Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A Huge Thank You to our wonderful and awesome betas JUL5857 and SueMe, we appreciate you guys very much!

CHAPTER WARNING: Extreme Angst and Drama. We would also like to remind all of you to have another read at our Preface, it is going to get lot worse before it can get better. Read with an open heart and don't judge (us, Jake, Leah or Bella) just by what you are reading.

Thank you for trusting us and reading the next phase of our tale.

P.S. I want to thank each and every one of you that responded on the last chapter. In case I didn't answer your review I'm sorry. I'm not sure if I responded to all of your reviews. I got confused when I had to go offline suddenly due to reallife matters... If you want me to answer any questions that come up with this or previous chapter(s), please send me a private message. THX Nic

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Hostage of Love

Chapter 10

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Here Comes Goodbye - Painful Decisions

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If I could have just one wish,

I would wish to wake up everyday

to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling

with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta –

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Drifting in and out of sleep, he marveled at the woman lying next to him. She was so beautiful to look at in the pale moonlight. Her skin had a faint glow; her dark, tangled hair was splayed out all over the pillow, her breathing slow and deep with a faint smile around the corner of her mouth.

He would jerk awake whenever he fell asleep. He was anxious, that strange eerie feeling still looming over him, and there was a certain nervousness that Bella might simply disappear again if he allowed himself to fall into a deep sleep.

Her reaction to him had been intense. He had been right all along, they belonged together. They were made for each other. How could she ever deny that? He touched her cheek ever so lightly, wondering what she was going to tell him in the morning when they finally had their talk. He would try to listen with an open mind; he was going to do his darndest to put aside his hurt feelings and let her finish saying whatever she had to say.

As the nagging feeling in his stomach didn't go away, Jacob was tempted to simply wake her up, but then he thought to better let her sleep, he wanted her to get her well-deserved rest and have a clear mind in the morning. He had worked her hard after all, her body must be exhausted.

He placed a light kiss on her shoulder and aligned his body flush with hers. She pressed against him, seeking his warmth, murmuring his name in her sleep. "That's right baby, come closer," he softly whispered with a content smile on his face.

Wrapped around Bella, he closed his eyes again and allowed himself to at least drift into a slight slumber, but sleep really wouldn't come. Instead his thoughts travelled through the past couple of years.

There was a lot he was proud of, so much he had accomplished. After finishing high school, he took all his Real Estate Licensing Courses mainly online but also attended several in-class instructions, until he was ready to take the exam. He had passed his state exam and remembered how proud he felt about this accomplishment to become a licensed Real Estate Broker in the state of Washington. Sitting through hours upon hours of learning the real estate laws wasn't his strongest feat, but he kept in mind that this job would feed Yuma and Leah, too, if she would be willing to take his money. Now he was successfully working for Lunsford & Associates Inc, a local real estate company.

He had only started working there a couple of months ago, but he had already closed his first few deals when Carlisle Cullen assigned his company to sell the Cullen mansion. His boss had assigned him as the Selling Agent and Jake took this account with pleasure. It took him less than 3 weeks to locate a buyer from Seattle. This young family would be living here on weekends and during the summer. The big fat commission he had received was a true pleasure in more than one way.

He was finally able to buy his truck, fully loaded and it fit him to a tee. In addition, he had put money aside for Yuma's 'college' fund. But the most pleasure he got out of the knowledge that the Cullens were gone for good. The party that followed the day when the owners of the new house signed the papers clearly was one to remember.

He also held down a part time job as a construction worker down at Makah and then, of course, there was his pack! He was working hard to be a good Alpha to them.

The months after Bella left without even contacting her parents had been hell, and he had driven his dad and his pack brothers nuts with his piss-poor attitude and violent temper. Every day seemed to be the same; he would not lighten up or let anyone get even remotely close to him.

Leah had been his savior, in more than one way. Without her he would have not lived through that one night, that fateful night, when Bells married the fucking leech. Leah had worked very hard to keep him sane ever since.

