8.

Thus began the long trek back homeward, on foot. We made it across the bridge and to the mainland about halfway through the first day, back across the pebble beach and into the trees by the end of the first day. We were on more familiar trails by that evening.

Naruto filled the silence with chatter, excited to be going home, despite how many bad experiences he seemed to have to had there. He talked about going to lunch with Iruka and telling tall tales of bravery to the Hokage's grandson, Konohamaru. (The tales did not need to be embellished much to be effective. I wondered how great Naruto would paint himself to be by the time he was through.)

Though I said nothing, the first thing I would do when I got home was reassure my parents. Then maybe I would meet up with Hinata and Ino. So many personal things had happened on the Wave mission. I wondered how much I would tell them - or could.

Speaking of personal things that happened on the Wave mission, after we had finished eating dinner around the campfire that night, Naruto pulled me aside out of the circle of firelight. There, we could talk alone.

"Sakura-chan," he said, gamely but nervously, "I was wondering... Do you - do you want to go on a date with me?" He stuttered on the sentence even though he'd prepared for it. He looked down shyly at the ground. I still was unused to how nervous I could make the normally superconfident Uzumaki Naruto.

"Naruto..." I said slowly at last, "how long have you liked me?"

He shrugged. "For a while," he muttered. "I mean... I always noticed you. I just didn't think you'd ever noticed me. But when we started getting to know each other and I saw how determined you were to make people recognize you... that was when... that was what decided it... for me." His voice was very small by the time he finished.

"You didn't think I'd noticed you? Who could miss you, Naruto?" I asked. He looked up at me as if trying to assess whether it was a compliment or an insult. Maybe it was both.

I reminded myself that Hinata had loved Naruto for a long time, probably more determinedly and fervently than Naruto had ever liked me. "Naruto," I said desperately at last, "it's not that I don't want to, it's just -"

He seemed to be bracing himself for a no, but what I said surprised even him. "Hinata really likes you!"

I couldn't think of a good excuse, so I risked embarrassing my friend for her own good by telling the truth.

Naruto was surprised, disbelieving. "Someone likes me?" he asked before he could stop himself. It put into clear perspective just how isolated Naruto must have felt when he was younger. "Is that why you're always introducing Hinata to me?"

I nodded shyly.

Naruto actually laughed. "Sakura," he said in frustration, grabbing my shoulders, "I don't like Hinata that way! I like you!"

"But maybe if you got to know her -"

"Hinata's too quiet for me. I'd step all over her. Come on, you know I would," he said when I opened my mouth in protest.

I was reminded of Hinata's father, who thought she was weak because she didn't want to hurt her sister. "She's stronger than you think," I said.

Naruto looked me in the eye. "Why are you so against me liking you?" he said softly. Then, "... Is it me?"

"No!" I said quickly, because the last thing I wanted was to give him that idea. Naruto had really opened my eyes over our time as a team together. He was rebellious, funny, and smarter than he seemed; he slacked off, but he always made up for it later; he was emotional and yet boyish, a better fighter than I had expected him to be; he could be impatient one minute and kind the next; and he was a consummate dreamer. What was wrong with the idea of going out with Naruto? I wasn't sure. I had just always spent so much time looking at Sasuke.

I examined Naruto. He didn't look like Sasuke. He was smaller and lither, where Sasuke was tall; he was blond where Sasuke was dark haired; he had bright blue eyes to Sasuke's velvety black; and there were scars on his face that made it look foxish, especially when he was plotting something. There was nothing wrong with the way he looked, necessarily. He was kind of cute... I guessed... Especially if he put on some nicer clothes.

But Sasuke. And Hinata.

"I'll think about it," I said at last. I wasn't sure what to do.

The next day, while we were walking together, I waited for a moment when Sasuke was in back of everybody else. Then I walked up beside him and said in a low voice, "Naruto asked me to go out with him."

He looked over in surprise, his eyebrows rising. "Are you going to say yes?" he asked.

"I was thinking about it," I admitted, and then gauged his reaction.

Sasuke seemed to think about this for a moment. "You should," he said at last, firmly, positive. "You two would be good for each other." There was no hint that he was upset in any way.

