...Hi. I actually forgot to post this a/n. God only knows why. Sorry that it's been so long, writer's block and school are a deadly cocktail. Thank you to everyone who's followed, favourited and reviewed, and I hope to be back updating regularly now.

Chapter 26

Natasha collapsed in her room, slumping against the closed the door. She refused to focus on anything other than soothing her racing heart.

When she had calmed down considerably, she began analysing the meeting she had just overheard. If, if, it were true, it would explain Loki. It would explain the general confusion of the team, Tony's comments, and the tension that had surrounded her sickbed like a mist. It would explain the heaviness of heart, the feeling that something was missing.
An hour passed of her going back and forth in her brain, desperately scraping for a memory of a touch, a whisper, a glance, something, when she heard a quiet knock at her door. Confused and apprehensive, she heaved herself off the floor, fumbling over the handle before opening it to see Tony Stark.

"Before you hit me, you should know that I bring a gift," he said lowly, raising a bottle of vodka into view. Natasha thought for a moment, before opening the door wide enough to let him through. He made a dramatic bow, before sitting on the floor. He patted the space beside him.
"I assume you overheard?" Natasha nodded, yanking the bottle from his grasp. She took a swig before passing it back.
"Well, Thor's not exactly subtle. I couldn't sleep- wasn't difficult for me to follow."
"I made sure you heard him. And that he left the door open," Tony said, his voice gruff. Natasha raised an eyebrow.

"I thought you deserved to know."
"Considerate of you."
"Considerate is my middle name. And I knew Rudolph wasn't going to tell you. He's developed a rather annoying hero complex over the last month or so."
Natasha flinched at the mention of Loki. She stared at the opposite wall, aware of Tony's worried stare.

"Is it true?" she said quietly, almost scared to hear the answer.
"He's head over heels for you Tasha," Tony answered simply. "You completely changed him, though I do think I helped."
They sat in uncomfortable silence for a couple of moments, as Natasha fumbled for her next question. They were all half-formed, clumsily put, or questions that she didn't really want an answer for. After a while they all merged into one question that she was going to have to deal with sooner or later- might as well be now.

"What do I do?" she said, wincing at the hopelessness in her tone. She felt so useless, and she hated it. Tony sighed beside her.
"I would recommend drinking yourself blind, then dealing with it all later. And then when later comes, drink again. In fact, every time you feel like dealing with it, you take a shot." He joked, clambering up off the ground.
A ghost of a smile appeared on her lips.

"We're too grown up to deal with it like that Stark," she said, glancing up at him. "But it sure does sound appealing." Tony smiled, and was about to leave when he heard his name.

"Hey, Tony?"
"Yup?"
"Thanks." Tony nodded. "No problem, Widow," he said before closing the door, leaving Natasha alone in the dark, with nothing but her thoughts, and what she now knew was a broken heart for comfort.

Natasha didn't know at what point of the night she fell asleep at. She awoke to sunlight streaming through the one lonely window, her eyes protesting at the sudden light, and her head aching. She moaned, wiping sleep from her eyes.
After stumbling out of the shower, she went about getting dressed. She rooted though her wardrobe for a suitable outfit when an unfamiliar shirt caught her eye. She untangled it from the messy bundle of clothes. It was far to big for her- a man's shirt. She raised it to her nose, and inhaled deeply.

It smelt of expensive cologne, books and leather, and something distantly familiar, like a memory from a dream. Loki.
So it was true then. Natasha struggled to find any other reason as to why his clothes would be in her room. Mindless anger flooded though her, along with a sense of relief at finally knowing what was wrong.

How dare he try to keep her memories from her? He said it last night, that none of them should even tell her what had happened in her own life. As if she wasn't worthy of even knowing her own past. Her life had been taken from her before, they all should have known what she wanted. She still wouldn't have known if it weren't for Tony and his unwillingness to obey orders. She tightened her grasp on the shirt, her knuckles turning white. She bit the inside of her cheek hard, tasting blood. Finally she marched out of the room, sure in what she was going to do.

She paced down the hallway angrily, not even sure if she was headed in the right direction- her feet must have memorized the way. She walked straight, not moving out of the way for anyone. She didn't even notice how people had to leap out of the way, to avoid being barreled over. She half saw Steve try and grab her arm, but she was to quick for him. He must have known where she was going because he tried to call her back, but she ignored him.

Finally she saw the right door. She knew it was his room, as it was guarded by two brutish S.H.I.E.L.D agents- as if they'd be able to stop him if he wanted to leave. She walked up to the door, startling them with her furious expression.

"Open the door," she said, coldly. The two guards looked at each other. One gave a minute shake of his head and the other sighed.
"Sorry Agent Romanoff, but we're not at liberty to do that," he said mechanically. She swore loudly.
"Во имя Господа! Open the door!" she yelled, not caring how much attention she was drawing. The bigger of the two guards gulped, and then typed in a key-code. The heavy metal door pulled open to reveal a normal wooden door. The two guards walked away down the hall.

She was glad of the second door. It gave her something to hit. Her fist pounded on the door several times, before she heard the handle twist. Loki opened the door, flinching when he saw who it was.
"Agent Romanoff. I was going to come find you later- I have some books here that you lent me, that I need to return to you... Agent Romanoff are you quite well?" he stammered, wary of the anger that seemed to be radiating off her. She didn't trust herself to answer, wordlessly raising her hand and dropping the crumpled shirt at his feet. His jaw fell slack, his expression now impossible to read. He took a step forward, just as she took one back.

"Natasha wait, please I can explain!" he cried at her retreating form. He moved to follow her, but was of course restrained by several guards. He contemplated flinging them off, but hopelessness began seeping back into his limbs. He fell to floor, repeating her name to himself.
What had he done?