Roy decided to ride with Cougar which left Sam with me. Cougar took one way back to Jim's, I took another just in case anyone decided to try to follow us, Sam kept an eye on his phone from texts from either Roy or Cougar that they had picked up any tails and I kept an eye on my rear view mirror.

It didn't take long for me to see the random looks of wondering if he should talk or not he was giving me while waiting for the phone to ring, "Later Sam, a whole lot later."

It was starting to sink in to both of us just what we'd seen and been a part of. Sam would probably start to get all philosophical or something since most of the times we deal with a pagan anything it's usually killing people and so our job is to kill it. We hadn't talked too much about Native spirits and all that after that vision all those years ago, seeing as how I was on my way to Hell and we were a bit more concerned about that. This was a whole other side of things that we'd never really dealt with before. Sure we know about souls and ghosts but they usually don't wander around doing things while the person they belong to is still alive and kicking. Then there was the fact that my Warrior Spirit had looked like it had been tortured by a psychopathic serial killer. That hit way too close to home. Sure, I'd known how bad I gotten with the Mark and all that, but knowing it and seeing a physical manifestation of it aren't quite the same thing. Especially when what I'd been looking at was me, just in a four legged form. No wonder my nightmares had made Coyote sick to her stomach.

Thankfully Sam decided to leave off asking questions and all I had to listen to was the radio, which worked until Silent Lucidity happened to pop up on the station that was playing. Crap. After everything she'd done for me over the years and taking on the burden of helping with the nightmares I couldn't do a damn thing for her and the reason I couldn't was my stupid choices. If she didn't make it through...

"Dean, stop."

"Stop what?"

Exasperated really didn't cover the look he had on his face, it was closer to disgusted. "You know what. I see it on your face already. You're trying to find some screwed up reason her being hurt is your fault. Stop it. She's tough, Cougar knows what he's doing and I get the distinct feeling that she prepped for this. Notice how quick he knew what to go for in those pouches. Last time I checked he wasn't a shaman. She said she'd had visions about this and she was way too tense for her to not have a clue something was going to go bad. So stop."

"I know. I saw it, right before that last attack. She was scared Sam. You know her, not much scares her. I should have.."

"What? Neither of us really had a clue what was going on out there. We were her warriors, we sure as hell weren't calling the shots on this one. She had to stop Leaping Deer, she made her choice. Just like we do."

"And this is why I hate going in blind on this stuff! If we'd had more time, more info we could have been a lot more useful. She could have called earlier." Even I knew that sounded stupid, I'd been the last person she would have wanted to call.

"Sure, going in to that situation while the Mark was still on you would have been so much better."

"You don't have to be a dick about it."

"When you stop being an idiot, I'll stop being a dick."

Unfortunately I didn't have a good comeback for that one so I just kept my trap shut the rest of the way to Jim's house. Cougar had already gotten there and was waiting for us. We parked and he and Roy got out.

"Any chance he left the place unlocked or we have a key?" I asked.

"Not sure, we just pulled up," Cougar answered.

Roy started walking towards the door, "I'll check it out. If that upstairs window is still open I'll go that way if I have to." He tried the door, it was locked so he jogged around the back.

I didn't really need to watch him so I focused on Coyote who wasn't looking any better. Her face and shirt were covered in sweat and her hands were balled up into fists. "How is she?"

Cougar shook his head. That cold, down to business look he'd had since they'd shown up the day before was gone. He, like Coyote earlier, was scared and looking pretty damn helpless. "I wish I knew. I can't see spirits like she can."

"How did you know what to do earlier?" Sam asked.

"She told me and I've spent years helping Shamans. She had a vision that warned her to guard her spirit well. It didn't say exactly why of course, but she listened and prepared. We went through all the books Rising Dove had left her and came up with a few things. Shamans don't usually write their secrets down but since she started training so late he feared he would leave us before he could teach her everything."

"So what, you burn incense, chant and we wait?"

Cougar's eyes locked onto mine, there was a rather large warning in them. "Yes. That is the best we can do. This is not your.."

That was not the answer I wanted, "World. I know! Personally, I'm thinking your world kind of sucks."

"Dean!" Sam snapped.

"Uh guys?" Roy said from the front door, "It's open."

There had to be answers somewhere, "Sam, you help Cougar, I'll grab your laptop and see what I can find. There has to be something out there."

That would be when Cougar grabbed my jacket and shoved me up against the car, "You are not a Shaman," he looked way too much like his namesake right about then, except with smaller teeth. "You cannot speak the language and you do not know our ways. Your spirit is corrupted. You will learn nothing and if you try to help you will most likely kill her. Stay away or I'll make good on my earlier statement. Are we clear?"

"I can't just sit here and do nothing."

"Then leave. It's what you're best at isn't it?"

Sam barely caught my fist before it nailed Cougar in the face. "Dean! Not helping! Calm down!"

"Shouldn't you be letting him help her instead of picking a fight?" Roy asked.

"Sam, get off me."

"You good?"

"Yeah." I dropped my hands, Cougar backed away and I walked away. He was right, I knew it but it didn't make things any easier, not when I can remember the day her and I first met like it was yesterday. I'd decided to take the weekend off and drop by Bobby's, hadn't seen him in a few months. I was well on my way to a good, comfy buzz when this Charger pulled up and she got out. She looked too clean and too sane to be a hunter but she opened the door like she'd been there before.

"Bobby? You home?" She said as she walked in.

"He's out back," I answered from the couch. She took a good look at me, I returned the favor but in a much more cocky, early twenty something, hot chick just walked in the door kind of way. She didn't seem all that impressed by that.

"All right, I'll just wait in the kitchen then."

I scooted towards one end of the couch and patted the cushion next to me, "There's room right here." Yeah, I was that blunt.

"Thanks but your ego and testosterone seem to have taken over the entire living room. I'm good."

"You don't have to be so harsh, I was just being friendly."

"Uh huh. You drive that Impala?"

I remember thinking I might have a chance to save some of my dignity, "Yeah." The back door to the kitchen creaked just before she answered.

"Poor thing, I feel sorry for her. A high class girl like that being forced to share space with a low class guy like you. Tragic really."

I hadn't heard Bobby laugh that loud or that long before. He staggered into the living room while laughing his ass off, "Sorry Dean, should have warned you. Coyote's not exactly the type of woman you should hit on. You're lucky she didn't just deck you right off."

"I figured since he was in your house he was a friend of yours and decided to be polite." Then she smiled and I was hooked. Sure she'd just shot me down hard and fast but she'd done it with some serious style and that smile gave me a glimpse into who she really was. It took her a bit longer to warm up to me but after a few beers, some more good natured insults and Bobby making sure the conversation didn't get awkward she stayed a lot longer than she'd planned that day. When she finally left we'd gotten close enough to exchange some pretty interesting hugs and our numbers. I watched her pull away and started missing her before she even finished turned out of his driveway.

Bobby came down the steps and put his hand on my shoulder. "Son, if I was going to pick any woman for you, that's the one I'd pick. Call her." Then he squeezed my shoulder, nodded and went back inside.

I called a week or so later, asked where she was and if she wanted to hang out. She was pretty quick to say yes and we started this weird, complicated relationship that we both refused to really let develop. It had always been there before I'd written that letter to her, we both knew what was between us. We just chose not to pursue them. Now she was fighting for her life after helping me stay sane and the one place I wanted to be, right there next to her, was the last place I could be.

Jim's backyard was as empty as the rest of his house so I just sat down on the grass. I heard them get her into the house, the front door shut, then nothing other than the traffic sounds from the main road and a few birds. It was going to be a long ass day.