The tea took about a minute and a half to heat up, I stuck the herbs in it and joined Cougar and Jim in the backyard. "Here," I handed the mug to Cougar, "She says he should drink this."
"Thank you."
Jim was in the corner of the yard aimlessly walking back and forth, he still seemed pretty disoriented. "How's he doing?"
"She had her claws in him for several weeks. I'm not sure he will ever be completely healed."
"Do you think he'll be able to give any useful answers?"
He shrugged, "Hopefully the tea helps him. I am sure she's in those woods where you found the bodies but Coyote always likes to know for sure."
"Yeah, I remember that."
A weird half frown twisted the corners of his mouth and he didn't seem all that thrilled with what he was about to say, "I apologize for my tone to you earlier on the phone. There was a reason for it but it's not really my place."
That's not enigmatic, "If the reason had anything to do with what happened between her and I, you're family to her. I get it."
"No, you really don't." He paused, looked through the sliding glass door at her, then back at me then to Jim. "Wait a minute, let me give this to him."
Once he'd sat Jim down and put the mug into Jim's hand he came back and he didn't look happy. As a matter of fact I was kind of surprised he didn't take a swing at me. "It's not what happened two years ago, it's what she went through this year because of you. Because of you she's had nightmares so bad she couldn't eat for days and was afraid to sleep. She had to struggle with finding ways to block out what she was seeing."
"What the hell are you talking about?"
He took another step closer, I backed up and hit the wall behind me. I usually don't give ground but I didn't want to make things worse between her and I by picking a fight with Cougar, that and I wasn't too sure I'd win if I did.
He leaned in, his face was barely two inches from mine and death was in his eyes. "She wasn't as asleep as I thought when you called. After I hung up she told me I had no right to take that tone with you but I disagree. You are no warrior Dean Winchester, you are a selfish coward who only takes from ones he loves. You have been around magic too long to not know how you harmed her. If she wasn't so sure she needed you to stop what's about to happen I would beat you into the ground and leave you for dead. I will never forgive you for the hell you made her witness, even if she does." He let up and backed off.
"I..."
"The pouch you bastard. Think about it." He turned and stalked off.
Had she? Had I? Oh no, not that. Anything but that. "I didn't know."
He clenched his rather large fists but didn't look back at me, "You didn't want to know."
And I sunk to a whole new level of guilt. Fuck. The pouch, it helped me sleep, evened out the nightmares. It had been made out of love meaning she'd put a lot of feeling and intent behind it, intent that linked back to her. Which meant that someone as strong as she is would pick up on the dreams. Son of a bitch. The nightmares I'd had while wearing the Mark were things I'd never want to subject my worst enemy but I'd ended up subjecting someone I loved to them without a second thought. I knew better! He was right, I didn't know because I didn't want to know. God, I am a selfish coward. Why the hell hadn't she called me? Told me to stop.
Sam pulled open the back door, "Dean? You coming? We're...hey what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I was going to have a long talk with her about all that later, alone. I went back inside, pushed it all down and leaned against the center island. "All right. Talk."
"Her name is Leaping Deer," Coyote started out, "She should have been exiled years ago. Rising Dove told her tribal elders that she would cause problems but they didn't seem to care. She'd come to him trying to learn the ways of the Shaman, he turned her down flat and she stormed off. He saw her true nature, she only cares for herself, not the tribe and wants power for power's sake. She popped up here and there with a degenerate ex Shaman. We heard rumors that he'd been teaching her but she stayed clear of my home so we stayed clear of her. About a year back I was told that she was plotting something, some people from other tribes came to me scared to death of her. She'd left her Reservation and was living on the road or something along those lines, leaving a trail of terrified people, odd deaths and hints that she was gathering some sort of following. She started preaching that she knew how to get our pride back, get revenge on the white man and all that. That type of talk pops up every fifteen years or so from what I hear but she swore that she'd prove all of us skeptics wrong. Six months ago a family came to me, their eldest son had started acting strange, like Jim. One night the kid stole the family car and shot up a local police station for no reason. He'd been a well adjusted, straight A kid. I went to see him in prison, checked him out and saw he was being controlled. That's when Cougar and I went on the hunt and the visions started. They were vague at first, just omens and feelings but over the last month have gotten stronger, more specific. The one that hit before you texted was the worst yet. I saw what she is trying to resurrect," She look downright terrified, "We have to stop this. At all costs."
"Anything special needed to kill her?"
"Technically no. This is where it gets complicated. She's human, like we are, but she'll have some serious spirits on her side and may be using spirits as weapons."
"Ghosts aren't anything new to us," I pointed out.
"Not ghosts, spirits. Like my guides, Coyote and Crow. You can't kill them, you have to drive them off, then kill her. She may also use the Warrior Spirits of people who follow her."
"I'm sorry," Roy said, "I'm trying to keep up but.."
