Disclaimer:All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the authors. The authors are in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
A/N: Thank you guys for continued reading our story and I'm really sorry for the long wait. Things will start to develop in a different direction soon, so let's see how things will pan out. We hope you'll enjoy!
Also, thank you to JUL5857and joanne swift for taking the time, care and dedication to beta for us. You are appreciated! Thank you to all of my readers who took the time to review and leave their love and critics. I really appriciate that. I apologize for not responding to your reviews. Live is really crazy over here right now... so well... I... I... I just didn't respond. I'm sorry.
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Hostage of Love
Chapter 14
"Trying"
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On his drive home, Jacob remembered that he had promised Embry to go out with him the next day. The mere thought of it gave him the shivers, he really did not want to go. Better get it done and over with, he thought with a frown. But Em better stay the fuck away from me after tomorrow...
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~oOo~
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He slept in, but woke up all hot and bothered after having another sex dream starring Bella. So he took matters in his own hands, literally, once again before getting up.
That had helped only a little, since he needed another round of jerking off in his shower as he still was hard and horny, but he didn't feel much more relieved when he got out of the shower, either.
He was annoyed to say the least. He hadn't had a real fuck in a very long time, several months in fact, and he'd never had any other women than Leah and Bella. As much as he couldn't imagine moving on, he needed an outlet. The sex wouldn't have to mean anything. He wouldn't even need to bother with dating, if he didn't want to.
After a quick breakfast, he quickly checked on Billy, who was more than happy to see Jacob on a regular basis again, and then he lazed through the rest of the day.
When it was time to meet up with Embry and Quil, Jacob dressed in faded blue jeans and a white tee. That will have to do, damn you, Embry!
He couldn't believe he let Embry actually sucker him in to go to a bar and find a lay. You need a real fuck, he had taunted. I truly wish I could simply go on with my life and forget about her, everything would be so much easier all around.
He felt his foul mood return, but he decided quickly he better shake it off. That's all he needed to allow himself to fall back into that shitty mood and dwell on her again.
Before he had another minute to think, he heard Embry's and Quil's arrival. He was sure that there was not one single person in the entire La Push area who did not hear them arrive - the music screamed at him from a mile away. Their laughter echoed through the woods and as they came closer, he even heard their lame jokes.
With screeching tires they skirted right in front of him, dust flying everywhere. "Fuck, I can't wait for this evening to be over with, and don't you dare say a word right now, Call," Jake warned as soon as they jumped out of their car. "Damn, look at me, you morons," Jake barked at them, as he needed to dust his shirt and Jeans off.
Embry slapped him on his back. "Dude, this will be epic, is all I am saying, so calm down," he quickly said when he noticed the unnerved gleam in his brother's eye.
"Sure, sure," he responded calmer. Jacob recognized Embry and Quil's genuine excitement and anticipation to spend the evening together. It had been a very long time indeed since their last night out.
"Jake, you won't regret it. Don't you trust your oldest friends, man?" Quil grinned at him, pure mischief in his eyes.
How could he not roll his eyes at that comment? "Alright. Listen guys, I will just try to enjoy myself, but don't push me too much, is all I am saying, you hear?"
They drove to Port Angeles, using his truck as he didn't intend to drink. Quil turned up his stereo to an ear deafening level and all three of them ended up singing "Ayo Technology" by Milo. Jacob couldn't believe his ears as his brothers sang along with their screeching voices.
"She work it girl, she work the pole. She break it down, she take it low. She's fine as hell, she's about the dough, Doin' her thing right on the floor.
"And money money she's makin'. Look at the way she's shakin'. Make you wanna touch her, wanna taste her. Have you lustin' for her. Goin' crazy, face it..."
You got to be kidding me. Jacob simply had to laugh out loud. He was now convinced that these two guys were trying to kill him with their singing.
He did indeed miss the times he used to spend with these two. Maybe there was a chance that he could forget for a few hours and let loose.
Inside the club it was noisy and way too crowded for Jacob's liking, the stench of sweat and alcohol bothering his nostrils. After they took their seats in a booth close to the stage, Quil and Embry were dying to see those hot female singers, and while Jacob nursed his Coke, his mind drifted again and he wondered, what the hell he was doing here anyway. As the evening proceeded he watched his friends rock it up on the dance floor, as he constantly dodged the advances of several girls trying to get him to dance as well.
