Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Here we are folks, we hope you will like this chapter, enjoy!
Our love and appreciation goes out to our awesome betas JUL5857 and SueMe. HUGS Dolls!
Hostage of Love
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Chapter 8
What went wrong?
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How I wish you could see the potential
The potential of you and me
It's like a book elegantly bound
But in a language you can't read just yet
You gotta spend some time, love
You gotta spend some time with me
And I know that you'll find love
I will possess your heart
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I will possess your heart,
Death Cab for Cutie
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The pain was unbearable.
His dark, soulful eyes were pleading with her, silently asking her to stay, but she didn't have the strength.
Bella walked out of the diner at a moderate pace with her head held high, fighting hard to keep her dignity by keeping the tears at bay. She heaved a sigh of elation when she finally made it into her truck and quickly eased out of the parking lot, eager to leave this place as fast as she could without causing a stir.
No matter how...excited and happy... she felt to finally see Jake, the knowledge that he had built a real life, had a realfamily caused her immeasurable pain, which rose above everything else. She wasn't even around the first corner when she allowed her tears to flow freely now, there was no point in holding them back anyway. With her first tears came a cry so hopeless, she felt utterly utter devastation to her core. The sobs wracked her body; her salty tears blinded her vision. She needed to pull over.
Visions of the moment when she had walked into the clearing, seeing both of them having sex, and now how Jacob had kissed Leah and took the baby into his arms, made Bella cry even more.
He looked so content and so happy holding his son. He was so beautiful. Even from where she was standing, she could feelthe love he felt for his baby - and Leah.
Her sobs came harder; her heart clenched painfully. She hunched over and clutched the wheel tightly. She had suspected that Jacob had moved on and probably was with Leah given the few hints Charlie dropped here and there, but to actually really see him interacting with his baby and Leah... was simply too much. Why did it hurt so much? She knew she should be happy for him, but it tore her apart. Jake deserved to be happy, she reminded herself, she always wanted him to be happy, if only... she had come to her senses much earlier, if only... she were more persistent in trying to contact him... if only.
Her breath came in short painful gasps. She felt like everything was totally lost. Any chance she might have ever had, once upon a time... seemed gone... Gone. This sudden realization ripped her heart into painful pieces. She held her arms tight around her chest as if it could prevent the pain. This was worse than anything she ever had experienced before. She needed Jake so much. What had she done?
The desperate sobbing quieted after a while, but her tears wouldn't stop. Bella started her truck and slowly drove home. She knew that she needed to pull herself together in case Charlie was home. She didn't want him to see her like that. She felt humiliated enough for a life time, and she brought it onto herself after all. She needed to stay strong, on the outside at least, for now, for Charlie.
After she parked her truck, she slowly walked up the steps, as if she were in some kind of strange trance. She opened the front door and Charlie recognized her condition immediately. He looked up from the papers he was working on and his eyes got wide in acknowledgement. "You saw him..." he stated with a frown and sighed. "...and you found out."
Bella nodded weakly and walked to the sink, pouring herself a glass of water. She was parched from all the crying. Her throat was dry, her lips chapped... on the inside she didn't feel any better, either. In fact, this was truly the worst day in her entire life. All of her energy, and her will to go on had been drained away.
"I'm sorry, Bells. I tried to tell you, and I probably should have told you a long time ago, but I did not know how-" Charlie started, but Bella interrupted.
"Yeah, I know, Dad." She slugged the water down and refilled her glass. ...How he tenderly hugged the baby...
"I never let you talk about him when you wanted to tell me... It's my fault." She drank some more water before putting her glass down. Bella felt awful. And stupid, really stupid. It really was her fault alone. If she hadn't been so afraid of what Charlie had to tell her, she wouldn't have made a complete fool out of her today. If she hadn't been so afraid period. Listening to Leah gush over the events had been like a slap in her face. It was one hell of a weekend when I went into heat…Bella blushed. She still was mortified.
Charlie looked at her, not hiding his concern. "You alright, kiddo?"
Bella walked across the room and stopped beside him, taking his hand and pressing it slightly. "He's happy," she said and smiled, wiping a fresh tear from her face. He's even more beautiful than when I saw him last time. Being a dad seemed natural for him "I'm happy for him, Dad, he deserves the best."
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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"You look terrible, Bella," Charlie answered gruffly, his eyes flickering over her with a worried expression on his face. Jacob and happy? Those words didn't seem to belong together when it came to Jacob - not for a long time anyway.
He could be wrong, though, because Jacob had changed a lot over the last couple of months. Or that was what Billy kept saying when they went fishing or met to watch TV.
However, Charlie hadn't seen him often since the baby had been born. He was told that he took the responsibilities that came with being a father seriously. He had started working at the local real estate agency full time, was pursuing another part time job halfway up to Makah as a construction worker and he was still repairing cars in his garage. One could mean that for Jacob a day didn't stop after 24 hours... but happy?
