Hidden Cracks
This chapter has been prompted by Jaymie and Jostle with the joint request of Joe starts having frequent hallucinations of his late father Alan and Sandy fears for his mental well-being
A couple of notes before you begin reading this chapter – Lindsey and Joe are still happily together, there is no affair with Freddie, with the nature of this oneshot, it felt appropriate to keep them together
Jason also hasn't been hospitalised for his eating disorder, it's not a big factor for this story but there are a couple of hints that he is still struggling with it, though his family are otherwise unaware of his battle.
"You should see him, he's a right beauty," Joe beamed, lifting a car's bonnet as he spoke. "Mum came back to the village especially to see him, she says JJ is the spit of me of when I was a baby, reckon he's got Lindsey's nose though."
As he lifted the screwdriver, ready to continue with his delighted spiel about the newborn Roscoe, Joe was distracted by his phone ringing, the tone echoing through the otherwise empty garage.
"Hello?" he greeted, shooting his companion a confused look, as if they would know who was calling and why, unsurprisingly only receiving a shrug in response. "Mum? Everything okay?... Of course I can get some tomatoes from the shop, when do you need them?... Now? Alright I'm on my way, be home in twenty minutes, love you."
After hanging up, Joe was ready to lock up the garage within minutes, cursing his brothers for all being absent in the early afternoon, he guessed it couldn't be helped, though knowing his brothers, it probably could have been.
"I've got to go, but I'll see you later yeah?"
"Course you will," the elder man said with a small smile.
"Brillant, later Dad!" Joe said with a cheery smile, closing the door behind him, though not before giving Alan Roscoe a parting wave.
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"How long have you been up?" Sandy asked with barely concealed smile as she made her way down the stairs one early Saturday morning, cocking a confused brow at the sight of her eldest already up and about, bustling around as he flipped pancakes and buttered bread.
"A couple of hours now," Joe shrugged, moving over to give the blonde a kiss on the cheek before he turned back to the task at hand. "JJ needed settling and I just had so much energy y'know? So I decided to go on a run, I mean I have like no time at the moment with the baby so I thought what the heck? Then when I got back I realised I had time to make breakfast for everyone."
"So what are you making?" Sandy asked, still too tired and bleary eyed to conceal her amusement at the sight in front of her. None of her children were domestic Goddeses', and even now she had to sometimes physically force them out of bed if it was before 9am, so to see Joe up and about was a novelty in itself.
"Oh you know, a bit of this, a bit of that," Joe shrugged, cracking an egg into a pan. "Sausages, bacon, pancakes, egg and a bit of fruit salad for Jase, you know he's still on that weird health kick."
"Gee Joe, you made enough there?" Sandy asked, moving to the kettle to make herself a coffee, in the hopes that it'd help the current situation around her make a bit more sense.
"You haven't been gone so long that you've forgotten how much this lot can eat have you? And even though Kim looks tiny, she can pack away a frightening amount of food if she puts her mind to it."
"If you say so," Sandy laughed, grabbing a slice of toast before Joe could stop her, just glad that her boys were doing okay without her, breathing a silent sigh of relief as she went through her day.
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"We should do a fundraiser."
"You what?" Ziggy asked, unable to mask his confusion as he turned away from the car he was working on to face his brother, who with little to no warning had spoken up.
"A fundraiser," Joe repeated, the form he was working on long forgotten as he started to weigh up the new idea. "It'll give us a bit more publicity for this place, get us a bit more business."
"But business is going well, great even," Robbie butted in, unable to work out where Joe was going with this idea. "And we've already done half a dozen bloody things since opening up, it can only get us so much publicity. Shouldn't we wait for a bit before doing something else?"
"Rob's got a point mate-" Ziggy started to say, though he didn't get far before Joe was interrupting.
"But it could make the garage even better for us! We want to make sure people don't forget we're here, we have to make a mark."
