8. Break up

I was at Shane's house crawled up on the sofa with him. His mom and sister were out of town visiting family so we were ending every minute of alone time we got. I was looking at a bridal magazine, and talking about dresses.

"You know who I saw the other day?"

"Who?" Shane asked.

"Stephanie Carson from high school. She wants to have lunch sometime next week," I said looking another picture of a wedding dress.

"Don't waste your time with that slut," Shane said harshly.

"You shouldn't be so rude," I breathed.

Shane looked over at with his dark chocolate eyes, and I knew something was wrong. Maybe he was not going to move? Or he decided not to marry me. I knew this troubled look in his eyes.

"I have something to tell you Andrea, and you aren't going to like it," Shane said taking my hand.

"What?"

"Remember those few days when we did not talk?"

"Yeah," I said feeling confused.

"Well, that was about two weeks ago," Shane said running his through his dark brown hair.

"I was studying and that was a stupid fight. Don't worry about it," I said looking into his eyes.

"I wish I did not have to worry about it, Andrea. But I fucked up bad this time."

"What? Nothing you could do would make me stop loving you," I reassured him.

"I am glad you said that. If I could take it all back I would," Shane promised.

"Take what back?"

"I was a party with some guys from work. Stephanie was there and we both hard a lot of drinks," Shane started to say.

"You kiss her? Don't worry about it. Everyone makes mistakes," I smiled.

"No…I mean yes I kissed her."

"That's it, right?"

"No, I did a terrible and stupid thing with Stephanie. She does not mean anything to me. I wanted it to be you, but you wanted to wait," Shane said moving closer to me.

"Just tell me you did have sex with her?"

"I can't," Shane said looking at the floor.

"How could you do this to us? We've been together almost three years now! You had four more months and you could not keep it in your pants," I yelled feeling pissed.

"Andrea, please calm down," Shane said touching my arms.

"Don't touch me, Shane. You don't get to touch me aren't good enough to touch me," I yelled tears coming down my eyes. This was the first boy I had ever kissed. Shane was the man I thought I was going to marry. He was my first crush when he chased me around the church building when we four. None of that matter now. All I saw now were more lies. How could he wait two weeks to tell me? He told be only because he knew he was going to get caught.

"I love you. We can get pass this," Shane pleaded.

"I don't know if I can. Maybe if you told me two weeks again," I said.

"We will get through it together. I'll make you trust me again. You are going to marry and have my babies. Everything will be like before. Nothing has to change," Shane said grabbing my arm hard this time.

"I don't know. I need more time," I told Shane.

"You had time, darling," Shane said picking me up. He was carrying me the side of his back, and I was kicking him. Still he did not put me down. He carried me into his bedroom and tossed me on the mattress. There was a wild crazy look in his brown eyes I had never seen before. He was on top of me now thrusting his body against mine.

"I can make you love me again," Shane said taking of my blue jeans.

"Stop," I begged. He was overpowering me with his body, and hard I pushed I could not get him off.

"No, I am not stopping anymore. Once we make love everything will be all right again. If you can just see what it will feel to be with me," Shane said removing my black panties.

For a moment, his lunacy made sense. I allowed him to place his head in between my legs, and I could feel him moving his tongue inside me. His hands where holding my legs so I could not move, but I did not want to go anywhere.

"Oh…"I moaned.

"I told you this will fix everything," Shane said smiling when he was finished.

I moved out of his arms, and put my panties back on.

"It won't. I can't do this Shane. You can not kiss everything and make it better," I said grabbing my blue jeans off the floor.

"You know I would not have raped you. I stopped myself from going that far," Shane said touching my blonde hair.

"I know you wouldn't, and I want to forgive you for what happened. But I can't. Not now at least. All I can think of is her being with you," I said putting my blue jeans on again.

"I love you. Isn't that enough?"

"It's not enough now. We can't be together. Not like this," I said handing him back the engagement ring.

"So what are you going to do now?"

"Going to finish up school. I'll probably go ahead and leave tonight."

"You'll regret this Andrea. No one will love you the way I do. I am your first love," Shane said tears in his eyes now.

I walked outside, and got in my car before Shane could stop me. I cried all the way home. How could Shane do this to us? Why could he not wait for me? Did he not love me enough?

9. The Blues

I was at back at the college dorm with my roommate Michonne seating in front of our small TV. I had a bag of chips in one hand, and a tub of ice cream in the other.

"You look rough," Michonne said.

"I had to cancel a whole wedding, and I lost the life I thought I was going to have," I said taking another bite of ice-cream.

"That's enough ice-cream. Why don't get you in the shower. I'll treat you to lunch," She offered taking away my tub of fudge brownie ice cream.

"Actually, I have a paper to write," I said turning off the TV.

"I'll bring you something back. You can not live off of ice-cream and potato chips."

"Thanks. You are a good friend," I attempted to smile.

"You know that Shane has called you non stop," Michonne said getting her car keys.

"I know," I said feeling even more heartbroken.

"Why don't you give Shane another chance ? I no sex is hard for anyone. Especially a nineteen year boy. I mean you two clearly belong together. If I am sure of anything that's it," Michonne said.

"I can't be with someone I don't trust, and tries to convince me sex will fix everything," I said aggravated. Everyone seems to think I should forgive Shane, but I was the one he cheated on. I was the one who had to decide what I could and could not forgive.

"You still love Shane right? I understand you have religious beliefs but don't lose the love of your life because he didn't live up to your high standards," She said walking out the door.

I did not want to lose Shane, but I could not forgive him. I mean how did I know this was the first time he slept with someone else? I changed my life plans for him, and this was how he treated me. There was no going back now. I would finish college, and avoid relationships all together. I did not need a man to make me happy, I thought wiping the tears from my eyes. I can do this on my own.