Looking at his daughter, Charlie had the feeling that things were more difficult than it seemed. He had seen Jacob after Bella had married the Cullen kid and went away. He could never shake the feeling that Jacob's feeling for Bella ran really deep and that Leah somehow was sort of a replacement…
Bella pressed his hand again, pulling him out of his thoughts.
"Don't worry, Dad. I'll get over it," Bella replied, trying to sound confident. "I'm a big girl now. I can handle this... but..." She let go of Charlie and went to the stairs. "I'd rather be alone now if you don't mind..."
"Sure, Bella, get some rest. Take a nap maybe..." Charlie told her, his concern evident by his sadden tone.
On her way upstairs, Bella could feel her father's sorrowful stare on her back, but she couldn't hold up her strong facade much longer. She started crying as soon as she closed the door of her room behind her.
For the remainder of the day, Bella stayed in her room, wallowing in self-pity and sorrow. She knew it was pathetic and that she had promised to herself to be strong, and confident, and grown-up. However, it was damn hard to be strong when all her hopes and dreams had been shattered with a few simple words. Is he Jake's?... Most likely… he has more of Jake's face...
She would be strong again tomorrow. Today, she only wanted to drown in regret and despair.
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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Jacob came home late, finding his house empty and quiet.
It seemed that Leah and Yuma were over at Sue's or maybe they were at Sam's. He couldn't remember if or what Leah had told him earlier. He picked up one of Yuma's socks and his baby blanket that lay on the floor and folded it neatly, before he went into the shower, feeling emotionally drained.
He kept thinking of Bella's eyes, and her facial expression… pure devastation and shock. Her eyes were like endless pools of sadness. He hated to see her sad; he always had and he still did.
He also thought about how beautiful she was. She had grown into an even more beautiful woman - if that was even possible. He couldn't stop himself from thinking way back, thinking how she had looked up to him with bright eyes, wearing a wedding gown that so wasn't her... I can have a real wedding night, a real honeymoon...
Oh, hell no, he thought with fervor. There was no way he was going thereagain. He quickly finished washing up and got out of the shower. Stark naked and dripping - good thing Leah wasn't there to berate him for leaving puddles on the floor - he went into his bedroom and pulled a pair of sweat pants out of his dresser, putting them on.
He was so wound up; his muscles were twitching. A run in wolf form would help him for sure, but, hearing his stomach growl suddenly getting something to eat seemed the priority right now. In the kitchen, he found a couple of sandwiches that Leah must have prepared for him earlier and sat down on his huge leather couch. He ate the sandwiches, while watching TV but couldn't concentrate for one straight minute. He decided to give his father a quick call, making sure his old man was okay, and then he went back to watching TV. Still, he couldn't get his thoughts off Bella.
He really wished she would have come to see him, he knew she couldn't know where he lived, but if she really wanted to find him, it clearly wouldn't be too hard to find out. She could ask his dad, her dad, Sue… ask anybody. If she really wanted she would find out.
Jacob sighed and ran his hands through his hair. If he was honest with himself, he had already figured that she wouldn't show up. Not by the look he had seen in her eyes when she had turned and walked out of the diner.
She was hurt, seeing him with Leah and the baby... Hell!He could even understand that. However, they needed to talk. It was time! After all, she owed him some serious answers... and he had to tell her so much, too.
Jacob got up and grabbed his car keys, but then he stopped and reached for the shirt that hang haphazardly over one of the chairs and slipped into a pair of shoes.
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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After sulking the entire afternoon and part of the evening, Bella felt trapped and closed in. She could no longer stay indoors. She needed to get out; she needed to get some fresh air, and maybe clear her mind a little.
She got up from her bed and walked into the bathroom to at least wash her face and comb her messy hair. She looked as terrible as she felt. "Who cares anyway," she muttered, tossing her brush onto the counter. Bella slowly walked down the stairs, wondering what Charlie was doing. She knew she had him worried...again.
The house seemed quite, too quite. "Dad?" she called out. Nothing. She went into the hallway and noticed that his jacket was gone. Maybe he went to Sue's place. It was better that way. Tonight, Bella wasn't the best company. She didn't want to worry him more that it was necessary, and she also didn't want to explain where she would go at that late hour.
Putting on her warm jacket, some gloves, her old green beanie and a warm scarf, she quietly left the house. The wind was fierce and she shuddered. She just wasn't used to this cold anymore.
She stumbled down the porch, almost slipping on a frozen patch on the stair, holding herself up-right in the last moment, and noticed that she had forgotten her car keys. "Crap!" she cursed under her breath and hurried back as fast as she dared. Then she did something she rarely did; she went into the kitchen and took two cans of Charlie's beers. A little alcohol would for sure ease her anxious mind tonight...
Armed with her beer, Bella finally made her way back to the truck, welcoming the opportunity to numb her senses. She had no idea what she was doing or where she was going. She didn't care at the moment, either. Just away,she thought. She needed to get out of here and just drive, so she climbed into her truck and did just that; Mindlessly driving around without an aim or any sense of time.