"There are only so many cars in Chester though," Jason started, shooting the others a confused look, as he tried to work out where Joe's sudden passion had appeared from. "And you just have to look at the books to see we're doing pretty damn well."
"Why aren't you seeing how many opportunities this could give us?" Joe asked, the frustration seeping into his voice now, as he tried to get his brothers on the same page as him.
"Joe it's a good idea, but it's not exactly the right time," Robbie found himself snapping, temper already short enough after an argument with Phoebe he'd had earlier on in the day. He wasn't in the mood to deal with anymore hassle from his family. "Just drop it yeah?"
"Yeah and what do you know?" Joe snapped, turning sharply to fully face his youngest brother. "I've been working on this garage for ten years now, you've barely been here ten minutes! I know what works, how to keep the money rolling in, what do you know hey?"
"Woah Joe, calm down yeah?" Ziggy cut in sharply, taking a step closer so he was physically forming a barrier between the two brothers. "No-one's saying you don't know what you're doing, but this garage is ours, it's the whole family's and we all get a say."
"Zig's right mate," Jason said, shooting his twin a cautionary look in case the hot tempered teen made a move against Joe, something he seemed incredibly close to doing so already.
"Whatever," Joe snapped, turning away and moving to grab his coat. "I see how it fucking is."
"Where the hell are you going? It's the middle of the day!" Ziggy cried after Joe as the older man stormed out of the garage and through the Dog car park, not even pausing as he answered.
"Well it's not like you lot need me is it? I just think of stupid ideas." As he continued on his path, none of the Roscoe brothers heard the last bit Joe muttered angrily to himself. "I'd rather find someone who'll actually listen to me."
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"I can't believe they'd just do that you know? Just all go against what I suggested, like they didn't even listen to my idea," Joe raged, pacing around the living room, his fists clenched.
"It's not on son," Alan agreed with a curt nod from his place in the armchair, eyes trained on Joe as his son moved about, never looking away, not even to blink. "But you know why they're doing it right?"
"Yeah, you've said it before," Joe said, running his hand through his short hair as he spoke, though it was clear he didn't believe what his father had previously said.
"And I'll say it again, they're jealous of you. They all know they wouldn't be able to have re-started the garage and kept it going on their own like you did. Them saying no to the fundraising is them trying to take some of the power away from you son."
"You think?"
"I know."
"So what should I do? I mean they're all just going to say I'm being paranoid or something aren't they? What with JJ I've been having no sleep, they'll only use it against me."
"And you can't let them son," Alan said, standing so he was eye to eye with Joe, placing a hand on either shoulder.
"But what should I do Dad?" Joe asked, though before the elder man could answer, the sound of footsteps from down the stairs alerted them to an incoming presence. Turning away from his Dad, Joe watched the ajar living room door with baited breath, hoping that none of his brothers had heard him, they'd only rib him about being a sissy.
But instead Joe was greeted by Sandy a few seconds later, her face lighting up as she saw her eldest, though she couldn't completely hide her confusion at his presence in the house when he should have been at work with the others, a fact she voiced.
"Work was stressing me out a bit, just had to come here to cool me head a little," he replied bashfully, smiling a little at the amused look Sandy shot him.
"You boys were always a handful, I'm just glad you can see that one too. I thought I heard you talking to someone though?"
"But I th-" confused Joe turned back to where his Dad had been stood not even a minute ago, to be faced with nothing. "Uh yeah, I was on the phone with a client, just sorting out when he can pick up a car."
"Ah okay love," Sandy nodded, not noting Joe's thinly veiled confusion. "I'm off to the shops, do you need anything?"
"I'm okay cheers," Joe said with a strained smile, half tempted to say something about Alan, but he guessed if his Dad wanted to see his ex-wife he wouldn't have legged it out of the room. Maybe it was best just being their own little secret at the moment.
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"Are you coming up to bed?" Lindsey asked with a barely concealed yawn, turning off the TV as she spoke.
