Paul was finishing the washing up and drying the last plate as the milk started to boil on the stove. He thought to himself how they would soon be up in the early hours boiling water for bottles, how their lives were about to change . . . he smiled to himself and shook his head in disbelief. Upstairs, Gail had just got in to bed, realising how tired she was, but for the first time in months how content she felt, considering perhaps it was because she and Paul had talked to each other and cleared the air a little. Paul shared his thoughts with Gail as he came in the bedroom and joked that they would both be up soon in the middle of the night. Laughing Gail bet him it would be her that woke first because he could sleep through a thunderbolt! An hour later Paul lay there staring up at the ceiling and glanced over to Gail the other side of the bed. He had tried to sleep, thinking he was tired but just couldn't, the hot milk obviously hadn't worked. Unbeknown to him Gail was also awake thinking.
Quietly Gail broke the silence "are you still awake?"
Paul was surprised "yeah, I thought you were asleep"
"no, I thought I was tired but your offspring have decided to play football and I can't get comfortable"
"well, what do you expect I don't sit still for five minutes!"
As Gail turned and snuggled up to Paul.
"I should have guessed, what more could I have expected" poking him in the ribs teasingly as she cuddled up to him.
Paul felt a sudden kick in his ribs and Gail laughed "well I've got my girls in training, they're kicking their Father in to shape!".
"Hey, I have you know that my sons will be footie players" Paul said teasing Gail whilst he rubbed her back affectionately and kissed her.
They both drifted off to sleep comforted by each others presence and closeness which they had both missed although they had not shared this thought.
Paul paced the corridor outside the delivery room; having been evicted from the room by Clive. He was thinking how happy he had been over the past week or so. He and Gail had been shopping for the babies and he had managed, with great difficulty and taunting from Gail supervising, to assemble the cots, inevitably asking his Dad to help. It was how he had wanted it to be, him looking after Gail and just the two of them spending time together.. But things had changed over the past few days, Gail's blood pressure had increased to a dangerous level and no matter how much she rested or what relaxation methods they tried it hadn't helped. There was evidence the babies were beginning to experience distress and the Consultant suggested bringing the birth forward. However Gail was insistent; she was dubious of such a premature birth and having come so far she didn't want to risk anything, unfortunately events took over and Gail wasn't to have a choice as symptoms of pre-eclampsia arose. Paul was left with no choice but to talk her into an early caesarian; but he knew the risks to her and the babies were growing by the minute so there was no time to delay. He knew if anything happened to the babies she would blame him, but he also knew he could lose her if they did nothing and he wasn't going to even consider that thought. He felt like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders, but they had to do something.
Standing in the coridoor it felt like an eternity; he longed to go back into the delivery room but he knew he wouldn't be able to help Gail as she had received a full anaesaethic. Jim and Helen weren't there yet as it had been an emergency.
Finally he sat down, lent forward and placed his head in his hands, covering his face; his thoughts returned to his own mother and the night she died; back then he had been twelve years old and the grief he felt was unbearable. He remembered insisting on waiting up with his Gran who was sitting them to hear the good news. He remembered the colour draining from his Gran's face as she clasped the phone to her ear. He immediately knew there was something wrong and sensed it wasn't good. The same feeling was washing over him now, a feeling he couldn't push away or stop; he should never have encouraged Gail to enrol on the IVF programme, it was his fault that she was lying in the delivery room with her health at risk. Finally the door to the delivery room opened and Clive stepped out. Paul heard but didn't dare look up. Walking over to Paul he placed his hand on his shoulder and bent down.
"Paul"
"Paul, there were complications . . . . . . ."
Paul jumped up and tried to push past Clive to get in to the delivery room to see Gail.
"Paul wait, let me explain. You have two sons and a daughter, they're premature but a good weight considering their triplets. You'll be able to see them shortly in the neo-natal unit as they're just there as a precaution"
Paul looked at Clive more closely and mumbled trying to take in all the information "you haven't mentioned Gail, what's happened, where's Gail?"
"You know Gail had high blood pressure when she came in. We monitored it closely and managed to control it but she lost a lot of blood during the birth . . . . she hasn't come round from the anaesethic as well as expected . . . . .Paul, the longer Gail remains unconscious . . . . . . ."
Without thinking of their three babies Paul said "I need to be with her"
Not right now…in a while…I've got to go back in there now but I'll come and get you as soon as possible"
Clive walked back into the delivery room leaving Paul alone, he felt numb..slowly he got up and walked to the doors of the delivery room, trying to peer in through the small windows. He couldn't see anything. Grief finally overtook him as he leant against the wall; sliding down he put his head in his hands and cried.
Paul woke with a start; his body tense with sweat pouring from his head causing his pyjamas to cling to him. He couldn't work out where he was or what time it was. Jumping out of bed he walked towards the window and looked across the street in the dimlight trying to catch his breath but with difficulty.
Gail was woken by Paul's sudden movement and she couldn't be sure but thought she heard him call her name. She tried to sit up and reach out to him but couldn't.
"Paul?" she called his name gently but he didn't respond.
She looked across at the alarm clock to see it was 3am. Slowly she got out of bed and walked towards him without putting the light on in case he was sleep walking. Gently she placed her hand on the small of his back and rubbed it offering some assurance, realising he must have been in a deep sleep due to his continued shivering and warm back.
Concerned Gail broke the silence "Darling what's wrong?"
She suddenly realised he was shaking and silently sobbing;
More urgently Gail said "Paul, look at me"
Wiping his face slowly he turned and almost whispered her name "Gail?" looking down still.
Gently she took him in her arms; trying desperately to control his sobs; finally he became still. He pulled back slightly from her embrace and looked in to her eyes.
"I had a bad dream . . . . . I dreamt that you…became ill and . . . . and. . . . . they had to do an emergency caesarian but you ………."
Gail looked into his eyes and suddenly realised what Paul couldn't bring himself to say and saw the pain he was feeling. She pulled him closer and she felt him hold her even tighter, with the odd kick from one of the babies between them.