At some point, Bella killed the engine, too exhausted to go on any longer. She sat for a moment, staring numbly into space. She heard the sound of waves then, and her head jerked up. "First Beach!" she shouted out, while her heart started to race and her breath came in short gasps. Of all places she could have gone, she came here?
Her fingers started to tingle. She felt a little light-headed, too, and there she realized she was steering towards one of her panic attacks. "Breathe, Bella..." she panted, trying to recall the relaxation techniques she had learned during her yoga classes in Florida. If only it were that easy, everything here reminded her of her happy times with Jake... Deliberately, she took some slow and deep breaths, trying to concentrate as much as she could.
It took her some time to get her bearings, but when she finally got her act together, she shrugged her shoulders and grabbed her beer and a flashlight that was knew was stored in the glove department. Carefully, because it was so dark here, Bella made her way down to the beach. She needed to numb this pain in her chest, even when it was senseless and stupid. Drinking never had even solved a problem before, but the soothing numbness that came with drinking really was compelling right about now.
With a sigh, Bella pulled her flash light out of her pocket and let its light help her find her way without breaking a leg. When she finally found were she wanted to go to, she sat down ...on their log! She opened the first can of beer, thinking about all the times she had been here with Jake. She huffed and gulped half the can down in one swig.
"Yuk." She shuddered from the unpleasant taste. How could Charlie drink that stuff and like it? However, the alcohol immediately warmed her from the inside and as soon as she had emptied the first can, she felt a numbing buzz of the alcohol already. It made her light-headed, but this time the feeling actually was kinda nice.
Bella opened the second can and took a couple more sips. Then she closed her eyes and dreamt of what she had lost...
Jacob.
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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"Damn, Jake! Tonight is poker night. Where the hell are you?" Embry rattled the door knob on the front door.
"Guess, he blew us off, " Quil complained. "His truck is gone, too. Looks like someone had better things to do tonight." He laughed raunchily, and elbowed Embry in the side. The next moment, he lifted the bottle of Jack he was carrying with him in a paper bag. "Embry, my brother," he exclaimed. "No way we let this liquid silk go to waste!"
"It would be a shame," Embry agreed and they decided to make their way down to the beach, following the little path leading through Jake's back yard directly down to the beach. Jake's rental house really was convenient. Quiet, hidden away for privacy, and right on the beach.
Quil cradled the bottle of Jack Daniels in his arms, laughing at the lame jokes Embry told, when almost simultaneously they both noticed a figure in the distance, slumped against a large piece of drift wood.
"Dude, this looks like a girl. Let's go and have some fun," Embry called out. "I guess this is our lucky night after all." In good spirits, they hurried forward and when they were about half way there, they came to a sudden halt, picking up a familiar scent. Surprised, they stared at each other.
"Fuck me," Quil said. "It's Bella, bro. I told you she came back."
They observed her for a moment, listening to her humming. She sure looked as if she was in dire need of some company.
"Let's go down there and see what she is up to," Embry suggested and started walking toward her in a fast pace. Suddenly stopping again, he sniffed the air and couldn't believe it. "Dude, do you smell that?" he asked Quil.
"She's drinking," they both exclaimed in unison and crossed the space with a few quick strides, smiling broadly. The night promised to be fun.
They knew she wouldn't be able to hear them approaching as the waves and the wind were too noisy. In fact, she wouldn't be able to hear them approaching in any case. Wolves were sneaky, and walking soft-footed came natural to them. When they were close enough, Quil coughed trying to get Bella's attention, but to no avail. She was too wrapped up with herself, and then they picked up something more with their excellent sight and hearing. She was sniffing quietly.
"Damn, crying girls are no fun," Quil wailed.
"Maybe she'd rather be alone?" Embry thought about turning around and giving Bella privacy.
Quil shook his head. "Are you crazy, man? It's freezing cold. We can't leave her all alone by herself and drinking..."
"Yeah, that would be irresponsible..." Embry said and grinned, figuring out that a sad girl would need a lot of comfort.
Quil deliberately stepped on a piece of driftwood lying around. It broke with an audible crack. "That should do it," he stated.
"Who's there?" Bella spun around, startled by the sudden and unwelcome interruption to her moping. Frantically, she fumbled around for her flashlight and when she found it, she switched it on, practically floodlighting the intruders.
"Bella, Bella, Cinderella," Quil called out while holding his hand up to protect his eyes. "It's us, the big bad wolves. We
might be blind wolves, though, if you flash us a little while longer..." He cracked up about his own lame joke which earned him an elbow in the rips by Embry. "Ouch."
"Hey, Bella, remember us?" both exclaimed once more in unison.
"Quil? Embry?" Bella asked, narrowing her eyes. She acknowledged the two men before her, but they looked a little bit different - bigger than she remembered. Plus they gained even more muscle mass over the last years. They looked quite handsome, too, she admitted to herself. That made her think of Jake again, and she felt another painful stab in her chest. She stood up, a little wobbly on her feet. "I'm so sorry," she said with a worried expression on her face. "I know... Tribal property and all... I shouldn't be down on Reservation land at this time... I kinda just ended up here..."
