feel to hear the words personally from his lover? By now, he knew Kaname well enough to know how he would make the request. He would tell Zero that he loved him very much, and it wasn't that he regretted anything, but Yuuki had been innocent. She had not deserved to die, not in the slightest. And that Zero, with his heightened strength and power, would be able to ensure that no harm ever came to her, or to himself. The three of them would be able to live their lives to the fullest, even if Kaname and Zero never managed to get together. Yuuki was worth all of it, wasn't she?
And Zero knew that. God, did he know it. Yuuki meant so much to him, to both of them. She was the light that had led them through the darkness each had been lost in, pulling them back to safety with her warm, tight hugs, and keeping them grounded with those dazzling, wide smiles. Her concern for their welfare, along with her ever-bubbly persona, was what had helped both of them forget the horrors of their pasts, and face up to the future. She had given them a reason to live for, to have hope.
Zero would never have made it through his younger years without her by his side.
And he would remain eternally grateful and in her debt.
But that did not mean that he saw saving her as just a way of repayment and atonement. No way. He wanted to save her. So very much. To prevent those last few months of suffering for both her and them, where things had just been spiralling further and further out of control. Zero wanted the light behind those bright, gleeful eyes to shine on forever, never to get snuffed out prematurely. Especially not by a maniac of a pureblood whose only reason for doing that was to get Kaname's undivided attention.
Those were his heartfelt, sincere thoughts. They really were.
Yet, the thought of Kaname begging him to do just that, to sacrifice their happiness for Yuuki, just made his blood run cold.
Zero swallowed back the bile that had arisen in his throat. He had never thought he would have become so selfish, ludicrously hoping that Kaname would put him, a mere accidental bond-mate, over the girl he had grown up with and fallen in love with. What a joke. There was really no competition at all.
So then, all it really came down to was whether or not he wanted to do it. To change the past to ensure that Yuuki did not get killed by Nasser. Even if that meant losing Kaname.
And when he thought about it, putting everything else aside, he realised he could not let his selfishness take over. How could he continue living with the pureblood happily, all the while knowing that he had had the opportunity to save his best friend, but threw it away just because he did not want a life without Kaname? That was the stupidest reason ever.
Yuuki would make the pureblood happy, wouldn't she? She was what he had always wanted and yearned for. Zero truly believed she could do what he had never quite managed to – help the pureblood forget the horrors of his past, and walk by his side onto the path of happiness. She was the salve that could heal all his wounds; the lighthouse to his lost ship.
So. That was it, then.
His decision... it was made.
His heart was breaking into a million pieces, his chest throbbing with the agony of it, his mind and body numb and sick at the thought of never being able to see his lover again.
It hurt so much.
Everything hurt so much...
...but his decision had been made.
Yuuki had to live.
Since he had already decided, it was probably better not to tell Kaname about the reversal then. It would be so much simpler to take in as much of the pureblood as he could now, knowing it was the last time he could ever look at him, and then return quietly to the past.
Zero, let's not tell him about the spell reversal anymore.]
'Kiryuu? Can you tell me what the reversal is?' enquired Kaname, once it seemed like the boy before him was not about to continue anytime soon. But all Zero did was shake his head at him distractedly, an incensed scowl burning on his face.
What the hell are you talking about? You were the one who tortured me into this.
[I just-I don't think it's such a good idea. Let's just forget it.]
'Kiryuu?'
Zero glared at the pureblood, snarling, 'No, okay?'
As if it wasn't enough that his future self had once again gone bonkers and undergone a complete change of heart, Kuran just would not get the message. He just had to keep probing, didn't he?
'Kiryuu, why won't you tell me? Please...I-I'll do whatever you ask in return.'
Kaname knew that his placid mask had cracked, and the desperation lurking inside had spilled forth, all for the younger vampire to see. He knew, but he couldn't stop himself. He knew what he was setting himself up for when he included that last part. Zero might ask to visit Yuuki at the Academy. Shrewd and resourceful as Kaname was, he was unable to think of a way to make that happen. Zero would probably find out the truth somehow, and that would just be cataclysmic.