Gail tenderly stroked Paul's hair "Darling I'm here…everything is okay, it was a dream"
They both stood there for several minutes not saying anything. Paul was the first to move.
"you should go back to bed, you need your rest. I think I'll go and get a drink"
"Oh, I'm alright, I'll come with you and keep you company"
"Hey, no go on, rest, I'm fine; it was just a silly dream"
There was a firmer tone to Paul's voice and Gail knew whatever she said wouldn't change his mind so didn't pursue it and returned to bed. She was left lying in bed thinking how Paul had sobbed; he had never done that before and she couldn't get it out of her mind as she fell in to a restless sleep herself.
Gail woke early with the sun shining through the bedroom window; she looked over at Paul and saw he was still sleeping so decided to leave him; he had tossed and turned all night and now that he looked so peaceful she decided to let him rest. At least he had promised not to go into the office when he had finally returned to bed at 5am. Quietly she got out of bed and went to the bathroom to shower and get dressed; the babies were still making their presence felt but they seemed to be a little calmer. Half an hour later; after checking on Paul she went downstairs to make some breakfast. Sitting at the breakfast table looking at the morning paper she thought back to the previous day; how did she ever think that she could walk out on Paul, they had their problems but they could be sorted out, communication was never their strongpoint, but she needed him and he needed her, he was her best friend. An hour and a half past by the time Paul stumbled downstairs sleepily; Gail looked at him and smiled, he looked tired and drawn.
"Hey I woke up and reached for you but you were gone" he said
Gail smiled at him "You know I can stay in bed these days when I'm awake so I got up; you looked so peaceful I didn't want to disturb you…I was going to bring you breakfast in a while"
"I'm supposed to be looking after you remember…" Paul replied slightly annoyed that his plans to spoil Gail with breakfast in bed had been ruined.
Gail walked over to him and put her arms around his waist "its okay you can bring me breakfast in bed for the next week…I won't complain"
Paul pulled away from her embrace "I'm going to get some toast not that I'm feeling very hungry today, do you want anything else?"
"I'll have a herbal tea if you're offering"
Gail watched him walked towards the kitchen counter; she knew from his mood that he was still upset over the dream and decided to approach the subject
"Do you want to talk about the dream you had last night?"
He looked at her "Not really…it was just a silly dream…unimportant in fact I can't remember it"
She knew he was lying but decided not to push it.
Paul looked at her and saw the concern in her eyes "Hey I'm fine…don't worry about me, in fact I'm going to start on trying to put the cots together this morning"
Slightly smirking, trying not to laugh, Gail brightened "Do you want some help?"
"No….you put your feet up"
Paul ate his breakfast in silence; Gail tried to catch his eye but he purposely kept his distance. She wished he wouldn't shut her out, something was bothering him, but she knew better than to keep on at him. Sadly she walked over to the sofa, sitting down she picked up her book. Twenty minutes later Paul had finished his breakfast, getting up from the table he walked over to her and kissed her on the forehead.
"Right I'm going to work on the nursery..just shout me if you need me"
She frowned "You sure you don't want any company?"
"I can manage"
She watched him go upstairs; slowly she shook her head and threw her book down. Part of her wanted to follow him upstairs but with him in this mood, it wouldn't do any good. The dream was still playing on his mind and she wished he'd let her in; she wanted to help him but he didn't trust her enough to reveal his true feelings. She considered going upstairs after him and just sitting in the nursery watching him work but she knew she had to give him space. Reluctantly she went back to her book. An hour later there was a knock on the door, Gail put her book down and went to answer it, she smiled when she saw it was Helen.
"Hi…just thought I'd see how you were today"
"I'm fine..do you want a coffee?"
"Sure…where's Paul?, don't tell me he's at the office"
Gail sighed "He's upstairs working in the nursery; why don't you go up and see him; ask him if he'd like a coffee"
Helen looked concerned "Is everything okay?"
"Sure" Gail replied, a smile breaking on her face "We're making progress, he hasn't gone to the office today"
Helen went upstairs while Gail went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Her thoughts returned to Paul; even though he hadn't gone into the office she felt he might have well had done for all the time he spent with her this morning.
"What's wrong with him?" Helen said "He looks tired and hardly has a word to say for himself, he doesn't want a coffee, says he's too busy to stop"
Gail sighed "He's barely said two words to me all day long; I offered to sit with him in the nursery but he just didn't want me around"
"Is he worried about work; about handing things over to Rosemary?"
"No it's not that…in a way I think he's looking forward to having time off work"
"Well what is it then?"
Gail handed Helen a coffee and they went and sat back in the living room. "I don't know…but he had a nightmare last night and woke up sweating and sobbing"
"It's been a while since he had bad dreams"
"He dreamt that I became ill and had to have an emergency caesarean section and that…."
Helen closed her eyes; she didn't need to know the rest of the dream "He dreamt that he lost you..that you didn't make it"
"Something like that…but he also told me last night that seeing me like this reminded him of his mother when she was pregnant with Lucy"
"Paul was so close to his mother; closer than Julie, mind you Julie has always been headstrong. Anne went into labour at about half five in the evening; I stayed home and looked after the children…from what I can remember Julie wasn't that concerned..after all she remarked on how women were always having babies and spent the evening with one of her friends; Scott was only little so I put him to bed early, he was just excited about having another brother or sister to play with but Paul…he didn't leave my side all evening; everytime the phone rang he jumped, I tried to calm him but…I don't know he sense something. I remember Julie came home from her friend's house and went to bed and I tried to get Paul to do the same but he wouldn't. It was 1 o'clock in the morning when we got news from the hospital…he was devastated"
Gail looked at Helen, both women had tears in their eyes. It was the first time that Gail had learnt anything of Anne's death in detail. She and Paul had never talked about it.
