Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Rated: MA

Chapter Warnings: Can't deal with an emotional abusive Edward? Stay out. Naaa, it's not THAT bad.

Thanks to our dearest beta JUL5857. Julie, you're the best.

Nic & JB

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Musical inspiration to this chapter: The Way out is Through, Nine Inch Nails

Hostage of Love

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All I've undergone
I will keep on

Underneath it all
We feel so small
The heavens fall
But still we crawl

All I've undergone
I will keep on

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The Way out is Through, Nine Inch Nails

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Chapter 4

~ Painful Truth ~

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The ride to the airport was quiet. She shivered uncontrollably, couldn't feel a thing but the shock about what she had seen.

Why did Jacob tell her that he was in love with her, when he obviously had a thing going with Leah? Wow, she would have never guessed that at all. She had believed him when he told her he would fight for her until her heart stopped beating. She had felt bad for her best friend, thinking her going away with Edward would cause him pain.

Bella had seen the pain and devastation in his eyes, when his friends had dragged him away from the party, but when she ran after him he had been with Leah, fucking the living daylights out of her. It didn't make sense at all. Whenever she had looked into Jake's eyes, there only had been sincerity and pure love for her, Bella. When had that changed? How had that changed?

She hadn't thought that Jacob would be the kind of guy that had sex with a girl he wasn't in love with. She even had considered him inexperienced and innocent. How could he sleep with Leah when he was in love with her? Clenching her hands into the car seat, she corrected herself. Jake didn't 'sleep' with Leah or romantically made love to her. He had fucked her like an animal. Not that Bella really knew… but she had expected sex to be different. Was it really like this? This kind of rough?

The thought somehow terrified her. When you let loose like that then it really was dangerous for her to be intimate with Edward. She was too fragile being handled like that. Heck, seeing Jake pounding into Leah like a berserk, she wondered how Leah managed to deal with it at all.

But being Bella, she shoved these thoughts away. Edward wasn't like that. He was a gentleman; he would be careful and stop rather than hurt her. Bella was more disappointed in what Jacob had done. She had been so naive to believe her friend would be devastated or furious. Apparently, having a nookie in the middle of the woods had been of more importance than a last clearing talk with his best friend. She had been willing to make her amends, but after Leah rudely sent her away, her mouth was glued, her mind blank.

Obviously, the bomb she had dropped on him about having sex with Edward hadn't been so important to him like he had said. She never understood what Jacob saw in her anyway. In Leah, Bella was sure, Jacob had found the better girl. She was his equal, being a werewolf herself and all… How could she have been so wrong? What made her think that Jacob would be pining over her? Had it been a game for him? His declaration of love, his will to fight for her until her heart stopped beating—were they only words? Or was it part of his plan to keep her from becoming a vampire at all costs? She knew how much he hated that thought, but she also knew that he was sincere when he told her over and over that he loved her. She felt it in her heart too.

Still, she didn't understand a thing anymore. She was confused, felt hurt and rejected, but why? She had chosen Edward over Jacob. She had married him for crying out loud. Then why did it hurt so much when she thought of Jacob, why was there this ache in the pit of her stomach? Seeing Jacob with Leah had hurt so much more than she ever thought possible. She should be happy that that he was moving on, but she just still couldn't understand…

Seeking refuge from her pain, she let herself fall into numbness, casting herself away into the familiar blackness that had been her constant companion during the months Edward was gone. Refusing to even look at her husband she slowly drifted off to sleep.

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+o+o+

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Bella refused to fully wake up at the airport, numbly letting Edward handle the check-in, drifting in and out of sleep, and only allowed herself to wake up from her stupor when they landed in Rio. Their journey didn't end there, Edward explained with a proud look upon his face. A ride with the taxi, then Edward maneuvering a modern, expensive looking motor boat through the dark ocean in the middle of the night, they headed for their final destination.

He did all the talking, telling her a story about the island that Carlisle had given to Esme, and which they were allowed to spend their time on during their honeymoon. Bella didn't listen at all, all she felt was an icy numbness possessing her body and mind.

Finally, the island appeared before her eyes. The house (similar to the Cullen's home in Forks) was illuminated, its doors open, inviting them in. Edward wrapped his arms around her. "You're cold, love," he mumbled, concern etching his face. He carried her into the house, walking straight through the hall and into a big bathroom. "I'm going to run you a bath. Why are you freezing? We're in Rio, love. It's August and it's hot, why are you freezing?"