When finally this all-girl band entered the stage, Quil and Embry were so thrilled, Jacob thought they had totally forgotten that he was even there, and so was about to go to the bar. He was annoyed by their crude shouts and cat-calls, and for once he didn't want to be associated with them.
"No way, man. Where do you think you're going?" Quil reached out and gripped his arm the second he sneaked out of the booth.
"Now look at those chicks, Jake. I bet the redhead there is sporting at least a D-cup." Embry said and gestured with his hands as if he was fondling that woman's boobs.
The singer with the large boobs caught Embry staring and gesturing. She tripled closer to the edge of the stage, sang at him and shook her chest to make her boobs shimmy.
Embry was salivating.
"You're acting worse than a thirteen year old teenager, man," Jacob hissed disgustedly.
Quil swiftly nudged him into his side and pointed towards the dance floor. "Jake, what about that leggy blonde over there? She's practically eye-fucking you ever since we got here."
Jacob took a look at the woman Quil was talking about. Heavy make-up covered her face, her nails were painted in a slutty red, and her skirt was so short, her ass was practically hanging out of it. He shuddered. "No thank you, Quil. I wouldn't touch her with a ten-foot pole. Not my type alright?"
"Not your type, Jake? What the fuck? Who cares? As long as she is willing to spread her legs for you, you need to hit it, man! I told you I will take care of you, you need to get laid."
He was so annoyed by this point he was about to explode. "I don't need the two of you to set me up. I'm damn well capable of finding me my own fuck." He flipped them off and sprinted to the bar to have another Coke before heading home. So much for staying calm and trying to enjoy his evening with those two morons.
He took a seat on one open bar stool and sat down, forcing the trembling in his arms and legs to stop. He ordered a fresh Coke, while scowling into his glass when it finally stood before him.
"What's got your pants in a twist, beautiful? You sure you don't need something stronger than that Coke?" a husky female voice asked, and a slender arm invaded his private space, shoving a filled shot glass in front of him.
"I don't drink," he grumbled roughly, and shoved the drink away without looking up.
"Is that right?" the voice asked, and he finally looked up, meeting the curious gaze of the female bartender. She had her bare arms propped up on the counter top, the position bringing his attention to her cleavage that was about to spill out of the low-cut shirt she was wearing. Her hair was dyed bright red with what looked like blue highlights streaked through, colorful tattoos covered her arms, neck and cleavage - she even had a tiny, intricate design tattooed on her left temple.
"Pity," she said and tossed the drink down her throat, before preparing drinks for some of her other waiting customers. Jacob focused back to his Coke, but couldn't stop casting a glance at her now and then. She was energetic as she bustled about, and she clearly didn't take shit from anyone. Several times she was hit on by men, but she brushed them of with a hard look or a snarly comment, and suddenly Jacob found himself intrigued with her.
Maybe she was the lay he was looking for. As soon as this thought entered his mind, he grew hard.
The next time she looked at him, he let his eyes wander over her body blatantly, and he shifted a little, adjusting himself not too discreetly.
She licked her lips, and put a little more sway in her steps while continuing serving her drinks. Finally, she came back to where he stood. "Actually...when I said you needed something stronger, I had something different in mind," she whispered into his ear while her tongue took a bold lick of his earlobe.
She brushed a strand of her hair out of her face. Her body language revealed that she definitely seemed interested, willing and hot enough.
He almost laughed at her comment, little did she know. He still was aggressive and in a foul mood. This combined with his horniness was a dangerous combination. She would be in for one hell of a ride. [...]
He would not even try to hold back. He sensed that she would be able to take him easily enough. Yes, it might be worth it. He couldn't stand this pressure anymore as it was.
Jacob leaned in. His hot breath grazed her neck when he spoke, "The question is," he raised an eyebrow, "Can you handle me?" He watched her lick her lips in slow motion. [...]
"Listen..." she purred, and ran a finger over his forearm. "What's your name, beautiful?"
"Jay," he offered.