Their sexual relationship was gratifying for the both of them, but for outsiders it must have looked strange. They never really dated, never went to a restaurant for a dinner and never went to the movies. It wasn't what they wanted from each other.

He was able to express all of his frustrations; sexual or otherwise with Leah. She had welcomed it. She had welcomed all of it. His temper, his roughness, his screaming out for Bella when he came hard inside of her. Leah simply told him over and over again to let it all out.

In return, he'd been there for her when memories of Sam gave her a hard time. It had happened once in a while that she pretended to be with Sam when he fucked her. It was strange when she called out for Sam in the throes of passion, but... Oh well! It was mutual.

He had to smile a little now as he remembered one particular phrase, Leah had repeated often. "Fuck that leech lover out of your system already, Black." He had tried, oh he tried so hard. If only...

Jacob looked at 'his' sleeping Bells again and his heart swelled. He still felt so much love for this girl. "I will never let you go again," he swore under his breath. His wolf grunted in agreement.

Thinking back to Leah, he admitted that their 'booty calls' had worked for both of them while they lasted. He knew he would be in a very bad place right now if she had not encouraged him consistently to purge himself from all the anger and resentment he felt at the time. Yeah, I owe Leah so much, he thought again.

When Leah started to go into 'heat' his wolf went crazy for her. He had fucked Leah non-stop for several days and nights, even before Sam got his paws onto her.

Yuma could have been Sam's if Sam hadn't fought the urge to mate with Leah for so long. He had tried to stay away from the she-wolf, but in the end he simply couldn't ignore her "call" anymore. As a side effect of the encounter, once Sam had been with Leah, the imprint bond to Emily lessened, and for the remainder of that mating week, Jacob and Sam sort of shared Leah.

It always had been obvious to Jacob what was going on with both of them. Leah's eyes shone with love after Sam left her house. There was no point in her even trying to hide it.

Jake backed off and it was alright for him. He deeply cared about her well-being, but he was never in love with her. He knew that Sam and Leah belonged together and finally there was a real chance for both of them to make a life.

Emily left as soon as she found out what was going on. After all, nothing could really stay a secret within the pack. She didn't even try and put up a fight for Sam, saying she couldn't feel the imprint pull anymore, that she sort of fell out of love, and that she never wanted to take away Sam from her cousin in the first place. It was all to blame on the imprint 'magic'. Sam's wolf, on the other hand, didn't want to let her go that easily, but Sam - his human side - knew that he still loved Leah, that he still was in love with her. So with his wolf side and his human side battling for dominance, Sam had some struggles initially, until he finally was able to completely break his imprint to Emily.

When Leah found out that she was pregnant, she couldn't stop crying for days. At first, Jacob and Sam thought she was mad at them, but she simply was overwhelmed that she was able to get pregnant at all. She was so happy about the baby growing inside of her; it brought out a totally new side of her personality. Jacob and Sam watched her closely, and they could not believe how soft and sensitive she had become.

If there was ever any confusion about whether Sam or Jacob would be the father of Leah's unborn child, for Jacob there was never any doubt that Yuma was his son. He instinctively knew that he had impregnated Leah, he was absolutely sure that it had happened within the first couple of hours of their "mating". His wolf was stronger and more dominant than Sam's.

Jacob's cheeks flared up in embarrassment as he recalled those days, and he nuzzled his face into Bella's hair, inhaling her sweet, strawberry scent.

He remembered how he'd just not been quite his usual self - he had been more wolf than human. For his wolf, mating with Leah had been an imperative. He could not and would not even try to stop his urges. He was adamant that nothing and no one came between him and Leah's wolf. As awkward as it was for Jacob to admit that to himself… Sam didn't stand a chance, not when Jacob's wolf was involved.