"Nah I'm not that tired," Joe replied looking up from his phone, his right leg tapping rapidly on the floor with built up energy. "But I'll be up in a bit kay?"
"Don't be too long," Lindsey smiled, leaning down to give Joe a parting kiss before making her way up to bed.
"I won't love," Joe said, his attention already back on his phone, opening up the notes app, his whole body practically buzzing with the ideas that were running through his brain at a hundred miles an hour. It was weird, with the arrival of JJ, the new parent had thought he'd be constantly fighting off exhaustion but that couldn't be further from the truth.
Joe had never felt more full of energy, like he could take on the whole world one-handed and come out on top. It was weird, but the eldest Roscoe brother had never been one to look a gift horse in the mouth and he wasn't about to start now. After all the shit he'd been through these past few years, it was a novelty that Joe was actually able to feel optimistic about the future, but he just couldn't find it in himself to get bogged down by it all anymore.
Without even realising, too immersed in planning ahead and almost giddy with excitement, Joe failed to notice time passing by until the sun had started to rise and stream through the gaps of the curtains into the living room.
"What you got there son?" Alan asked, the couch dipping as he sat next to Joe, looking over his son's shoulder to see what he'd written.
"A bit of this and that y'know, some ideas for the garage and a couple of things I want to get JJ for his first Christmas."
"Sounds good," Alan nodded with a smile. "You planning on spoiling him rotten? I mean it's your first Christmas as a Dad, and don't tell your brothers about this, but your first one with your first child is always the most special."
"Oh I'd love to, but money's a bit tight at the moment and like Lindsey's been saying, it's not like JJ even understands Christmas."
"But he's your son Joe, and I know you, there's no way you must be okay with this."
"Well I guess it'd be nice to get him something special," Joe shrugged. "But Lindsey does have a really good point."
"How tightly does that girl have your balls? She isn't your keeper lad, if you want to get a present for your son, you get a present for him!"
"I guess you have a point Dad," Joe nodded, mentally already ordering the new Christmas themed booties and onesie for his son. "So do y-"
"What're you doing up this early?" Sandy interrupted as she breezed through the living, tightening her dressing gown in an attempt to get warmer. "Oh... Joe? I thought you were talking to someone?"
"Urmm yeah, I just... had the TV on is all, probably what you heard," Joe stuttered, not daring to look over to where his Dad had been just seconds ago. He didn't know why, but Alan hadn't wanted anyone to see him since he'd revealed himself to Joe a little under a month ago, the new father didn't feel like it was his place to tell the others their father was back, even though he didn't want anything more.
"I know I haven't had my first coffee of the day yet love, but it doesn't look like the TV's on," Sandy said, arching a brow as she motioned to the blank television screen.
"Oh yeah, I turned it off when I heard you coming down, thought I might have had the volume too high and I didn't want to wake anyone."
"Oh, okay," Sandy replied with an uneasy nod , watching as Joe made his way to the kitchen and began getting things ready for breakfast, unsure on what to reply with.
Because it hadn't sounded like the TV had been on, no it sounded like Joe was talking to someone. But there hadn't been anyone in the living room with her second-eldest, and Sandy would bet her life that every other person in the house was currently in bed, sound asleep.
But the most worrying thing, the thing that wasn't leaving her head no matter how much she wished it would, was what she had overheard Joe saying before she'd interrupted, because it sounded like he'd said Dad, and if Joe was talking to Alan Roscoe, or if he thought he was, well what did that mean?
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After that, Sandy kept her eye on Joe, and with each passing moment the blonde knew, just knew that there wasn't something right with her son. Her whole family was acting like they were doing just fine without her, and maybe they even believed it, hell at face value they were all doing just grand, but if Sandy knew anything, it was her boys, and in the months she'd been gone, they'd all started to fall apart.
Robbie was constantly butting heads with Rick, though after every one of the their explosive arguments (a near daily occurrence), Sandy never failed to miss the fear in her son's eyes, despite how well he tried to hide it behind a cool façade.