Her voice had a slight slur.
"It's okay. In case someone complains, we invited you," Embry stated and gave her the once-over. "You look different," he said appreciating and smiled broadly. "You look niiice."
"Yup, quite the woman," Quil joined in. "So, how have you been? Did you finally get rid of your bloodsucker huh? Must have gotten tired of those frostbites and freezer burns on, you know... those fine... delicate parts, huh?" He cackled again.
"Haha, you are so hilarious, Quil, Bella said dryly, feeling somewhat embarrassed. With that she gulped down the rest of her second beer.
"Why are you hiding out down here anyway?" Embry asked, pointing at the empty beach. "It's too cold for you to be here all on your own." He looked at her with concerned eyes.
"I'm perfectly fine. Thank you for asking... And I am not hiding out, I just..." What could she tell them without revealing how shitty she was feeling? "I just wanted a little private party, if you don't mind," Bella blurted out, deciding she wouldn't let them intimidate her.
"Is that so? And what exactly are you drinking?" Quil wanted to know.
"Some beer, but... sorry... no more left for you, guys," she said and tossed the empty can behind her shoulders. Her head felt a lot lighter than before. It actually was a nice feeling and exactly what she'd been hoping for.
Embry and Quil checked her out from top to bottom and looked at each other with satisfied grins. "Bella, do you mind if we keep you company for a while?" Quil asked. "We have a real fine bottle right here," Quil said while exposing his Jack Daniels.
"Aren't you too young to even buy that legally?" Bella mocked.
Embry snorted. "Bella, look at us, come on."
"Bet you can't handle it though," Quil dared.
Bella bit the insides of her cheek, eyed the guys and eyed the bottle. The offer was tempting. She needed a little more alcohol to numb that ache in her heart. "This will be perfect, guys. Have a seat," she invited them.
Quil and Embry sat down next to her, one at her left side, and one at her right side. With the two hunky Quileute settled on either left and right of her, Bella felt a lot warmer suddenly. She hadn't realized that she had been cold at all.
Quil opened the bottle and held it out for Bella.
"Sorry, lady. No glasses," Embry said with a smirk and winked at her.
"I don't care!" Bella exclaimed, while accepting the bottle from Quil. She sniffed the content and made a face, but then closed her eyes and took a big sip. The liquid burned its way down her throat, making her gasp and cough. Good, at least this stuff might burn her heart right out of her chest.
"Hey, hey," Quil hollered. "Leave some for us."
Embry slapped her on her back and asked with concern, "Are you alright?"
Bella's head started to spin a little and she felt like talking all of a sudden. "So, guys, tell me what's new down here in La Push," Bella dared to ask. She took one more drink, handing the bottle back to Quil, feeling giggles coming up within her chest. "This stuff is not half bad."
Ignoring her question, Quil winked at her. "Man, Bella, I really like you much better now since you left those fucking leeches. Finally saw the light of day, huh?" he went on.
Embry exclaimed while chocking down a huge gulp. "You smell so much better, too."
Now, Bella busted out laughing hard. Quil and Embry could not help but joining in.
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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Yes, it was time they talked this out. Jacob was determined not let her walk away from him again. "And if I have to hold her down… I swear I will," he grumbled. As he slowly walked to his truck, he tried to think of how he should start this conversation. He knew this would be very difficult for both of them.
He sniffed the air. It was a cold, clear night, and he could just imagine how she might be rolled up in her think blanket, watching one of her beloved old movies or reading her books. She always loved to read.
What had happened to them? Maybe if he had handled a couple of things differently, things would have turned out to his favor... Had he pushed her too hard? Or maybe he should have pushed her harder? She was so damn stubborn, it still enraged him. His thoughts once again travelled back to a time where he still had the hope he would be able to convince her that he was better for her than this fucking leech.
"No!" He stopped himself. These days were long gone. He had responsibilities now. But he needed to talk to her and he really wanted to see her.
Jacob jerked the key into the ignition and slowly rolled down his driveway. He didn't know what she expected him to do anyway. Hell, he felt sort of insecure, which was really a rare situation for him nowadays. Shestill knew how to make him feel inadequate.
He had never loved someone as much as he loved her. Shehad always been his weakness; he would have done anything and everything for her.
Jacob clenched his teeth and gripped the wheel so hard, his knuckles turned white. IF she really was feeling something for him, she would have contacted him and not avoid him like the plague, right? He was pitching his hopes too high all over again. God dammit! He wanted answers from her. If nothing else, he deserved closure. Maybe at least he finally would be able to sleep through the one single night without herhaunting his dreams.
He knew it was pointless. No matter what he did or whom he was with, it always came back to this one small girl, who held his heart hostage. She was ingrained in his heart and soul so deeply and so permanently. It was fucking unbelievable.
Fuck it!
"Face it, Black. You're still in love with Bella and you always will be." He wiped his eyes with the back of his hands, feeling utterly disgusted with himself.
Jake drove the familiar road into Forks, taking his time, feeling the same old pain in his chest.
