Leeloo-Chan: So close to finishing now, I'm excited! There is a little more of an obstacle but then I'm hoping to bask in Amuto Galore, I already have the confession scene in my head and it makes me squeal like the little fangirl I am. ^^ I hope you enjoy this chapter. ^^
Room mates, chapter 13.
Amu's Pov.
Groaning I grimaced at the pale mornings light streaking its way through my bedroom window and turned my back to it. Thanks to my little revelation last night I had managed no sleep at all, and by the sounds of it neither had Ikuto. He must think I'm stupid I could hear him shuffling around outside my door, even into the late hours. I almost went out to shout at him but then blushing at the realisation I had come to understand that I only knew it was him because I had become so attuned to him.
Figuring that now would be a reasonable time to send my plea for help I punched in the numbers to my already pre-typed text and hit sent. I felt nauseous just imagining Utau's response and a part of me was honestly regretting needing there help, at least if I could have handled this on my own I would have been spared the; I told you so's and sly winks.
I barely had time to contemplate if it was worth getting dressed before my bedroom door flung open with the force of a battering ram slamming hard into the plastered wall. Rima and Utau stood in front of me panting; smug smiles plastered to there all knowing faces. But more surprising was the shocked figure of Ikuto stood mere feet from my door.
Utau looked from my obviously crimson face to her brothers and smiled again.
"Oh it's like Christmas…"She muttered excitedly before taking a sharp elbow to the ribs from Rima.
"Ikuto what, um what are you doing here?"I hated my stutter and the fact that I couldn't meet his eyes when we spoke, but mostly I hated the fact that he had such a hold on me. I was terrified.
"I came to check in on you, you were sick last night and I wanted to make sure you were okay, I didn't realise you were busy, sorry."His normally confident composure had cracked an obvious result of last night, and I could only hope that he believed me when I said he hadn't upset me.
Without thinking I had unconsciously edged my way closer to him, his azure eyes looked up and bore into mine as a shiver ran down my spine.
"You look a little better today, still pink though."He ruffled my hair affectionately as a genuine smile lit his mouth. I grinned like a fool in response, more than happy that he was back to his usual teasing self. His hand lingered on the top of my head and I fought the urge with all my might to snuggle against it, but giving in a little to my new addiction wouldn't hurt too much…
"I'm always pink around you; I think it's all the teasing."I giggled taking his hand into mine and breathing in deeply before I had to let him go. He looked shocked by my casualness and inside it hurt, not that it was his fault, not at all. But if he was shocked by my touch what would he do when I confessed.
Listen to me, when I confess? I'd have to be a masochist to confess to someone like him. My thoughts felt jumbled and before I could control myself a sad smile swept my face, I knew he would see it. This is Ikuto for better or worse he see's everything.
"Amu are you okay?"He questioned, an overwhelming amount of concern in his voice causing my heart to skip a beat. I knew that it was unfair to treat him like this; he wasn't stupid in fact he was quite the opposite. He knew that there was something I wouldn't, or couldn't tell him but what were my other options?
"I'm fine Ikuto, just still feeling a little under the weather. I'll talk to you later, okay?"I gave him my best positive smile and of course he saw through it, he shrugged his shoulders and smirked.
"Okay I'll come check up on you later if you want?" his gravelly voice made my breathing hitch and I was fairly sure my face was alight! Did I want him to come see me, of course! But was it the smart idea? Maybe not! I inwardly sighed at how complicated my life had gotten but decided that my best course of action would be to follow my heart.
"If you wouldn't mind, I'd love that!"I beamed at him a little brighter than he expected and he laughed deeply.
"I'll be back later then, have fun."Before leaving my room he shot me a sly smirk and I felt my heart skip, if I didn't like him then I should probably get to a doctor pretty fast because there must be something severely wrong with me.
I closed the door behind me leaning against it for support; I'd almost forgotten I wasn't alone until I felt something mob me.
"That was amazing; I've never seen so much love! It made me blush!"Utau squealed jumping up and down next to me, I somehow managed to remove her from my body and sighed heavily collapsing onto the bed.
"You make it sound like a good thing Utau!"I practically growled cutting the bouncing blondes glee short. Rima took her side next to me on the bed and began stroking my hair and Utau moved to the foot of the bed shaking her head.
"Poor Amu-Chan is confused; you need to get it out of your system love. Tell us everything." Rima spoke sweetly as her fingers soothed my tethered nerves, I looked to Utau and she nodded her agreement frantically and so I started at the beginning and poured out my soul.
