Chapter Summary: A visit to :re proves to be just what he needs as Haise struggles from his worries of disappearing.
Note: Just a fan of Tokyo Ghoul borrowing the characters to write this fanfic.
Authors Note: Contains spoilers for Chapter 32 (in case you haven't read it yet). I didn't think I would be continuing this (at least not so soon) but here is another fic which takes place after the events in "Winter Warmth". I rushed a bit because I wanted to get it out before the next chapter arrives. Hope you enjoy! :)
Short hair parted and tied up neatly in two sections.
A pair of black rimmed glasses.
"Who-?"
He drops to his knees, clutching at his head as the persistent sharp throbbing at the back of his eyes intensifies and his vision swirls, his surroundings - the sink, the mirror, his own haggard reflection - fading away into the void.
"Save?" the voice mocks him, echoing eerily in the darkness, "What a joke, it's impossible when you don't even know anything."
Lately, it's been getting worse.
Is he not... strong enough?
He swallows, paling as the boy, Kaneki Ken, compares their situation to the parasitic caterpillar fungus and its prey.
"Just like them, we struggle for the same body. We can't coexist," he explains, and Haise shudders at the gleam in his eyes. "It's only inevitable that one of us will eventually fade away."
Haise jolts out of bed, gasping for air as his chest heaves at the memory.
Take deep breaths, he reminds himself, and remain calm.
No matter how terrified he is of the possibility, he can't let this interfere with his work, nor let his squad pick up on it. Tomorrow he'll return to being the ever dependable First Class investigator Sasaki Haise but for now...
"Help me!" His voice is a mere whisper as he chokes back a sob and curls up, resting his forehead against his knees, "Please! I - I don't want to disappear."
How much longer can I keep this up?
It's raining, Haise notes at the end of a long week, glancing out the window as he descends the stairs at the CCG, partly listening to the squabbling of his squad as they amble along not-so-quietly behind him.
"Saiko move faster, you're blocking the way!"
"Shiragin is so mean! Mucchan, did you hear that? "
"Shirazu-kun...umm... wasn't that a bit unnecessa-"
"Can't the lot of you stay quiet?"
After that last line from Urie, he sighs and tunes them out, waving to Kuramoto-san as he passes by.
He's glad he brought his umbrella with him today.
"Shirazu," he addresses the squad leader when they finally reach the entrance, tossing him a set of keys, "please take care of the car. I'm entrusting you, once again, to get everyone to the Chateau safely. I have someplace I want to visit first so I'll be home a bit later."
"Alright Sassan, but ... are you feeling alright?" Shirazu asks, leaning in curiously. He had gotten much better at reading others within the past couple of months. "You have dark bags under your eyes and were spacing out during the meeting today."
"Maman is tired?"
Now Saiko is peering closely at his face as well.
"I'm just fine," he reassures them, lifting up his hands as he moves back. "Don't worry, I just didn't have time to drink any coffee today."
They nod understandingly, knowing all too well his habit of meticulously preparing himself coffee every morning, and soon leave.
He rubs at his head as it twinges painfully but he's hopeful that a good cup of coffee will take away this headache.
Thank goodness the coffee shop is warm, he thinks to himself as he opens the door, tucking his umbrella away in the holder at the front, although it's really packed with people today.
He spies the waitress over by the counter.
"Hello!" she greets him, nodding quickly, as she carefully balances a tray in each hand. "I'll be with you in a moment."
"I'm in no rush." he replies, sliding into a chair.
He briefly looks over at the books, but he's been dropping by so often lately that he's already finished reading all the new ones and so he decides to flip through the menu to pass time instead. He scans the list of drinks, then moves on to sandwiches and is about to skim through the desserts when she makes her way to his table.
"I'm sorry that took so long, the shop has been really busy today." She readies her pen and notepad to take down his order, gesturing to the menu. "What will it be today? Something new?"
"Just the usual," he answers, sheepishly, with a shake of his head.
"Okay then, your usual it is. I'll be right back with your cup of coff-"
She's cut off by a loud crash and they both startle. She glances over to find the cause - a young kid that had accidentally knocked over their drink- and tosses him an apologetic look over her shoulder as she dashes off to mop up the spilled cup of juice.
He rests his chin on his hand, watching as she bends down to give a cookie to the crying child, which the mother thanks her profusely for in between apologies, before patting them gently on the head.
"Job well done," he mouths when she catches him staring, and she laughs.
His grin slowly fades as his horrible headache, the one that he worked so hard to conceal from his squad, returns with a vengeance, intensifying further, and suddenly he's just...so... tired...
He wavers in his seat, his arm slamming against the table in an attempt to steady himself but his motions are sluggish and he is unable to stop from toppling sideways out of his chair.
His body smacks against the floor painfully and, amidst the yells of shock and frenzied chatter of the other customers, he manages to zone in on the panicked shout of the waitress as she cries out his name.
"Sasaki-san!"
She's by his side in an instant, gently lifting him up, taking care to support his head as she cradles it against her neck. His eyelids feel heavy and the images in front of him are getting progressively dimmer.