She didn't respond to him. When he put her on her feet, she kept standing, not being able to even crook a single finger. In her mind, she saw Jacob moving over Leah, strong muscles rippling under smooth skin, and then the hateful look in his eyes, when he recognized her watching them. Bella shuddered and groaned. Slowly sliding to the floor, she covered her head with her arms, wanting to disappear into soothing nothingness. What was wrong with her?

"Love, your bath is ready," Edward said and she was lifted up by icy hands, her jacket being stripped off from her body. She felt his nose skimping along her jaw and neck. Then a menacing hiss filled the silence and he retreated, leaping backwards, practically crashing into the bathroom wall. "This filthy mutt," he spat, looking at her with so much hatred in his eyes she shrank back in fear. "He left marks on you and you still carry his stink on you."

Bella crossed her arms before her body defensively, but for the first time since they had left Forks her body was warming up. She studied her arms, noticing purple bruises—imprints left by Jacob's fingers. The sight shocked her, sending a jolt of electricity through her and she closed her tiny hands around her upper arms reflexively, splaying her fingers out to grasp as much as she could. They were the last reminder she had of Jacob. Was it wrong when she wanted to hold onto it for a little while longer?

"He left his marks on you, polluted you…" Edward sputtered exasperated and in this moment his face was really ugly in his fury. Eyebrows drawn tightly together, eyes clenched to small slits, lips curled back revealing his gleaming, venomous teeth. "I can't believe I did not kill him right there. He should have been punished for touching you on our Wedding Day," he spat.

"That's ridiculous. What are you talking about?" she replied, her voice loud and shrill.

His eyes were pitch-black with fury as he stood with his clenched fists in the corner of the tiny, but exuberantly refurbished bathroom. Trying to regain his control and composure, he whispered, "The mongrel touched what is mine."

"Don't call him that. He has a name," Bella screamed enraged. She couldn't take it anymore. "And I'm not a prize you won. I've chosen you, Edward, but for the life of me… right now, I don't see the reason why…"

"You're nervous, love, upset with what you've seen. Don't be. We're going to talk when you've calmed down, love. You're not yourself right now." Edward spun around and left the bathroom. The door slammed shut, making Bella wince.

She just stood there and faced the door, staring after Edward in disbelief. Slowly, she let her arms drop and looked at the bruises—perfectly displaying Jacob's long fingers. His face appeared in her mind, pleading with her to overthink her decision concerning her wedding night. What had she done?

Trancelike, she slipped out of her dress and undergarments and sat down in the bathtub. The hot water engulfed her, smooth bubbles caressing her skin. Closing her eyes, she couldn't stop the pictures in her head, running like a movie, showing her again and again what she had witnessed in the woods.

She sobbed, feeling pain and regret. Her last time with Jacob shouldn't have been like that. She had wished for a goodbye with best wishes and heartfelt "I love you" and "I will never forget you". She had wished that Jacob would understand and forgive her.

Bella's thoughts were all over the place and suddenly a new question came up in her mind. How did it come that Edward didn't know where he was sending her in to? He must have heard what was going on in the forest. Dammit! Even she had heard it! Why hadn't he stopped her? Edward, old-fashioned and seemingly prude, should have stopped her and not let her walk in on them…

She gasped, whispering, "He did it on purpose." Everything made sense now. This strange glint in his eyes when he finally agreed that she could see Jacob once more. His careless behavior in the woods as he let her walk, unprotected, while he stayed behind using the treaty to his excuse.

"You did this on purpose," she repeated, speaking louder this time. He would hear her. She knew that he was right out there, hovering close to the bathroom door. She could feel him, as she always felt when he was near. For the first time, she noticed the cold shiver in the back of her neck as what it was. Her body clearly told her that something dangerous was near. She had only always ignored the warning, misinterpreted the tingling as a sign of joy. But joy shouldn't send cold shivers down her spine, shouldn't make the tiny her hairs in her neck stand on end…

Panicking, she climbed out of the bathtub and wrapped the large towel she found in one of the cabinets tightly around her body. The door opened a crack and she spun around, startled, but he only shoved her suitcase in, closing the door without saying a word. Relieved that she wouldn't have to face him yet, she opened the suitcase and searched for something comfortable to wear, only to find that Alice had replaced each and every piece of Bella's wardrobe with new stuff that absolutely wasn't Bella's style.