But at this juncture, he really did not care. All he could see was the spell he needed, dangling in front of him by a thin thread. The only thing on his mind was getting to it, even if it meant throwing himself off a cliff to achieve that.
The hunter gaped at the brunette, eyes bulging, staring at him as if he had grown a second head. Had Kuran Kaname just said 'please'? Towards an ex-human, no less! How desperate to have his protégé back must he have been to lower himself to such an extent?
Zero opened his mouth, about to clarify what he meant when he said 'no', when suddenly, he realised the power he held in his hands. The pureblood had basically just offered him a trump card. He could ask for anything in the world right now, and Kuran would be forced to comply. He would be a fool not to make full use of this opportunity!
So, what was it that he wanted?
Trapped in this world that was not his own, there was very little he could want for. The only thing he could think of was to visit Yuuki at the Academy, to see how she was doing. Or to request a complete separation from the pureblood, perhaps with a small little place to call his own before they carried out the spell reversal.
But then, all those stuff were things he could do even without Kuran.
When it came down to it, there was really one thing he needed from the pureblood.
'Tell me about what happened between my time period and yours.'
Kaname's eyes widened. He had not been expecting that. Of course he had known that past Zero had been aching to ask him that, but he had not thought he would do it now. Yet, he could not renege on his word now, could he? Especially when the path to his lover hung in the balance.
[Zero, don't! I'm not going to tell you the spell anyway!]
Zero smirked slightly. It doesn't matter. Kuran doesn't know that. He'll tell me anyway.
[Zero, you don't want to know. Trust me.]
Shaking his head grimly, as if he couldn't believe he had just said that, Zero sent a strong, resolute thought back at the intruder in his mind.
I don't.
Being attacked by Ichiru.
Kaname saving his ass.
Kaname getting kidnapped.
Zero saving him in return.
Blood bond.
Yuuki suggesting the both of them become master and protégé, because they could learn so much from each other. Them extremely reluctant at first, but slowly warming up to each other.
Yuuki deciding to leave the two of them to follow in her father's footsteps.
Zero's mind swum with all the information he had heard, struggling to process them. They were all events that would soon hit him in the upcoming years, but for now, they felt like someone else's very melodramatic life.
But now he finally understood why Zero and Kaname had the relationship they had now. It was still appalling and ridiculous, but he could imagine how being rescued by the bloodsucker, together with that accidental bond, had caused things to turn out the way they had. He did not believe for a second that he would react the same way though, not with his present intense hatred of vampires, but that was how that Zero had changed. Won over by the pureblood's aid multiple times, blood bond making it impossible for him to avoid or kill Kuran – that was how things had progressed to such a stage.
But Ichiru... he sure had not expected that. Certainly, he knew that his brother had changed tremendously from the sweet, innocent boy he used to be, but to have been the one to personally butcher him... it brought things into a whole new light. So that was how little he now meant to his brother, that he would take such sick, twisted pleasure in hurting him.
A wave of hate surged up within him, so blindingly overwhelming that all he wanted to was bash something in. Preferably Ichiru's head.
[He did help... towards the end. He helped us to escape.]
He got you into it all in the first place, idiot!
[Even if it hadn't been him, someone else would have been sent to do it.]
Zero gave a derisive snort. His future self was really soft, wasn't he? Forgiving and forgetting everything so simply.
[It's called a mature perspective, Zero. Something you clearly lack.]
Kaname peered down at the suddenly-glowering hunter, eyes still tinted with unease. 'Kiryuu, I've told you what you wanted to know. Will you tell me about the reversal now?'
[Zero's resolution crumbled at the sight of his lover looking so broken and miserable, practically begging the ex-human. The pureblood thought that it was the obstinate younger hunter who was holding out on him, but in actuality, it was his own silver-haired lover who was refusing to give in.
His chest tightened. Even if relenting would cause them both more heartache later, Zero just could not bear to live his lover hanging like that. It was just unnecessarily cruel.]
Unable to hear the other's thoughts, Zero retorted, 'Sorry, but your Zero doe-'
[No, wait!]
What now?
[I'll... I'll tell him.]
Zero rolled his eyes in exasperation.
Stupid future self.
'Full moon night – that's in six days, isn't it?'