"Listen, Jay." She pointed toward several waiting customers. "I need to get those guys their drinks. Don't even move a muscle, darling."
[...] "When do you get off?" he asked roughly.
"Not before the morning, but I'll take my break now. See that door over there? Meet me there in about five minutes." She turned around and walked over to the other bartender, exchanging a few words with her.
Slowly he got up from his bar stool and headed toward the corner of the bar she had directed him to go.
[…scene taken out…]
Without another word he returned to the bar. She had actually disgusted him, but most of all he was disgusted with himself. With one large gulp he emptied his Coke and turned to seek Em and Quil out.
He needed to get the fuck out of there.
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~oOo~
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As the weeks went by, his days always followed the same routine.
He'd go to work, go on his patrols and take care of pack business. He'd visit his dad, drive him to his doctor's appointments, occasionally clean the house for him or even cook him a meal. He'd be at Leah and Sam's several times a week to play with Yuma. Every other weekend, he'd have Yuma to stay over.
The weekends he had to himself he'd busy himself with work or patrolling. Now and then, he'd go out with Quil and Embry just to do them the favor, but he never looked for any girls anymore when he was out with them. He kept his 'episodes' to himself.
Lately, he had taken to running. It seemed a great outlet for his restlessness and after hours of running his body finally seemed exhausted enough so he would find some restless sleep for a couple of hours. The dreams, however, were always the same.
He knew he wore himself down, physically and emotionally. The excessive running and sleep deprivation eventually took a toll on him. Even though his body was more muscular then ever, his reflexes sharper then a razor blade, he looked and felt exhausted. He also was not eating well or even enough. He was not supplying himself with enough calories to sustain such a rigorous exercise routine, doubled with lack of sleep. He was abusing his own body. His features changed; his face looked haggard and his complexion looked grey. The circles under his eyes never seemed to fade as he pushed himself harder and harder.
He widened the radius of his patrols. While he didn't allow the pack to run past the perimeter outside of La Push and Forks, he'd cover an area that stretched into the borders of Canada and beyond.
If the physical pressure got too much and he needed to release the sexual tension he knew what to do and there was no shortage of willing women.
Somehow, there had to be a way to forget about her. He only had to try hard enough, and then he would eventually feel better. Or so he always hoped.
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~oOo~
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Before dawn broke, Jacob woke up to Yuma spread across his bed.
Jacob woke up a little bit more, blinking when a few stray rays of sunlight started to flicker over his face. He felt Yuma's tender weight on his chest. His little boy looked so content and peaceful. He smiled down at him gently.
The change in Yuma's breathing pattern told him, his baby was about to wake up. He watched his little boy move his fingers and clench his hands, before stretching his arms and legs. Then, Yuma squirmed, made the sweetest squealing noise and started to smack his lips. Opening his dark brown eyes, Yuma's head shot up. Their eyes locked.
"Dada," Yuma said, smiling all over his face and showing off his tiny teeth.
"Yeah, champ. Sleep well?" Jacob rasped, overwhelmed by Yuma's sunny greeting. And had the kid really called him Daddy? He got a little tight around his chest.
After some minutes of cuddling and playing with Yuma, he got up to get himself and Yuma ready for the day. He planned on spending it at the beach, and he wanted to visit his dad and show his son to Rachel, who had graduated from college and had returned to La Push a few days ago.
They had breakfast - Yuma had finally discovered that food was a great thing - and then Jacob brought his son to the beach right behind his house. It was always quiet there. The pack knew to leave him alone. It was one part of the beach he had all to himself. Tourists weren't allowed there, either, as this was private property of the rez.
He built a sandcastle for his son, whereas Yuma had more fun crawling through the sand and destroying what Jacob built, but it was a lot of fun for them anyway. Around noon, Yuma got tired and after the little man had his fill of tiny sandwiches, apples and cucumbers, he fell asleep on Jacob's knees.
As soon as Jacob stepped through the door of his father's house, he put on his happy face, even when he didn't feel like it He was surprised to see that Rachel had finally come down to LaPush for a weekend visit. It's been a very long time since she last showed up. He gave his sister a big hug and slapped his father on the back before dropping Yuma in his father's lap.
