Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
CHAPTER WARNING: Drama. Drama. Drama. We would also like to remind all of you to have another read at our Preface, it is going to get lot worse before it can get better. Of course, we don't justify alcohol abuse or play down how unhealthy and dangerous it is.
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Thank you for trusting us and reading the next phase of our tale.
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A Huge Thank You to our wonderful and awesome beta JUL5857. We appreciate you very much! Without you our work would be overflowing from errors.
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Hostage of Love
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Chapter 11
Rolling In The Deep
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I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything...
"Hurt", NIN
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His wolf clawed at him, frenzied in his attempt to stop her. With a mighty roar, Jacob flung himself out of the window, phasing before he touched the ground, forcing himself to run. Run away from this house. Run away from her. Run away from everything.
He would not be able to survive it... again. He didn't want to. He was so sick and tired of his life.
He ran aimlessly into the forest, not caring where he ended up. Even his wolf could barely take it anymore, he stumbled and hit the frozen floor hard, then slamming into a tree.
He simply stayed down on the cold floor, closing his eyes, and clutching his painful chest, waiting for the welcoming darkness to finally relieve the excruciating pain.
Yuma's sweet face suddenly appeared in his mind...
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~~oOo~~
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He sat in his darkened living room, the TV on, but he wasn't watching. Holding a beer in his hand, he was lost in his thoughts. He was drunk. Really drunk.
Alcohol helped him somewhat. It numbed the pain in his heart, and it helped him just a little to forget the deep loss he felt yet again in his heart. The pain over the loss of Bella... again. The hurt over how she'd left him and walked out of his life... again. She had been just as selfish as ever... again.
Some reality show was playing on television, but he could only see blurs of colorful shades and muted voices. Yeah, he didn't need to watch or listen to this kind of crap. He had his own shitty life going on and from the looks of it, it wasn't about to change in the near future. If ever.
He took another big gulp from his beer. He wouldn't need much more until he'd pass out and wake up in the morning, hung-over, and just in time to leave for work. Then he'd drag himself through the day, getting his boss pissed at him, because he would look like shit, scare and intimidate most of his clients away with his angry and aggressive attitude.
Jacob knew that his boss would jump down his throat soon enough. He had had a few 'talks' with him already, most of which never even registered in his mind. He remembered how his boss had accused him to potentially ruin his business and he already heard talk around town about his bad behavior.
Jacob knew it should concern him, that he should stop drinking and behave like an responsible adult, but he couldn't care less about what people where thinking about him right about now. The only thing that kept him from just giving up his job was Yuma.
In all of his grieve and sorrow, he still remembered that he needed to make sure he had an income coming in to help support and pay for Yuma, although he knew very well, that he'd been the world's worst dad lately. So Jacob would tell his boss that he would be trying his best and that he would get better soon enough. He would try harder to get his act together, at least at work.
He knew that Sam was there beside Leah with Yuma. He knew that Sam was trying his best to fill in for his pathetic absence from Yuma's life. He knew Sam was making sure that Yuma was well taken care of. Most of all, he knew that it bothered him deeply, but he had no will or strength left to do anything about it.
He could not even find it in him to feel sorry for anyone other than himself right now. Jacob just didn't care anymore. He was so fed up with his life that it was hard for him to just go through a normal day.
Slowly, he stood up and went into the kitchen, pulling yet another whiskey bottle out of the fridge. He drank right out of the bottle. Why bother with any cups anyway? Besides, he was sure he already used them all up and that there were no glasses or cups left. As he put the bottle down, Jacob looked around his once spotless kitchen with total disinterest and disgust. "She managed to fuck me up once again," he thought.
Dirty dishes were piled up in the sink, drained beer cans and whiskey bottles covered almost the entire surface of his counter, empty pizza boxes were carelessly stacked behind the door.
From time to time, Leah stopped by to bring him some food, but he'd only bark at her and demand that she left again. He'd leave her food untouched most of the time. Why the hell did she even bother anymore? He'd really wish she'd simply not come by anymore at all.
There was a large part of him that blamed Leah for what happened that morning. He simply could not help it. If she would have not shown up he'd be with his Bells right now. They could have been happy and have a good shot of a future together.
He felt his anger return and his eyes sting once more. With a vicious gesture, he rubbed over his burning eyes as he grabbed for his bottle of whisky, his fist punching yet another hole into the wall. Why did Leah have to show up that morning when she was sleeping in his bed? Why did Yuma have to get ill that morning? Why the fuck was Sam out of town that morning?