Once Yuma was born, it was pretty obvious whose kid he was, because Yuma looked like his spitting image and everyone could see that he was Jacob's son alright. Of course, Jacob's father and the council had made a big deal out of Yuma's birth, knowing that Yuma being the rightful heir, their future Alpha and Chief. The celebrations went on for 7 days.

Jacob was so proud of his son, but he also simply looked at him just as his son, his beautiful son. It wasn't what neither Jacob nor Leah would ever want for their son, but neither could change anything about it. They had never truly embraced their shape shifter heritage themselves and now the Tribal Council looked at their son with the knowledge, hope and with pride that he is their next Alpha! For now, they let them be to simply raise their son.

Jacob let out a breath he'd been holding. Why wouldn't that funny feeling in his stomach go away?

Bella stirred and groggily reached behind, touching his face. "Jake?" Worry laced within her tired voice.

"Shhh, it's okay, honey. Sleep..." Jacob murmured, placing a gentle kiss on her temple.

Her breath evened out as soon as she heard his soothing voice, and soon she was back in a deep sleep. His mind left him with no peace, and his thoughts went back once more as he remembered how Sam and Leah were working on their relationship for almost a year now. Jacob remembered the times when Sam was in physical pain, but the love he felt for Leah was so much stronger, it made him pull through it and it was true love for both of them. Together they seemed to be going strong, and Jake was happy for both of them. He knew now how deep their love was for each other.

Then there was Yuma! His son. He never thought he would be capable to take care of him initially, either financially nor emotionally, but he fought so hard to provide for him. The day Yuma was born changed everything in his life. He had felt so much love for him in an instance. He would do whatever it takes to do right by him, he would always provide for whatever Yuma needed.

Jake knew that Sam loved Yuma as well, and he would be his step-father in a few months from now. He thought back on the several conversations he had with Sam, and they had reached a mutual understanding. Jake would always be Yuma's father, he would be teaching him what he needed to know to grow into a strong and good man but he also would respect Sam taking care of him as well. His son will be spoiled, and that was alright.

His thoughts traveled back to the beautiful girl in his arms. Why didn't she listen to him back then? When he told her Cullen wasn't the right choice? It would have saved both of them a lot of heartache, he thought with fervor. He loved her for so long now, and he uncertain as to how his life was supposed to continue now. He only knew that he would not be able to ever let her go again. Would she be able to accept Yuma as his son?

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.oOo.

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He finally fell into a restless sleep against all efforts to stay awake. He didn't hear the approaching car. Only when Leah opened the front door with a bang and stormed in, he woke with a startle. "Jake, are you there?" she called out, and he heard Yuma wail quietly.

"God, the whole house reeks like sex..." he heard her burst out and Jake sat up, a little dazed from his sleep.

Bella still slept soundly. She was very certainly exhausted. He didn't let her get too much sleep last night.

"Jake, get your ass out here! What the fuck do you think you're doing?" Leah hissed angrily, giving a short, sharp knock against the bedroom door.

Jacob got up hurriedly and slipped into a pair of boxers. "Stop screaming like a hell-cat," he said through the door. "What are you doing here this early in the morning anyway?" He glanced at his watch. It read only 5:10 am. What the hell?

He stepped out into the hallway, meeting an infuriated Leah. He glanced worriedly at Yuma, and noticed right away that he was not looking too happy. His face was red from wailing.

"Shit, Jake! I didn't think you'd be all over her ass AGAIN." Leah fumed with anger. Her voice echoed through the house at a pitch that hurt his ears. "Did you not learn anything at all yet? If I had known you'd..." The baby in her arms fussed and whimpered.

"Shut up, Leah" Jacob growled.

"The hell I'm not!" she snapped. "You sure have some nerves! You must need some more of her shit, is that it?" Leah was screaming now, holding the baby protectively to her chest. "Is that really it, Jacob Black?"

"Leah, just calm down. It's not what you think it is..." he explained in a low voice. "Here, let me hold Yuma. What is wrong with him? Does he not feel well?"