Again, she couldn't hold back her tears as she pulled out a blue jersey dress and a white knitted sweater—the closest things to comfortable—and only found flimsy lace lingerie to wear underneath. Putting these clothes on, she felt like a lamb lead to the slaughter. How pathetic was that? She huffed seeing her reflection in the mirror. Pathetic, real pathetic. It was time to clear some things up, but at the same time she was nervous, sensing the discussion would change everything.

"Feeling better, love?" he asked as soon as she stepped out of the bathroom and into the hall.

She contemplated for a moment what he asked and felt the anger rise from deep down of the pit of her stomach "Do I feel better?" she asked back. "Do I feel better?" She was getting hysteric and close to freaking out. The last several hours, no, the last several days in fact, had just been too much for her. The stress of the wedding preparations, the actual wedding, the talk with Renee, meeting Jake, fighting with Jake, recognizing Jake's heart shattering and his brothers desperately pulling him away, the pain in his eyes… OMG, and finding Jake going at it with Leah.

She couldn't ignore this strange ever increasingneed for Jake and she also couldn't ignore anymore that Edward was making her… feel wrong? There was this tiny voice in her head, her own voice, whispering repeatedly that she couldn't breathe as easy with Edward, that she wasn't warm with him, that she wasn't laughing with him the way she was laughing with Jake, and only rarely did she feel at ease and really comfortable around her husband.

Why had she been so stupid? Why didn't she pay any attention to herself and to what she really wanted, to what she really needed? Now that she was married and it was too late to change anything, it became painful to realize that her feelings for her best friend were... more. Why did those thoughts seem to be getting clearer only now? Why not before?

"How could you, Edward? You knew what Jacob was doing! How could you let me walk in on them?" she screamed and before she knew it, she threw one of those ridiculous strappy sandals she still held in her hands at her husband. One managed to hit him in his chest, the other shoe he had caught, letting it drop to the floor in a careless gesture.

"Relax, love. I can explain…" He said patronizingly and held his hands up, trying to soothe her. It only enraged her more.

"What's there to explain, Edward?" she screeched her voice shrill with aggravation and hurt. "How could you do this to me? How could you do this to Jake?"

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+o+o+

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Edward blinked, surprised that his laid-back and calm Bella screamed at him like a harpy and even threw her shoes at him. He should be amused, instead a slight annoyance with her behavior showed on his face. He didn't appreciate that his wife talked to him like that, but she was still young and he had all the time in the world teaching her how to behave around him.

"I wanted you to see the he's not worth it," he said to her dismissively. He was done allowing his wife to pine after another man. He would make her stop that, even when it would be hard for her, but she belonged to him now and he wouldn't let her go anymore. "Do you want to know what he was thinking? You didn't cross his mind at all." Edward lied, blatantly. "All he was thinking about was how deep he could ram himself into that bitch," he stated coldly. Only he would ever know that with every thrust the mongrel was trying to force Bella from his mind. It didn't faze him that Bella winced and fresh tears sprang from her eyes. She would soon forget about her so-called best friend, he was sure of it.

"Oh, God," she gasped and paled, shocked by his crude words. Her arms flew up to wrap around her chest. Unknowingly, her hands covered the place where those marks were, and Edward felt his temper spiking. He grabbed Bella's arm and pulled her into the huge living room, gentle enough to not hurt her, but hard enough to let her know how mad he was.

Remembering what he had seen in Jacob's head made him furious. The mutt had no right wanting Bella. Bella was HIS! He had won and nobody and nothing would ever be able to take Bella away from him now. Had he been willing to give her up, before the wedding, now he wouldn't.

It was Jacob's luck that Edward hadn't recognized her bruises earlier. If he weren't as far away he would approach the mutt and kill him. But then, it would be a better punishment for the mongrel to let him live on with his guilt. Catching Jacob's thoughts in departing, he had heard how guilty the boy felt, how remorseful he was for what he had done, how he hated that Bella had seen them.