"Oh, my God! Look at you, Jake. You're huge. Rachel squealed. "And that must be my little nephew...Aren't you the cutest thing ever?" She dropped beside Billy's wheelchair and began joking with Yuma.
Only a couple of minutes later it was clear that Rachel had fallen in love with Yuma. However, Jacob caught her glancing back and forth between him and his son all the time.
Rachel eventually couldn't hide her curiosity anymore. "Are you okay, Jake? Dad told me you didn't take it very well when Leah broke up with you..." "
Jacob rolled his eyes. At least, nobody outside of the pack knew about his encounter with Bella Swan and Jacob intended to keep it that way. He shrugged and played it down. "Well...you know how it is...first love and all..."
Rachel took Yuma in her arms and tickled him. Yuma giggled.
"And," Rachel asked without really looking at him. "Are you over her now? Did you find yourself a new girlfriend? Going steady with someone?"
Jacob laughed. It came out a little forced. He knew that Billy saw right through him, but Rachel didn't recognize it. "Nope, sis. Yuma is all I need right now."
"I've heard that you've been drinking for quite a while," she stated then.
"Sorry, sis, but you hightailed it first chance you got. I don't know where this concerns you," he spat angrily.
"Jacob," Billy warned and rolled closer, touching Jacob's arm slightly. "I don't want you to start a fight."
"I don't know what makes her think she can come here and nose about." Jacob felt his control slowly slip away. Only Yuma stopped him from getting loud and storm out of the house.
"You're my brother, Jake. I'm just concerned about you. That's all," Rachel said with a frown.
He narrowed his eyes. "You weren't too concerned when you left with Becca five years ago. You weren't too concerned leaving a thirteen year old to fend for himself and his sick father!" He was vibrating with anger.
"I had a scholarship, Jake! It would have been stupid to turn it down..." Rachel defended herself, and Jacob knew she actually was right. However, it didn't diminish his innermost feeling that everyone he cared about was only ever leaving him.
He rubbed his eyes tiredly and nodded, before taking Yuma from her and sitting down on the worn out sofa. "Yeah, yeah...whatever," he mumbled and buried his face in the crook of Yuma's neck, deeply inhaling his son's sweet, comforting scent.
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~oOo~
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When Jacob dropped Yuma back off at home, Leah once again noticed the dark circles under Jake's eyes. She tried to talk to him, but he gave her a tight smile and said he was okay. Leah didn't buy it. She knew him too well.
He truly had turned out to be such a caring and loving father to Yuma. She fully trusted him now to take care of their son.
Regardless of that, Jacob couldn't hide his pain from her. Leah knew he was trying to move on, but it was evident that he miserably failed in his attempt to do so. She knew he had gone out more than a few times within the last several weeks, but he would never reveal to anyone where he was going. This bothered her to no end.
Leah contemplated on more than one occasion to simply follow him, but Sam stopped her every time. Leah knew Sam was right when he had told her to stay out of Jacob's affairs, but she couldn't stop worrying about him.
Jacob exuded an aura of darkness and hopelessness that frightened her. Seeing him like this was even worse than his drinking binges months before. It all seemed to have started when Embry and Quil had taken him out. From that day on, Jacob seemed to disappear on his own regularly and refused to tell anyone where he was going.
She had cornered both of their brothers, demanding what the fuck went on that first night but both had sworn up and down that Jake had a great time and that he got to fuck some chick. Both had also vehemently denied that neither one of them knew where Jake spent his secret nights at.
She was not buying that Jake had enjoyed himself, then or now, if anything he seemed to be beating himself up - more so than ever before.
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~oOo~
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...He closed his eyes as the blond woman moved above him. [...]
His body only temporarily relaxed, after his semi-regular fucks, but his state of mind was not in a very healthy place. He had hoped that finding willing girls and getting his much needed physical release his body seemed to be needing so badly would help him forget, or at least lessen his dreams. No such luck, she was still haunting him in all of his dreams.
He wasn't enjoying those fucks, nor was he enjoying any of the willing participants. He could have had any of these girls if he cared to, but he could not even stand to think about such a possibility. Hell no!
There was only one girl he really wanted and needed, but he could not have her.