"I got him!" she sneered at him, her eyes shooting daggers. "It's not what I think it is? You think I'm stupid? I can smell what the hell it is!" Her eyes wandered over his body, the sneer never leaving her face. "Why don't you wash her stink off you before you touch Yuma?" she hissed. "We can't even stay in this house right now. It smells disgusting. Do you really think I will expose our son to your indiscretions?"

Jake sighed and cast his eyes toward the bedroom door. He heard Bella move in his bed, and silently prayed that she would just sleep through the argument he had with Leah.

Leah walked over to the door and, with concern laced in her voice, announced, "Yuma has not been feeling well all night. I'm taking him to the Clinic."

"I'm coming with you, Leah," Jake announced. He had promised Leah to be there for her and Yuma, and right now it seemed to be a moment where she needed him, or else she wouldn't have come here before dawn anyway. He also knew that Sam had to go into Seattle two days before on business.

"Damn" he cursed, Bella was sleeping in his bed, and they hadn't even started to talk. He rubbed his hands over his face in distress. "Leah, come on, honey. Don't freak out. It'll be fine." He wrapped his arms around her, encasing both of them and lovingly kissed his son on the forehead.

Leah flinched and wrinkled her nose, before stepping away from him.

He let his hands drop to his side. "Aw, don't be like this. I'm gonna take a shower, right now. Just sit down with Yuma. I'll be done in a few minutes."

Yuma started to cry in earnest now. His little face was flushed, those tiny hands balled up and flailing about. Leah tried to shush him. She cradled him and hummed a soft song to him. Jake watched her for a moment and felt a little relieved when Yuma reacted to her soft voice.

"Jake," Leah said once she caught his eye, displaying a worried expression on her face. "I fought too hard to keep you sane. You know how much I worry about you. It took a lot out of me, too. Do I need to remind you how long it took for you to get on with your life again? You know damn well that Yuma needs you. You better get that head of yours out of your ass, and fast."

Jacob clearly heard Bella shuffle around now, and became more anxious than he had felt in a very long time. He knew Leah would notice his panicked and worried expression when he stole a panicked look towards his bedroom, praying that Bella would find back to sleep and stay behind that door.

Leah sighed annoyed, watching his internal struggle. He knew she could read him like an open book. She knew him too well; he couldn't hide anything from her. The love he felt for Bella was right there on display on his face and in his eyes. His body, turned towards the door, straining to get to Bella, would tell her everything she needed to know. Leah had this talent to look right through him as it is.

"Oh Fuck," Leah muttered at the same time he became aware what his body language must have told her, that he would do anything to keep Bella around now. She sounded pissed, but he ignored her as his concern and worry was solely about clarifying this strange situation to Bella and soon.

He hoped that Bella would be able to understand, once they get a chance to talk things out.

But then, Yuma wailed again, pulling him right into the other direction. Yuma had to be his priority. He needed protection and his parents to take care of him. He sure was not feeling too well. Jacob had to make sure that he got to see the Pediatrician right away.

His hands flew up in his hair, tugging it hard in frustration. He understood that the nagging feeling in his stomach he'd experienced earlier had been a warning for the things to come. It was too late now. If only he had talked to Bella after their love making instead of letting her sleep, he wouldn't be in this mess.

Jacob rubbed his face. He wanted Bella to simply wait in his bedroom until he returned from the clinic. If things only were that easy. He realized that he had maneuvered himself into a precarious situation, and the realization brought his blood pressure to new heights. Shit! How could he have been so careless and naive?

Leah sat down with a huff, and brought the baby to her breast, hoping Yuma would fall asleep while feeding.

Jacob took another careful look at the bedroom door. It seemed quiet again, he couldn't hear Bella moving around anymore, only her erratic breathing was pretty damn obvious.