The hunter gave a curt nod, arms folded tightly as he slouched against a tree. He couldn't remember the last time he had spoken so much to anyone, even Yuuki,yet here he was, doing it to Kuran. What was the world coming to?
Kaname's shoulders sagged in relief.
Okay. Okay. Six days without Zero was going to be torture, but at least it was only a week. He could last that long. Barely. He had no choice anyway.
'Alright, so then maybe we can do at about 8pm? Is that okay for you, Zero?' His eyes stared deeply into the lavender eyes in front of him, as if hoping he could somehow penetrate the flesh and muscles of the younger Zero, and catch a sight of his dear hunter, huddled in the dark recesses of a body that did not belong to him.
[Zero shivered at the pureblood's intense, probing dark eyes turned onto him. It felt like Kaname was staring right at him, as if he were seeing past the other Zero and looking directly at him. He wanted so much to be able to say 'yes', and watch his lover's wan face light up in happiness.
If only he could...
But he couldn't.
No... It's not.]
The younger vampire looked taken aback, shock twisting his features into one of dismay and frustration. He dragged a hand through his hair in vexation, muttering expletives under his breath.
What!? You annoying bastard, don't tell me you changed your mind again?
[Zero remained silent.]
'Kiryuu?'
Zero glanced up, a raging fire burning behind his eyes.
'The idiot said no.'
Kaname froze abruptly, transfixed with incredulous shock. How was that possible? Was this Zero lying? But the boy was practically having a conniption, his fury and annoyance so starkly displayed on his face.
Could it be true then?
His Zero, whom he wanted back at his side as soon as possible, was refusing? Had Kaname missed something?
A chill ran down his spine when he realised he had.
What if Zero wanted to stay in the past? Yuuki was there. The sweet, adorable girl who had always been by his side, fussing and worrying about him. If Zero had to choose between spending his days with her and with Kaname, which one would he pick?
Would he still choose him?
What if he chose her?
What would Kaname do then?
He blinked rapidly, turning his head away to hide the pathetic, traitorous tears that were beginning to form behind his eyes. That Zero would not want to come back had not even crossed his mind before this. But now, he saw the very real possibility. He loved Yuuki too, so it wasn't like he could not understand why Zero would hesitate. If Kaname had been in his shoes, he didn't know what he would do, either.
If he really loved Zero, he would be happy for him. He should be glad that Zero had the option to stay by Yuuki's side, protecting and loving her.
But then, why did it feel like someone was gripping his throat so tightly that his airways were totally sealed off? Why did it feel like he couldn't breathe, like his knees were about to give out at any second?
Oh god, Zero. Please don't leave me.
Even if that was what Zero wanted, Kaname could not be happy for him. Could not let him go. He would fight, using everything he had, to keep the hunter with him, even if it were against his will. Even if he had to give up everything.
That was how selfishly he loved Zero.
'Does he... does he want to stay in the past?' he asked quietly, taking great care to ensure his voice did not falter.
If the answer was yes, it would feel like his world was collapsing. But he would not let it crush him. He would do whatever he could to keep the hunter by his side.
I'll do anything and everything to stop you from slipping away, Zero.
[Zero's heart throbbed painfully. He had not missed the subtle changes in the pureblood. The pureblood did not cry often – heck, he barely even teared up –, but Zero had nevertheless learnt to recognise the signs.
And he felt terrible being the reason. Was Kaname thinking that he didn't want to return because he would rather stay in the past? He couldn't be further from the truth.
Initially, Zero had not planned on telling Kaname his decision to alter the past. He had thought it would be easier for both of them if he just did it quietly. After all, the future would change the instant Zero did something differently in the past. Kaname would blissfully forget everything, continuing to live his days out. Zero would be the only one who had to suffer through this.
And he had been fine with that. With Kaname not remembering anything of their relationship. Of him. it was fine, as long as he could find greater happiness with Yuuki by his side.
But then Kaname had gone and guessed what Zero was going to do. And then he had come up with his own idea of why Zero was going to do it. One that was horribly untrue, but not to the pureblood who didn't know any better.
Zero groaned. It seemed like no matter what he did, Kaname ended up hurt somehow. He was such a lousy, inconsiderate lover, wasn't he?]