So there went all my admittedly faint fantasies that Sasuke liked me. He didn't get jealous as I had privately hoped he would. That left...

"That's incredible, I'm so envious!" Ino pushed me. I was sitting on her family's couch with her and Hinata, and I had just finished telling them about the basics of my time in the Wave.

"Ino," said Hinata worriedly, "Sakura could have died. Show a little concern."

"I know, but she fought awesome people and that's so cool!" Ino jumped up, punching the air before her. Then she straightened and scowled. "My team's so boring and lazy compared to your guys'. It's not fair!"

"It wasn't all fun and games, Ino, if it's any consolation," I said. "When I thought Sasuke had died..." I still shuddered a little, in retrospect, at the memory.

"It sounds pretty horrific," said Hinata sympathetically.

"I know!" said Ino. "I don't know what I would have done if Sasuke-kun had died!"

"Something else happened," I began then, licking my lips, nervous. "I became a lot closer to my teammates on the Wave mission. And I'm not saying I actually like either of them, but... but one of them did ask me out."

The room went dead silent. I winced.

Hinata and Ino turned stares to me. "Who?" said Ino sharply after a moment, watching me like a hawk.

I looked down in shame. "Naruto," I whispered.

There was another pause. At last, I looked up - and it was even worse than I'd thought it would be. Hinata was just staring at me, disbelieving, distraught, betrayed. She didn't even say anything for a moment.

"And I didn't say yes!" I said quickly, desperately, as if trying to make it better. "I just told him I'd think about it, because I know he really belongs with you, and -"

But then Hinata, the quiet and dainty Hyuuga Hinata, stood furiously. There were unshed tears in her eyes. Without speaking, she stormed to the door and threw it open.

"Hinata!" I called after her, upset, standing. "I can fix this -!"

"No," said Hinata sharply, looking back at me, and in that minute she looked every bit a Hyuuga. "I think you've done enough." She slammed the door behind her as she left.

"... What have I done?" I said, staring hopelessly after her. I turned to look at Ino, who was glancing between us, biting her lip. "There's nothing I could have done," I argued pointlessly. "You don't think I did anything wrong. Do you?"

Ino paused just that little bit too long. "I know you didn't mean to do anything," she said at last. "But just the fact that you didn't outright say no to Naruto... that says something. I have to say, I'm surprised, Sakura. Not in a bad way, just... surprised."

"It doesn't mean anything, what I said to Naruto," I protested quickly.

... Did it?

The next few days were miserable. I left Hinata a million calls on her answering machine. I had poor Ino, who was ferrying between us, tell Hinata that I hadn't gone out with Naruto and I was really sorry. I even sat outside her clan compound, just across the street from it, all afternoon one day. But Hinata never appeared. She never called me back. Ino said she didn't want to see me.

"I think she's just really down on herself," Ino said sympathetically, as if trying to make it better. "I don't think it's actually you, per se. She seems more sad than angry."

I didn't want to make Hinata sad. But at the same time, as the time grew longer and longer and she never appeared, I grew more and more angry. I hadn't done anything wrong. I knew I hadn't. I'd given up the first time someone had ever asked me out on a date just to try to make her happy. It wasn't my fault Naruto liked me. So why wasn't she speaking to me?

In retrospect, the answer to the question is obvious. But I was only twelve years old.

I thought about Naruto a lot, in those weeks. It was like I was examining him in a whole new light. I kept thinking back to our kiss, that light, electric brush of the lips. Even at his dorkiest, Naruto suddenly seemed more appealing, funny and endearing. And that surprised me, a lot.

When this began, I told myself firmly every time that Hinata deserved Naruto, and I couldn't take that away from her. But as time passed and I got more and more angry with Hinata... I started to think, Screw her. Why am I catering to someone who so obviously no longer wants to be friends with me? And a rebellious streak began to show through.

And it got to the point when one day, as I was checking my answering machine and she still hadn't called, I decided in an angry and hurt sort of way, Fine. I'll go out with him if that's what she's so upset about.

Suddenly, I wanted my crime to fit the punishment.

So I went to Naruto the next morning on that bridge over the Konoha river, and I said directly, lifting my head, "Yes, I'll go out with you. Wear something nice, okay? Not the jumpsuit. Something better."

