Rated: M

Disclaimer: St. Meyer owns.

Thanks to our dear beta JUL5857.

EnjoyyourJacob & WolfGirl_JB

P.S. If this chapter seems familiar... It's the revised version of my oneshot "Live or Die" which now becomes a full story. Thanks. EyJ.

Hostage of Love

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How heavy the days are.

There's not a fire that can warm me,
Not a sun to laugh with me,
Everything bare,
Everything cold and merciless,
And even the beloved, clear
Stars look desolately down,
Since I learned in my heart that
Love can die.

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How heavy the Days,

Herman Hesse, translated by James Wright

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Chapter 1

- Take This Pain Away -

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He stood on the highest spot of the cliff and looked down into the black and stormy water. It was not the water he saw but the sharp, peaky and rough stones that broke through the surface. Would it be lethal if he jumped down onto the boulders? Would his bones be crushed by the impact? Would the ocean wash his broken body away, drowning him?

Far from likely, he thought in complete bewilderment, looking down at his bloody fists—shredded skin and broken bones beginning to heal already.

He was exhausted in a way he had never felt before. At first, he had been livid and in his fury he had hit into the trees with his fists, maiming and smashing them. He was kicking, not even realizing that he up-rooted trees and left a path of destruction behind him. Later, he screamed, his angry and hoarse cries echoing through the dark forest. He never stopped and never faltered as he raved, begging for his head to explode and his heart to simply stop beating.

Now he stood here, broken and lonely, realizing that he shouldn't have gone to Bella's wedding party. Seeing her in that lovely dress with her flushed cheeks, shining eyes and luscious lips and everything about her was screaming for her newly-wedded husband, destroyed what had been left of him.

How much pain could a person possibly take? The grief he felt was next to unbearable. He wished for relief, something to ease his pain. He wished he could fall into the abyss and never return. Death would be a blessing. Yeah, he should be that lucky.

Why could she NOT see that she was going to throw her life away, and the future they could have together, the children he could give her? WHY?

WHY? He kept asking himself over and over again.

He had known that he was fighting a losing battle. Nevertheless, he had tried to convince her – yet again – that what she had planned was wrong. She had brushed him off, declaring she was willing to give her body and soul to Edward, telling him that she even planned to have sex with him when she was still human.

How could she be so careless? Trusting him so blindly? Didn't she know that she was walking into her death with open eyes? Of course, it would be her death to lie down with that leech.

Jacob assumed that Bella still was a virgin, even though they had never spoken about it, and he didn't need to put two and two together to know what would happen, once the leech broke through her barrier. The tiniest droplet of blood would be enough to drive him into frenzy; nothing and no one would be able to stop him as he would be sucking her dry. The leechcould never bed her and expect that she would survive it. He could break every bone in her body with one careless move of his stone-hard body.

Was this what she really wanted? Why couldn't she see what she was going to do?

It was wrong imagining him moving inside her petite body; nauseating to imagine the bruises and marks that would cover her delicate, creamy skin; horrible to wonder how much it would need to crush her fragile bones. It was sick, sick, so damn sick…

The bile rose in his body explosively. Stepping back and turning around, he vomited into the grass. Helpless, defenceless, broken.

Jacob didn't believe that he would see Bella ever again.

He had known all along that the day would come. She had warned him, tried to prepare him that she wanted to become like him—a leech, a bloodsucker, his enemy. And he had hated the thought from the beginning, had sworn to her and to himself that he would fight for her, that he wouldn't stop loving her until her heart stopped beating.

It was her declaration that she could have a real wedding night, a real honeymoon while she was still human that was the final blow, the final straw that killed his spirit, his will to fight, his will to live. What meaning had life for him without her? What meaning had it when he lost her, because he had failed to protect her as it was ingrained in his DNA?

Protecting and loving her was what he had always ever wanted and needed. It was part of him, part of what made him Jacob Black. He had been so eager to fix her when she was heart-broken after her leech had left her, because he was good at fixing stuff. But once she was dead—or turned (and dead nevertheless)—there was nothing left to be fixed.

He had offered her a friendship that ran deep, a friendship that could have easily turned into more if she only had been willing to try. He had given her his heart, but all she had ever done was to take from him and take and take, never giving anything back. She had chosen the wrong path—a path that led into her death, and he had terribly failed. Jacob hadn't been able to make her see reason, not been able to keep her where she naturally belonged.

He wasn't what she wanted. She didn't love him enough. Definitely not enough to leave her leech to whom she was so devoted, addicted even.

