SPOILER ALERT After the events of S2E6, would any of you be surprised to hear that the latest instalment of my little By My Side project (in which I was TRYING to find a way to get Fitzsimmons together, and I mean TOGETHER at the end of each episode of S2) doesn't exactly fit the Romance/Comedy categories?
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Jemma Simmons could not sleep. She couldn't even tell which loomed larger in her mind, the words she heard coming out of her own mouth with which she promised to kill Grant Ward? Or the accusation from Fitz that struck to the heart of her deepest confusion and shame – her leaving him alone, giving up on him.
The two were linked, of course. Grant Ward had written himself indelibly into her story, into Fitz's story, and, in doing so, perhaps struck out forever the little burgeoning bud of a story that entwined the two of them together beyond the bounds of S.H.I.E.L.D. and the lab. She wiped away a tear. She had loved that little bud of a story and still kept it well-tended in the quiet spaces of her imagination. It had been the deepest desire of her heart that she would return to find Fitz his old self again and that the two of them could pick up where they left off – that he loved her, that she loved him, that they weren't trapped in a box at the bottom of the sea.
And for that reason, she knew that what she said to Ward was no empty threat. He had robbed from her, perhaps forever, the thing she held most dear.
As if she didn't have enough haunting her, she couldn't quite leave behind the disquieting effect of what Mac had said to her either. The only thing that makes him worse is you. His words had echoed Fitz's pain and caused it to reverberate inside her. How could she ever forgive herself for taking what, at the time, seemed the only possible course of action? How could she have walked away from him? And worse of all – had she stayed, would he have recovered? Would he have returned to his old self? Would she have been sleeping in his arms tonight instead of lying awake, so intensely alone?
Mac seemed to suggest that it was her very longing for her old friend that was the source of the problem. But she doubted if it was even in her power to stop wanting him back. Was Fitz right? Could she just not accept that he was different now? That guy you're wishing he would be. He had still found the intel they needed, he still saw and understood what no one else saw. There was so much of the old him still there. But maybe Mac was right. Maybe she needed to start again, to get to know this different Fitz and learn to love him for who he was now.
She rolled over and looked at the clock. Neon green digits, 0345, blinked back at her. She sat up. There was no point continuing with this sleep charade any longer. She needed tea. She shrugged on her navy hooded robe and padded down to the mess.
Steaming teacup in her hand at last, she wandered the empty corridors of the base. As if drawn there, she found herself outside the door of the cell she had looked into every morning from the safety of surveillance cameras. Now it lay empty. She took a deep breath. Nothing to fear.
She pushed the door open. No electronic locks held it fast. She walked slowly down the staircase, her eyes on her tea. She almost couldn't believe she'd really find the cell empty.
It wasn't.
On the floor, leaning cross-legged against the chair facing the cell that once contained Ward, sat Fitz. She hesitated. She almost turned on her heels and left but something compelled her to stay. He didn't turn to look but he seemed to know that she was there. She padded down the stairs and slipped into the seat beside him. Without speaking she offered him her cup. He took it silently and drank before handing it back.
"Fitz?" she whispered. "I'm so sorry."
He didn't move.
"Can you forgive me?"
He stayed perfectly still a moment longer, then gave a slight nod.
She slid out of the chair and sat beside him on the floor, seeking his eyes. "I just want to be with you, Fitz. That's all."
He looked up at her a moment, surprised, hopeful. Then his face fell. "But, Jemma, I'm not who I was."
"You don't have to be," she whispered, reaching over to take his hand in hers. "Just be who you are."
"And you'll stay?" Fitz had lost even his limited ability to guard his emotions. All his vulnerability was etched into his face.
She squeezed his hand. "I'll be right here."
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Sorry, not even an attempt to be funny at the end here. It seems to me that the further we go on with this season, the less likely it'll be that we'll ever see what I'm hoping for! Anyway, let me know what you think - who doesn't love reviews, right? And please, if you do review, no spoilers! I've seen nothing after this episode!