"Fuck, what did I ever do to deserve to be that cursed?" he berated himself in his drunken stupor.
Basically, he knew that it made no sense to blame anyone other than himself, which pissed him off even more. He knew, he should have talked with her.
Whatever! He was sick and tired of everything and everybody.
He didn't answer the phone. He didn't answer his door. His mail box would be overflowing if not for Leah or Sam or even sometimes Embry. They'd bring his mail in and put it on his desk. He'd leave it there to rot.
Most of the time they would not say anything to him, they would just leave him to wallow in his misery, and hoping with some time, he would snap out of it. But since they saw no change at all in his self-distracting behavior, he hoped their patience would run out eventually.
He'd ignore them. He would not even acknowledge them for the most part anyway, only sometimes he would simply tell them to get the fuck out of his house. Perhaps, if he would ignore them long enough, they'd finally leave him alone entirely.
Sometimes, he felt slightly guilty for ignoring his father, too. He hadn't bothered making any efforts to go see him in several weeks, but he figured someone was talking care of him anyway.
As on most weekends, by 9:00 am Jacob was already drunk, or he was still drunk from his constant all-nighters he pulled. To be honest, most of the time he couldn't even remember what day of the week it was anyway. His priority was to numb himself throughout the day just as much as through most of the nights. He didn't want to see, he didn't want to hear, he didn't want to feel anymore.
He grabbed a new can of beer, opened it and emptied it in one gulp. Sleep and forget was his only goal, or so he thought. He could not help himself but think back to his yet again worse day in his life.
He could not remember how long he had laid there. His body was stiff. Every muscle in his body ached as soon as he was moving.
He was in shock, and he was in denial, he was so very angry at himself and the world. His mind still clouded and not able to comprehend what had happened with Bella... again. "FUCK," he thought as soon as her name came into his mind.
He turned onto his back slowly, stretching his sore limbs out. His wolf had the incredible ability to heal any physical injuries fast, but this did not apply to the torturous stinging pain he felt in his heart.
"What the hell am I supposed to do now?" he thought with rising anger. "Why did I not force her to listen to me as I had planned?" With every thought, his frustrations grew bigger. His body started to tremble, his wolf demanding to tear out and run to find her. He needed to find her.
Frustrated, he got up and cursed his pounding head. He wiped his face, with his large hand, noticing the wet on it. He stood there stunned, realizing that he had been crying. "Great, just fucking great", he berated himself for the umpteenth time.
Jacob reached out from the chair he'd slumped in to find his beer, but only finding the empty can. With a curse, he got up to get himself a new one. He remembered there was an old bottle of Jack right beside his bed too, so he staggered into his bed room and bend down, grabbing it.
He simply stood there and emptied half of it until the bottle slipped out of his hands and hit the floor with a muted clonk. He passed out, the remaining Jack leaked out, adding a new stain to the soiled carpet.
Several weeks went by where Jacob fully indulged in his depression and self-pity, ignoring family and friends completely.
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~~oOo~~
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He woke up to the sound of his cell phone blaring into his oversensitive ears and groggily reached around, trying to shut it off. Then he saw the caller ID, realizing that his boss was calling him again, and once more, he let the call go to voice mail. "What the fuck does he want again?" was his only thought.
It was a dull morning, clouds hanging deep. He heard the rain drip from the roof in a steady rhythm. It was all the same to him anyway.
As he finally rolled out of bed, his head starting to throb immediately, and his stomach tightening in spasms, he realized he hadn't eaten for the at least two days. Alcohol had been the only liquid passing through his lips. He also didn't remember the last time when he had a shower. He felt weak, exhausted, and tired. To sum it up, he felt like shit.
He made his way over to the kitchen, checking his fridge if there was anything left to eat, but he found nothing, but wilted lettuce and a piece of rotten ham along with two dried-out slices of toast. He'd knew then that he needed to go grocery shopping. There wasn't even any beer left either. What day was it?
Jacob became aware that nobody had come by to nag or yell at him for several days. A week... maybe even longer... Fine with him! They could stay the hell away. He was better off without anybody anyway.
With a frustrated grunt, he slammed the fridge closed and went into the bathroom, looking for some Aspirin to calm his now pounding headache down. He took a handful and swallowed them dry.