As he got closer to Charlie's house, he parked his car down the road and walked the rest of the way. For some reason, he didn't want to be caught by Charlie, nor did he feel like answering any of his questions. He was lucky, though. Charlie's cruiser was gone, which was a good sign that Charlie was either at the station or at Sue's.
Jacob could hear no sounds coming from inside. There was no light on either, and the window to her room was closed. Was she sleeping already? "Well too damn bad, there is only one way to find out...and I am going to find out," he murmured and with that, he lithely climbed up the tree to her window. "Like freaking old times." He grinned sarcastically.
"Bella," he called out quietly, and rapped at her window pane. "Bella, open up." Nothing but silence. He peered through the window, hoping to catch a glimpse. He found her room empty. Where was she? Did she fall asleep on the sofa?
Jacob climbed back down, now peering through the front window. He could directly look into the Swan's living room. It was empty as well. "Fuck," he cursed. "I missed her." As he walked back to his truck debating what he should do now. "Go figure, she just knows how to ruin everything anyway," he thought sadly. He decided to drive back home, sleep a couple of hours and come back, bright and early in the morning. He wasn't about to let her slip away again, he was determined to talk this out, once and for all.
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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"I never thought you were the funny type, Swan," Quil said and leaned a little bit closer. His hand suddenly was on her knee.
"Hey, no funny business, Quil!" Bella called out and slapped his hand away. "You better be careful. I know how to defend myself!" Her voice slurred even more and the alcohol made her feel really brave and a lot stronger, too.
"Oh, really. I'd like to see you try," Quil responded. His voice dropped a notch and his hand inched a little higher on her thigh. He stuck his nose in her neck and sniffed at her.
Bella laughed again. God, she was so tipsy.
"Take your hands off her, Ateara." Embry eyed his friend with concern. He wasn't sure if Bella really wanted Quil that close, but he was damn sure that Jake would be fucking pissed, if he knew Quil was hitting on Bella Swan.
Quil ignored Embry and only laughed, when Bella shoved against his chest and tried to push him away. "So... Swan... What's that with defending yourself?"
Bella lifted her finger, calling for Quil's attention. "Let me show you!" she said. "Get up!" She rose, almost losing her balance, but caught herself before she could fall. "Grab me," she challenged Quil while shrugging out of her thick parka and gloves.
Quil didn't wait long and put his hands on her shoulders.
With a quick motion, Bella brought her arms up and pushed his hands off her shoulders. Quil was much quicker though, and his hands closed around her wrists in an instant. He spun her around, pressing her back against his chest. "Gotcha," he growled into her ear. Now that was a game a wolf really enjoyed.
Pressed against his broad chest, Bella tried to fight him off, but it was a huge difference in fighting a werewolf than in fighting her self-defense instructor. Quil held her in place so effortless, and she felt the influence of the alcohol in her head. It also slowed down her thinking and her reflexes to a minimum. Giving up wasn't in Bella's book, though. After all, she had taken those self-defense lessons for a reason...
In the next moment, Bella stomped down onto Quil's foot as hard as she could. He yelled out more in surprise than pain, but Bella used the moment to her advantage nevertheless. She slipped a leg between his legs, hooking her foot around his ankle, and let herself fall into him. Trying to catch her, he loosened his grip, and again Bella took him by surprise. She ripped her arms free and rammed her elbow into his stomach. Ouch, that hurt!
Quil let go with a shout and jumped back, staring at her in disbelief. "Damn, girl. That was hot!" He grunted and rubbed his stomach.
"I warned you..." Bella said laughing. She bobbed and weaved before him, but suddenly was stopped by a solid, warm wall. She twirled around her axis, squeaking and jumping in surprise, when she saw the large outline of a tall man looming over her. It scared the crap out of her.
Still in defense mode, her knee went up out of reflex, aiming for the man's groin, but before she was able to make contact, a hand reached out. A huge hand. A familiar hand. It closed around her knee with a firm grip. "Don't you dare," a deep, husky voice said. A voice she hadn't heard for so long and that she had missed so much.
Bella squeaked again, helplessly hopping on her other leg, trying to keep her balance. Being drunk made that really, really difficult. She knew she was going to embarrass herself big time now.
She looked up in surrender, finally meeting the eyes she had been dreaming of for so long. "Jake!"
Everything around her faded into the background, the sound of the waves, the howling laughter of Quil and Embry, even the sound of her frantically beating heart. Then he released his grip on her knee. With an awkward 'uff' she fell and landed on her ass, still staring up into those black annoyed eyes.
"What the FUCK is going on here?" Jacob shouted at his friends. "What the fuck are you doing down here?"
Quil and Embry fell into a new fit of laughter as they looked at one pissed off Jacob Black. "Bella was trying to teach us a lesson," Embry choked out, howling with laughter, wiping tears off his face.
"Man, she almost kicked you in the nuts, Jake," Quil bellowed, pointing at Bella, who was still sprawled out in the sand from her fall.