He looked up... and his eyes positively lit. In disbelief. In happiness. He grinned like a dorky little kid, the kind of smile that filled his whole face, and I smiled in spite of myself. Naruto had that effect on people.

I spent a long time getting ready in the mirror on the prescribed night, dressing in a nice green silk dress that matched my eyes and pinning my pink hair up behind my in a barrette and pushing my bangs down over my frankly hideous forehead. I applied a little bit of makeup, unusual for me. I wrapped myself up in a long coat and slipped out of the house before my parents could notice how nicely I was dressed. Then I walked, nervously, in the chill night air, to the address Naruto had given me.

Naruto actually did dress nice, like I'd asked him to, wearing a casual dark jacket and pants. He took me to his favorite restaurant, a little family-run ramen place called Ichiraku's. It was nice and warm on the inside, full of glowing wood furnishings, and we sat at a gleaming bar just before the kitchens so we could sit and watch our food being cooked.

The cook was an older man who ran the place, and our waitress (by her name tag, Ayame) was his daughter. They both teased Naruto mercilessly about his first date, asking us crass and tasteless questions that made us blush furiously. They had a mighty good time doing it, too. Once our food was ready, they discreetly moved us to a little booth in the back so we could talk without being disturbed. I sent them a grateful sort of glance.

Naruto just talked, freely, and it was interesting to hear. There were no guys or little kids around to make him embellish things, no doubting people to provoke him into proving himself and make him angry. He was happy, he was at peace, and he just... talked. He talked about his dreams, about how upset people's rejection of him used to make him as a kid and about how to combat that he decided he would be the most powerful person in the whole village. It was only later that he'd realized how hard that would be. A Hokage had to be naturally inspirational, an adept politician, a powerful leader, a good listener, and an important ninja all rolled into one. It took a very certain kind of person, but Naruto, who hated the idea of giving up on anything, became determined to be one.

And I talked a little bit about myself, too. I told him about the little girls who used to pick on me, the way Ino protected me and the way I wanted to protect others like she had. "I'm not very pretty," I admitted, surprising even myself, "and I'm not very feminine."

Naruto's eyes widened in surprise and he placed a hand over mine. "You're perfect," he said. And I beamed, despite myself.

"Good answer," I said after a moment, teasing, trying to be casual.

"Thanks," he grinned, looking downward, sagging in relief. "Iruka-sensei gave me some tips."

Amused, I mentally thanked Iruka-sensei.

After dinner, we walked together along the rows of tree lined avenues. It was fall, and all the leaves were changing color, and some of them had fairy lights strung around their branches that matched the stars in the cool bluish-black sky above. "It's beautiful," I said, looking upward.

"Yeah," said Naruto absently, and I realized he was looking at me.

For possibly the first time in my life, I felt good about myself and my appearance. And he gave me that, that moment of complete happiness. For that, I will always be grateful.

And so I turned toward him completely, smiling, and I guess he took that as some sort of symbol because he smiled too, and then he leaned over, brushing my bangs out of the way, and he kissed my forehead. And then he kissed my temples and around my eyes, my eyelashes brushing his face, before he went down to my mouth. I paused and grabbed his hand. "Not in front of people," I murmured - it seemed rude - but at the same time he looked upset and I didn't want him to stop, so I led him to the alley behind the nearest building and we made out, me pushed up flush against the wall. He rubbed his hands up and down my back but he never went lower than my waist, and I wrapped myself around him, and it was clumsy and awkward and warm and wonderful.

We walked back toward my house flushed and holding hands, and adults passing saw our conjoined hands in alarm and anger, and I was so blissful I didn't even care. By then, I was convinced I was a little in love with him. We gave each other this secret smile as I went back into my house, one just for us, and then I did go back into my house and I shut the door behind me. I leaned against the door, sighing and smiling.

"Where have you been?" my Mom asked, hands on her hips. Dad looked at me with raised eyebrows.

I realized my parents wouldn't like me going out with Naruto because of his strange secret. So I lied.

"Oh, I just... went out to a fancy dinner with Ino," I said, and hoped they didn't have any neighbors who had seen me out holding hands with the village troublemaker.