Jason was never in, always out with Holly at breakfast, lunch and dinner, though his face was pale and drawn whenever she saw him, telling Sandy that there was something bigger than a demanding girlfriend plaguing her youngest.
Although Ziggy was around nine times out of ten, he never mentally was, always on the phone. Sandy would have once said relationship issues, it wasn't uncommon to see Ziggy glued to his phone but this was different, she could tell just by the minute shakes of his hands that accompanied every sending of a text, not that she would have a clue to who they were intended for.
The only son of hers who hadn't seemed to have changed much was Freddie, though that wasn't necessarily a good thing. He had been distant from the family before-hand, and he still was now, it was frankly a marvel that he still stayed at the family home, though Sandy was pretty certain it was only due to his dangerous infatuation with Lindsey rather than any sense of family loyalty.
Even Darren had moved in whilst she had been away (and God knows how they were all fitting in the home, with the addition of both Kim and Rick too), though he appeared to be just as distant from his brothers as he had always been, only sleeping on the couch at night, though vacating well before anyone else seemed to be up.
But it was Joe who was worrying her the most. He had always been a rock for the rest of his brothers, and with just becoming a father, Sandy would have expected that natural role of his to have only become more exaggerated, though she couldn't have been further from the truth.
He appeared to be a perfect doting father and husband, but at the same time there wasn't something quite right. He was... well there was no word to explain Joe. He was jittery, never seeming to stop and going at a mile a minute. He laughed far too loudly at jokes that weren't funny. Nearly every day he was talking about a new idea, whether it be for the garage, or how Darren could win Nancy back, or hell even setting JJ up for some extra curriculars once he was old enough.
And Sandy maybe wouldn't have paid it much mind, were it not for the look in Joe's eyes as he tried to illustrate these ideas. They were bright, with almost a naïve optimism that one would see in a child, but scrape past that layer, and Sandy could only see a flat blankness which chilled her to the bone.
And she may have been tempted to leave it, sum it up to being a new parent, the blankness was down to him just being tired after sleepless night after sleepless night, and the over-exaggerated reactions down to one too many cups of coffee, but there was something that Sandy just couldn't ignore, something too awful.
In just the couple of weeks since she'd been back, Sandy must have walked in to hear Joe talking to someone, though whenever she'd entered the room, her son was always on his own, looking sketchy as he scrambled around for an excuse. And the one thing that had been a constant in these interactions that Sandy had overheard, the one thing that made her feel sick to the core, was the frequency of time that Joe had called his companion Dad. Because that was impossible.
Alan Roscoe was dead and had been for the past 20 years. But if Joe was talking to him, or thought at the very least thought he was, what exactly did that mean?
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Like Sandy, Joe knew deep down that something was wrong with him. There must be. He'd been feeling too much recently, at the highest level all of the time. He knew normal people didn't see and speak to their supposed deceased father whenever they wanted to, he knew that normal people didn't feel like they were constantly free-falling.
This constant rush which was keeping him full of endless amounts of energy wasn't a good thing, and Joe knew that when it stopped it'd leave him falling for real, crashing straight into the ground,, but despite this niggle in the back of him mind, the eldest Roscoe brother just couldn't find it in himself to care and look into it too deeply.
Because for once, couldn't he just be happy? He had an amazing fiancée, was surrounded by loving family, and to top it off, he was the father to the most beautiful baby boy in all of Chester. So maybe there wasn't anything wrong with him, maybe he was just fine and experiencing what any first-time father was. The thought helped Joe go on with his day, gave him a satisfactory answer, and gave him the strength to push back the voice that was screaming at him that this wasn't okay, that there was something wrong. Because he had to be okay. He just had to be.
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Lindsey couldn't say she was surprised when Sandy cornered her one evening, taking her to the surprisingly empty kitchen, looking like what she was going to say next was physically paining her.
"What's wrong with Joe?" she asked after taking a calming breath, eyes shining brightly with unshed tears.