"Let me ask you for one last time," Jacob growled, which made Quil and Embry shut up and freeze. Suddenly, they looked really uncomfortable under their Alpha's gaze. Jacob asked again, "What is going on here?"
Before Quil and Embry could come up with a declaration, she decided to step in and exclaimed, rising her chin stubbornly, "I asked them to join me if you don't mind."
"And what the hell are you doing down here this late, Bella?" Jacob angrily stared at her.
"I needed to get away, okay?" Bella said defensively and got up awkwardly. "Is that so hard to understand after what I found out today? What I... what I had to witness today?" Her voice became much lower as she remembered the reasons why she came here. "I thought today seems to be a perfect time to have a little party," she slurred out a little, feeling the effect of the alcohol more clearly now.
"A party?" Jacob's gaze moved from her to Quil and Embry to the empty cans of beer and finally to the half-empty bottle of whiskey. "Unbelievable," Jacob exclaimed irritated. "And what might you be celebrating?"
"I thought I could be congratulating you." Her voice didn't sound like her own anymore. She was totally overwhelmed with the situation, and the pain in her chest almost choked her.
"Oh, shit..." either Quil or Embry whispered, but Bella ignored it.
She turned around and walked over to where the bottle was standing, lifting it to her lips. "Here's to you. May you live a long and have a happy life." She tried to take a sip, but Jake very quickly took the bottle away from her. She looked at him totally stunned. "What the hell, Jake," she called out. Dammit, she needed to forget and make the pain go away.
"No more, Bella," Jacob growled, looking deep into her eyes. "You stay right there. We need to talk."
"Leave us alone," Jake said in a deep, frightening voice towards his friends, all the while never taking his eyes off Bella. "And take that shit with you!"
Quil and Embry took off in a hurry, but not before collecting the empty beer cans and the whisky bottle. They better got out of here quickly, since their Alpha was pissed. No wolf wanted to be near him when he was like that. All the fun was gone now anyway, and it was about damn time that Jacob
got his chance to say his mind to the little leech lover.
Bella shivered, and her heart skipped a few beats. The blood pounded in her ears. Crap! Why did she come here? Could a situation be more embarrassing? Anxiously, she shifted from one foot to the other, wishing for the ground to just open and swallow her.
"You need to get out of the cold. In case you didn't notice, you're hypothermic." Jacob stepped closer to her, worriedly inspecting her. "My house is right up there," he said, nodding towards the dark outline of a house sitting atop a little hill.
Bella gasped. "You mean we were practically in your back-yard the whole time?" How much more could she possibly embarrass herself today? Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. She internally berated herself and started to retreat while holding her hands out in front of her. As if that could hold him back anyway.
"No way I'm letting you leave right now, Bella. So don't even try," he said while towering over her. "You're in no condition to drive a car," he said sternly. "Come on." He picked up her parka from the ground. In a caring gesture, he shook the sand out and held it out for her to slip in. "Where's your truck?"
"Somewhere... down there," she murmured and slipped in her parka, her entire body shaking now. Only part of it was due to the cold.
Jacob followed her gaze and discovered her truck parked at the roadside right under a 'No Parking' sign. He rolled his eyes, and wordlessly handed her the gloves. Then he took her tiny hand firmly into his huge hand and dragged her into the opposite direction from her truck, up the path that led to his house.
His heat instantly crept up from their connected hands through her body. She hadn't recognized how much she was freezing. The heat settled in her stomach. The butterflies coming with it, almost brought her down to her knees. This simple gesture was what she was longing for and had missed so much. It also felt a little strange too after so long.
They walked silently for a while, until she noticed they were indeed walking toward his house. She tugged on his arm, trying to stop him to advance any further. "We can't...we can't... go to your house... I... I don't want to interrupt your... your..." Bella said panicking.
"You're my friend and my friends are always welcome at my home," Jacob replied in a reserved voice.
"Your friend?" Bella echoed, her voice barely more than a whisper.
"Yes," Jacob confirmed, pulling her firmly forward.
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~*~o~*~o~*~
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It didn't take them long to reach his house. As he fumbled around with his keys he realized he was still irritated. He'd gone down to Forks to see her and she'd been here, in front of his door step, all the fucking time, getting drunk?
Seeing Bella so distraught, he wondered if he should start this conversation by telling her that he and Leah were not in any kind of relationship, never really were. Ever since the day Leah told him about her pregnancy he hadn't touched her anymore, he simply couldn't. Leah also re-kindled her relationship with Sam, ever since she went into heat. He would, however, always care for her and his son. If Bella could accept Yuma, nothing would stand in the way-
NO! He wouldn't be so stupid again and hand her his heart on a silver platter, just because he couldn't stand to see her sad. As long as he didn't know everything about her, he wouldn't tell her anything about him.
Bella reached out and touched his arm. "What if Leah comes home?" she asked. Her voice was shaking and she looked as if she would rather elsewhere than here.
Jacob shrugged. "Don't worry." His voice was gruff. He unlocked the front door, miffed about her reluctance, and invited her in. She looked so nervous, biting her lower lip, when she fiddled with the zipper of her parka, never taking his eyes off him. He reached out, taking the parka she handed to him, and hung it up.