I was bursting with my secret for days afterward. I gave Ino all the gory details over the phone, and she said in surprise that Naruto was actually capable of cleaning himself up and being romantic. "Who'd have thought?" she said, and I beamed again irrepressibly. I seemed to be doing that a lot, all of a sudden.

"I know, right?!" I cried.

But I couldn't tell anyone else. Not my parents. Not Hinata. I was sure Sasuke didn't want to hear about his two teammates making out; he already knew Naruto had asked me out and he was pretty firm on not caring to hear any more.

But I figured Kakashi seemed sympathetic to Naruto, rational. It was okay to tell our Sensei that we were dating.

"Naruto asked me out the other day," I said, leaning over conspiratorially, smiling as widely as I always was now, walking beside Sensei toward the Academy to be assigned another D rank.

Kakashi didn't look up from his book. "Hm," he said absently. "And you said no."

I stared. "No, of course not. I said yes!" He couldn't tell? By now, I took it to be one of those universal facts.

Kakashi did look up from his book then. He stared at me for a long moment. "... What."

"Is it so hard to believe?" I asked, almost insulted.

Kakashi paused. "Sakura," he began at last, pained, "you're a very pretty girl. You had some of the best written grades in Iruka-sensei's class. You're extremely intelligent and well on your way to becoming a dutiful ninja. You come from a good, normal family. You could have anyone you wanted. And Naruto is -"

"Naruto is what?" I asked dangerously, aggressively. I had stopped in my tracks. "Is it so hard to believe that I could want Naruto?"

Kakashi stopped as well. "... Naruto is a wild card," he said at last, reservedly. "He specializes in surprising people. He's a... he's not a bad boy. He might turn out to be someone great. But he's a poor orphan who constantly breaks the rules and wears ridiculously bright clothes. And he's - Sakura, there are things about Naruto and what he is that you don't know. You don't know what you're getting yourself into," Kakashi added, almost desperately.

"You mean his secret?" I asked, angrily.

Kakashi's eyes widened. "He told you?"

"He told me he has a secret, and that he can't control the fact that he has it! So it would be stupid to judge him over something he can't help, Kakashi-sensei! I thought you'd be better about this!" I was close to stamping my foot. Stupidly, I was the one who felt childish. But then, processing what he'd said, "What do you mean, what Naruto is?" It was a weird way of putting it.

"Sakura, you don't understand. And I can't explain it to you without being arrested. But... even putting the question aside of what Naruto is, if you get involved with him, people will treat you different," said Kakashi quietly. "I don't think it's fair to put that on you when you're twelve years old and you don't understand. Besides, in-team dating is against the rules anyway. It is thought it would interfere too much with the ninja carrying out their duties. People's feelings get hurt in relationships, and the team members would still have to work together afterward.

"So I'm forbidding this. You're going to at least have to wait until you're not on a team together anymore."

"What?!" I was flabbergasted. I stared at him disbelievingly. The sheer nerve! But Kakashi-sensei was almost eerily calm.

Naruto and Sasuke had stopped at last up ahead. They looked back curiously, and Naruto waved. "Hey!" he called. "What's going on?"

I looked around, and Naruto must have seen my face because he immediately ran over. "What are you doing, Kakashi-sensei?!" Naruto snapped, defensive of me. "What did you say to upset Sakura-chan?!"

"I'm forbidding this relationship, at the risk of sounding dramatic." Kakashi sighed, as if tired, and that part was the most infuriating. "In-team dating is against the rules. You two are not allowed to date."

"Really?" Sasuke raised his eyebrows in honest, frank surprise, staring between the two parties. "And you're that serious about it?" He was almost puzzled.

"Really," said Kakashi. "I'm that serious about it."

"But that - that's not -" Naruto looked almost betrayed. "Kakashi-sensei, no -!"

"Please -!"

"You can't do this -!"

"I can," said Kakashi firmly. "And I will. Hate me all you like. If I get any hint that you two are together, I'm throwing you both off my team and back into the reserves."

Then, quieter, he added, "... I have my reasons."