"I'm sorry Helen"
Helen reached for Gail's hand "It's okay…the question is what are we going to do about Paul"
"Don't worry I'll take care of Paul….somehow I'll get him to talk to me"
"I remember after Anne's death he was so withdrawn; his schoolwork suffered; he had bad dreams, I know he used to cry at night, I think he felt safer in his own bedroom . . . . to let go of his emotions. In fact that is the only time I recall him having bad dreams "
"Tell me about Anne" Gail said
Helen smiled "She was the total opposite of Rosemary; oh Rosemary was always business minded, all Anne ever wanted was a family. She married Jim when she was 17 and had Paul when they were 18. The early years were difficult because they were so young; but they were happy. She lived for her children, she read them stories at night, sit up with them at all hours of the night when they were sick..that was all she ever wanted, to look after her family"
"I'm looking forward to doing that with my children…but having three at the same time is going to be hard work"
"And you'll have the whole of the Robinson family and Ramsay street to help you…not to mention Paul. I'm glad he asked Rosemary for help"
"Are you looking forward to her coming over?"
"Of course…I see little of her; we used to be so close but she's made a life for herself in the States. I hope she stays for a couple of months"
"So do I; these past few months I've seen little of Paul…I want him to share the rest of this pregnancy and the first few months after the birth without worrying about the Robinson Corporation"
Helen looked at her watch "I better go…are you still coming over for dinner tonight?"
"Sure…beside I've got a date with some old photos remember"
"Okay…see you around 6.30pm and see you can do something about my grandson"
After showing Helen out Gail went to join Paul in the nursery where he was fixing the top of a change station on. She walked up behind him and leaned her chin on his shoulder looking down at what he was doing.
"Hey you, what have you been up to?" Paul asked
"Helen has just left…we've had a nice long talk"
"Is she looking forward to Rosemary coming over?"
"Of course she is…I think she misses her. She was talking about your mum and how she and Rosemary were so different…Anne only ever wanted a family and Rosemary the business career…I know who you take after!"
"Yeah I guess so…but that's not entirely true…I love my family and I'm looking forward to these three"
"Do you remember much about your mum?"
Paul stopped what he was doing and Gail felt his back stiffen.
"She's been gone so long I've had no reason to think of her" Paul replied in an offhandedly way, not wishing to dwell on thoughts of his mother as they had been on his mind all morning.
"That isn't what I asked Paul" Gail said, placing a hand around his waist.
Paul couldn't look at her as he knew she would see the truth by looking him in the face so continued to work. Finally he quietly answered her.
"Of course I remember her, I loved her, she was my mum"
"Well tell me about her so that I can tell Chico Harpo and Groucho" she said trying to lighten the conversation.
Paul didn't reply so Gail went and sat down on the nursery chair.
"Okay so you're not going to tell me more, can I suggest something then?"
Paul looked up confused with a questioning look on his face.
"You woke up last night after a dream and haven't been yourself all morning. You've hardly spoken to me and you seem to want to be on your own"
"No I haven't" Paul protested "You said yourself that there was lots to do in the nursery so I'm just getting on with it"
"No Paul, you're hiding from something, Darling I can't help you if you don't tell me"
"Who am I kidding, I could never hide anything from you" he said smiling at Gail
"Well I am your wife"
"It was just a silly dream but I can't get it out of my head"
"Well let me see…I think I know what your dream was about . well sort of and it made you think of your mum's death through childbirth?"
Surprised at how well she knew his thoughts he said "How did you know"
"I put two and two together and when Helen started talking about Anne it made sense"
Paul looked down at the floor "I'm just being silly"
"Why don't you let me be the judge of that…come on why don't we go downstairs and I'll make lunch. You've been up here all morning"
Gail reached for Paul's hand and led him out the room. "What do you want for lunch?"
"I don't mind, are we still going to Gran for dinner tonight?"
"Yes…I want to see some of your baby pictures"
Paul groaned "Not if I can help it..come on I'll help you with lunch"
They prepared their lunch in a comfortable silence then went and sat in the living room. Paul noticed how much more relaxed Gail looked.
"How are you feeling?" he asked
"I'm fine…your offspring are still making their presence felt but that's a good thing. Just at the moment I'm more worried about you Mr Robbo"
"I told you I'm fine…"
Gail looked at him "No you're not…I saw you last night after that dream you were sobbing and shaking…talk to me"
"I told you…it's just silly"
"Paul I love you…nothing you do or say is silly"
Paul looked away; Gail squeezed his hand in reassurance.
"You asked me if I remember much about my mum" he started, sighing he continued "I remember the night she died and that's been on my mind all day long as well as you and what could happen"
Gail looked at him; her heart ached for him "Darling nothing is going to happen to me…we're going to have three perfect babies…you're not getting rid of me"
A comfortable silence fell over the room; Gail wanted him to continue but she didn't want to push him.
"The day Lucy was born…I remember being at school and feeling sick, I had a feeling that something bad was going to happen…it was just a stupid childish thing but I felt uneasy all day. At about five o'clock dad took Mum to hospital, Gran made us tea and Julie left to go to a friend's house; once Scott went to bed Gran and I just sat in the lounge watching television waiting for the news, what we thought would be good news. Gran tried to get me to go to bed but I refused…in the end she let me stay up. It was really late when dad called…I remember seeing Gran's face…it was white almost ghostlike. She put the phone down and hugged me then she told me . . . . I couldn't believe it, I begged her to let me go to the hospital, I needed to see mum but Gran flatly refused."
Gail saw the tears in Paul's eyes; she snuggled closer to him and placed her head on his shoulder.
Paul continued "I cried myself to sleep that night…huh, the only time since then that I've felt such pain was yesterday when I realised you had left me. Gail I don't want to lose you; I love you too much and nothing is more important to me, and I admit I'm scared, what if you go into that delivery room and I never see you again" raising his voice in suggestion.
