unedited
Ahh! i'm kind of freaking out, not that many chapters to go until the end. So, here it is, Chapter 37.
Hope you like it! ENJOY!
Chapter 37.
Clary woke to the sound of a crash. She jolted into a sitting position; she was in a peaceful daze until every thing came rushing back to her as she rubbed her face and the stinging set in.
"Clary!"
She snapped out of her painful memories to see Sebastian standing in the doorway of the bathroom. He looked distraught as if he hadn't slept in days when in reality it had probably only been a few hours.
He dropped to his knees, his eyes full of pain as he stared at her bruised face, "I'm so sorry, Clary."
She brought her knees to her chest; turning her gaze away from his letting an eyrie silence hang in the air until Sebastian broke it, "Please… please forgive me."
Clary's throat burned as she felt tears rise up in the back of her throat, she bit her lip and squeezed her eyes shut in an attempt to block him out. She opened her eyes as she unfortunately found out that squeezing them shut gave her a throbbing headache. Great, now her head is throbbing, her heart is broken, her face is bruised and stinging and Sebastian, the man she loved, the man who hit her sat merely feet away, grovelling for forgiveness!
"Clary please, say something."
She slowly turned her distraught gaze back to his, "What do you want me to say?" She said in a choked up tone.
His shoulders slumped even more, "I don't know, that you forgive me, that you still love me-"
"Of course I still love you! I'm just trying to deal with the fact that you obviously don't love me."
His eyes filled with even more sadness, "But I do love you Clary-"
"Do you? Because if you did you wouldn't have done this!" She tilted her head to the side so he could see the full extent of his damage. She heard him suck in a sharp breath at the sight of his destruction.
"I know I shouldn't of but the demon took over-"
"Stop doing that!" Clary snapped.
Tinges of confusion twinkled in his sad eyes, "Doing what?"
"Speaking as if the demon blood is like a second part of you, like it's some annoying little brother that keeps ruining everything! Because it is part of you! I love you Sebastian! Not just the human part, not just the Shadowhunter part, not just the brother part but also the Demon part! Because when you love someone you love everything about them not just certain bits!" She turned her head once again, unlocking their gaze, resting her head on the wall behind her. Her red locks hanging in her face, hiding her pain, she could feel that the tears were about to brake through the walls and start streaming down her face pretty soon so she choked out, "Please just leave." Her voice soft and full of pain.
"Wha-"
Her voice now harsh yet still full of pain as she cut him off, "Get out!"
He hesitated for a second and then stood up and painfully slowly exited her room.
She waited until she was sure he was gone for her to finally let the walls fall and tears to stream down her stinging face once more.
After hours of sobbing she finally stopped and went for a shower. Shrugging of her gear that she still had on from the meeting and stepping into the calming warm water. But as the water hit her memories, beautiful loving sensationally happy memories came flooding back of her and Sebastian in the shower together; the first time the had shower sex and how he would always tell her she was amazing afterwards, the time he had just held her lovingly while the water ran over their bodies and softly kissed her neck, how he had asked her to be his queen and from that memory followed the memory of her going to the dress fitting, finding out she was pregnant and then the worse memory of all, losing her baby and abandoning all her loved ones immediately after. Her shoulders shook as she started crying once again. She quickly turned the shower off and got out. She let the water just drip from her naked body as she stared at herself in the mirror; emotionless. She looked at her petite figure, the small curve of her hips that had gotten the slightest bit bigger but that was normal for a teenage girl, no one would ever believe she had been 4 months pregnant not that long ago; no stretch marks, no visible signs of pregnancy, no left over weight but then again that all disappeared as Magnus used his magic to practically completely reverse the pregnancy. Her eyes looked over her face, aside form the bruising she could now see the toll of the events of the past year had put on her just by looking into her eyes; the little shadows underneath her eyes, how her mouth instinctively set to a slight frown when she wasn't really paying attention unlike how it used to kind of be curved the slightest bit upward and her face in general just looked like it she had been through emotional distress. She let her head drop down in shame and she turned, picking up the warm fluffy robe, wrapping it around her body and tying it at the front. She walked out of the bathroom into the bedroom to find her door had been kicked off it's hinges and was now lying in her door way.
'That must have been the loud bang that woke me up. Sebastian had kicked the door in.'
She sighed which immediately made her aware at how exhausted she was. She flopped down on the bed and let peaceful sleep consume her.
"Clary? Clary can you hear me?"
Clary opened her eyes to find that she was standing in her old room at Luke's house.
She heard the voice again, "Clary?"
'Wait…' "Magnus?"
"Oh thank the heavens! Finally! Do you know how long I've been trying to reach you?"
"Magnus what is this? Am I dreaming?"
"Kind of, you're in a dream state but I'm communicating with you telepathically."
"Hold on, what?"
"The night you disappeared with Sebastian I packed up and ran. I knew they'd want me to try and find you and I did but I didn't want to do it under their rules so I ran and have been working on trying to reach you this whole time. Are you ok?"
She thought for a moment, there was no point lying anymore, "Yes."
"I thought so."
"What?"
"I needed to know if you went willingly or not. I had my suspicions at how he was looking at you."
"So you knew and you're not judging me?"
"At first I did but love is love. Is it love?"
She smiled weakly, "Yes but how can you be fine with this?"
"I've been around a long time-"
"Oh God! Not this again, do you know how many times I've heard you start one of your speeches about love with 'I've been around a long time'?!"
"Well, it's true! And what I was going to say is that I've been around a long time and I've seen much worse than two siblings that, may I point out, one, didn't grow up together and two, didn't even now the other one existed, fall in love. But may I say there could have been better way to tell Jace."
"Yeah, I get that now… I miss you Magnus."
"I miss you two Clary. One day we may meet again at a café or on the street."
"Maybe. Thanks Magnus, for everything."
"My pleasure and I hope your happy."
"I am."
"Good bye Clarissa Fray, you're one of the closest things I've ever had to family. I watched you grow up into a beautiful young, independent woman. Thankyou."
"Goody bye Magnus."
Clary opened her eyes to find herself back in her bedroom; lying on her big soft bed in the, now slightly damp, fluffy white robe. She quickly noticed that Sebastian was fast asleep next to her, 'He must have snuck in here and fell asleep while I was asleep.'
She looked at him for a moment, her eyes looking over every crevasse in his perfect face, 'I love him.' She slightly moved over, carefully nuzzling into him. He instinctively wrapped his arm around her, slightly pushing their bodies together. As her head rested in the nook of his neck she inhaled is familiar scent and slightly hummed at the comforting feeling. She felt her eyes start to droop once again and slumber take her into a blissful, dreamless sleep.
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