Quickly, he walked over to Leah and Yuma, who was falling asleep, and crouched down before them, taking one of her hands between his. "Look, Leah," he pleaded, "I know you are worried about me, but please trust me right now, I need you to just shut up for a few minutes, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can." He placed a kiss onto the top of her head, and froze when his bedroom door opened and he heard Bella's sharp intake of breath.

FUCK!

His heart pounded in his chest. No, no! Oh, please, no!He felt the panic creep up from deep within his chest. He had to diffuse the situation before it got out of hand, before Bella would read more into it then it was, but his head was empty. He noticed Leah's staring towards the bedroom door and he knew. He knew he screwed it all up, he knew this was much worse than anything else, ever!

"Bella," he said and then stammered, "It's not what you think it is..."

"It's exactly what I think it is Jacob," Bella answered monotonously, holding his bed sheet bunched up protectively before her chest. "You only said the very same to her only a couple of moments ago. It seems you suck at excuses. You should consider expanding your vocabulary..."

Jake stood up, lifting his hands in a placating gesture. "Let me explain, Bella. Please..."

"There's nothing to explain, Jake." Bella stepped through the door and stalked through the hallway on heavy legs, aiming for the front door, dressed in only her jeans, boots and the bed sheet.

"It was a mistake anyway..." Bella said, and his heart dropped to the ground.

"Yeah, that's right, Bella!" Leah hissed quietly and shot her a disgusted glance. "A fucking big mistake... You don't belong here anymore."

Bella scanned the floor with her eyes, ignoring Leah's snide remark, but Jacob saw her wince and he could see her distress.

Leah bent down and pulled something out from under the couch. "You wouldn't be looking for this, would you? Leah asked smiling.

His head started to pound like crazy now when he saw Bella's shirt and bra dangle from Leah's outstretched hand. "Leah!" he said in warning.

Bella brushed past him and snatched her clothes, mortification written all over her face. Then she stormed towards the front door and ripped it open. A gust of cold wind flooded the hallway.

"Bella, please..." Jacob crossed the space between them and grabbed her arm, trying to stop her from leaving. "I wanted to tell you..." It came out wrong. So wrong. "Please..."

"Don't touch me," Bella yelled at him and slapped his hand away. "There's no need to explain yourself, Jacob. Everything pretty much explained itself." A sob slipped past her lips as she took her parka from the peg. She rushed out the door and hurried down the driveway pulling her parka on in a hurry. She simply let the bed sheet flutter to the ground, soaking up with muddy water.

"Bella, stay!" he yelled after her, violent tremors rocking his body as he felt the familiar fury creep up in him.

"Jake," Leah said, suddenly right behind him, placing her hand on his back.

He shook her off. "Get away from me!" he grunted. It wasn't safe to be around him right now. He was vibrating with anger. Watching Bella run away from him, hearing his son scream in agony now... Everything would still be alright if Leah hadn't come. Everything had gone wrong because of her…. here at the wrong time. He felt the wolf claw his way out.

He was beside Bella in an instant, moving so fast she didn't see him coming. He wouldn't let Bella walk out of his life... not again... not without fighting for her. His chest heaved with the effort to keep his human form.

He was beyond furious. "Damn you Bells, you will not run away again. I won't let you do this again, you owe me some answers," Jacob snarled, blocking her path. "And I want them now!"

"I don't owe you anything," she spat back, shivering in the cold. "If she's okay with you fucking around behind her back... you should keep her... her and all the other women... I couldn't care less!" She slipped around him, walking farther away from him.

"Oh fuck no, don't you even go there right now. You were all over me the second you stepped into my house. So don't even try and put the blame on me alone!" Jacob roared, and reached out to stop her from running. He twirled her around, forcing her to look at him.

"For a second I hoped..." she said shakily, but then straightened and stared at him coldly. "But it was nothing more than an illusion..." She slipped out of his grasp as if she couldn't stand to be touched by him anymore.

"I don't even know who you are anymore. You are no good Jacob... Fucking around when you're having a wife and son waiting for you. I never felt as used and as dirty as I do now."