Gail looked at him, smiled and held his chin in her hand "Robbo, you're not getting out of things that easily, I want you there with me in the delivery room, and I will see these children with you and no-one else first. Everything will be fine….this is what we both want…these babies are so special…something I never thought I would have…you've been so supportive with the IVF, we will get through this together I promise"
Paul stroked her face "I'm sorry…I guess I've been preoccupied today and neglected you, but I just didn't feel I could talk about what was bothering me."
"I knew something was on your mind. Look the books I'm reading try to prepare you for the birth, I'm not ashamed to say that I'm a little nervous about what to expect . . . . the pain"
"I guess we have both been pre-occupied then! It's just it has brought memories of Mum's death back. I remember the weeks after mum's death…couldn't eat, sleep and schoolwork just wasn't important. Lucy was still in the hospital which I guess was a relief for Dad, he used to visit her and pretend everything was okay but I knew it wasn't. When she came home; she was so small, so fragile…it took a while for Dad to accept her…of course; Julie was in her element and took charge during the day. Sometimes Dad was like a zombie…you could be talking to him and he'd look straight through you, the family was falling apart…Gran did what she could but Dad was determined to look after his own family.
Paul paused and looked down, taking a sip of his coffee.
"Darling, that sounds awful"
"Well Lucy was a really good baby, hardly ever cried except when hungry or a nappy change. Dad used to have her in his room at night, or so we thought but I got up one night walked into the living room and there she was, alone in her bassinet. I didn't know if to tell someone so in the end I stayed awake until Dad was asleep and go and sit with Lucy. I used to force myself to stay awake so that the minute she cried I could feed her.
"but how did you do that without anybody knowing?"
After a few weeks of that I was exhausted, my schoolwork was suffering and I would just fall asleep at the dinner table. Gran asked me what was wrong and I told her..it was then that she told Dad that she was going to move in. It was her that kept the family together…without her I dread to think what would have happened"
Paul's voice was getting quieter in tone and Gail could sense that he was finding it harder to talk about his memories. He started to fiddle with the cushion corner as a distraction.
"It must have been difficult for her; I mean grieving for her lost daughter and worrying about the family"
"She just got on with it…she became focused on us and Dad; gradually Dad started to look after Lucy more but he still had to work so Gran stayed, I couldn't imagine Ramsay Street without her when I was growing up."
"I know what you mean, it didn't seem right when she got her own unit last year. Paul, have you ever talked to your Dad or Helen about this?"
"Mum's death is something we just don't talk about…I guess we're always reminded of it on Lucy's birthday or at least I am and I'm sure Dad and Gran are, I think Scott was too young to realise what was going on…I've never talked to him about it in fact I've never talked to anyone about it until now"
"What do you remember most about your mum?"
Paul smiled and laughingly replied "Her smile, the way every time she smiled her eyes lit up; Lucy looks so much like her"
Gail laughed when a thought struck her. Sitting up and getting Paul's attention by placing her hand on his chest "Paul…we haven't even thought of any names but what do you think of Lucinda Anne if we have a girl?"
Cheekily smiling broadly for the first time in a little while Paul replied "Nah….not really a boy's name is it?"
Gail gently hit him "Who said anything about all boys…"
"I think one Lucy in this family is enough for anyone" Paul laughed but looking at Gail, he suddenly realised she was serious "You're serious aren't you!"
"Yes!…besides we'd call her Lucinda and not shorten it"
Maybe…uhhh, just don't know what Julie will think about it"
"Hey these are our children not hers and you can put her on to me if she starts" playfully nudging Paul " after all Lucy is the founder member of my fan club remember?"
"Of course, I'd forgotten about that…okay so if one of these babies is a boy..we'll call him after your Dad."
Gail paused, looked down and went quiet. Paul sensed the change of mood; cursing himself for being so focused on his own feelings and his mum he'd forgotten that Gail was still grieving for her father; he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him "I'm sorry" he whispered kissing her forehead.
"I know…" she replied "I just can't believe he's gone..but I guess these babies are just proof that life goes on; how about Robert James Robinson if we have a boy?"
Paul smiled "If you want…now we just have to come up with a couple more boys and girls names, we just don't know what surprises are waiting for us!"
"Chico, Harpo or Groucho…what do you think?" Gail asked teasingly
Paul grimaced "I can see our children hating us forever if we gave them those names, at least we got two names; let's see what name we like when we see them"
Gail nodded her head in agreement "Are you okay with them being born on your mum's birthday?"
"Sure"
For the first time since the night before Gail looked at Paul and thought he looked more relaxed and almost relieved that he had talked about his feelings. She still felt a little guilty how she hadn't guessed there was something wrong before now, but they had talked and that was the important thing.
Paul looked at his watch "Gags, what do you want to do this afternoon?"
"I did notice that you didn't get the cots made up" Gail smiled "Do you want to ask your Dad to help and get them finished?"
"I have been working in there!, I've just been preoccupied, maybe I'll ask Dad tonight and see if he is available tomorrow morning…right now I want to spend some time with you"
Turning to kiss Paul tenderly Gail smiled. Just those words from Paul eased the unhappiness and loneliness she had experienced over the past couple of weeks "How about we get out of here and go for a walk..we could go to the park and get an ice cream"
"Sounds good to me…you sit there while I wash the dishes" Paul said gently kissing her.
Gail watched him in the kitchen and smiled to herself; she knew without a doubt that she loved Paul, today had just confirmed that even more, no other man had ever come close to what she felt for him; getting up from the sofa, she walked over towards him and wrapped her arms around his waist.
"Hey I told you to stay on the sofa" Paul laughed
"Since when do I take any notice of you Robinson" Gail replied, resting her head on his shoulder she whispered in his ear "I love you so much"
Paul turned and smiled "I love you too…I don't know if I could live without you"
"That's good then as you don't have to…I'm here and I'm staying; all I want is for you to stop being a workaholic"
Wiping his hands on the tea towel Paul pulled her closer to him as he kissed her holding her face with both hands; as he held her tighter he felt the kick of one of the babies, laughing he gently pulled away "I'll be glad when these three make an appearance maybe then I won't be interrupted when I'm trying to kiss my wife!"