He was sloppily brushing his teeth and putting on some deodorant. For a moment, he stared at his reflection in the mirror and if he actually would give a fuck, he would have been pretty damn disgusted at his own reflection. He hadn't shaved in forever and he noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He also seemed to have a permanent scowl on his face and worry lines etched onto his forehead.
Quickly, he turned away and headed into his bedroom, grabbing a grey, rumpled shirt and some old cut-offs, then decided to finally listen to the message his boss had left him earlier today. "Hi, Jake. You didn't show up several weeks, and I told you it was alright to take some time for yourself. But I also told you to get back in here by last Monday, and you did not bother to show or call me. Not good, not good at all. Now you listen to me, and listen good, son. You better try and get your shit together soon. You know that I always valued you as my front man, but I can't have you here in the office cranky and drunk. I am not letting you ruining my business. So listen up, I'm giving you until the end of this week, and this is it.
By Monday morning, you better show up sober and with a clear mind or I am going to have to let you go. You understand that, don't you?"
Feeling fresh anger with the current turn of events, Jacob stomped through the front door to get into his truck.
"Fuck!" he yelled out loud as he scrambled to put the key in the door to unlock it. After several attempts he finally got in and immediately slammed the gear into reverse and drove down his driveway, gravel flying all over.
First, he wanted to drive to Port Angeles, where he could grocery shop anonymously, but it would take him a lot longer to get his booze so he decided against it. Bad thing was, here everyone would know him and recognize the pathetic state he was in... Just great.
Who the hell gives a shit, I am just going in and take what I need and get the fuck out of there as fast as I can, he grumbled under his breath, convincing himself, Damn! He was realizing at the same time he was conversing with himself like a loon.
With screeching tires he came to a sudden halt in a small side street around the corner of his destination. He got out of his car and walked down the street towards the small corner shop.
He was careful to keep his head down so he wouldn't need to see and greet people he knew as he entered the shop with another unfriendly grunt, quickly picking out the essentials he needed - bread, eggs, bacon - and throwing them into his cart. He also grabbed a case of beer and a bottle Jack Daniels. The shop owner, Mrs Ateara, had long given up lecturing him about alcohol ruining his life. She'd also given up reminding him that he wasn't allowed to legally buy alcohol just yet, being only 20 and all.
She'd just pretended not to see what he had in his cart, knowing he'd get his booze elsewhere and maybe she didn't want him to drive around drunk off his ass. Jacob didn't know and he couldn't care less.
That's when his ears picked up a light squeal, a gurgling laughter, and reality crashed onto him with vengeance.
It was his son's voice coming from a row behind him. He then heard Leah's voice, too. She was laughing and making some funny noise that brought out more of Yuma's sweet baby giggle. A male voice said something to her in a light, caring tone, which made her hum contently. Yeah, so Sam was with her.
His first impulse was to spin around and hightail it. Of all the people he could possibly run into, it had to be Leah and Sam crossing his path? He wasn't in the mood to deal with them. He didn't want to be confronted with their belligerent looks and their anger, nor - and that was even worse - did he want to see the pity for him in their faces.
He left his cart in the middle of the isle and turned toward the exit, feeling irritated, trying to get the fuck out of there. He did not want to face them right now or in the near future. Now he had to drive to Port Angeles after all. He should have done that to begin with. Jacob was angry at himself for even bothering to stop here.
He made it to the exit door, when he heard Leah calling out his name. "What, Black! Now you don't even give a shit about your son anymore either?" she called after him angrily.
He stopped in his tracks, swinging around when he suddenly heard a woman say, "He's so cute. You must be so proud of your son!"
"Yes, I am." Sam answered proudly.
And that did it!
He stomped forward, clenching his teeth together and let his feet carry him toward Sam who was holding Yuma in his arms. "This is my son," he growled, and scowled at a woman fussing over Yuma, scaring the crap out of her.
A furious hiss came out of Leah as he watched the woman quickly back away. "What the hell is wrong with you, Black?" Leah snorted and took the baby from Sam's arms, placing him on her hip and putting some space between him and Yuma. God, his son had grown so much...
Leah's nose scrunched up as she eyed him from head to toe. "Gawd... You look like a damn hobo... and you stink like hell..." he heard her say with disgust lacing her voice. "When was the last time you had a shower?"
Ignoring her comment, he simply stood there, feeling more depressed by the moment. Gosh, my life is getting worse by the minute.