"How could you, Edward? He was naked and I saw his..." Bella was totally upset and beside herself. Waving her hand frantically, she blushed deeply, coughing embarrassed, before she choked out, "DICK!"

Edward forced himself to keep up a relaxed, controlled stance, although he was boiling inside. That had been a risk he had been willing to take. "It doesn't matter anymore, Bella. You're married to me now."

Looking at these marks triggered something primal deep inside Edward, urging him to leave his marks on his wife, to make her his for once and all times. He approached her slowly, thinking that after all it was their wedding night and that she had been begging for the real experience.

She smelled so delicious today, ripe like a fruit ready to be picked up and eaten. Her smell made his mouth water and his groins ache and he fought hard not to pounce on her and just take her. Did she know that tonight her body was fertile and willing to take a man's seed? He groaned, for a moment giving in to the fantasy of her body swollen with his child. It was sick, because he knew he wasn't able to father a child anymore. His body was dead, as dead as can be, but the predator in him nevertheless marveled in the sight of her huge, frightened eyes as she stared at him, seeing and realizing his internal struggle.

But he loved her. He didn't want to do her any harm. Why was he thinking about taking her when she was so mad at him that she wouldn't agree to his advances? Or maybe she wanted him nevertheless, and all he needed to do was making the first move? He stepped closer and her scent hit him like a brick wall. He smelled her fury, desperation, but mostly he smelled her fear as she shrank back in the farthest corner of the couch. Why was she afraid of him now? Had she finally realized that he was a monster? He had tried to tell her all along. Had she now recognized the true monster she married?

He now realized that her fear in fact smelled very appealing to him and that her blood was calling to him more than ever. He felt his vampire nature breaking free. All he could think about anymore was sinking his teeth into her throat, to drink her blood, to finally taste what had drawn him to her in the first place. He might just really consider changing her tonight, their first night as man and wife so she would be forever his.

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+o+o+

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She was scared and her heart pounded furiously as he stalked closer ever so slowly. Paralyzed, she sat down on the couch, not able to move a single finger or even inhale deeply enough. It didn't take her longer than two seconds to feel dizzy and nauseated.

He rounded the couch, coming to a halt behind her. His cold breath wafted across her neck as he leaned in, inhaling deeply. "You smell so good," he cooed, pressing his lips on the exposed place where her shoulder and neck met.

Bella jerked forward, wanting to run away from him. Her stomach clenched in fear now. She wasn't ready—neither for him and a "real" wedding night, nor for him to turn her into a vampire. "Don't, Edward," she gasped, and then his hands wrapped around her arms, holding her in place.

"I hate seeing those marks on you," he hissed and his hands pressed into her flesh, harder. "I will make you forget about him."

She winced in pain and cried out. "Oww, Edward, what are you doing?" The pressure of his hands increased, stopping the blood flow and making her eyes water. "You're hurting me."

Edward dropped his hands and was kneeling in front of her in an instant. "You're forcing me… That's what you're doing to me, Bella love," he murmured. His hands on her knees forced her knees apart and he crawled between her thighs, placing a kiss onto the vulnerable spot under her ear and then onto her jugular. "From now on you'll stop speaking about him… love."

Her breath hitched, but not with sensual excitement as it used to do before (or so she thought). Placing her hands on his granite-hard chest, she tried to shove him away. She failed. "Edward, no," she breathed, her body stiff with fear. "Edward, stop. I'm afraid."

"You've always wanted this. Don't be afraid, love. I won't hurt you," he whispered and his lips moved over her mouth. Then, his mouth was on hers, molding her lips in that familiar way. Yes, he was careful, but no, she still didn't want this. Deeply scared and even repulsed, she shrank away further.

Bella shoved at him, using all of her strength, but his hands on her hips held her securely in place. "Don't. Edward, you're scaring me," she pleaded, but he still didn't stop. In response, his one of his cold hands moved up higher, closing around her waist in a possessive manner.

"Bella, I love you. You're finally mine," he moaned and glided his lips along her jaw and down to her neck, his teeth nipping at her tender skin, and she was in panic that he might accidently (or not so accidently) break it, infecting her with his venom.

"No!" she shouted as loud as she could and grasped his hair, yanking hard. "Stop this right now. I don't want it."

