We got back to Jim's house after picking up the required alcoholic content for surviving yet another end of the world scenario and started walking inside.

"I should call Thea. Let her know what's going on."

"Good idea, she's probably worried about that suit she bought you."

"It'll be the first thing she asks about."

I wasn't exactly sure if he was kidding even though he said it with a smile. Cougar and Sam were sitting on the folding chairs in the living room, recuperating it looked like.

"Coyote still awake?" I asked as I handed out the food.

"She's been dozing in and out of sleep but seems over the sickness," Cougar replied. "Dean, after you left, she and I had a talk."

I wasn't sure I liked the sound of that. "Okay, and?" It wasn't exactly shame on his face but it felt like he was looking for some sort of understanding from me. "What's up?"

"She never explained to me the source of your nightmares that she was feeling or the fact that she wanted you to keep using the pouch, I just saw her in pain and knew it had something to do with you. I knew you'd chosen to leave her when she needed someone the most. I didn't understand why. Today, what I saw, I, well it made me think about things a little differently. You're not a coward. Today you fought like a Warrior would and it seems you always have."

I hadn't really thought too far ahead about things if Coyote and I were going to try to make something happen but knowing that Cougar didn't really want to kill me would make things a lot easier. I may not have had a lot of long term relationships but I'm pretty sure having the much larger than you best friend of the woman you're dating hating your guts isn't a good starting point. "Thanks. Don't worry about it. Roles reversed? I would have been acting the exact same way. Think it's all right if I go see her? I brought her food."

"Yes, I think so."

"Awesome, got you a burger. Hope it's how you like it."

He took the container from me with a smile and a quick nod, "Thank you."

"No worries." I gave Sam his food and took mine, hers and the pie into the bedroom. Her eyes were closed but I didn't think she's was all that deep asleep. I sat down next to her and opened the food containers up.

"Is that pulled pork?"

"Yup." She's always been into barbecue, "Looked up the best place in town. Made a special trip. Don't open your eyes yet." I took the pie, lifted the lid and stuck it by her nose.

"Mmmm, I love a man who brings me dead pig and blueberry pie."

"And that's why we've always gotten along so well. Similar tastes in food."

She laughed and got vertical enough to eat, "The entire basis of our relationship, good food and good sex."

"Correction, good food and great sex. Besides what else is there?"

"True, does tend to keep things uncomplicated." Her smile faded but she dug into the food and I took the hint.

We ate in silence, well mostly. She did moan a few times while eating her pork.

Must be some good damn pork, "Guess it deserves it's reputation."

"Almost as good as Stella and Ralph's."

"Seriously? You better share then." I used my fork to pull some of the pork off her plate.

"Hey!"

"I found the place, I get a taste. Them's the rules." As soon as the pork hit my tongue I shut up and groaned too, "Oh my God. Damn. I should have gotten that instead of the steak."

She scooted away from me and pulled her plate closer to her chest, "Hands off Winchester. Rest is mine."

"You're too tired to put up a good fight."

"I'll call Cougar in here, he's not."

"So not fair." I looked back down at my plate and cut another piece of steak. "I'm only letting you off because you've had a tough day."

"How chivalrous of you."

"I try." We finished the main course and I dug out two pieces of pie, which was somewhat of a letdown after that pork but it was good enough.

She set her plate aside, "So?"

"Yeah." Neither of us really wanted to take the plunge and start this talk, I figured I'd try to ease us into it. "Do your people really think that? That you're a white man's whore?"

She sighed and look pretty irritated, "Some do, they always will, but you knew that."

"Not to the extent Leaping Deer made it sound. Was that why you and Cougar were alone?"

"Yes and no."

She'd never liked to talk about how her people viewed her, she'd rather pretend it didn't bother her but I knew better. Her and I aside, if she'd been working her ass of for two years as Shaman and they still treated her like crap I wanted to know. Not that I could do anything, but still.

"There are some that thought she was right but not the majority of the people I talked to."

"So why?"

I recognized the look she gave me, I should, I've seen it on mine and Sam's face enough.

"The other people, even the other Shamans would have no idea how to handle that fight. Most of them do the ceremonies and serve more as leaders these days. There's not a lot of them that work with the spirits like Rising Dove did and I do. The ones that do, I told them to stay back in case I didn't beat her. I didn't want all of us to be in one place in case she was stronger than I thought."

Her strategy was good but, well, I'm a protective kind of guy. "So you just dove headlong into this? What if Sam and I hadn't been around?'

And she's a woman that hates to be protected.

"Cougar and I have been managing pretty damn well on our own. Thanks."