"You're one to talk!" he sneered, seething. "You didn't care last night..."

Bella had reached her car and yanked the door open. "Look, Jacob. Why don't you just leave me alone? It was a big mistake to come here... You have a life now... a baby..." She climbed in and started the motor.

"I never wanted you anyway..." was the last thing he heard, before the car roared to life and his fury completely overcame him.

"Stay here, Bella," he shouted as his fist smashed down on the roof of her car.

She screamed out, terrified, and stepped down on the accelerator as hard as she could. "Just leave me alone!"

She drove off as fast as the old truck would let her. The pain in his heart became unbearable.

He couldn't watch her drive away from him and stormed into the forest, barely able to contain his wolf from breaking free on the middle of the road. Away, just away from Bella and away from Leah...was all he could think off, finally phasing before he even reached the woods.

This is bad, this is really bad,his mind screamed at him. He couldn't even turn in the direction where he knew Bella was now driving. He felt utterly devastated.

Why didn't he talk to her, he berated himself. If things hadn't blown out of proportions.Trust him to mess this up royally.

Jacob thought of the look in her eyes, the glare she had given him, the devastation and betrayal mirroring in her brown eyes, when she saw him interacting with Leah and Yuma. It cut him straight through the heart. He felt this excruciating pain; his legs buckled underneath him, he could barely hold himself up.

What have I done? Why did I not insist,he asked himself over and over again.

He had to see Bella. He wouldn't let her do this again. They were going to talk and if he had to tie her down. With fierce determination, he ran back to his house, phased back and slipped on a pair of spare pants he always kept hidden behind the porch.

He stormed up the stairs, finding Leah staring at him by the front door.

"You," he said in a dangerously low voice, pointing his finger into her face. His anger rolled off him with every word he spoke. If she hadn't showed up at his house, he would have had the time he needed to talk things out with Bella. He had to reel in his aggression. She wasn't to blame. He had brought that upon him all by himself, but he wouldn't accept any of her accusations either. "You will not ruin this for me. I will have Bella back in my life, whether you agree with that or not!"

His eyes held hers and she understood exactly that he meant what he said. Her eyes then shifted to Yuma, who was now starting to kick and scream in agony.

"I will take both of you to the clinic now, but don't you dare say one fucking word to me right now," he spat, containing his rage only because she was holding their baby in her arms.

As soon as they were back from the hospital-Yuma had his first ear infection-he had called in sick and then ran into the forest, phasing as soon as he got into the tree lines, running as fast as he could, his powerful feet pounding the rich soil. All he could think about was that he wouldn't let her run away from him again. He had to see her and talk to her and if this would be the last thing he would do in his life.

He knew the way by heart and it took him only a few minutes to race through the forest. His heart ached. He had to find a way to calm her down and make her listen to him.

.

.oOo.

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Bella couldn't recall driving from La Push to Forks. The tears she spilled and the pain she felt seemed to be getting worse with each minute passing. She was suddenly standing right in front of her father's house. She was glad that Charlie's car wasn't there. Obviously, he was sleeping at Sue's. Good. So she wouldn't need to face him and explain where she'd spent her night.

She was so disgusted with herself. How could she let that happen? Jake was happy now, he had a family. What was she doing to him again? She had no right... no rights whatsoever to interfere with his life ever again!

Bella stepped out of her car, determined to leave this life behind her for good. What had she done? How much damage could she possibly cause in only one life-time? Disappointment coursed through her veins. Disappointment over her own selfish actions. Her greedy need for him might be costing him dearly once more. But she was also disappointed over getting to know a part of Jacob she never thought he'd possessed. Sure, she had an active part in this; in fact, she knew she'd left him with little choices. She practically threw herself at him with no regard for his current life.

She was so selfish, but she also knew she had no choice. She wanted him for so long now.

However, she also couldn't comprehend that Jake had it in him to cheat on his... wife. She never thought he'd be the kind of guy... She always thought of him as a loyal and a faithful man.