"I want to hold my son," he announced, his voice raspy from all the drinking, and he shifted his stance. His heart ached. He really wanted to hold his son so badly. "Please."
He suddenly felt vulnerable and very uncomfortable. His wolf, however, was protesting yet again those constant weak human emotions and he felt unsettled by the confinement once more. Jacob's human emotions started to really bother him.
"I can't believe what you are doing to yourself. You ought to be truly ashamed of yourself, Jake," Leah said, as his heart began to pound fast in his chest. She never even bothered to acknowledge his request.
"You must actually enjoy the shit-hole you have dug for yourself again. I can't figure any other way, you know." She stared him down for a moment, shaking her head back and forth slowly. "Jake, don't you know by now, she is not worth it. She was never worth it! When will you finally see the light of day, huh?" she ranted on, but he only registered her words from a distance.
He was fighting to restrain his revolting wolf now.
"Look at your sorry ass, look what you allowed her to do to you again! You have a son now, dammit!"
That hurt! But he could almost understand Leah's anger. However, he only wished she would show a little more compassion toward him. I miss talking to you too, Leah, he thought sadly. Why was she being so cruel? He wished she would just shut up and give him a damn break.
Didn't he deserve a break? He felt so hopeless and all alone in this world. That realization squeezed his heart in painful spasms.
How many times had he given her a break? When she needed help at one time in her life, he was there for her. He took her 'blows' gladly as long as it made her feel better. Damn, he dealt with her fucked up life, so why couldn't she just understand him or at least attempt to understand him when he needed it? A deep sigh escaped his chest and his eyes suddenly stung again.
Sam was observing their 'conversation' with careful eyes, casually putting soda cans and baby wipes into the cart and came to stand close by Leah's side, trying to calm her down by slowly caressing her arm and placing a soft kiss onto her head. Jacob felt like vomiting right then and there.
"Still alive and kicking, Jake?" Sam asked quietly, as Leah pulled Yuma even closer to her chest, and moved a little more forward still, maneuvering his body between him and Leah's completely.
This action brought out a menacing growl from Jacob, and his eyes changed color as his wolf became terribly enraged. His wolf pushed even closer to the surface, but Jacob kept a tight leash on him. Ah, he had always been good suppressing his wolf-side.
He was getting sick and tired of their actions and grew increasingly frustrated. Even though, Jacob knew, in his current state of mind, that now was not the time to challenge Leah or Sam.
Jacob also knew that he was in no condition to take on Sam right now. Not that he couldn't demand his submission or take care of him physically; he was the stronger wolf, regardless of what went on with him.
No, Sam would never dare take on his Alpha wolf, nor would he tolerate it. He would rip him into shreds if he only tried, but his emotional state of mind was simply too messed up. He also realized he could never risk endangering his son.
Still, their action pissed him off hugely. "You think I'm gonna harm him?" he asked in disbelief. "This is MY son and don't either one of you ever forget that."
Yeah, his son who he'd totally neglected, he admitted to himself. Not once within the last weeks had he asked or even thought about Yuma. Jacob's heart started to pound, remorse settling like a heavy weight on his shoulders.
"Now listen to you..." Leah hissed, leaning around Sam's broad shoulders. As if she'd ever needed Sam's protection. "The ever caring father, right? You didn't give a shit about him for several weeks. Why now all of a sudden?"
Jacob closed his eyes in pain, trying to calm down. "I. Just. Want. To. See. Him!" He growled, getting really impatient right now.
"Back off, Black!" Leah sneered at him.
"Not here and not in front of Yuma," Sam told her softly, while holding down Jacob's stare, clearly displaying how mad he was at him right now. Sam reached out, touching Leah lightly on her arm. "Baby, calm down. This is not going anywhere. Let's take Yuma home."
Fucker! Sam's smart-ass attitude made Jacob want to hurl yet again. However, he totally respected that Sam kept his head high and his back straight. He would have totally lost respect for him, even in his drunken stupor; he knew better not to cause a scene right now.
Jacob just hoped that Sam knew he would never be able to fill his shoes as Yuma's father. Jacob was Yuma's father whether Sam liked it or not. All he could do was support Leah and help her with Yuma until he would get his shit straightened out again. Yuma was his son and that was that.
He dared to close the distance, and even though Leah was shooting daggers at him, Jacob did not care. He simply had to get a look at his son, but what do you know. Leah was quick to hide the little guy behind Sam's back.