He stood up and dragged his feet back to the cliff, his naked toes curling around the sharp edges of the stones underneath his feet. When had he lost his shoes?

He didn't really attempt killing himself, but he enjoyed the fascination of his morbid fantasies. Would his father miss him when he was gone? Would his pack mates miss him, the only friends he had? What about Bella? Would she realize what she had done to him once HE was cold and dead—and buried? Would she then finally know that they had been destined to be together?

Before his eyes he saw her sitting at his snow-covered grave, dressed in a black dress, holding a red rose in her tiny hands, weeping. Her eyes would be red and sore from crying, but she would still be beautiful. And she would continue crying until exhaustion caused her to collapse on the muddy earth.

Jacob shuddered. No, that wasn't what he wanted, either. He didn't want her to feel cold and alone without him. He wanted her warm. Warm and alive. Not cold. Or dead. Or, cold and dead, cold and dead—

A new cry ripped free from his throat. Again he bellowed his pain out into the night, swaying dangerously close on the brink.

Carrying his morbid thoughts to extremes, he tensed his body and rose to his toes. How much strength did he need to put into the jump? Which way did he need to turn or twist his body to land in the most destructive way onto the hard water's surface, onto the rough rocks?

He spread his arms out like wings and tilted his head back, looking up into the dark skies. Behind him in the forest, a bird screeched in protest, letting him know that someone was approaching. Jacob froze in his spot, trying to detect who had the guts to disturb him.

Then he heard a female voice call his name. Full of hope, he turned around.

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oOoOoOo

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Leah knew what Jacob was going through. It had happened to her, too. Of course, the circumstances where different, but the outcome was the same. The person you loved moved on and you were left behind, your pain ignored, the love the other had for you not enough for him/her to stay with you. The fact that the girl Jacob loved so deeply left him to soon become his mortal enemy made matters worse.

Right, Leah thought sarcastically, but what actually was worse? Seeing the man you loved every single day, knowing he would go home to another woman to lie in her bed, to make love to her every night, and added to that hearing his every thought about it? Or, knowing that the girl you're in love with wants to become a fucking leech? Her heart instantly burned and ached. Her longing for Sam was hopeless, and it had destroyed her faith in love and life itself.

From her place, hidden in the forest, Leah had seen what had taken place minutes ago. If she had known in time that he was back and attempted to go to this wedding, she would have slapped some reason into him. How stupid and self-torturous could this guy be?

Leah snorted hatefully and clenched her hands to fists, infuriated. Who was she to talk? She was an expert in self-torture. She knew his pain more than she would ever want to admit to anybody. How many times had she wished to just stop breathing? How many times had she wished to simply disappear and evaporate into nothing? Most of all, she hated the pity which she saw in her pack member's eyes. Damn them all.

No one had even bothered to tell her that Jacob was back. All she had been told was to watch the party and make sure that no leech would so much as look at the human wedding guests. When word spread that Jacob had shown up at the party she knew already that this was a fail. She had watched him and Bella dancing awkwardly, had listened to his excited and thrilled heartbeat, but she had also heard what the leech lover had exclaimed later on.

To say that Leah was shocked would be an understatement. The thought that someone (human above all that) would willingly fuck a leech made her shudder with disgust and gag on reflex. She knew instinctively nothing good could come out of it. Once the leech would stick his icy cock into his stupid bride, it would be her doom. There was no way that Bella would make it out alive.

Last but not least, Leah had seen how Bella talking to Jacob about having a real honeymoon had hit home and how Jacob had almost lost it in front of all wedding guests. He had been darn close to phasing and only because Seth and Sam had dragged him into the darkness of the forest they had prevented a fight breaking out between Jacob and the leech. Not that she would have minded if the leech had been killed, but it would have exposed their secret and that wasn't to happen. Ever.

Jacob had brushed his brothers off and stomped away, knocking down trees like a berserk, and becoming more furious with every step he took farther away from her.

She knew the pack workings and was aware that Sam would send at least one of them after Jacob, afraid that he would run away again. So she offered to look out for him before their Alpha could even ask. "I'll follow him," she said, earning surprised looks from her pack brothers. Sam agreed, relieved that he didn't need to decide and relieved that Jake's visit at this party hadn't turned into a disaster.

Following the path she had seen Jacob take, she ran after him, lost in her own thoughts and reflections. Damn, she didn't even know why she was following him! She had enough heartbreak on her own plate. Did she really need to get deeper involved with his? As she had seen Sam handling the situation with so much determination, she wanted nothing more than to sit with him on the sofa, discussing the event with a glass of wine like they had done before the whole wolf hocus-pocus.