"Don't bank on it, you'll just be kept up all night by our children…come on let's go and get some fresh air, it will do us both good."
Twenty minutes later Paul and Gail stepped out into the bright sunshine.
"You sure you don't feel tired?" Paul asked
Gail smiled "Of course not, I've been resting all morning I need to get out"
They drove in a comfortable silence to the park. Gail relaxed and closed her eyes. Paul glanced at her and smiled; realising that this was what he wanted; just him and Gail together, looking after their children. On arriving at the park, Paul got out first and opened the door for Gail; she smiled whilst struggling to elegantly get out of the car, Paul tried to stifle a laugh but Gail was already on to him and shot him a knowing frown
"sorry, I'm not laughing at you but the look of concentration on your face!"
"well, any day you want to swap just let me know; after all you could say that it is your fault I'm in this condition!"
"Oooh, from my knowledge darling, I think there just might be a problem swapping places!"
Paul and Gail walked quietly around the lake hand in hand and came to a stop to sit on the bench where they watched the children play.
"In two years time, that will be our children playing there!" Gail said
"and we'll be having a sleep as we'll be so worn out!!" replied Paul teasingly
"Yeah" Gail smiled, looking at Paul she wondered what their children would be like; who would they look like or whose temper would they have.
Paul looked at her "Yo, what are you thinking?"
"Oh, I was miles away, I was just wondering what these three will be like…whether they will be their own characters or take more after you or me"
"Hopefully a bit of both…your beauty and my brains"
"Hey watch it!" Gail teasingly hit him "There's nothing wrong with my brains…"
"Of course not…you were smart enough to marry me weren't you"
Gail laughed "Robinson..you are so full of yourself"
Paul looked at her "Do you ever regret our marriage . . . . . . I mean how we started out?"
Gail looked at Paul and looked down thoughtfully for a minute, yes she regretted the initial reason they married but she didn't regret marrying him.
"Darling I love you…you know that, the only thing I regret is the reason we did it…it should have been because we loved each other and not a business deal, but perhaps we wouldn't have been here now if it were different back then, who knows!. The most important thing now is that it's all changed – for the better, and knowing how much having a family meant to you made me realise how much I really wanted a baby with you. I hadn't even considered it a possibility until then."
Paul smiled "fair comment"
Gail broke the silence "if I could turn back time I think I would have liked a church blessing"
"We could still do that"
Gail laughed "Get married for the third time…maybe in 23 years time on our 25 anniversary"
"I like the sound of that" Paul said
"God…I cringe when I think of that first wedding.. I hated having to lie to the family"
"When do you think things changed between us?" Paul asked "I mean from friendship to something more"
Gail laughed "To be honest I couldn't really tell you . . . . . it's a long time ago now. I think I tried to block out any thoughts of those sort of feelings"
"Go on tell me, I'm intrigued, I know when"
"Well, there was your 'friend' Crystal, I felt, I don't know, as if I was missing out then. I remember us kissing after we explained or rather lied to Lucy about Crystal and how much in love we were; the look on your face was shock, almost disgust and I knew that nothing could ever happen between us"
Paul pulled her closer to him and kissed her "Ah, I think I was more surprised than anything; we had both agreed that there would never be any emotional strings…that the most important thing was business and protecting ourselves from being hurt again…we overstepped the mark and I put the barriers up again; beside I knew that the women I had relationships with didn't stay around long, and I didn't want to lose the best friend I had"
Gail looked at him sadly "There were times that I hated the way things were; keeping our distance; the evening you got the call about Lucy being sick, I wanted to go with you but you stopped me"
"Wasn't your Dad there though? You needed to be with him, beside I had the rest of my family with me…there wasn't any point in you being there…you needed to sort things out with Rob"
"That's exactly what I mean"
Paul looked confused
"You said your family was at the hospital and at that point I wasn't part of that; we had a business contract….we were two friends living in the same house; working in the same office but that was where it ended"
Paul stroked the side of her face "I don't know…I had built up so many barriers that I couldn't let myself feel anything emotional but with Lucy so ill, I was vulnerable and I couldn't show that, if you had shown me any kind of comfort I'm honestly not sure what would have happened to our relationship…something was changing, I missed you but couldn't tell you that"
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I didn't think you would feel the same way, I was scared of rejection, and when Glen arrived I realised I didn't have a chance. The evening you went out with him I felt so down; I guess I was jealous but I didn't realize back then"
"Paul you could have joined us, I asked you to"
Paul laughed "I didn't want to play gooseberry"
Rolling her eyes Gail gently punched his arm "Glen complained that I talked about you the entire evening! I remember hoping that you would join us and watching the door"
Teasingly Gail said "I seem to remember Glen saying that he had hoped I wasn't happy in my marriage . . . quite flattering really!"
Gaining a snide glance from Paul in the process.
"But that night when you came home you told me that you hadn't really enjoyed yourself or something like that; you were preoccupied but I just thought that was because of work"
"No…Glen remarked that I hadn't stopped talking about you all night long and that I was obviously in love with you and there was no room in my life for him…I guess it got me thinking"
Paul closed his eyes "I nearly knocked on your door after you said goodnight . . . "
"Maybe you should have?" raising an eyebrow whilst smiling at Paul.
"Okay…can I ask you a question?" Paul asked
"Sure…can't promise I'll answer" Gail said whilst sitting up and straightening her back.
"The evening I walked into the house and overheard you and Gran talking…she asked you if you loved me…"
Nodding her head remembering the conversation "and I replied"
"Did you mean it?"
"Paul…I would never look Helen in the eye and lie to her; of course I meant it and I knew you had overheard. You looked so smug when you walked into the living room and I knew it had nothing to do with giving Henry his job back"
"When I asked you about that later why didn't you tell me the truth?"