He released us for the day, and we were left walking along slowly, thunderstruck. Naruto had a permanent look on his face like he'd just been hit in the stomach. Sasuke was even quieter than usual.

He opened his mouth at last when we paused to part ways - but he'd never been very good with words. "I'm sorry, you two," he said at last, and to his credit he genuinely sounded it. He walked away.

I turned to Naruto, and neither of us had any words. He was looking at me in that way, the passionate one, and I couldn't deal with that right now. "I need some time to think," I said softly.

I went back to my house, and when I re-entered my childhood home, with its mantel piece photos and its brick fireplace and its nice carpets, what I wanted more than anything was to sit down with my Mom in the kitchen and have a nice long talk about what to do. I'd always been able to do that before. But when I told her tentatively, "I'm having some problems with my - teammate, Naruto," my mother harrumphed and told me that might not be such a bad thing, in her opinion. And I knew, suddenly, that I couldn't talk to her about this.

What was it about Naruto? I burned to know.

I went up to my room and lay back on my bed. Inevitably, I turned back in my head to Kakashi-sensei's words. My first reaction again was extraordinary anger. But then underneath it, when that cooled, I was almost scared. Kakashi-sensei had implied that Naruto... wasn't quite human. What did that mean? How had Naruto so easily defeated Haku? Why did it make people so suspicious of him? Why did it make even the great Kakashi-sensei hesitate? I told myself not to judge Naruto based on something that had always been a part of his being. But I didn't know what was a part of his being, and that frightened me for the first time.

But then there were Kakashi's other words. They had filtered through my head despite my best intentions. He had warned me that if I fell in with Naruto, everyone would treat me different. He'd implied that we'd always be on the fringes, on the outskirts. And that idea shouldn't frighten me either, but it did, it did. I defined my goals based on the love of the people around me. Could I survive it, if all that was suddenly cut away? I didn't know.

I thought of the extreme scenario: of being stuck on the outskirts with Naruto, never socially fitting in, never getting very far as a ninja, trapped in the reserves and in an isolating bubble for the rest of my life. For a boy I'd kissed at twelve and a half.

All of a sudden, it didn't seem worth it. And I wasn't remotely smiling now.

Then there was a knock on my bedroom door and my mother opened it without further warning. Her lips were pursed disapprovingly. "That Uzumaki boy is here to see you," she said reservedly.

My mother hadn't let him in the house. He stood there on the front steps, in that same orange prison jumpsuit, shoulders up, hands in his pockets, scuffing his shoe. He knew he didn't belong here, but had risked coming anyway.

"There are some things I should have said," he said immediately, his eyes lighting up, when I walked out onto the front step. "I've got some things to say, and -"

"Let's talk over here," I said, leading him away down the street.

He stopped, looking almost hurt. "Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, Naruto," I said, "but... look, my parents don't like you, and I haven't exactly told them, alright?"

"Well, let me prove myself to them, then!"

"No, Naruto - Naruto. We need to talk."

He seemed to brush this off after a moment. "Sakura-chan, I - We can make this work. Okay? We don't have to tell Kakashi anything -!"

"But Naruto, what if he finds out? He'll send us into the reserves!"

Naruto nearly laughed, stunning me. "I'm pretty sure Sensei was just being dramatic," he said. "You know how he gets." I did not. The Kakashi I knew was never dramatic without a purpose. But then I saw Naruto's eyes, how desperate they were beneath the smile. "Sakura-chan, even if he sends us into the reserves, so what? We'll still find a way, for you to be a great kunoichi and for me to be Hokage! We can do this, we can -!"

He could, maybe. But what of me? I wasn't Naruto, of the unshakeable nerve and unassailable dreams. I wanted to be, sometimes. But I wasn't.

"Naruto, you're a beautiful person," I said, "and I love you. But I have to think of myself, too. I want to do this. I want to be an active duty ninja and continue training under Kakashi. And we would still see each other all the time. I could still love you, as a friend. I don't see why we can't just love each other as friends. Couldn't that be enough?"

"... But I want more," he said, and I could tell how rawly he meant it, and that nearly got me. It nearly got me to say yes, right then and there.

"This is... this is too much for me. I'm still just a kid, Naruto. Both of us! We're just kids!"