"Last night I went to talk to him and something had changed, I wanted him to kiss me…badly. I've never wanted someone as much as I do him; I think there is something wrong with me. He smells amazing and his voice makes me shiver, when he teases me I should hate him but secretly it makes me want him more. I don't know what to do; when I first felt odd about him I put it down to being lonely but now? Do you think I like him? Is that how this feels?" I pushed my face into my hands wracked with frustration, the room had remained silent since I had finished my rant and growing impatient I glanced at my friends to see what the hold-up was only to find them gaping at me.
"What, Wh-at are you both staring at?" I felt so self-conscious, here I was baring my soul to them and they didn't even have the good grace to close their mouths. Rima was the first to break the silence as she smiled uncertainly at me.
"Amu do you honestly deep down not know how you feel?"Rima very rarely reacted patiently and so her tone of voice alerted me to missing something obvious, I just couldn't quite put my finger on it.
"You're in love with him Amu, you always have been and I hope you always will."Utau blurted out gaining another quick blow to the ribs via Rima's pointy elbow.
"You idiot, what happened to letting her find out on her own!"Rima spat at Utau and Utau glared back in response fiercely.
But my body had gone into melt down, I was struggling to breath and my face was burning.
In love? How could I be in love? Could I be in love? My thoughts repeated themselves as I re-called every second of time I had spent in Ikuto's company. Oh God, oh God.I've never really been in love before, I cared for Tadase greatly and we lived together for three years but I always told myself I had the time to fall in love with him when I wanted to. I couldn't possibly just fall in love with Ikuto, not without properly thinking about it first, right?
I grimaced inwardly, what other explanation could there be. I focused on an image of him last night still fresh in my mind he looked perfect, I reflected on the softness of his darkening blue hair, the endless emotion of his azure eyes and the lust I felt that lingered around his lips. It was so obvious, my feelings had been secured the first time we had met and everything since had only served to expand my ability to love him.
I felt nauseous and dizzy all at once, I had been careful my entire life but as my mother always said there are some things you just can't protect yourself from and Ikuto had obviously become one of them. I swayed in my seat seeing dots, feeling weak and looked between Utau and Rima with blinking eyes. Before I felt the darkness consume me I heard Rima call my name and then there was nothing but comfortable numbness.
I awoke to uncomfortably cold fingertips and flinched away mumbling, in my semi-conscious state I could make out the mumbled wittering's of my friends.
"I told you to be gentle, you made her sick Utau! What's wrong with you, you don't just go and break something that emotionally big to a girl like Amu!"Rima's reprimanding tone sounded like ice and I was honestly a little glad that she wasn't mad at me.
"How was I supposed to know? Doc please, please don't tell Ikuto he will kill me!" I had never heard Utau sound so desperate and her pleas were met by an unfamiliar deep chuckle.
"Tell me what…"His voice came from further away and I could tell without even thinking, without seeing that it was Ikuto and he sounded furious.
"Oh jeez! I'm out of here."Rima sighed under her breath, the bed creaked next to me and I assumed she left the room before the siblings began their rant.
"Ikuto… Amu's not feeling well but I called our doctor and she's going to be just fine lover boy so don't worry your pretty little head off. No need to go crazy on me now!" Utau's voice seemed to lose confidence the longer she spoke and in the end she drifted to silence.
"I can tell you're not in the talking mood so I'll go wait in your room until you're ready to talk."She sighed leaving my side muttering something about Ikuto not being her father and how she was sick of dancing round subjects and keeping secrets.
I heard the door slam and assumed gratefully that the drama was over for one day.
"Explain everything please, if you wouldn't mind."Ikuto's tone was one that I had never until now heard of, it was cold, commanding and business like.
"She's fine sir, a little run down with one hell of a fever. But if she takes this medicine and keeps cool she will be fine by tomorrow."The doctor sounded tense, but then again being spoken to like that was bound to have its effects.
"Very well, thank you so much for your time. Charge the costs to my tab and you may be excused."His cold tone rang out through my small room and I could only assume that the hasty shuffles belonged to the retiring doctor.
The weight on my bed shifted and I was uncomfortably aware of how close he was, he began running his fingers through my knotted hair and placed his spare hand gently against the warmth of my face tutting.
"What am I going to do with you; you have no idea how worried you make me."He sighed sounding more than a little frustrated and in a moment of weakness when he went to move his hand I stopped him holding him to my face, a part of me desperately wanting him to stay.
"A-mu? Are you awake?"He stroked my face softly making me shudder but I was still too cowardly to open my eyes, instead I settled for squeezing his hand lightly and was met by a relieved laugh.