"I don't want him anywhere near Yuma when he's like this. He is not stable right now. God knows what could happen," she spat, talking to Sam as if Jacob wasn't standing right in front of her. "And he's still drunk off his ass. Can't you smell how disgusting he reeks?"
"Look, Jake," he heard Sam speak up again, trying to placate him. "Why don't you get cleaned up and sober, then come by our house, see Yuma and we all can talk?" They fucking live together now?
Well, talk about a fucked up situation. Jacob's wolf was irritated like hell at both of them for trying to keep him away from Yuma, but there was a small part of him that knew they were right.
Jacob just stood there, realizing that he was at a disadvantage, hung-over, unstable and smelly. Clearly not a state you wanted to make an impression on your child.
Ah, God damn! He really needed to get cleaned up. It was about time to do something about his shitty attitude. He wanted to be the father Yuma deserved. Jacob only hoped he was strong enough to get sober; he had his serious doubts at the moment.
From the corner of his eye, Jacob recognized Quil's mother, watching the three of them with a wary expression. Quil was there, too, and Jacob got upset even more when he heard Mrs. Ateara whisper to her son, "Get that friend of yours out of my store. Son of the Chief or not if he starts a fight in here I won't hesitate calling the Police."
Quil crossed the store with big strides, coming towards them. Switching glances between Leah and his friend, Jacob didn't know what to do. He really didn't want to cause a scene. He only wanted to see his baby, maybe hold him for a second.
Quil clamped his hand down on Jacob's shoulder. "Hey, Jake! How's it going?" He grinned at his friend as if nothing was going on. "Come on, man," he casually announced. "Let's get you out of here..."
"Are you kicking me out?" Jacob hissed, feeling humiliated. "You're my best friend for fuck's sake. Don't do this to me."
Quil didn't waver. "Sorry, man, but you know how it is... A wolf loses his temper easily and my mom is really worried..."
Yuma started to fuss and he heard Leah announce to get the hell out of here. She tossed him one more irritated look and spat, "You will not get to see Yuma in your condition. Get your act together once and for all if you ever want to be in your son's life!" With that she turned away and hurriedly left the store.
"I'll come and get our stuff later," Sam said to Quil, then went after Leah.
Quil's hand pressed down even harder, warning him to do anything stupid, while giving a friendly nod to a customer. "What are your plans for today, Jake?" he asked casually.
Jacob stood there and stared at his friend with sad eyes for what seemed forever, not sure what he should be doing right now, or what he wanted to do right now either.
Quil finally let go of him, seeing that he didn't move and started to pack up his groceries into a bag.
When another shopper almost ran into him with his cart, Jacob came alive again. He pulled his wallet out and took some money, shoving it into Quil's chest. "That should cover it!" he sneered and grabbed the paper bag, the beer and the whiskey bottle, running to his truck.
Getting there, he rammed his fist into it hard and flung the door open, almost ripping it out of the hinges. He took off with screeching tires.
Bella had left him. He was about to lose his job. He wasn't allowed to see his baby anymore. Could his life get any shittier? All he wanted was nothing more than go home and drown his sorrows in alcohol to forget...
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~~oOo~~
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"What the Fuck!"
Jacob yelled out as cold water dripped down his face, soaking into his sheets. He sat up with a jolt and winced, falling back onto his bed. His head was about to burst. His stomach lurched. He flung his arm over his eyes, protecting his retinas from getting fried by the bright light of the day.
With his eyes still shut, he cursed up a storm. He sensed Leah in the room. She dared to wake him? Why did she wake him? He hated to be awake. Being awake meant being aware of his fucking life.
"Get the hell out of my house!" he demanded through gritted teeth.
"Get up, Jake," Leah said, determination lacing her voice.
He grunted, and intend on ignoring her. She'd leave him alone eventually, if he'd ignore her just long enough.
"Last call, Black."
Her voice was an annoying drone in his head, and he expressed his irritation with a heartfelt "Fuck You!" He just wanted to be left alone.
She kept on talking, and then suddenly she yanked him up by his hair as far as she could. Beyond pissed he yelled out a second time. How dare she? His body started dangerously shaking now as he grabbed her wrists, in order to stop her idiotic attempts to get him to sit up. He was close to phasing... so close.
"Jake, stop right now!" he heard her speak calmly and then she did something he didn't expect.
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