A/N: Yay! I officially finished my temp job and can say that I am going to start university next year, so writing will become more regular again. so, without further ado, my holiday present to you all is this chapter. So, happy holidays, have an awesome time with family and friends, and may Sithis and the Night Mother keep you all, Brothers and Sisters.

Chapter 27: The Cure for Madness

I returned to the Sanctuary happy – Cicero would be waiting for me, and I would tell him all about how I had killed Maro, and we would probably make love again…. I found myself eager to get past Astrid and her long reward-speech to go straight to Cicero for his company – last year I would have scoffed at anyone who claimed to feel this way about any other person, but now…. My grin faded when I saw Gabriella pacing at the end of the passage instead of Cicero. "Gabriella," I greeted, and she stopped suddenly. She looked worried – and a worried Gabriella meant something was very, very wrong. "What happened?" I demanded, coming closer and my happy mood altogether replaced by a cold logic. "It's… Cicero. There's been an incident," she started. "You should proceed into the Sanctuary. I'll let Astrid explain exactly what happened – I wasn't actually there when it happened."

I clenched my jaw and almost shoved past her, trying not to run in. Calm, my Listener…. Reason is needed to get through this for now… the Night Mother's voice soothed in my head. It didn't help much, but I trusted she wouldn't keep secrets from me…. Hopefully. When I came to the training area, I saw most of the Family gathered in a tight crowd around something or someone. I threw down my pack and stormed closer. "Get back, will you? Give him some space to breathe and so that I can work!" Babette ordered angrily, and my Family grumbled, but stepped back to reveal Veezara in slashed robes on the floor, blood pooled around him and deep cuts on his abdomen, arms and legs. Babette was applying poultices and making the Shadowscale drink a very potent-looking restoration potion. "What happened?" I asked coldly.
"What happened?!" Astrid snapped at me. "What happened?! What happened is that the fool went absolutely berserk! He wounded Veezara, tried to kill me, and then he fled like the coward he is! I knew from the beginning that lunatic couldn't be trusted! I should have kicked him out the second he came here!" she hissed and shouted, clenching her jaw while Seri just stared at me. I glared right back, wondering what exactly I saw in her eyes. Anger? Pity? Remorse? Victory?

I looked around at my Family, hoping someone would contradict Astrid. Festus ended up being the one to speak, albeit a little sadly. He had been fond of Cicero. "It's true, I'm afraid. Cicero was a little whirlwind, slashing this way and that. It would have been funny, if he weren't trying to murder us all," he half-laughed with a sad smile.
Nazir scoffed immediately, adding; "Don't forget the ranting and raving. About the Night Mother, how… she… was the true leader of the Dark Brotherhood, and Astrid was just a 'pretender'."

I could have sworn he was actually talking about me, but he refused to meet my gaze so I assumed he meant the Night Mother for Astrid's sake. No, no it can't be… Cicero wouldn't…. Not without reason…. But my mind reminded me of the fit he'd had that one night…. What if it had happened again and he had assumed Astrid was an agent? She would have been patronizing instead of helpful…. I kept my face carefully blank, finally looking at Astrid when she hissed at me. "I want you to find that miserable little fool and end his life!" Astrid took a deep, calming breath and pinched her nose with her eyes squeezed shut. "But first… find my husband. Make sure he's all right. After the attack, Arnbjorn flew into a rage. When Cicero left… Arnbjorn went after him. They disappeared into the wild. Search Cicero's room. Maybe there's something in there that sheds some light on where he might have gone. Let me know the minute you find something. I've got to see to Veezara, and calm everyone down."
You're barely calm yourself, I sneered in my head, but kept calm outside. This didn't feel real…. "Did something happen to set him off?"
Seri opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to think better of it, instead only looking at Astrid accusingly. Astrid looked back at me. "No, nothing. At least nothing I'm aware of." She turned to Seri, who gave Astrid a patronizing glare before Astrid turned back to me, gesturing me to follow her a few steps away from the crowd. "Well…. If I'm being honest, I haven't exactly been discreet lately in expressing my frustration with this whole situation. Obeying the Night Mother. You being the Listener. It's ridiculous! No offense. Cicero… may have overheard me talking to one of the others about the Night Mother. It's possible I was… not entirely respectful. And then we might have had an argument about it. But to go this far. To attempt to murder the leader of a Sanctuary…. Cicero must pay with his life. There is no other option." I hated how nonchalant she was about it all – couldn't she see she was wrong? Couldn't she see she was forcing the Brotherhood to split, forcing us to become weak again? Astrid sighed, and put a hand on my shoulder that I instinctively shrugged off. "Look, Alysa, the Dark Brotherhood is a family. This Sanctuary is a family. And, we've always welcomed those shunned by society. Werewolves, wizards, eternal ten year-old vampires…. What does it matter? In truth, I've rarely met a lunatic I haven't liked. Cicero's problem isn't his madness: it's an adherence to an ancient, outmoded way of life! The Night Mother's ways simply are not our ways. He just couldn't accept that. And now he'll have to pay the price."
"Cicero destroyed any sympathy I may have had for him when he wounded Veezara. Kill the fool and be done with it," Babette said quietly, not meeting my gaze as she fussed over Veezara, muttering about being bested by a fool.
"Very well. I'll see what I can find," I said coldly, stalking off to Cicero's chambers. I didn't know what I felt, but I knew it wasn't all that different to being alone – so very alone.