Once she realized that she had lost Jacob's track over her mindless rambling, she groaned in aggravation. Leah stripped down, tied her top and shorts to her ankle, and phased. In her wolf form she would easily track him down. Her senses were way more perceptive when she was phased.

Leah put her muzzle down and searched the ground, tracking his scent only seconds later. It strongly smelled of Jacob, but it also reeked of deep desperation. Ugh! Self-loathing stinks, Leah thought and hurried up, having a very strange feeling in her stomach. She didn't like this smell coming from Jacob. That wasn't like him. He wouldn't do something stupid, now would he?

Minutes later Leah found him. He stood at the cliff with his arms spread out widely, his muscles flexed, and his whole body tensed, looking as if he wanted to fling himself from the cliff. Hurriedly shifting back human, she screamed, "Are you crazy? Black, come back here right this instance. Are you trying to kill yourself?"

Only, when she had stopped yelling at him she considered that this maybe hadn't been very wise.

His head whipped around, his face wearing the fiercest of expressions she had ever seen on him, but she also saw the hope in his black, rage-filled eyes and the resignation when he recognized it was only her. For a moment, his eyes widened as he scanned her body, and she remembered that she stood there totally naked.

"Go away," he growled and turned to face the Pacific again.

She crouched down to untie her clothes, feeling the sharp sting of rejection, but banned the thought from her mind. Of course, he would expect someone else searching for him. Leah snorted dismissively. As if the bride would leave her own wedding and run after Jacob. Bella had made her choice regardless of her friend's feelings.

"Don't, Jake," Leah pleaded, cautiously stepping closer and hoping that being really nice was the right thing to do.

"Leave me alone," he murmured and inched closer to the edge. Was he serious? Was he really going to jump?

She smelled that he was desperate enough to follow through with his attempted suicide and didn't bother with her clothes anymore. Anxious about the way he eyed the water, she let it drop carelessly. Without thinking twice she moved closer to where he stood. It would be a waste if he threw his life away for this girl, Leah thought.

Jacob stayed frozen in his spot, not even blinking, but he didn't fend her off, either. When she finally came to a halt behind him, she grabbed his hand and yanked him away from the edge with one forceful tug.

He stumbled into her, but she caught him, even when she almost tumbled over from his weight. His movements were stiff and clumsy as she led him away from the cliff deeper into the woods, and he followed her, seemingly having no will of his own.

She slowed down her steps when they reached a clearing, and Jacob almost walked into her. His breath hit her neck, making the skin tingle. Her heartbeat accelerated and she gripped his hand tighter. He inhaled deeply, cursing under his breath and stepped back, but she didn't let go of his hand.

Leah sat down in a patch of soft green grass, pulling him with her. He sank to the ground, yanked his hand out of her grasp and buried his face in his hands. It was all the white chick's fault and Leah hated with a passion what she had done to him, hated seeing him so vulnerable. This was Jacob, son of the Chief and the next Alpha. That is once he got his head out of his ass. It was a pity that he didn't even know how much the pack relied on him already, regardless that he hadn't accepted his Alpha position yet. He didn't know how much it confused all of them when he was so totally out of his head. He wasn't supposed to be in this state of devastation. He was supposed to be strong. He was a fighter, a leader, a man of will-power. Jacob only needed to realize it and accept his position.

Against her usual reputation, she didn't want to bitch at him, knowing this would most likely only rile him up and threaten an outburst of his temper instead of calming him down. She wanted to ease his heavy mind and help him deal with the blow to his heart. This self-revelation kind of shocked but also intrigued her.

In an attempt to comfort him, she crawled up behind him and wrapped her arms around his chest. With a low whine, she nudged his neck with her nose, not recognizing that she—although in her human form—instinctively fell into pack behavior. Burying her face in his neck, she breathed into it in a soothing manner, willing to do anything to comfort him, soothe him, to help him escape from his shock-filled mind. He didn't react first, but then a nudge turned into a lick that made him shudder. Leah nudged him again, her nose tickling him behind his ear.

Jacob tried to shove her away, wanting her to leave him alone, but she didn't give in. She just held him and from time to time, nudged or licked him again. Eventually, he relaxed. His arms dropped limply to his side, his shoulders slumped, and his head fell forward, showing of a long, muscular neck.

Leah was surprised by the flicker of arousal that rushed through her body. He had a beautiful neck, coppery-skinned and well-shaped, and the next lick was anything but wolfish socializing. She ran her tongue from the crook of his neck to his hairline. She didn't know what had gotten into her, but she suddenly knew how to make him feel better, how to make him forget at least for now.