Finally, he drew back, disappointment displaying on his face.

"Oh God," she sobbed and jumped to her feet, bolting through the room. She entered the first room she could find, slamming the door shut behind her. Her fingers shook badly as she searched for the light switch and simultaneously for a lock or key. She found the switch, turning the light on, but there was nothing to lock the door. Frantically, she searched the room for anything to at least block it, seeing that she was standing in a study. A sturdy chair must do and the fear and panic made her strong enough to shove this chair before the door, hoping that it would stop Edward from entering. She knew that if he wanted in he would be in the room in no time. She would never be able to stop him and the thought drove her almost crazy.

Her tears flowed without ceasing and she sank down, frightened pressing her back into a corner. What had she gotten herself into? Edward was acting weird, dangerous, true to his vampire nature and she was all alone on this island with him. She looked around frantically, her breath leaving her in small gasps and sobs, in the hope to find a phone or computer, but the antique desk and every other surface were empty.

She could stay in here for a while. As long as Edward only stayed outside and wouldn't try to come in. Her eyes flitted to the heavy chair in front of the door and then, out of the corner of her eye, she recognized a movement coming from the long window.

Edward!

He was standing outside, stock still, watching her hungrily through his black eyes. The dark night behind him made his pale features look almost ghostly when he lifted his hand and pressed it against the window pane.

Bella almost jumped out of her skin seeing him standing there and she let out a shrill, horrified scream. "Go away!" she yelled, clasping her hair, her throat hurting from her terrified shriek. "Don't come in here. Leave." On all fours she crawled behind an antique chest, hiding from his look. "Go away."

She realized that she was hyperventilating from her panic attack, but as much as she tried to breath regularly, she couldn't. "No. No. No," she sobbed, soon feeling dizzy.

The sound muffled through the window, she heard him saying, "You're mine."

Her eyes rolled back into her head and her insides clenched with terror at his words. Why was it that it sounded so threatening? Her breathing increased even more and everything around her started swaying up and down. She fought the queasy feeling in her stomach, but it was useless. Grasping the hard wood of the chest to stay upright, she still keeled over and fainted.

Lifted and carried by hard, unyielding, ice cold arms, Bella dreamed of Jacob coming to her rescue. She called out for him, but no words escaped her lips as she fell deeper into her unconsciousness and then into a deep sleep, all the while dreaming of Jacob's warm embrace and wolves searching for her. Even dreaming she knew it was too late. No one would come for her. She was alone out here with Edward. She had forfeited her chances.

She fought this awareness, afraid she would go insane with fear and regret and she was thankful when the dreams stopped and only darkness and quiet surrounded her. Soon enough, she floated in the darkness and started dreaming again and in her dream she was back in Forks, in the woods, a silent witness to what Jacob and Leah were doing, how he moved confidently, powerfully and passionately over and within the other woman.

For the first time, she saw that her best friend had become a man. He'd become a man a long time ago, but she had never been willing to acknowledge this fact before. Bella realized that Jacob was more grown-up than she was, although she was older, and that he carried a confidence and power that she would never possess. There were more things she became aware of, but they were lost whenever she woke up for a short while, before drifting off again.

Finally, the sun rose, setting her body and the room she was in aglow. For a small moment, her subconscious mind played images of herself lying beside Jacob and not Leah. He held her in his arms, lovingly, securely, tenderly, and she marveled in his warmth and in his love as she lost herself in the pleasure his body gave her. The peace and freedom she felt didn't last long and then, Jacob's heat was replaced by Edward's coldness as he hovered over her, his hard body moving within her, hurting her, bruising her.

When she opened her eyes, feathers were all around her. She was covered in them and her naked body felt cold, sore, and tender. Bruises were forming on her breasts, rips, belly, and thighs. And her belly was thick, unnaturally swollen and something horrible was moving inside it.

She woke up from her own terrified screams, her arms wrapped tightly around her. Letting her hands glide over her body, she noticed that she was fully dressed, no bruises or feathers on her, and that he body was flat as ever. "Just a dream, Bella. It was just a dream," she spoke to herself convincingly and looked around, trying to decipher where she was.