"Like you say the relationship was purely business, if I had told you the truth I didn't know what you would say…I needed to hear how you felt before I said anything. Going to New York was supposed to be a way to clear my head…give me some space but I missed you so much and I knew I couldn't hide my feelings anymore, I needed to get away from that farce of a marriage because I was in too deep"
Laughing, Paul commented "The afternoon that you left, I came home to say goodbye; the window was closed and I told you that I'd miss you but you didn't hear!"
"We were silly weren't we…we wasted so much time and missed out on so much"
"Do you ever think about how your life would have changed if you had gone to New York…I mean the job that Rosemary offered you would have been a promotion?"
Gail didn't even need to think of a response "No…the minute you told me you loved me…New York was a distant memory…I finally had what I wanted….you"
Paul kissed her tenderly on the lips and laughed "Thank goodness for Scottie"
Yes you're brother; he was like a dog with a bone; he just wouldn't give up"
"Tell me about it, .but he made me realize that if I let you walk out my life without telling you how I felt then I'd regret it"
Gail laughed sarcastically "Yeah nothing like leaving it until the 11th hour; I should have known Scott was up to something when he offered to drive me to the airport"
Paul laughed "Better late than never…look what we would have missed out on if I had let you go"
"I know" Gail said "There is so much to look forward to; watching our children grow up; the first steps; the first words but the one thing promise me that you will never put business before your family"
Paul put his arm around her "Cross my hear, I won't I promise; just at this moment I regret buying the Daniels Corporation but it was just that I had worked so hard building the business up"
Gail smiled "We both worked hard and I'm not asking you to give it up, just look at different ways of working so you don't have to work half the night. I love you and I want to share these children with you; I know you want them as much as I do"
"I'm going to ask Rosemary to take on more help for the office, and see if she can suggest any ways to reduce the loans" Paul looked at her "You know there's no reason why you can't come back to the office…even part time, I mean we've got the crèche there…I just miss having you around"
Gail smiled and squeezed his hand "We'll see…but you could always bring work home with you during the afternoons especially if it can be done away from the office, ah but before you get any ideas Robbo that does not mean you can bring work home to do all weekend"
"Okay, okay let's make a pact; the weekends are for family only; picnics in the park, trips to the beach or whatever else" Paul said
"Fine by me" Gail replied "And we take proper holidays…we don't let work takeover"
"Uhhh,. . . . .the past few months have been crazy haven't they?"
"You could say that but things can get better, I mean yesterday I walked out on you thinking that our marriage was over and now look at us…I can't think of any place I'd rather be than with you"
Paul kissed her, gently pulling her closer to him "We need to communicate; if something is wrong we tell each other and never let things get to the point that they did yesterday…I admit I was in the wrong; I was thoughtless and probably deserved what happened but I thought you knew how I felt about you"
"Deep down I think I did, but grief does funny things to you and all I could see was your obsession with the business and how we were…I felt I wasn't just grieving for the death of my father but for the death of our marriage" Gail said sadly
Paul closed his eyes; he felt an overwhelming sense of sadness at how Gail had felt; opening his eyes he gently stroked her face he looked into her eyes "I love you more than life itself and nothing is more important to me than you….you taught me how to love again; how to trust someone again and know that they won't let you down"
Gail felt the tears form in her eyes "That's all I want to hear…I love you too"
Paul looked at her and smiled "Hey how about we get that ice cream and then head home"
Gail brightened "Okay…sounds good to me"
They walked around the park eating their ice cream; both reflecting on the day's events; finally they had opened up to each other completely and felt better for it. Paul vegged out on the sofa reading the paper whilst Gail put her feet up on his lap and had an afternoon nap.
"Yo, anyone home?"
Helen was in the kitchen when Paul and Gail arrived later that evening.
"Hey you two…everything okay?"
"Sure" both replied
"When is dinner, I'm starving" Paul said
Gail replied "hey gutsy"
"Soon…your father has just taken Lucy to Emma's, she's staying the night.
"I thought it was just you and the kids tonight" Gail replied
"So did I, but the kids have both got better offers . . . . "
Gail playfully placed her hand on Paul's chest and teased "Isn't that a shame Darling, you were so looking forward to a game of Twister!"
Helen laughed "An old friend of Beverley's phoned her; apparently she's spending the weekend here and wanted to meet up, so Jim told her to go, he didn't mind cancelling their evening out. Between you and me I think he wanted to see you both; he's still worried about yesterday"
Paul frowned "Everything is fine"
Gail agreed "You know what we're like…we always manage to sort things out eventually, maybe with a little help"
Helen looked at them, they seemed more relaxed than they had the night before "What time is Rosemary coming tomorrow; I forgot to ask her as I was so surprised to hear she was coming"
"I think just before lunch about 11.30am"
"Do you want me to pick her up?"
Paul thought for a moment "Mmm that would be great, I was going to ask Dad for some help putting the cots up in the nursery so we could do that in the morning"
"And I could make lunch for everyone" Gail said
Paul looked at her "Ahem I don't think so; you're supposed to be resting remember"
Gail smirked as she said "Okay you have two choices either I make lunch or I supervise you and Jim putting up the cots…the choice is yours"
Paul laughed remembering her supervision when he was trying to put up the drawers "Okay you can make lunch but I'm going to keep an eye on you so that you don't overdo things"
Gail rolled her eyes "Relax making a few sandwiches and salad isn't going to be too exhausting"
Jim arrived complaining how much Lucy had taken with her for just one night. They sat down to a relaxing dinner and the conversation steered away from the events of the previous day and to plans for the next. After dinner Helen suggested that Paul and Jim wash up while she and Gail move in to the lounge for coffee. Jim tried to get out of the washing up by suggesting going to the Waterhole but Paul declined saying he'd sooner stay in. Moving into the lounge Gail and Helen sat down on the sofa and picked up one of the photo albums on the coffee table. Helen looked at Gail; in her eyes the despair of the past week had disappeared, she looked happy and contented.
"You sure everything is okay…how's Paul?" she asked
Gail smiled "He's absolutely fine…we had a long chat, I know what's been bothering him, I think we spoke about things that he's never spoken to anyone about..It's funny…." Gail looked down thoughtfully
"What?" Helen asked as she lent forward and started to poor the coffee and herbal tea.