"Wh-what do you mean Sand?" Lindsey asked, though she didn't know why she was even bothering. She could see just how weirdly Joe had been acting recently, she was his fiancée for God's sake, and none of his recent behaviour was adding up. He rarely went to bed anymore, staying up to all hours of the night and everything about his behaviour was over-amplified, the brunette thought he had been about to deck Freddie the other day for a simple crass comment.
But she had been ignoring it, burying her head in the sand in the hopes that maybe she was just being over-sensitive, going crazy with the arrival of JJ, after all, if no-one else had brought it up then she was obviously being silly right? But here was her future mother-in-law demanding the answers that Lindsey so desperately wished she had, forcing her to open her eyes and accept that something was wrong with Joe, and it made her want to weep, because he was her Joe, her beloved, the father of her child, there couldn't be anything wrong with him, there just couldn't be, it wasn't fair.
"Don't play dumb with me," Sandy practically begged, running a hand through her light hair. "Not about my boy. I know there's something wrong with him, please tell me you know what."
"No... no I don't, I so-sorry," Lindsey shook her head, fighting back the tears that were threatening to spill. "I wish I did, but he's just been so distant lately, he does all this romantic stuff for me, but we just never seem to speak anymore."
"You don't think it's drugs do you?" Sandy asked, voicing the thought that had been plaguing her for a good while now.
"Joe would never touch drugs," Lindsey said resolutely, not even letting herself entertain the idea. "It's probably just JJ y'know? Babies can be really stressful and-"
"And I know that Lindsey, but that doesn't mean Joe should be able to see and speak to his Dad."
That night Joe Roscoe wasn't the only inhabitant of the household to not sleep through the night, as just rooms away were Lindsey and Sandy, planning and researching, determined to do anything and everything they could do to help Joe with his problem, just hoping they could have some sort of effect.
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The next day Joe didn't get out of bed. The members of the stuffed household didn't wake up to the smell of breakfast being made (the first time in weeks), they didn't hear the quiet, but fast paced humming under Joe's breath as he moved around the house, the silly noises he made to entertain JJ, there was nothing.
At first they didn't do anything, Joe was allowed to have the occasional lie in, though Sandy and Lindsey couldn't stop from exchanging worried glances with one another over the kitchen table, but as the day continued to pass and there was still no sign of the new father, the worry passed through to the whole family.
But then Joe didn't get up the next day. Or the next. No matter how hard the others tried to make him move.
But it's like he doesn't see them as they tried to meet his eye, crouching by his bed so they were at an equal level, eyes glazed over and not following whichever member of the family who was currently trying to talk to him,
Lindsey ended up spending days by his bed, keeping a constant vigil, holding Joe's hand tightly, though he never once squeezed back, never responding to her quiet questions and supportive comments.
Everyone was far too happy when he manages a few half-hearted bites of a sandwich, or a few mouthfuls of water, his fiancée included.
For the majority of time Joe was curled under the covers, eyes squeezed tightly shut, muttering nonsense to himself, and that scared Lindsey more than anything, made her want to scream at the whole world, because this man was broken into hundreds of tiny pieces, he wasn't her Joe, and boy would she do anything to see his smile just once more.
Four painfully long days later, Joe got up out of bed. His eyes were guarded, and he curled his arms tightly around his body as some sort of shield, but he was up, and that had to be something good right? Things were seemingly turning around for the Roscoes, and as one they all breathed a sigh of relief.
That delicate optimism came crashing down not even twenty minutes later when Kim found Joe in the bathroom, the mirror completely smashed to pieces, shards of glass covering the floor, with her future brother-in-law curled up in the middle of the mess, hyperventilating with desperate tears streaming down his face, muttering things about Alan Roscoe, the father who had been dead for almost twenty years, but who was apparently terrorizing Joe from beyond the grave.
The ambulance arrived at the Roscoe household in less than ten minutes, and with heavy hearts, the Roscoe family allowed Joe to be led away, desperately praying that they'd not only get the answers they so desperately needed, but also their son, brother and future husband back.