Something just felt very wrong with this whole situation, but regardless she needed to leave him alone now, she needed to stay away and let him continue with his life, with his... family.

Bella was confused, nothing made any sense at all. But regardless, she needed to leave him alone now, she needed to stay away and let him continue with his life, with his... family.

Why hadn't he stopped her advances? Why did every touch and every kiss feel like a promise to her? He had made her feel so special and truly loved. She had never felt so wonderful and so desired before. Jake had treated her like a rare and very special gift last night.

She had wanted him from the moment he put his hands on her at the beach. The pull towards him was strong and uncontrollable. She wanted him to be her first and he gave her the most wonderful and powerful experience she had ever had. She loved him so much... Why did he do that to her and his family? Why did it feel so... real?

Her thoughts were a jumbled mess as she slammed the front door closed and, blinded by her tears, ran upstairs into her old room to pack her stuff. She needed to get out of here for once and for all.

She pulled her suitcase from under the bed and started throwing her things in. It didn't take her long to yank all of her clothes out of the closet and put it away. Then, she ran into the bathroom to collect her toiletries. Only now, she recognized how sore her body actually felt. She was aching between her legs, tender and sore from all their love-making only a few hours ago. Shivering and freezing with nerves, and a hot shower suddenly sounded really inviting.

As she stripped her clothes, she could smell Jake on her body, his fluids running out of her, trickling down her thighs. She closed her eyes and could still feel his tender but possessive strokes on her skin, his soft lips and his delicious tongue all over her, licking and tasting her. She could hear his soft whispers and his passionate moans, the soreness between her legs the proof of his glorious manhood powerfully and unrestrained moving deep within her.

Despite her emotional turmoil and the unpleasant tenderness, her body started to throb and ache in desire for him again and she cursed herself for still wanting him so badly.

As she looked up, she caught her reflection in the mirror. A woman, should be glowing after having a great first time, instead she looked at her defeated self. Dark circles under red-rimmed eyes, even paler face than usual...

She was painfully aware of the fact that she'd never have him again, never see him again, nor ever feel him move inside her again. She had to go, so he could live his life and be there for his son and Leah.

She reached up, grabbing her hair, yanking it in desperation as if it was possible to rip out all the pain and despair... Her knees gave in and she fell, down to the floor where she rolled into a fetal position, trying to hold herself together. Why is this happening to me?She sobbed, wishing this incredible pain would just go away.

She finally dragged herself into the shower, flinching when the cold water hit her sore body. She couldn't move for the longest time, she just stood there, not moving a muscle while she waited for the water to warm up. She washed up, slowly and methodically - hair, neck, chest, arms, legs. She hissed when she ran her washcloth over her inner thighs and the sore place at her center.

She cried, while water and soap washed all of his scent completely from her body and carried it away through the drain. She felt like an empty shell of herself. All of her training, all of her new found self-confidence, washed right down the drain along with any hope she had ever had to be with Jake again. She had failed.

Finally, she stepped out of the shower, dried off and got dressed. When her thoughts went back to his body again, that was when she slowly comprehended that she had not only finally lost her virginity to Jacob, but that she had also done so without using any protection at all.

Bella paled and gasped. "Oh God. NO!"

.

.oOo.

.

She was throwing the last pieces of clothing into her suitcase, when she heard him outside of her house. The noise was familiar as if it was just yesterday when he visited her through her window for the first time, yet it made the tiny hairs in her neck stand on end and her stomach twist in an unpleasant way.

Jacob did not wait for permission to enter as he simply jumped up to her window and forced it open. He lithely slipped through the opening, ignoring her angry shout.

He looked deranged and stressed when his eyes locked onto her face and then at the suitcase that she had tossed onto her bed. A low warning growl rumbled from his chest as he stepped closer. "Where do you think you're going, Bella?"