Betrayal, hurt, numbness…. These were words I had been taught, words to meanings I had once understood but since unlearnt and forgotten, and now they were back, if this is what they were and if what I felt could be put into words.

I carefully sifted through Cicero's things – his oils and tools and a few oddments he had collected over the years. I ignored the presence in the room with me, and kept searching. "I'm so sorry, Alysa."
"Go away, Seri. You've long ago given up a chance at friendship we might have had – it's not as if you care, anyway."
"I do! I just want–"
"No you don't!" I hissed, rounding on her. "Leave!"
I'd never seen her look hurt before, but she swallowed, nodded curtly and left me alone in Cicero's room.

After hours of searching, I finally found a series of journals he had written – from when he had been sane right up until the end, the last entry had been about me several weeks ago – perhaps a day after I left for Dragon Bridge. A painful cold enveloped me, and I finally left Cicero's chambers. I glanced in the Night Mother's direction, wondering how she had stayed silent through this. She didn't give me any answer this time.

I made my way to Astrid where she sat with Veezara and told her that Cicero was headed to another Sanctuary, and I would ride there as soon as I gathered a few poisons. I headed to the alchemy lab where Babette was mixing a potion. I took a few bottles of ice poison and turned to leave when Babette grabbed my arm and pulled me around to face her. "You listen to me, girl, and you heed my words. Don't you dare do what you don't want to – no matter what Astrid tells you to. For once listen to your heart and follow it blindly the way normal people do – without thought of reason or gods or leaders or the kill or anyone or anything. If you love him as much as I can see you do, do what you know is right," she whispered fiercely, letting me go and pushed me gently. "Go; I'll see you when you come back."

I was left with strange emotions, and I had no idea where I would even begin to sort through them.

I was greeted by Seri who had packed my things over for me, including a few warm furs and capes and lots of mead and food. We said nothing to each other, and I snatched my pack and walked past her. Veezara stopped me when I passed him and Astrid. "Do not underestimate Cicero. A man like that, small and foolish, is easy to mock. To underestimate. Don't make the same mistake I did."
I only nodded in reply. Festus and Gabriella were discussing Cicero, and Astrid yammered on about a special horse who was 'one of us' called Shadowmere. Festus looked at me briefly, and nodded his goodbye. "Well, you know the old saying: When life gives you lemons, go murder a clown."

I left and went out to the pool of tar I had seen a while ago, and called Shadowmere's name. The black surface bubbled and boiled, and I took a few steps back warily as a large, void-black steed with glowing red eyes rose from the depths with a feral scream. I could see what Astrid meant Shadowmere was one of us. The horse walked towards me, and touched his nose to my stomach. Listener, a chorus of voices resounded in my head, neither male nor female, though slightly more masculine, and I knew he would serve no other after me so long as I lived. "Dawnstar," I said after I mounted, and he tossed his head, spinning around as I touched the reins. Shadowmere bolted along the country at speeds I had never thought possible. I would be in Dawnstar in less than a week at this rate.

I was worried about Cicero – I had heard stories of what Arnbjorn did to his prey when he caught them as a wolf, and if that had happened to Cicero…. Shadowmere sensed my urgency and flew across the country, his hooves barely touching the ground, his ears flat against his head as we raced north. Dawnstar was a quiet little city – barely bigger than a village, but it was capital of the Pale Hold – so everyone would know of a fool and a werewolf passing through.

Hopefully.