His frustration instantly at its peak again, caused his head to throb like a bitch.
"Fuck".
Carelessly, he shoved the sheet aside and got up to dress. The blonde was still laying there with a hopeful expression on her face that he might stay a little longer this time. He really did not care. In fact, he'd spent too many times with her already. He was so done fucking her. He didn't want to plant the slightest illusions in her head or in any of the other girls' heads, he fucked regularly.
...Lately, he had a hard time enjoying sex at all. The short moment when he let go didn't give him satisfaction anymore. Only a few moments of peace of mind and soothing numbness he was granted and then, he needed to move and leave feeling all cold inside, unsatisfied, and lonely...
He would drive further and further away from LaPush in the hope to find some kind of absolution, in the hope that maybe he would cross paths with someone he could care about, but he never did. Only very temporarily his body felt a little more relaxed, but his conscience always felt like shit. He knew it was all useless.
...Sometimes, when his fantasies became too vivid, he forgot that he was in bed with another woman. Sometimes, he came, calling out her name.
"Bella..."
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The only joy he had left was Yuma. He was trying so hard to be there for his son and to provide for him in an appropriate way. But he also realized that Sam played an important role in Yuma's life, after all, he was there for him day and night. He knew Yuma loved Sam a lot.
He felt his whole life slipping by him, and he could do nothing to stop it.
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~oOo~
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Leah was standing by Jacob's front door, Yuma sitting on her hip and his large diaper bag hung over her shoulder. She was about to knock, when she suddenly heard him cuss. It came from the woods in the back of his house. She stopped in her tracks, listening intently, and finally decided to walk around the house to see what the hell he was up to now.
What she saw worried and angered her all the same. Jacob was chopping down a huge tree with an ax with unrestrained force, all the while cursing... Bella? His muscles were straining. His skin was glistening from perspiration. He looked worse then ever. She hadn't seen him without his shirt in a while and what she saw shocked her. He looked bad, real bad. His body, while still strong and muscular, seemed somehow more pronounced, thinner and sort of...scrawny? How could that be? What was he doing to himself?
She feared he was destroying his body and soul, slowly but surely. And there she thought he was getting better. He had promised her, not too long ago, that he was getting much better. Only the other day, she tried to get some information out of him, when she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. He had assured her right away and told her he was just working too much lately.
He had been lying to her the whole time. It was now clear as day to her that he looked like a destroyed man, a man who did not care anymore, but she'd been too blind to recognize it in her hope he was making progress.
"Jake?" she called, but he didn't hear her. So she called again.
He turned around and looked at her. His eyes were bloodshot.
As soon as he recognized her with Yuma he quickly acted all normal. "Hey, Leah. You're here already? Hey, buddy. How you doing today?" He took Yuma and tickled him until he laughed.
But it was too late, she saw with her own eyes that he had been bullshitting her the whole time. Better, my ass, she thought and so she proceeded to action. He was going to answer to her now.
"Jake. You and I... We're going to talk. Now," she belted out.
"What's wrong Leah? Is Yuma alright? Wait, I'll be right with you guys. Let me just finish getting some firewood."
"Stop, Jacob Black. Just stop. Let's go, I have some things to say to you." She whipped around and stormed into the house.
Reluctant, Jacob followed her into the house. He felt a little embarrassed as well that Leah saw him that way. He could only hope that she did not hear him cussing like a sailor, she had their son with her after all.
As soon as he entered the house Leah whipped around and gave him a look that would have put most people running for dear life. But it did not bother him in the least.
He turned his back to her, looking for Yuma. She had placed him into his bed. Guess he was tired, my little boy, Jacob thought.
He had no choice then to turn back to Leah, his face getting hard once more.
"It's her isn't it, Black?" Leah announced as soon as she had his attention.
Jake looked at Leah, anger and frustration reflecting on his face. "So what? It's none of your business, Leah. Stay out of it."
Jacob had turned away from her, only to turn around slowly and looking straight into Leah's eyes. "I try every single moment of every single day to forget her, alright? You have no idea what I go through, how hard it is to always pretend that I am over her, you hear? I am NOT over her. I am trying so hard to deal with this and nothing has worked yet, she is always right - THERE," he shouted as he stabbed his finger to his heart. "So now you know the truth, you can leave me the hell alone and do yourself a favor, save the pity for someone else," he demanded.