"A part of me knew you were awake, you're a terrible actress how do you feel?"His usual tone warmed me and I could hear the concern in his voice, but I couldn't exactly be honest with him. Oh Hey Ikuto I feel great because you're here and I'm in love with you? Yeah somehow I couldn't see that working.
"I feel fine now."I smiled at him eyes still shut tight like the coward I am.
"That's only because I'm here right?"I could hear the smirk in his voice and yet I couldn't stop myself from flinching at how well he knew me.
"Amu are you okay, what's wrong?"He pressed his hand a little harder to my face as if willing me to answer him and I smiled,
"You just know me so well." He had fallen silent and the suspense was killing me, a braveness I didn't think I possessed willed me to open my eyes. I fluttered my eyelids open slowly peeking at the stunned man above me.
Looking at him only re-affirmed my feelings, even in the dark he was beautiful and I was stupid, a strange sadness swept over me, a feeling I had never really felt before. I was miserable it hurt that I would never be good enough for him but how could I tell him that? It wasn't his problem it was mine. I turned on my side frustrated as tears streaked down my face.
"Amu, tell me what's wrong are you hurt?"His tone only served to increase my guilt, he was perfect, too perfect and it was frustrating. A part of me wanted to hate him for making me feel this way but the dominant half just wanted to love him all the more. Unable to keep my feelings locked inside for any longer I divulged.
"It just hurts so much, to want something so bad and know that it can't be yours." Greif shook me as I realised the truth of my sudden statement and the tears I had held back where set loose. A stunned Ikuto did his best to comfort me stroking my back soothingly but all it did was reiterate how much he wasn't mine making me want him more.
"Tell me what you want, I'll do anything! I hate seeing you like this Amu." His voice seemed pleading; desperately he reached for me as I shrugged him away.
"There is nothing you can do. I want to be alone okay?"My voice quavered and at first I was worried Ikuto wouldn't leave, but as usual he listened and complied with my every desire and left. It was there in the shadows of my now frigid room that I allowed my emotions to finally over whelm me. I cried and sobbed for hours until there was nothing left in me but exhaustion and it was only then that I found solace in a dreamless sleep.
Ikuto's Pov.
She was crying, her heart breaking and I was useless. I made a promise to take care of her, protect her and failed. I was furious that much was clear, angry at myself, frustrated with my futility but what good was that to her now.
I stormed my way towards my bedroom a whirlwind of thought almost forgetting that Utau awaited me. All I wanted was peace and quiet and for her tear stained face to leave my sight, I saw her every time I closed my eyes and it was all too much.
"Utau now really isn't the right time."I growled unintentionally.
"Ikuto, what happened you're a mess?" Her touching tone surprised me as she stood to take me in her arms, I must look worse than I thought. I laughed bitterly embracing my sister back so as not to worry her.
"Amu needs you or someone, that isn't me. She's crying her eyes out right now and will not tell me anything, but why should she! I was so stupid to think that she could ever trust me, love me the way I love her. She wouldn't even look at me Utau, I am such an idiot to think I held any importance in that girl's life, I must have been insane. I may as well sign myself off to Saaya for all the good it will do me, if she won't have me I will love no other, I may as well make a sound business decision, Saaya's money will help and hopefully be enough to free you."I ranted on and on growing in both impatience and exasperation; I was an idiot to think that I could ever be happy with a woman of my choice. That is not how things work in the real world, in our world. Utau shook her head in my arms slapping my arm.
"You will do no such thing! You are both idiots she loves you Ikuto, but she is probably too simple to realise that you love her back, honestly you make this more difficult than it needs to be." She continued to shake her head in disappointment, but I refused to let my heart hope.
"It's not possible Utau, I'll give her the space she has asked for. I simply ask of you to watch over her while I can't. Now if you don't mind I have a lot of paperwork to get through and I'd like to be alone." I knew that the harshness of my tone would hurt her and selfishly I realised I didn't rightly care. I wanted to wallow in my disappointment and self-loathing for the rest of the night; I would need this moment on my own to compose myself enough to see her tomorrow… That is if she would see me.
As Utau left the room rage flooded through my veins, a rage fuelled by my inability to protect the woman I loved. I lashed out forcing my fist into the wall and saw red.
"Great… Utau's going to kill me." I mumbled casting a discarded T-shirt across my now ruined fist and headed in the direction of a bathroom. The things people do in the name of love…
Leeloo-Chan: Review me and let me know what you think loves, it really will mean a lot to me. ^^