Oi! What's your problem now?
[Because I wanted to change the past. To stop Yuuki from... from 'leaving' us.]
Huh? What's the big deal? Once I get back to my own time, I'll just make sure not to follow Ichiru, and nothing will ever happen. I'll save you from being stuck in a blood bond with this bloodsucker, too.
[...You can't. Because, once the spell reversal is completed, you and the Kaname of your time won't remember anything that happened.]
'What the hell?'
The hunter's unexpected, incredulous proclamation had the pureblood starting in alarm, worried eyes urgently seeking his out.
'What is it, Kiryuu? What did he say?'
'He said that once the Time Switcher Spell is reversed, the Kuran of my time and I won't be able to remember anything about all these,' growled the hunter, eyes unfocussed and staring off into the distance, clearly still conversing with his future self.
A faint crinkle appeared between the pureblood's brows. Why should their loss of memories be of any significance to his lover? In fact, it was a good thing, wasn't it? So that they would not fight their relationship, and things could just proceed as they should.
Then his brows shot up. Unless...!
'He said that to stop Yuuki from leaving you guys, he has to stay there and make sure it doesn't happen.'
So that was it. That was the real reason Zero had refused. Not because he didn't want to return to the pureblood's side, thank god, but because he wanted to save Yuuki. To prevent her death at the hands of a cold-blooded murderer.
But the reason did not change the result.
And if Zero's idea was to remain in the past, to alter things, then the future that Kaname was now living in would change. And he wouldn't know.
He wouldn't realise that a part of his heart, once bursting with tender love for his hunter, would now be desolate and empty.
He wouldn't even miss Zero. He wouldn't know to.
And the worst thing, the thing that Kaname just could not accept, was that Zero would have to go through the rest of his life, carrying around the memories and knowledge of what had once been. The hunter would be forced to live on in the past, heavy with the knowledge that his own lover no longer loved him. No longer remembered him the way he should.
Kaname could never accept Zero suffering like that. Not even for Yuuki's life in return. Not for anything in the world. Just... no.
Whether Zero liked it or not, Kaname was not about to let him sacrifice his own happiness for Yuuki's and his. He knew, of course, exactly what kind of thoughts were running through his lover's mind. He had probably figured that Yuuki and Kaname would be happy together, even without him.
And maybe that would be so. If the two of them never knew what it was like to be in a three-way relationship with Zero, they would not find anything lacking. Yuuki would willingly give herself to Kaname, because she loved him. And he, her. Without the blood bond between pureblood and ex-human, Zero would never have fit into the picture.
So yes, Zero's plan would work out the way he thought it would.
But Kaname didn't want that. Not at all. He didn't want to lose his silver-haired beauty, the sweet, patient lover that had helped him through so much, remaining resolutely by his side all through those dark, trying times. To no longer be able to revel in his lover's rare, precious smiles, the ones that reached his lovely amethyst eyes and made them sparkle in delight; to run his fingers through his messy hair, threading through the soft, silver strands; to press his lips against smooth, soft skin, feeling their owner trembling lightly; to see pleasure painted on his lover's beautiful, sweaty face, as he panted softly and called his name desperately, all the while embracing him tightly – how could Kaname give all of that up?
The simple answer was that he could not.
'No way, Zero. Definitely not,' ordered the pureblood quietly but firmly. His tone was oh-so-gentle, but the steely look in his eyes left no room for doubt about where he stood.
[Zero inhaled softly, struck by a sense of wonderment. So Kanamedidn't want to choose Yuuki over him, after all. Relief washed over him, guilt immediately following right on its heels. How could he possibly be happy that he had come in between the pureblood and Yuuki? But yet... he did. Knowing that his lover would not want to give him up willingly filled his heart with pure, unadulterated joy. A surge of protective love towards the other rose up within him. If Kaname could somehow look into this body and see him now, he would see the biggest, most genuine smile upon his lover's lips.
His lover's words meant so, so much to him.
And they made it easier for him to do what he had already decided.]
Zero scowled up at the pureblood.
'Hey, I don't like the thought of being stuck here with you, either. But wouldn't you rather have Yuuki protected, instead of being alone at the Academy?'