We arrived in Dawnstar just at twilight, as the sun drowned in the Sea of Ghosts, mist rising from the surface of the water. Shadowmere trotted down the central road to where a group of people stood, huddled together and talking frantically. I touched the reins lightly, and Shadowmere tossed his head, coming to a stop next to them. "What happened?" I asked.
"Sweet Mara, a werewolf is what happened! Ran right through the town, out along the coast, howling and snarling! The Jarl has sent men to look for it but they aren't hunters and they haven't picked up the trail yet!" an anxious woman cried.
I glanced down at the horn of my saddle to hide my bitter scowl. "I'm a hunter. Which way did it go?" I looked back at the group. They all pointed to the road leading out to the sea, and one said something about it disappearing around the coast. I nodded, and Shadowmere needed no urging. We galloped off after Arnbjorn, and I scanned the land to my right for a Black Door. It is much further along the coast, my Listener, Shadowmere's voices resounded in my head. I nodded, and let him guide me to the Door, hidden between hills and snowbanks with the forest behind it. He slowed to a trot, halting beside Arnbjorn, who sat on the ground, clutching his stomach to keep the deep gashes Cicero must have given him from bleeding too much. I dismounted, cussing to myself about werewolves and their seemingly permanent state of undress, whipping out a few healing potions and pulled off my cloak. "So you made it, huh Tidbit?" Arnbjorn quipped.
"Shut up," I snapped, tossing my cloak at him. "Drink this, Wolf."

Arnbjorn growled at me, but managed to gulp down the healing potions with some difficulty. It healed the worst of the gashes to the point where they weren't bleeding as badly, but he would still need a healer to fix him up before he could go anywhere. I tore off long strips from a blanket Seri had packed, and tied them around the still-bleeding wounds as best I could. "When did this happen?" I asked.
"Not long before you came, Toothpick. Sithis dammit!" he swore when I pulled the makeshift bandage tighter. "But don't worry – I gave as good as I got. Just follow the blood trail once you get in. I would have followed the bastard, but I don't know the passphrase."

I just kept tying the bandages in place. Arnbjorn was beginning to shiver, despite his Nordic heritage. "Come on, you need to get back to Dawnstar and to a healer." I helped the werewolf stand, wrapping the cloak tightly around him as Shadowmere grudgingly knelt for Arnbjorn to get on. I mounted just behind the saddle, and my steed raced back to the coastal city. The sun was long gone by the time we arrived, and an old Dunmer healer ran out with a few townsfolk and helped Arnbjorn down and into a house. I stayed on Shadowmere, pushing myself over the cantle and into the seat, waving them all away when they tried to usher me in as well. "Now is the best time to hunt the wolf – alone," I added when one looked as if he wanted to join me. "I don't know you, so it's safer for me to hunt the beast as I know how. I'll return once I've killed it."

Shadowmere and I turned and raced back along the whitewashed coast to the Door. I dismounted, taking my bow and quiver as well as an arsenal of healing potions. But I was afraid – suddenly, and with a crippling force. "Lucien Lachance," I managed to force out, thinking of Festus and his curt lesson on summoning. I prayed to Sithis and the Night Mother the old assassin would appear.

"You called, Listener?"

I turned to my left and stumbled back at the pale blue form of an Imperial assassin, once a imposing and fearsome in life. He wore the old, floor-length robes and hood Cicero had described as those belonging to the Black Hand in the third era, and Lucien folded his hands into his sleeves. "Shadowmere, my old friend…. It is good to see you again," Lucien greeted the daedric horse, a blue hand reaching for the steed's nose. And you, Speaker Lucien, Shadowmere answered, his voice suddenly very feminine, as if he had been a she before. I shook my head. "Follow me," I said to Lucien, and he walked with the grace and air of a practiced killer.
"What, is the illusion, of life?"

"Innocence, my brother."

The Sanctuary was the largest I've ever seen, and full of undead guardians Lucien and I dispatched easily, while Cicero's voice bounced off the walls eerily, cold and cruel – it was as if he didn't recognize me the way he taunted and jeered and begged in the end. Even the troll was easier to kill than listening to Cicero mock and plead – the blood smears and splatters on the floor…. I feared for the fool, for myself. Lucien stopped me once we had passed through most of the Sanctuary. "I will kill this jester if you so desire, but there is a disturbance in the Void. Our Dread Father does not wish this."
I looked at the ancient Imperial, trying hard not to look too hurt and confused. We passed through the last passages without incident, and came to a pitifully barred door.

"Cicero admits, he thought the Listener would be dead by now. Heh." A wracking cough came from the other side, and it was all I could do not to charge in to heal Cicero. I opened the door slowly, and walked in with Lucien trailing behind me. "And now we come to the end of our play. The grand finale!" Cicero jeered.

"Cicero…" I breathed out, running towards him and falling to my knees beside him, curled on the floor in a sticky smear of his own blood. "Drink this, you idiot," I whispered, forcing him to drink all the potions I had with me, forcing him to be still while he stared at me, both in hate and confusion and without any sign of recognition. Lucien left the room at some stage.
"Alysa, Alysa…" he breathed when I emptied out my last potion on him, finally recognizing me, the one cradling him. I nodded with a twitchy smile, and lay down next to Cicero, holding him close as we slept. There was no way I could hope to move him back to the city and expect him to live through it. I could only hope and pray that Sithis and the Night Mother saw fit to let him live.