Bella found herself in a bedroom, on a wooden bed under a thick, white quilt. The sun was shining through huge windows and she could see the beach and the turquoise sea. Sitting up, she checked her surroundings, relieved that she was alone, that Edward wasn't sitting somewhere, watching her. How did she get here? She recalled being lifted and carried, realizing that Edward must have entered the study when she fell unconscious. The thought was terrifying. She couldn't find anything romantic in the idea anymore. She had been vulnerable and defenseless and he had taken advantage of that situation instead of leaving her alone as she had demanded.

"Shit, shit, shit," she cursed under her breath and stumbled out of the bed. In a sudden feeling of being watched, she pulled the curtains close, afraid Edward might unexpectedly stand there again. Her heart was pounding so hard, it hurt. Her hands were clammy, her entire body covered in cold sweat, and she was bursting to go pee.

He would know that she was awake when she'd go out there, searching for the toilet. Oh, God, he probably knew already, his supernatural hearing telling him that she was up just by her changed breathing and frantically beating heart. In an instant, she was back in bed, pulling the covers over her; just wanting to hide, hide, hide.

She was so afraid, so terribly afraid. Had she ever been so afraid before? Maybe when James had captured her? Or when Victoria came after her? Or when Laurent threatened to kill her? Trembling and sobbing she admitted to herself that this here, right now, was the worst situation ever—simply because she shouldn't be afraid of Edward, of her husband, and she so, so was…

Bella didn't know how long she was hiding in the bed, but the urge to pee became stronger and stronger and finally couldn't be ignored anymore. Peeking out from under the blanket, she scanned the room, discovering that two doors were leading from it. Both doors were closed and she couldn't tell if one of them would lead her to a bathroom or not. If she didn't want to totally embarrass herself and pee her pants she needed to finally be brave and search for a toilet.

She got up and tiptoed to the closest door. Taking a deep breath, she opened the door, relieved to find a bathroom behind it. It was more luxurious than the one she had been using last night, but she couldn't care less. After having peed, she hurried back to the bed, hiding again, fearing the moment that Edward would come in, wanting to talk to her or worse.

When the evening came and he still hadn't come, she realized how quiet the house was and how empty it felt. What if she walked out the bedroom, searching for Edward, and tried to talk things out? She would tell him that she wanted to leave the island. She didn't feel safe alone with him. Could she tell him that, too?

Cautiously and apprehensively, she walked to the other door and opened it quietly, slipping into a large hall. "Edward?" she called out timidly, but received no answer. Crossing the hall she found the living room. There, on a sturdy white table, was a folded card with her name on it. Reluctantly, she picked it up, flipping it open.

Bella, I'll be gone for a while – hunting. Don't expect me back before this week is over. In the meanwhile you should try to remember why you agreed to marry me. I'm sure being alone will help you think and become aware how much you need me. Edward.

P.S. You'll find enough food in the refrigerator. Thursday morning, our housekeepers will come and check on you. Use your time wisely.

Bella blanched, staring at the card in disbelief. He was leaving her behind? Leaving her all alone on this island? Leaving her alone again? In a daze, she walked back into the bedroom where she had spent most of her day and lay down on the bed, pulling her knees high up to her chest. Wrapping her hands around her knees, she rocked her body back and forth, trying to stay calm and not to freak out.

But wait, she still had her cell phone after all! She jumped up to look for her purse. She was sure it was in there, she had put it there herself. While searching frantically, she imagined calling… who would she call? She really needed to speak with… someone, her dad maybe? Where was her phone? No, she knew whom she really wanted to call. She needed to hear his voice, to hear that he was ok, she wanted to her his laugh, wanted to hear that he didn't hate her. But who was she fooling? Deep down she knew it was over. Jacob had moved on after all. She felt the loss; it felt like as if a part of her was dying. She felt so lonely. She had never felt this alone ever before.

Her phone… where had she put her phone for crying out loud?

Finally, it hit her. Edward took her phone! He had not only left her to her own devices, he took her phone away, effectively completely cutting her off from the world. Her chest constricted and she gasped for air. He couldn't leave her all alone here. He couldn't do that to her!

There had got to be somebody on that freaking island… Bella rushed to the front door, turning the knob, hysterically. It wouldn't butch. It was locked! Oh God, how could he do that? He had freaking locked the door! She yanked and rattled at the door, screaming in frustration, until there was no strength to fight left in her anymore.