Leah realized that she wanted to give him her body, knowing that she would enjoy it very much since her body responded to him so strongly. She seemed to purely act on her physical instincts, wanting to distract Jacob, but craving the physical contact, too. In fact, they both desperately needed some escape from their painful reality.

"Leah, stop," Jacob croaked, but she ignored it and slipped her hands under the shirt he had put on for the wedding, gingerly caressing his tight stomach.

"I don't want to…" Leah answered, pecking more kisses along his neckline. She really liked his hard, muscled torso and his hot, smooth skin under the palms of her hands. Leah was confident that she was capable to make him forget even if it was only for a few precious hours. Frankly, Jake's body really turned her on. After all, she hadn't had sex since Sam… Leah immediately forced any thoughts of him from her mind.

The longer she held on to Jake and caressed his body, the more he seemed to relax, but the more aroused she became. A gush of moisture dampened the insides of her thighs and she sighed longingly. Damn, if felt so good holding on to his incredibly strong and muscular body.

Jacob inhaled deeply and froze. "Leah," he said irritated, and shook her off like a meddlesome puppy. It didn't scare her away. He was a guy and, being forced to share her pack mates' thoughts, she had learned a lot about the male brain—most of the time it was all about sex. She was familiar with almost every kinky fantasy her pack brothers came up with, as none of them was able to block his thoughts entirely. Even Jacob, whose fantasies mostly orbited around the skinny leech lover, eventually strayed off to biker girls, pole dancers or the like.

As Jacob grabbed her hands and tried to push them away, Leah felt challenged and held on to him even stronger, confident that he would break and give in sooner or later. She wriggled free from his grasp and grabbed the bottom of his shirt with both hands, purposefully brushing against the bare skin of his stomach, and tugged, hard. With a tearing noise, the fabric gave way. The action brought Jacob out of his stupor. He blinked and took a sharp breath as the shirt tore open, surprised by her boldness.

"I can make you forget, Jacob Black," Leah whispered into his ear, causing another shudder running down his back. She lifted one of his massive arms and slipped underneath it, brazenly straddling his thighs. Leah was determined to see this through as it felt so good to be touched like this again. It had been so long that someone had made her feel this way and she desperately needed it.

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oOoOoOo

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Jacob shifted, feeling awkward when she made herself comfortable in his lap, but his body reacted to being so close to a woman. It must be a guy thing, he thought as somehow regardless of his fucked up state of mind it felt nice to have a woman's hands on him, and Leah was some woman, beautiful with a flawless body. She was sexy, slender, and well-conditioned. Her body would drive every man crazy. Why hadn't he recognized before? For the first time, Jacob saw Leah as the woman that she was and not only as his pack mate and—sort of—sister.

He tried to shove her away, but she wouldn't budge an inch. He hated that his body responded to her and in doing so betrayed his feelings for Bell… her. All he ever wanted tonight was to wallow in self-pity and to give into the pain and the loss.

Leah took both of her hands and grabbed his face, forcing him to look at her. "I can make you forget," she repeated and with her thumb she brushed his lower lip. As she leaned in for a kiss, Jacob turned his face away. "Stop now, Leah. I don't want you," he barked angrily.

"Liar…" Leah replied, dropping her voice to a seductive whisper, and wrapped her legs tighter around his waist, pressing every inch of her body flush to his. She wiggled in his lap, eliciting a moan from him. At the same time she felt stronger, more powerful and, in a strange way, even content for the first time ever since her change.

Jacob was equally confused and turned on. He had expected Leah to yell at him and some 'what the hell is wrong with you, Black' kind of accusations. Instead she was all over him—naked—kissing, licking, groping, and rubbing.

He could feel her heat through the denim of his shorts as she pressed herself into him, sighing as she did so. The smell of her arousal hit his nostrils, and his eyes rolled back into his head. He still he hesitated. This wasn't what he wanted. She wasn't what he wanted. He better should stop now and—

[Deleted due to graphic contest. Find the entire scene on TrickyRaven.]

When it was all over, they crumbled to the ground. His head sank down on her shoulder and he panted heavily, biting back the hoarse sobs that surged through him. It wasn't supposed to be like this. Not this rough and violent and not with Leah…

Leah's hand closed around his, but she didn't say a word. It was strangely reassuring and gave him the feeling that maybe she sort of felt the same.

Very close nearby a twig broke under someone's feet, and their heads jerked up.

They weren't alone anymore…

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A/N: Now, what do you think? Who walked in on them? Share your thoughts with me.

Wishing you a wonderful Christmas time!