Kaname frowned down at him. This Zero was immensely frustrating. He needed to talk to his Zero, instead of having to deal with this one's annoying sarcasm getting in the way. For a second, he entertained the thought of breaking into his mind like he had before, thus allowing him to converse directly with his lover. But then he sighed inwardly. Both Zeros would not appreciate that. All he could do now was speak truthfully and earnestly, and hope Zero would hear the words in his heart that he could not say with the other Zero here.
Ignoring the younger Zero's words, Kaname continued seriously, staring straight into his eyes. 'Zero. Don't do it.'
[Zero was getting increasingly uncomfortable, watching his lover's eyes darken slightly. He was not surprised that frustration was building up in the pureblood, but didn't he see? It was for both his and Yuuki's good! He just wanted them to both be alive and happy. That was all he could ever ask for. And now, he actually had the chance to do so. Didn't Kaname want Yuuki back as well?]
Hey, aren't you going to give me something to tell him? He looks like he's going to blow.
[I...I've already decided.]
When the sullen hunter relayed his words to the pureblood, Kaname's lips parted in shock, staring back at him in incomprehension. When he had heard about how Zero wanted to stay in the past to save Yuuki, he had thought it was just something he was considering, or waiting to hear Kaname's opinion about. Never had he expected the hunter to have already made up his mind, even before asking him. How could Zero have done that? Shouldn't it have been a decision for them to make together? Considering the fact that they were lovers. Besides, wasn't it Kaname's life that would be most affected by this, regardless of whether he remembered it or not? How could Zero decide this on his own?
Even more importantly, what could Kaname do to stop him?
He could not carry out the spell reversal without Zero's willingness to do it. And even if he somehow managed to find a way, once his lover returned, he would be extremely pissed at him.
The only thing Kaname could do was appeal to him with words, hoping that his lover would change his mind. He could do it. He had to.
'Zero,' he said, struggling to keep his voice calm and placid. 'Please, I think the way things turned out was really for the best. Don't you feel the same?'
Damn it! How could he persuade his lover when he could not express his love for him, whether through words or actions? Past Zero's presence was really obtrusive.
Said male was getting increasing frustrated at this situation. What were the both of them taking him as? A phone? He was pretty sick of being spoken through.
[I'm sorry... It's okay, you don't have to say anything else.]
Surprise crept over the hunter at the unexpected apology.
What the hell do you mean by that? He's not going to give up so easy!'
[Zero sighed. It was true. He recognised the stubborn set of the pureblood's jaw, together with his pleading eyes. Kaname would not let this go so easily. Perhaps he should have just stuck to his original plan to not tell him anything. Right now, he couldn't decide which was worse, having Kaname request him to stay in the past to save Yuuki, or seeing him looking so anxious, desperately begging him to stay.
He had wanted to leave, with his last image of his lover a beautiful smiling one. But it appeared that was not to be, especially with the way things were proceeding. If only he could speak directly to him, or give him one last embrace... that would have been enough for him hold onto while he lived out the rest of his days in the past.
But that was asking for too much.
Can you just tell him one last thing?]
...what?
[That I'm sorry. And thank you for everything.
Zero hated the thought of doing this, of just leaving his lover so coldly like this, without a proper apology or resolution, without a farewell kiss and hug, without sorrowful, lingering touches. But there was no other choice. His only comfort was that their last memory together had been one where they exchanged their feelings for each other. And that was enough. It had to be, anyway.
Taking one last, long look at the pureblood, soft brown hair waving in the wind – Zero had told him that it was getting too long, but the pureblood had just shrugged, saying it didn't look half-bad; his tall dark silhouette, with its strikingly handsome features that both females and males couldn't get enough of; his deep, calm voice, so often tinted with his love or a teasing smirk; his precious smi-
No, that was enough. Any longer and he would lose his nerve. He had to go now, before his crumbling heart shattered totally, and before the tears and sobs welling up inside him fully erupted.
Please look after him. Goodbye...]
When Zero blinked, his mind was empty again. No irritating Zero to bug him anymore. And yet, he felt strangely empty. There were so many things that Zero could've taught him – about how to become a better person, how to fight his bloodlust better, etc. But it was too late now.
'Kiryuu, is he saying anything?'