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Bipolar Disorder. That's what the doctors were all saying. Joe was bipolar, and Sandy realised that explained a lot. The constant excitement. All the ideas. The mood swings. The not getting out of bed for days. Though the blonde wished it wouldn't be true.
Her baby couldn't be sick, he just couldn't, he didn't deserve this, he didn't deserve any of it, but then again, none of her boys deserved the shit hand of cards they'd been dealt with, and nothing seemed to be ever changing.
He was admitted to a clinic for thirty days. Thirty long days to get his medication sorted, to level out his brain chemistry and get him back to his old self again, or somewhere in that region anyway.
And whilst he was there, trying to re-adjust back to life, his family were in just as many therapy sessions, trying to learn what they could do for Joe. What routine would work best around his meds. What to do if he showed various signs and what they meant. What his medication would do, and why it wouldn't always work.
And it was hard for both parties. There was a lot of tears, a lot of screaming and shouting and raging at the world, because what the fuck? Joe was always the most stable out of the brothers, the one they'd always go to for help, how was it fair that this happened to him?
But as time passed, the family found their wounds were slowly healing, that they could talk about what had happened to Joe without it hurting as much as it did, until finally the 30 day mark had passed, and Joe was finally ready to come home.
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If Lindsey could have, she would have been there to pick Joe up from the clinic, but the car wasn't that big to begin with, and with the actual blood Roscoe's all fighting tooth and nail to go and see Joe, well the brunette couldn't help but feel like an intruder if she insisted on going to pick him up, nevermind the fact that they were engaged and she was the mother of his child.
So instead she gave up her place car for one of her future brothers in law, insisting that 'no she was fine not going, she had to look after JJ anyway.' The part of her, the taunting voice in the back of her head telling her it was because she was too scared Joe, scared of what he might be like pumped up on drugs, was pushed away and resolutely ignored, because Lindsey wasn't scared of Joe. She never would be, she loved him, though that didn't stop her fears from forming and settling heavy in the pit of her stomach.
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The second Joe walked through the threshold of the house, Lindsey didn't know what she had been fearing in the first place, all second thoughts and the such swept away with an immense and overwhelming feeling of love and relief at just seeing her beloved.
And as Joe finally met her eye, his old smile (not the new frantic one that had frozen Lindsey to the core) lighting up his face, Lindsey knew they'd be okay. And sure it may not always be easy, bipolar disorder wasn't an easy illness to live with, but in the moment she made herself a vow. A promise to never leave Joe, to always be there for him, to love and cherish him just as she was meant to, because he was hers, and she was his, no matter what was thrown at them.
First things first, I would just like to apologise for how long this one-shot took to post, it was never my intention to leave you for so long, unfortunately things couldn't be helped.
I simply have too much to do, for school and other things, meaning my writing has become my lowest priority, which I am hating more than you could believe. Unfortunately it doesn't look like I'll be getting any more free time over the next few months and it's with a heavy heart, I've had to make a decision that I hope you can all understand.
I am not officially leaving this story, but I can't promise that I'll be updating like I had tried to do beforehand. If I ever get the chance, mark my words I'll try to write some more and post another chapter, but I feel awful promising something I can't definitely deliver.
However I do know there is a lot of talented writers in this fandom, and maybe some others who merely wish to practice with their skills but have reached a block with their muse, so I'm going to give the chance for any of you to write some of the existing prompts up if you so wish, to allow the people who requested them, a chance to see their ideas in black and white, or the opportunity to write it up themselves.
A full list of future chapters can be found in chapter 66 and please feel free to write up any of the chapters if you want, I have a couple more notes on most prompts, so message me if you'd like to know a bit more about the request!
The next chapter I hope to write - One of the twins need an urgent transplant, but will they find a suitable donor in time? - jacques
I hope you've all had a Merry Christmas, sorry I couldn't give you all better news!