Gail looked towards the kitchen, she knew that if Paul overheard her his ego would be inflated but she wanted to say it, lowering her voice she looked at Helen and smiled Wistfully she explained "When you're a teenager you think you have life figured out; you find that one special love and you think no-one else will come close….that's how I felt about Jeremy…that he was the one" Gail laughed "My one true love and that no-one else would ever take his place; I could never feel for another man what I felt for him but then ten years down the line things change..you realize that what you felt back then was just a romantic notion; that the person who you loved most in the world hurts you and lets you down, just when you think that you're through with love and romance someone comes along and turns your world upside down. What I feel for Paul is stronger and more powerful; I love him so much and I want to spend the rest of my life with him; my one true love…the one special person in my life is Paul not Jeremy…even though he drives me crazy at times"
Helen looked at her as silence filled the room, Gail looked at her and smiled "I know for a fact that if it had been Jeremy I had walked out on yesterday I would have kept on walking but…I couldn't bring myself to leave Paul."
"You two are good for each other; I always thought that even when you were just business partners"
Gail grimaced "I hate that…we talked about it this afternoon and I don't regret marrying him just the reason we did it which at the time seemed a good idea. I hated the lies we told but thinking back I think we were lying to ourselves more than anyone else"
"It's irrelevant now; I mean what you have now is more important and from what I can see it's solid"
The room fell into silence as they looked through the family album; Gail every now and again commented on what a cute baby her husband was; half an hour later Paul and Jim walked in. Paul grimaced when he saw what they were looking at.
"Dad just please tell me that you've taken out the photos of me in the bath"
"Too late…seen those already!" Gail laughed
Paul rolled his eyes "What is it about parents taking photos of their children in the bath, don't they realize how embarrassing it is"
"I'll remind you of this conversation when you're doing the same thing in a couple of months" Gail laughed
Helen moved over to the opposite side of the room so that Paul could sit by Gail; the couple locked hands as they looked through the photos together. Jim and Helen watched and exchanged a look; relieved that things were finally okay between them; they seemed so together. Laughter filled the room as Jim and Helen picked up one of the other albums. Gail teased Paul about the school photographs of him in short trousers asking him why he didn't wear them in the office when the weather was hot; Paul although filled with embarrassment was happy to hear his wife's laughter.
"Gail you just better hope you're children don't turn out like their father" Jim said
"Why…he's quite cute really"
Jim laughed "I guess so…but from the moment he could speak his favorite words were 'one more', 'one more ice cream…one more go on the swings…one more hamburger…one more story…one more hour before bedtime'. It used to drive us crazy"
"And neither one of you could refuse him" Helen interrupted
"You were just as bad…you think Lucy was spoilt…good grief she doesn't even come close to how much Paul got away with" Jim said "His fourth birthday party…Anne was up with him all night long because she allowed him to eat too much chocolate ice cream and he was sick"
Gail laughed "Paul…you don't like chocolate ice cream"
"Now you know why" Jim laughed "Then on the evening of his seventh birthday I caught him sneaking out of the house; to go into the garage to ride his bike…it was 9pm and he was supposed to be in bed"
"I remember that" Helen said "In his dressing gown and slippers"
"Scott was just as bad" Paul said in his own defense.
"I agree…Scott was mischievous but he learnt that from you; Julie was just bossy and Lucy…just knew how to wrap everyone around her finger" Jim said
Gail continued looking at the photos; suddenly she held one up "How could anyone refuse a child with a face that cute"
Paul grimaced when he saw the picture…his face and tee shirt were covered in chocolate ice cream.
Jim looked at a picture of Paul with his mother and quietly said "The truth was she worshipped you; you were her first born and although I shouldn't say it, her favorite. She thought the sun shone out of you and would give you anything you wanted"
"I know how she felt" Gail said quietly
Jim handed the album to Paul and Gail. Gail moved closer to Paul and put her head on his shoulder. She saw the tears in his eyes and squeezed his hand, trying to comfort him. Paul composed himself and looked at his father.
"What happened to her…why did she die?"
Jim was silent "It was a long time ago Paul, not now"
"But we've never talked about it; we shut it up and pretended that she was just a memory"
Jim looked down then looked at Gail; memories of Anne pregnant with Lucy came flooding back and he was transported back over 12 years "I don't think it's something we should talk about now"
"Why?"
Jim tried to lighten the mood "That was another of your favorite words"
Gail looked at Paul tightening her grip on his hand. Jim looked at Gail and saw her nod slightly to him and then saw Paul needed to know the truth.
"Okay…Paul your mother was ill, she had extremely high blood pressure during the pregnancy; the doctors were worried about pre eclampsia and at one point they even suggested terminating the pregnancy for Anne's own safety but she wouldn't hear of it. She said that if it was a choice between her life and her baby's, then the baby came first. I pleaded with her to change her mind but she was so stubborn and refused, it caused a rift between us. She went into labour early which in some respect was a relief as we felt the longer she lasted the more chance of something going wrong; her kidneys, liver . . . .. She came through the birth okay but suffered a brain hemorrhage later which in turn caused a massive heart attack..there was nothing any of the doctors could do"
"Why didn't I know she was ill?"
"Paul…she knew you too well; she knew if you thought something was really wrong you'd worry and she didn't want that, as it was towards the end you were constantly by her side every moment you could be. She loved you so much she didn't want you to worry about her"
Paul felt the tears in his eyes; gently letting go of Gail's hand he said he would go and get some fresh coffee and more biscuits. A tense silence filled the air. Jim was the first to speak.
"Gail…I'm sorry I didn't want to say anything"
"It's okay…he had a really bad dream last night and it made him think of his mother…she's been on his mind a lot today…I think he needed to know the truth" Gail replied
"Shall I go and see him?" Jim asked
Gail smiled "No…I'll go"
Gail carefully got up and walked into the kitchen; she found Paul standing by the sink filling the kettle. She walked up to him and gently placed her hand on his back.