Oh, right. He had almost forgotten about the raving mess of a pureblood standing before him. Despite himself, he could not helping feeling a pang of pity for Kuran when he saw those usually-emotionless eyes frantic and panicked. Cursing inwardly, he pushed those ridiculous feelings away, before swallowing hard.
'He left.'
Bewilderment filled the pureblood at those words. What? No, he couldn't have.
'He said he was sorry. And he also thanked you for everything.'
No. It was impossible. Zero would not have done something so unbelievable cruel. Leaving without a proper goodbye? While ignoring his feelings?
His lover would not have done something like that. No way.
And yet, the expression on the hunter's face seemed dangerously close to pity as he stared at him unflinchingly for a few seconds, hands shoved uncomfortably into his pockets, before walking back into the villa, leaving him alone with his thoughts. He was not lying, Kaname could tell.
But then... that meant Zero... left...?
With a sudden jolt, panic flooded him as the gravity of the situation hit him. Zero had returned to the past, to remain there forever. And as he altered the events of the past, Kaname's world would change, but it would be without his knowledge. He wouldn't even notice. And he would forget everything. And anything about Zero that really mattered, he would forget. Everything would change.
And Kaname had no way of even contacting him again.
Without any warning, Kaname collapsed onto his knees in the grass, entire body trembling in shock. This time, he could not help the tears that escaped down his ashen cheeks. His fists clenched, unconsciously tearing out blades of grass that had had the misfortune to grow where his hands had fallen. His chest heaved, desperately trying to drag oxygen into his body. But his lungs seemed to have forgotten how to work, just two still and unmoving organs resting within his ribcage. Totally the opposite of his heart, which was shattering into smaller and smaller pieces as his body racked with repressed sobs.
Had Zero just left him? Forever?
Ooookay! You've managed to reach the end! I wonder if you guys found it as depressing reading it as I did writing it. Hahaha. Had to be done, though :( Regarding the next chapter, I'm not sure when I will be posting it, seeing as I'm going to be getting busy real soon. Of course I'll try my best to update as much as possible, and I definitely won't be abandoning this story :) So I hope you guys stick with this story :)
Replies to my dear reviewers:
Sungoddess64 - Thank you so very much for your kind words! They really made me feel extremely happy :) There's more heartbreak for Zero in this chapter though T.T Thank you so much and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! :D
Guest - Thank you so much for the compliment! :) Hahah you mean present Zero with past Kaname and past vampires? It's pretty sad that they're all so hostile towards him :( Hope they warm up to him soon :) Thank you again and hope you enjoyed this chapter :)
babyangelholic - Hehehe yay you read it all! Thank you for that! I've always found it intriguing why some chapters get a lot more views than others... I guess people don't read everything unless they really like it. So thank you :) I'm glad you like the plot, though I would love to clear up any confusion you have regarding the earlier chapters. Feel free to ask here, or in a PM, if you have any questions :) I'm really excited that you find it interesting, and how you support Zero so much yay (he's my favourite character in VK ^^)! I hope this update was enjoyable for you, and thank you again for your kind words and review :)
shia naru- Whoa! I love your enthusiasm! Thank you so very much for your sweet words! They made me grin like an idiot when I read your review :) I hope this chapter satisfies you too:) Thank you for the review!:)
perfectly flawed woman- I like your username ^^ how meaningful! And your kind words just blew me away! I'm not sure I'm so deserving of such high praise, but THANK YOU SO MUCH! :D:D You don't know how much your words mean to me :) Hope this update didn't take too long? And that you enjoy it :) Thank you for your support and review! :)
Guest - Thank you so much for your compliment! I hope you enjoy this chapter! :)
Wow, you guys. I really can't express my gratitude for all your kind words. Thank you ALL! To everyone who reviewed, followed, favourited, or even just read this story. Your support is what keeps me going, and it's what transformed a random, spur-of-the-moment idea I had when I was bored to death on a bus, into this full-blown, multi-chaptered fanfic. I've never done anything like this before, and you guys are really the greatest people to go through this journey with *tears of happiness*
THANK YOU. HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY THIS CHAPTER AND HOPE TO SEE YOU ALL SOON. :)