"What does it look like? Home of course," Bella said, closed the suitcase and zipped it up. Her heart pounded like hell, but she tried to keep a straight face. She needed to be strong for once and do the right thing. Leaving was the best option for all involved. He deserved better, but she had once again seen to it that Jacob's life would be in shambles. She prayed that she wouldn't ruin everything he had built in his life. She could only hope it wasn't too late already and Leah would forgive him.

"The hell you will!" Jacob spat and grabbed her wrist, stopping her from yanking her suitcase from her bed. Panic rising up into his throat, he was getting desperate. He just had to try to fix whatever was fixable. "I'm not letting you go. You fucking owe me some damn answers!"

"Answers? Here's your answer. Get out of my life Jacob Black," she screamed into his face, ignoring the pain he inflicted on her wrist and the fear that suddenly bubbled up in her at the menacing look on his face. She straightened her back, drew her head back and looked him straight into his eyes. "You are a liar and a cheat! How could you? I am never coming back; you will never have to worry about seeing me again."

"Bella, stay..." he whispered, the pain in his voice evident. He took her hands into his and forced her to look at him. "Please." The desperation she saw in his eyes was simply too much for her to take. It broke her heart.

"Let me go," she hissed, staring up at him with the coldest glare she could muster. Inside, she was crumbling, dying, but she wouldn't show it. She had to go. It was the least she could do, after messing up his life in just one night. "I have a life in Florida and I can't wait to go back to it," she told him angrily and freed her hand from his grasp to take her suitcase, carrying it to her door. "Goodbye, Jacob."

With one big step he stood before her, stopping her from going any further.

There was only one way she could make him hate her now, and she was determined to do whatever she could for him to let her go. Taking a deep breath, she said, "I got what I wanted from you, Jacob, and you enjoyed it very much as well, didn't you? Now it's time to move on, and Leah is correct, I do not belong here anymore, nor do I want to stay a moment longer than I have to."

A look of utter disbelief and hurt appeared in his eyes. "No fucking way, Bella," Jacob bellowed, and the walls literally shook from the force of it. He punched the door frame, dust and splinters of wood raining down on her.

"Goodbye, Jake," she repeated.

He finally dropped his arms helplessly down to his sides; his eyes looked crazed and grief stricken as he bend down getting into her face. "If you leave now," he hissed menacingly, "I don't ever want to see you again. You are dead to me." Tears were flowing down his face and she knew he had no realization of them at all.

She felt so hollow, but it was the right thing to do.

Bella slipped through her door, not ever looking back, and left.

.

.oOo.

.

The door slammed closed and Jacob was sure that his heart would stop beating. How could he go on without her in his life?

No... not again...

Her truck roared to life. He listened to her pulling out, the gravel crunching under the weight of the tires. Why? How could she?

His wolf clawed at him, frenzied in his attempt to stop her. With a mighty roar, Jacob flung himself out of the window, phasing before he touched the ground, forcing himself to run. Run away from this house. Run away from her. Run away from everything.

He would not be able to survive it... again. He didn't want to. He was so sick and tired of his.

He ran aimlessly into the forest, not caring where he ended up. Even his wolf could barely take it anymore; he stumbled and hit the frozen floor hard, then slamming into a tree.

He simply stayed down on the cold floor, closing his eyes, and clutching his painful chest, waiting for the welcoming darkness to finally relieve the excruciating pain.

Yuma's sweet face suddenly appeared in his mind...

A/N *Shudders* This was an extremely difficult chapter to write for both Nic and I. Trust me, we, had our own share of tears… lots of tears… , so please do give us a break. The journey Jake and Bells are taking is a long one and very painful for both of them, BUT...it will pay off in the end!

Right now, it will get bad again…..real bad, until it truly can get better Please trust us, we hate inflicting pain upon our beloved Jake, just as much as all of you all like to read it. We want to thank all of our faithful readers for sticking with this story and us!

Thanks and we love all of you!

Nic & JB