"Hey" She said
Paul turned at the sound of her voice; she pulled him into an embrace whispering words of reassurance, when they pulled away he looked at her
"How could I not know that she was so ill?"
"Darling people are good at hiding feelings from people…come on we're the prime example. Maybe you're more like her than you realize"
"mmm" Paul replied with a hint of a smile.
The couple were silent for a while, both content to be in each others company each one knowing what the other was thinking without the need for words. Paul broke the silence.
"Glad you're here Mrs Robbo"
Gail smiled "So am I. How about we go back in there and look at some more pictures"
Paul smiled as he took the drinks tray and biscuits back in to the living room with Gail. Sitting back down Jim looked across at Paul.
"Okay mate?"
Paul nodded "Yes…I just wanted to know the truth but I didn't realize how it would affect me"
The conversation turned back to the photographs; Gail snuggled up to Paul even closer.
"So tell me about the mischievous side of my husband" Gail said looking at Jim.
"Where do I start?... I remember his second Christmas; he was about 15 months old and had just started toddling although he was faster while crawling. Unfortunately one day Anne was busy in the nursery; one minute he was quietly playing with his toys next he was out the door before she turned around."
"I remember another time" Helen replied "I walked in to find Paul on the floor surrounded by wrapping paper and every Christmas present unpacked. I think that was the last time we left presents under the tree when the children were little"
Paul laughed "That was not me, it was Julie"
Jim laughed "I don't think so..in fact there must be a picture in here somewhere" he said as he looked through the album, finding the page he needed he put the album on the coffee table and turned it to face Paul and Gail.
Gail laughed "Guilty as charged darling"
"He was always was so impatient" Helen said
"Still is" Gail replied, resting her head on Paul's shoulder as she slipped her hand through his arm.
Gail continued flicking through the photographs and smiled when she saw a picture of Paul holding baby Lucy.
"I forgot about that picture" Paul said, he took the book and turned it towards Jim.
"She was four months old; the day of her christening, the funny thing about that day was that she cried so much Helen nor I could settle her, she cried through the christening, finally we placed her back in her cot and hoped she'd settled down eventually, five minutes later she was still crying so Paul went to her and just talked to her; I remember watching him gently pick her up and she stopped. I don't know if it was because she was tired or if she just felt safe in his arms" Jim said
Gail smiled "I hope you're going to have that magic with ours" she said
Paul looked at her "No we are going to make terrific parents, I told you once that we will give our child as much love as it can handle and we will"
Jim went back to looking at the photographs occasionally glancing at the couple opposite him; Gail's head was on Paul's shoulder and their hands were locked as one, relief flowed through him when he realized that these two were going to make it; he hadn't seen them this happy and together in ages. Helen looked at her watch it was nearly nine o'clock.
"How about I make some more coffee?" she said
"Do you want some help?" Gail asked
Helen shook her head "You stay there…Jim can help"
Jim followed Helen into the kitchen while Paul and Gail continued flicking through the albums, stopping every now and again and laughing.
"Are you getting tired?" Paul asked
"A little bit" Gail admitted "But I don't want to go just yet; you know, I love being part of this family"
Paul smiled "This family loves having you in it, especially me"
Jim stood by the kitchen sink while Helen made the coffee; he felt tired.
"Those two look so happy, yesterday I thought their marriage was over but seeing them tonight…"
"I know…the only problem they really have is Paul's obsession with work and lack of communication. At the end of the day there's a strong connection between them that I don't really think they understand" Helen replied distantly thinking "They just need our support especially once the babies are born".
"Seeing Gail tonight reminded me of Anne pregnant with Lucy but Gail looks so much healthier; she has a glow about her" Jim said
"I know, Paul is worried about her but I think it will be fine;' she's done everything by the book…oooh I can't wait to see my great grandchildren"
"Christmas is going to be fun this year" Jim said
They wandered back into the living room and Jim placed the tray with coffee and biscuits on the table. They sat chatting while they drank and every now and again Jim would tell another story about Paul's childhood. Paul sensed Gail was falling asleep as her head became heavier on his shoulder.
"Hey" he said, kissing her gently on the head "Wake up sleepy head"
Gail opened her eyes and smiled "I'm sorry, I guess it's been a long day"
Paul looked at his watch "Thanks for a lovely evening Gran, but I think it's time we went home; someone needs their bed"
"I'm fine" Gail said "Just a while longer"
"Don't you start" Jim laughed accusingly at Gail "What time do you want me to come around tomorrow"
Paul looked at Gail "How about 10am"
"Fine"
"Gran you don't mind picking Rosemary up?" Paul asked
"No I told her I probably would" Helen replied
Jim and Helen walked the couple to the door, after saying goodnight Paul and Gail walked hand in hand across the street. Paul turned as they entered
"Do you want a herbal tea or tea tea?"
"mmm"
"Yo, Gail, anybody home?"
"Oh, sorry, I was thinking"
"Anything interesting?"
"Silly really, I suddenly thought how much I had enjoyed myself tonight yet I was only at Dad's funeral yesterday"
Paul knew however he replied he would still feel a pain of guilt of how Rob came to have his car crash.
"Darling . . . . "
"I know, Dad wouldn't want me to dwell on anything"
"Well, I was going to say that he was always the life and soul of the party more"
Gail smiled at Paul "yeah, you're right"
As Gail turned to go upstairs Paul caught her arm and faced her "Hey you, thanks for everything; for being my best friend, my wife and the mother of my children"
Gail smiled "I could say the same about you…we're in this together and nothing can divide us. Not going soft now are you Robbo"
Later Gail sat up reading a parenthood book whilst Paul was on his front falling in to a light sleep. Gail looked at him and smiled; she was relieved to hear him sleeping soundly unlike the previous night. Eventually she put the bedside light out and made herself as comfortable as possible beside Paul.