"Yeah, you may want to bail about now. This is no hunt for a first timer." It came out a lot harsher than I intended, "Look, Sam and I are dealing with things we're not too familiar with either on this one. We won't be able to explain it to you any better than she can."
"Then you'll probably need all the help you can get."
Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me? "Coyote? Little help here?"
"He's right, I need all the help I can get."
Well that backfired.
"Just do what I tell you Roy," she added, "If we make it through I'll try to explain it better."
"Won't be the first time I have no idea why I'm doing things," he replied, "Probably won't be the last time either."
She gave him a quick smirk, "Not if you keep hanging around these two. Let me go check on Jim, see if I can get some answers."
Once she left it got awkward. Sam started randomly shuffling papers and Roy just sat there, leaving me to stew in my guilt, which is always entertaining. Thankfully she came back pretty fast.
"You have a map of where all the bodies were found?"
"Yes," Sam answered.
"All right, Jim's a wreck but I can't do much more for him right now. I'll call a friend of mine who lives a few hours from here to come over and watch him, Cougar will keep an eye on him till they get here. Can you guys give me a ride to the hotel? I need to leave the car for Cougar to catch up later."
"Sure." It came out before I had time to think that through. Sam would not so innocently ride with Roy leaving her and I alone. I wasn't ready to talk to her yet but there was no way I could get out of it without looking like a jackass.
"I'll ride with Roy," Sam said, "We have to pick up some stuff anyway."
"We do?"
He obviously hadn't clued Roy in about Coyote and I.
"Yeah. Let's go."
Sam gave me the "Good luck man" look as he collected all the papers and headed out with Roy.
Coyote raised an eyebrow at me, "Well, that was subtle."
"If by subtle you mean like a Mack truck heading straight for you, sure. I got your rooms. Does Cougar know how to get to the hotel?"
"I'll text him the address and room number when we get there."
"All right, I'll drive, you call. You need some rest, you're wiped out."
"Won't argue with you there."
We gathered the rest of the bags and left. She called her friend, told her where to go and what was going on then hung up. I tried to avoid thinking about all the times we'd ridden in Baby together over the years and what that usually led to. It sure as hell wouldn't lead to that tonight. We didn't talk, I think she actually dozed off but Baby slowing down as I parked woke her up.
"You're downstairs, room 131. I'll grab your keys from my room and meet you there."
"Sounds good."
I went upstairs, dug through my bags, found the pouch, put it in my coat pocket, picked her and Cougar's room keys up off the table and met her in front of the door. She beelined for the bed as soon as I opened the door. "I still hate long drives." She said as she dropped her bags and sat down. "Guess I shouldn't get too comfy, still have to figure out where she is."
"Not yet," I shut the door, clicked on the room light and pulled out the pouch. "I want to give this back to you. I should have two years ago."
It took her a second to recognize what was in my hand. When she did all the angles and hardness left her face. "Why?"
"Cougar rather forcefully informed me I was being a selfish coward. He's right. I'm sorry for what you saw. I never, ever wanted to put you through that. I know better. If I'd taken five seconds to think about what this meant to you, not just me, I would have left it when I left that night, but I didn't. I kept using it, using you, even after you asked me to stop. It wasn't right. I never thought about how it could affect you," I had to fight to keep my tone even. There wasn't a hint of anger on her face, or hate, or disgust. Even though she'd mostly ignored me when she'd shown up it wasn't because of the pouch or what she'd seen. I knew that because as I'd stumbled over my apology what was on her face was understanding, even a hint of caring.
She shook her head, "Keep it. I gave it to you for a reason. I gave it knowing you had nightmares and if you came back from Hell they would be worse. I accepted that burden then, still do now."
She wasn't making sense, "Why?"
"Because I didn't want you to face that alone."
"I've got Sam, you didn't need to go through that."
She walked over to me, took hold of my hand and the pouch, pushed it towards my chest and pierced whatever was left of my soul with her deep brown eyes. "If Sam was enough, you wouldn't sleep with that under your pillow almost every night. Keep it."
I never planned to be this close to her again when I'd left and between the Mark, Abaddon and everything else that had happened since, I'd forgotten how intense things could be between us, I could tell she had too. Her pupils dilated, she'd started to lean in but caught herself before starting something that she'd probably regret in the morning. What was worse than the physical side acting up was the other thing that stirred deep inside me, I'd held onto that pouch not just for dealing with nightmares. I'd missed her, everything about her and it had sucked. Now here she was, not five inches from me but still miles away. I wouldn't make things any worse for her than I already had so I backed away, which didn't help much because I had no idea what to say.
"Are you sure?" I went for safe.
"Yes. What room are you in?"
"242."
"Let me change and clean up. Then I'll come over and we can figure out our next move."
"Sure." I set the keys on the table by the door and left. She wasn't the only one that needed a shower, I had to wonder who's would be colder, her's or mine.