Leah was shocked at his open submission, she did not even know what to say to him right now. Her heart ached for him.
"Okay, Jake..." she said hesitantly. "Are you alright to keep Yuma this afternoon? I have some errands to run. I'll be back in a few hours." She knew that he needed some time to calm down now, and Yuma would help him do just that.
Damn! He can't get Swan out of his mind, no matter what. Leah's thoughts were running wild while she drove home. She had had this suspicion for a while now, but did not dare to even mention it to Sam yet. She seems to be permanently burned into his heart and mind.
Damn, if I wouldn't know better I'd think he imprinted on her. What to do now? If I only knew how to make it better for him. She needed to talk to Sam...soon.
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~oOo~
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Bella hesitantly put the phone to her ear. "Hello"? "Hey," a female voice at the other end of the line said, causing Bella to instantly feel dizzy as she felt her blood draining from her head. She knew that voice all too well.
"It's Leah. I think we need to talk!"
Her head started to pound. Her heart beat fast. She felt tight in her chest. Suddenly, she seemed to have difficulty breathing. This couldn't be happening now, Bella thought. She had worked too hard to forget, too hard to get her mind straight again. She couldn't allow herself to feel weak and nervous only because she heard Leah's voice over the phone.
She very vividly remembered the morning Leah had waltzed into the house, claiming her stake at Jake. She remembered the humiliation she'd felt standing half-naked in front of Jake's wife or girlfriend. She knew she'd made a huge mistake sleeping with Jake, but she clearly didn't need Leah to harp on it once again.
"Leah, I really don't think this is necessary, I can't imagine what could be that important," she said coldly and wrapped her robe around her more tightly. Then, her heart just stopped for a moment as she thought of something that might be a reason for Leah to call her on her cell in the middle of the night.
"OMG, has something happened to Jake?" she asked with panic lacing her voice. Fear crept up her spine as small beads of cold sweat started to form on her face.
"Bella, calm down. Jake is fine. Well, kind off anyway... I can't take it anymore, he is killing me."
"What? I don't think this is my business, Leah!" Bella stuttered totally confused now. Was Leah honestly calling her to seek advice on relationship problems?
"Look, I know this is awkward, but there has been a huge misunderstanding... and I also owe you an apology."
"An apology, Leah? For what exactly? I don't want to interfere with your relationship any longer, so I really don't get your call right now," Bella responded and sank down on her bed. Her knees were shaking so bad she feared they might give out under her.
"I thought you were happy that I'm finally out of the picture here. I only ever wanted Jake to be happy. I'm really sorry for what we have done to you." She bit down on her lip, fighting away the tears. She hated that Leah brought back all those memories she was trying so hard to forget.
"Bella, that's exactly it! Jacob and I were never together," Leah said. "I'm with Sam, you hear me...not Jacob. Jacob is a mess. He's been a mess from the moment you ran off again."
"Wait a minute...What? You're not with Jake? But...but how is this possible? You have a baby together and you came over and I thought...I thought..."
Bella's head throbbed and her heart was beating like a hammer in her chest. She closed her eyes, and then she remembered as clear as if she was still standing in his kitchen...
She felt his strong arms come around her, first very slowly and then he embraced her fiercely, almost crushing her in his hug. She closed her eyes and wished they never had to move for the rest of their lives. This felt so right, this felt like where she belonged all along.
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~oOo~
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Please read this A/N: One of my favorite writers, Pooks79, let us know yesterday that her FF account has been closed without they gave her a warning nor a reason. Seems that FF is on a hunt for M rated fics and removing them. If you want to follow Pooks79 and her stories, come over to jacobblack-n-pack(dot)ning(dot)com (just remove the parenthese and replace the dots with periods. That is where you find me as well. Please note that the signup for that site is only for adults 18 and older. And you should put a name to the question as who referred you to JBNP, alright? It makes it easier for us admins to approve your membership. THX!
As for my stories... I'm too busy right now so I'm not going to upload all chapters again only to remove the lemons. So in case I'll get suspended or deleted, you know where to find me.