Tiredly, she trudged back to the bedroom and fell onto the bed, face-down, shutting the world out completely. She lay there for a long time, too confused and scared to even think. Being human, her body and mind could only take so much and when it became dark outside, she fell asleep, her only companions fear, cold, and regret. She slept deep and dreamt of Jacob that night. If only she were off this island already. If only she had her talk with Edward already. If, if, if…

Sunday came and went without Bella doing as much as lying under the comforter. She was starving, but too numb to go and fix something to eat.

On Monday, she got up, had a shower, ate an apple from the kitchen counter and explored the house some more. Bella became aware that Alice certainly must have had a vision about Edward leaving her all alone on the island. Would she say something to Carlisle or Jasper or would she keep the knowledge (and the outcome) to herself? Considering what Alice had told her on her wedding day she doubted that Alice would tell anybody anything.

Deeply depressed, Bella got under her covers again, but suddenly she became aware that her moping had to stop. What was she doing to herself? Why did she always hurt herself and everybody around her? Surely Edward deserved better, too. She had done everybody wrong, including herself—but not anymore! Starting today, she would be honest with herself and try to salvage whatever there might be left to be salvaged.

She was going to have a serious talk with Edward. She wanted to explain to him that the feelings she once felt were, in fact, very different now. Having realized so many things last night, she couldn't let fear get in the way any longer. She must and she would be standing up for what she finally knew.

She realized that she had to make some serious changes in her life. It was time that she was going to be responsible for herself from now on, responsible to mend broken hearts, to fix all the damages she had done to herself and others. With that thought, she felt an unexpected freedom, a sudden relief within her heart. Yes, she would start her life over and maybe one day, Jacob would forgive her…

Maybe, but right now she was starving.

She needed to get out of this bed and look for some food. She found the refrigerator filled with food, but she only used some eggs and cheese to make herself a quick omelet. She devoured every bit of food and felt better immediately. It was time indeed to do some serious thinking. This was when she remembered what Edward had written on the card "use your time wisely'. She could not help it, but to shudder at the thought. What had he meant?

In the night she also remembered that he had said in his note the house keepers would be coming this Thursday, and hope flared up within her. She suddenly knew that she wouldn't wait for Edward to come back. What if he was really threatening her? She wouldn't wait to find out, but leave the island with those house keepers and contact Carlisle as soon as she was back on the mainland.

Tuesday started with a thunderstorm that ripped her out of a nightmare where she had seen herself with feathers and bruises, her body swollen with a demon child. She had cried herself hoarse over the realization that Edward was torturing her with his absence, knowing fully well what it would do to her. She needed to get out of here.

Bella didn't sleep the night from Tuesday to Wednesday, because too much was going on in her head as she finally acknowledged to herself that Edward had a very manipulative and controlling streak. Having sleepovers with Alice whenever Edward was hunting that prevented her from seeing Jacob was quite guileless compared with Edward disabling her truck, Edward letting Jacob know about their marriage against her will, Edward letting her discover Jacob having sex with Leah. Along with that came the realization that Edward nearly always decided what was good for her and she had never really cared, because it had been sweet and romantic in the beginning and later on, it was easier, because he simply had the better arguments and she never felt clever enough to debate with him anyway. How could she have been that blind?

Wednesday night, she was absolutely determined that she had to get away from here as soon as possible. Exhaustedly, she settled on the bed and awoke in the early Thursday morning hours from the sound of an approaching motorboat.

Bella couldn't even remember everything she had said and done when the older couple unlocked the front door and came in. All that mattered was that she was able to convince the couple that she must leave as soon as possible and her crying and pleading had persuaded them to take her with them. The bruises on her arms, now turned from purple to an ugly greenish yellow, helped to convince them, too.

Infected by Bella's panic, they forced the old boat to its highest speed and drove back to the mainland, where Bella marched straight into an internet café and grabbed a phone and dialed.

"Rosalie, this is Bella. I need your help."

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+o+o+

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Jacob was crouched in a corner of his room, allowing the pain to flow freely once again. He couldn't stop thinking of why Bella had looked for him. What did she want, and why the FUCK didn't he stop her from running away from him? Her pleading eyes haunted him ever since. Silently, he let the tears fall down his face…