"Shit! Nii-san, help me!"
He manages a small smile up at her - he's never heard her swear before - and then there's silence as he loses consciousness.
"Yes, I'm pretty sure we saw the daughter ghoul - is that her alias? - wandering around by the river near Kasahara elementary school, isn't that right Kanemoto-kun?"
Kanemoto-kun? Who's he? Ah! It's that girl again... she keeps popping up lately, but sometimes I can't see her clearly ... I wonder who she is...
He has no recollection of ever meeting the teenage girl in the memory and yet somehow...
"Did you figure it out? If not, then would you like to know?" The abrupt appearance of the white-haired child surprises him, "It's easy. All you need to do, Haise, is to really look at me once more and this time around... please make sure to disappear."
He regrets asking the question immediately.
"No! I - I'm not ready! There are people that I want to protect," he retaliates," I told you I'd save you and I'll take into account your wishes but ..."
I need more time
He doesn't get to finish, shivering when he feels a cold draft of air, the child interrupting him instead.
"Oh! It seems you're waking up." And before Haise can ask what he means, the background shifts.
He awakens to the sensation of fingers threading through his hair. It's a welcome contrast to his inner turmoil and he relaxes, intent on pushing back the conversation that had just been taking place in his mind.
"That feels nice," he mumbles, opening his eyes (and wincing at the bright lights) when the motion halts.
Sitting on a chair by his side is the waitress and, judging by the frown on her face, he can definitely presume that she's upset.
"Thank you for always taking care of my locks, you're the mane person I go to." he jokes weakly, but she still doesn't look pleased. In fact, maybe the pun made it worse.
"Are you an idiot?" Her voice is laden with emotion. It's the first time he's heard her this angry and he's doubly surprised to find it directed at him, "I was so busy earlier that I didn't notice but ... why exactly did you come today when you have a fever?"
A fever?
He lifts his hand to his forehead, but is met with a cool cloth.
He genuinely hadn't noticed but is glad for the momentary distraction, he couldn't very well tell her that he came to the shop because seeing her brightens up his mood.
He tries to sit up but she pushes him back down.
She's stronger than she appears.
"Not yet! You should wait till your temperature drops a little."
"But... your shop is busy"
"It's almost closing time," she counters, "Anyways, nii-san can handle the shop by himself for awhile, just as I'm sure your squad will be alright without you for a couple more hours. It's important that you take care of yourself first." She raises an eyebrow. "Or, would you rather worry them instead?"
He thinks back to their concerned expressions earlier that day and shakes his head, reclining against the pillows, suddenly thankful he hadn't told them when to expect him back at the Chateau. This way he'd be able to rest up a bit and allay their fears by hopefully looking better when he next sees them.
She removes the cloth, running it under cold water, before returning to his side, her eyebrows knit in concentration as she dabs away at the sweat on his face. There's only been a handful of instances where she's been this close and he's glad that his fever provides a disguise for the flush on his cheeks.
The only thing is... as he slips between dreams and reality, he finds that the waitress begins to look an awful lot like the girl with glasses from his memories. It's true that their hair colour differs but there are other things, like the shape of her nose and the slope of her neck, that are similar - he should recognize it after thinking about her so often.
Did that mean that she knew him - or rather Kaneki Ken? Is that why she had been so sad when she had first met him?
"You're not that dense Haise,you know just as well as I do... who that girl is. I've been showing you the memories one at a time so you should know which one of us she's been waiting for... and yet... why does she still care about you?" The boy looks morose at the idea. "Why won't you disappear?"
He feels a stab of pity for the boy - for his past.
"As I've told you multiple times, the thought of forgetting who I am now scares me, and so I don't intend to let my identity slip away that easily, but I can try to make sure to protect her. No, I will keep her safe."
"Why should I believe that?"
"Because I care about her as much as you do."
He's unsure whether he was able to properly convey his conviction but he's optimistic when he receives no reply to his words for the remainder of the time that he's asleep at :re.
"I'm sorry that I made you stay with me so late. It's already past 10," he says, keeping her company as she locks up the shop. "It must have been boring watching me sleep too. You should have woken me up earlier."
"It's fine, I was able to finish some work that I've been meaning to do," she tells him, striding along ahead, before she turns and shoots him a glance that's downright mischievous. "You may have even mumbled out my name once or twice and sworn to protect me."
"Wait! What?"
Did she hear him?
"I was kidding," she laughs, stopping to peer quizzically up at him when he doesn't chuckle like he always tends to at a joke. "Sasaki-san? Is something wrong?"
The truth is that she looks so lovely that he swears his heart skips a beat.
"Kirishima-san," he says, in all seriousness, while thinking this is it. It's not really a confession of any sort but it certainly feels a bit like one (not that he has any experience) as he holds out a hand. "I do hope you know that I'll protect you"
"I'm counting on you," he hears a voice grumble in the recesses of his mind, and he smiles, maybe him and his past self are finally beginning to understand one another a bit better.
She looks at the hand and then up at him and nods, giving it a squeeze as she grabs it.
"Alright, but only if you let me protect you too."