He noticed that she didn't stop watching him. In fact, he could almost feel her eyes raking over his body. She was admiring him... and that was really intriguing to say the least. Focus! He needed to focus on the task that lay before him. Before he'd go even one step farther, let alone let her know anything about his life, they were going to talk about hers. She owed him some damn answers - not the other way around.
He walked into the living room, quickly removing the remote control and a worn shirt from his sofa. "Sit," he said, pointing to his worn-out leather sofa.
Bella raised an eyebrow. At Billy's, she'd simply have kicked her boots off and be done with it, but here? She felt so insecure; in fact she shouldn't be here... Not knowing what to do, she left her shoes on and followed Jake into his home, sitting down on his sofa like he told her to do. Her eyes anxiously flitted through the room, taking everything in. She nervously wrung her hands in her lap and shifted her booted feet. Her brain was a mess. How was she going to begin this conversation they needed to have?
Jacob watched her closely, sensing her discomfort very clearly. Nevertheless, it felt nice having her here... in his territory.He knew she would recognize Yuma's blanket on the table and the photo on the wall that portrayed him holding his naked son in his arms. A classic 'proud daddy' picture, a little cheesy maybe...
He cleared his throat, pulling her attention back to him. She'd have to deal with it. "I am going to get you some strong coffee," he told her. He wanted to make sure the alcohol she had consumed didn't affect her senses too much, and he wanted her to feel comfortable around him. Talking would be much easier then.
"Yes, sure," she answered and ran her hands through her hair.
Jacob went into the kitchen. He felt tense, couldn't deny he was a little anxious, too. He rolled his shoulders and kicked his boots from his feet.
Then he poured water into the coffee maker. "Bella, tell me-" he started, but was cut off when he felt her in his close proximity. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath. Her strawberry scent, a little spicy now from the Jack Daniels she consumed, filled his every pore.
Jacob turned around and there she was, again looking at him like that,standing in his kitchen, leaning against his counter, running her fingers over the rim of the coffee cup he'd used this morning... He was hard in an instant. Jacob shook his head, again reminding himself to stay focused.
Her eyes were hooded, her cheeks flushed. Her face looked so different, but yet so familiar at the same time. She had filled out so nicely. God, he wanted to explore those sexy curves that were hidden under her clothes. She was more beautiful than ever, but he also noticed that she didn't look as if life had been that easy for her. There was this constant sad shimmer in her eyes. He wanted to know about her, about her life. What had happened to her? Why did she break up with the bloodsucker and why the hell hadn't she told him?
Only the bubbling sounds of the coffee maker filled the kitchen as they looked at each other, not knowing how to begin. Bella nervously chewed on her lower lip, watching Jake impatiently tap his fingers on the counter. Finally, the coffee was ready and Jacob filled two mugs with the hot, black liquid, handing her a mug and taking one for himself.
Slowly, she sipped, loving the feel of the coffee running down her throat. The coffee had the sobering effect on Bella that Jacob wanted, but it also cleared up her head enough to be aware of the inappropriate situation she was in. She didn't belong here. It was his home. The home he most likely shared with Leah and his son. She had seen the pictures on his wall, seen the stack of diapers on a chest, and there were clothes of Leah hanging over that chair opposite her. She recognized it all, and it hurt. If she had made the right decision two and a half years ago, maybe she would be living her with him and the baby would be hers...
It wasn't wise to come here, but it was a little late for that right now. She had to live with the consequences.
Bella swallowed down her rising tears. At least, Jacob still considered her his friend, which was already more than she was hoping for. She needed to be ready for their talk to start. But she could not stop looking at him and wishing they had a real chance with each other. She felt so drawn to him; his presence fogged her mind completely. He made her feel so much right now and her heart felt so heavy.
But there was something else too, she wanted him, she wanted to touch him and be touched in all the places she had dreamt of him touching her. She felt heat rising up to her head and way down to her core; she was burning with need for him. How could she want him so badly right now?
He was not hers... She could not stop... He was not hers... She did not care. Her body's reaction to him stunned her and she was going to let go, for once in her life she wanted to let it all go. Did he feel her inner turmoil? Did he notice her desire for him?
Jacob watched her every move as she drank her coffee in steady sips. He wanted her sober. He needed her to be fully aware of this conversation they were going to have.
His wolf growled excitedly when she tipped her head back to drown the rest of her coffee, exposing her slender neck to him. Her eyes were closed, a raspy noise escaped her throat, and Jacob couldn't stop himself from stepping closer to her.
He set his mug down the same moment she put hers down. Her breath caught in her throat as she found him standing only inches away from her.
Jacob noticed how her breath became shallow and how her heart rate picked up.
"Jake," she whispered and her tongue slipped out, wetting her lips.
He groaned out loud. Fuck! She was so tempting... Answers... the talk... It must wait. He would insist on answers later. He had waited all of his life - or so it seemed - to see her look at him like that.He wasn't going to let this go.