We sort of glared at each other, but she smiled first. "What's it been, seven years? We going to have another long talk about me taking risks?"

"Leaping Deer was in a whole other class than Dancing Badger and you know it, but no, we're not. That's not what we need to talk about anyway."

She moved closer to me and laid her hand on my arm. "What's bringing all this on Dean?"

"First things first, I want a better answer about the pouch. Please. Sweetheart, what you saw..." Knowing that she had any clue about what I'd become because of the Mark bothered the hell out of me. I had enough issues dealing with it as it is, it disgusted me and it wasn't something I was all that proud of. I didn't need to know that it had disgusted her too.

Coyote usually never looks away from you when she talks. She's the type that will tell you to your face whatever the hell it is that she thinks you need to know, whether you want to know or not. I knew the moment she took her eyes off me that what she going to say made her pretty uncomfortable.

"I saw a lot of things over the years you had that pouch you know. I never told you because, well, it made me feel closer to you. When we went months between seeing each other it was how I knew you were still alive, still safe. After I read that letter you left, I wanted to take off after you and spend all the time with you I could before you got dragged to Hell. We weren't there yet though, I knew you'd run and I really wasn't ready to take that step. Remember the owl that woke us up that night?"

"Yeah."

"I'd been thinking about ways I could try to convince you to stay or just go on the road with you. The owl screeched, it was an omen. You got up and checked the house and..."

I reached out, put my hand on her chin and guided her face back around so I could watch her eyes, she moved her head but kept her eyes down. "And?"

"How you moved, how you acted, I saw it already. You'd started down that path of a killer, a predator and I knew that no matter what I said or did you'd keep going because you thought you had to, you had to protect Sam, do your job. That somehow you were being punished for something. You always have but..."

I shouldn't have been surprised that she was dead on, being a Shaman and all but I was. Course Sam had seen it too, so'd everyone else. Everyone but me, but even if I had, with how I was back then and the guilt from Azazel I wouldn't have stopped. Hell even Crowley told me I hated myself but that didn't stop me. You'd think that when the King of Hell is giving you life lessons you'd listen. Guess even he wasn't a big enough brick wall to knock some sense into me. She looked guilty though and there was no reason for her to.

"But what?"

Her eyes came up and they were filled to the brim with tears, "But I should have tried. Instead I just sat back and let you destroy yourself. I'm so sorry."

"Hey, no, no...not your fault," I pulled her tight against me and she buried her face into my neck.

"I tried, when we were together but I...I guess I didn't know what to say, or do. I should have pushed more, told you more, I don't know..."

"Sam told me plenty of times, you did too in your own way, so did Bobby and everyone else. I didn't want to hear it. I couldn't. None of this is on you."

"The worse you got, the more I felt that the only way I could help you was to throw everything I could into that pouch, that connection. It wasn't too bad until this last year."

She flinched, I held her tighter but didn't say anything.

"That thing that almost took you over, why? Why did you do it?"

"I seriously fucked up with Sam, almost lost him. Thought I deserved it. The usual."

She pulled away, there were tears running down her face but she was pissed and hurt, "You complete idiot! No one ever deserves that! Ever! What it wanted from you, what it did to you. God Dean!"

"I didn't exactly know what it would do at the time, there wasn't a manual that came along with it."

"Don't lie to me. Those things don't just innocently show up, you had to know something."

Now it was my turn to be uncomfortable. "Yeah, maybe, kind of." I could tell she wanted to keep yelling at me about it, "Lesson learned promise. Back to you. You let it affect you, why?"

"You know why."

"Say it. Why did you let something that damn evil affect you without letting me know?"

"To help you and because I knew as long as you were using that pouch there was still some of you left. That it hadn't won."

"Is that it?" I had to hear her say it, had to know that we were on the same page before I screwed things up. We'd danced around it for so long and I'd run last time she brought it up, I needed confirmation. It had been two years since I'd seen her or even talked to her. Sure, Leaping Deer had made it pretty clear that she hadn't found anyone else but she could have been lying.

"No."

"Was Leaping Deer right? About you?"

I could see she wanted to say it but something was holding her back and I'm the last person who should be upset about that. She pulled me close and barely whispered in my ear, "Yes."

Her lips lingered on my neck for a long minute and my shirt started feeling damp from her tears. We needed to move this conversation elsewhere. The floor wasn't all that comfortable and this was going to take a few hours, plus we were technically in a house we'd broken into and the guys were waiting for us. "All right, look. Let's get back to the hotel, we're all beat, the guys probably want to crash and this isn't exactly our house. Sound good?"

She totally relaxed into my arms, I took that as a yes. "Take a minute, I'll go talk to them. Be right back."