"I missed you so much," she breathed, biting her lip, and suddenly her arms were around his waist and she pressed herself against his body.
He knew that she felt his heart beating frantically, matching her own now. Her face was buried in his chest, and he noticed she was breathing in his scent, like her life was depending on it. God, yeah. Breathe me in, Bells.
He was shaking slightly from the emotions flooding through his entire system. She felt so perfect; he never wanted to let her go again. He always knew that she belonged right there.
Time simply stood completely still. There was only them; right here and right now; nothing else even mattered in that moment. All the love and all the longing for each other completely took over them both.
She felt his strong arms come around her, first very slowly and then he embraced her fiercely, almost crushing her in his hug. She closed her eyes and wished they never had to move for the rest of their lives. This felt so right, this felt like where she belonged all along.
His scent was overwhelming, warm and earthy, making her dizzy with desire. Did he always smell that good? Slowly Bella raised her head looking at him with pleading eyes. "Jake," she whispered. She wanted him to kiss her. Hell, she wanted to kiss him, wanted to know what he tasted like. Would he taste as good as he smelled?
Bella let her instincts take over. She had been holding back for so long. She simply wanted to let herself just feel. She wanted to know what it was like to be touched in all the places she had never been touched before, and she was wanted to be touched by Jake.
Opening her eyes, Bella studied his features and gasped at what she saw. His eyes were deep black and on fire. His gaze was fierce and intense, igniting sparks, which shot right through her body like lightening spears, only to race down to the pit of her stomach, and finally settling at her core, burning with need for him. A need so strong, she never knew it could be possible.
He was captured by her eyes. He felt something was different. Bella melted into him just like he had been dreaming of for the last several years. His eyes drank in her entire face, his eyes finally halting at her full lips.
He wasn't going to think about the heartache she'd caused him. There was nothing in this whole fucking world that could stop him now from kissing her. Lowering his face down to hers, he saw such desire in her eyes, it made him forget any reason.
He had dreamt of her so often, only to wake up to the same pain in his heart. How many fucking times had he been afraid to lose his mind over her? Too many times to count. The dream always the same, she was yelling his name while he was pounding himself into her, only to wake up panting, sweating, and ejaculating into his sheets. He had had enough.
Jacob crushed his mouth to hers with fervor.
He was losing every reason he thought he possessed. He didn't care anymore. He simply must have her, and he would have her. She owed it to him. He knew they needed to talk, but what the fuck, that could wait.
Her lips opened compliantly, gasping at the pleasant feeling of his slick tongue as it entered her. He deepened the kiss even further, as if trying to swallow her up completely, as their tongues explored every corner, every bump, and every tooth in each other's mouth.
She arched into him, her arms wrapping around his shoulders, her hands clutching and gripping him tightly. Her body was no longer her own; it belonged to Jake. The fierce pull toward him left her surrendering her body and soul to him willingly. She did not know what came over her, but she wanted this...him more than life itself.
He started to caress her lower back, and then moved his hands up her arms and shoulders, leaving goose bumps in its wake. He needed to feel her flesh so badly; it bordered on desperation. Roughly and impatiently, Jacob pulled on her sweater. It had to go. Now!
Bella lifted her arms and he ripped the sweater off her, carelessly flinging it across the room. He pulled the straps of her bra down and opened the clasp with a flick of his fingers.
His eyes took her in and his mouth felt suddenly dry. She was so beautiful. Her breasts were perfect; her rosy nipples hardening right before his eyes. He cupped his hand over her firm breast gently, exploring the feel of it. He teased her hard nipple, enjoying the sweet sound escaping her throat.
Like a starving man, Jacob wrapped his arms around her once again, holding on to her in fierce need. Then his hands started to wander. He had to touch her, the need to feel her skin was overwhelming.
He explored the dip of her waist and the soft rounding of her belly. His dreams did not even come close to this - so sweet and so soft, and God he was mesmerized the way his dark hands looked on her fair skin.
Leaning down, he let his lips linger over her mouth, a second only, but it was long enough for her to look up at him pleadingly. He licked over her lips, then trailed little pecks along her chin until he reached the side of her neck, kissing the delicate skin where her pulse was beating so fast... so very fast. He lingered there for a moment, marveling over the delirious taste of her skin, before moving his lips up again, kissing and licking her neck, making his way up to her collar bone, never stopping his tender kisses and small bites.
With every flick and lick, her scent got stronger, disclosing her arousal, that was saturating the air. He could get high on her scent alone, and her erratic breathing took him to the edge of any reason.
"Bells," he growled. "I need you so much!"
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A/N: OK, we hear you! Yes, we just had to stop right there!
*snickers*.
We were debating long and hard to post the whole chapter but it was waaaaay too large. Therefore, remember, all good things come to those who can wait, and it will be good. Nic will have the pleasure of posting the next chapter and trust me, you will 'hear' her when she does post. LOL!
Thank you for reading, we appreciate and love you all!
Hugs, Nic & JB