He stood back, looking hurt, but more than that disappointed. "Yeah," he said, "maybe you are."

"Naruto -!" I began, pained, feeling oddly like Giichi.

And then he kissed me.

I let myself enjoy it for a moment. And then I stopped. Because I couldn't do this. And if that was the case, I couldn't lead him on either. "Naruto," I whispered, stepping back and looking down.

When I looked up again, he was gone.

Naruto didn't talk to me much for a while after that. He said to me once, looking away with a tight jaw, "I just have to accept... that you don't like me that much. If it had really mattered that much to you, nothing would have been able to drive you away. That's just the kind of person you are."

I wasn't at all sure it was the kind of person I was and thought he was being impossible! In retrospect, I have to wonder how right he was.

Naruto wouldn't talk to Kakashi for a while either. There were rumors that he'd stormed the Hokage's office and demanded a removal from the team, but the Hokage wouldn't give it. Then, a couple of days later, someone said to someone else that they saw Umino Iruka and Hatake Kakashi arguing just outside the Hokage's office, but no one was sure if that was true.

At the end of the day, nothing changed and, between Naruto and Sasuke acting weirdly around each other ever since Sasuke had sacrificed himself for Naruto during the Wave mission, and Naruto acting weirdly toward Kakashi-sensei and me, our team friction was worse than ever. And I wasn't talking to Hinata, the torpedoing of a years-long friendship. Over a boy it turned out I was never allowed to date in the first place.

I knew Hinata would have said yes to being in a secret relationship with Naruto and it made me feel horrible. I missed the simple days before and during the Wave. A part of me almost wished Naruto had never kissed me at all, but the memories were too beautiful for that to quite be true.

You might be wondering why I wasn't acting weirdly toward Kakashi. I tried to hate my Sensei, I really did. But he was training me so well, I couldn't hate him. Exhausting though it was, I was learning more about fighting at once than I ever had in my whole life.

The first thing I did upon getting back to the Wave was to begin the training Sasuke had talked about. I rigged up a similar kind of trap over my bed and shocked myself into going for a kunai each time in my sleep upon being touched. So that was tiring enough.

But then there was what Kakashi-sensei was showing me.

I had proven myself to him over the course of the Wave mission, and it was then that I learned the price of proving oneself to Hatake Kakashi. He taught me my first fire ninjutsu spell, one that Sasuke did not know. Sasuke specialized in fireballs, attacks that burst from his mouth in one great explosion; he had probably learned those spells from old clan scrolls. So what I asked Sensei to teach me was something different. I wanted to know if there was a fire version of that gigantic water dragon he had attacked Zabuza with.

"Sakura, that requires a lot of chakra," Kakashi warned.

"And I've never stopped practicing chakra endurance training," I said stubbornly, which was true. I'd stuck with it. "I want to challenge myself, Kakashi-sensei." Maybe it wasn't the Kage Bunshin, but at least it was something. And maybe Kakashi had been right that first day - maybe, deep down, I did want to look cool.

Kakashi had looked searchingly into my eyes for a moment, and then nodded sharply. He'd approved of what he'd seen there.

So we'd go out into a big, empty desert training field, a specialty one that was built from terrain not usually seen in Konoha. And there, away from anything flammable, I started trying to craft my fire dragon. It was a good thing the Wave training had prepared me for passing out from exhaustion, because I did that a lot at first. Kakashi never went easy on me. Even after I began creating bursts of fire with my spell, he still wasn't satisfied. The size, the shape, the duration of the fire dragon spell - everything had to be just right. The training was merciless, but I could feel myself improving.

He also started teaching me more advanced genjutsu illusions, and that came almost worryingly easily. Genjutsu required quick thinking, imagination, and precise control. It was perfect for me. Genjutsu expanded under my eager hands. The first thing Kakashi did was improve my basic hiding skills, so that I could hide anything in plain sight, which wasn't so scary. But then he taught me how to craft distinctly macabre experiences for other people - visions of death, the scent of blood or gunpowder, creepy feelings, sharp bursts of pain, and other things. And it was positively alarming how good I became at that. Then Kakashi put me through extensive training in getting myself out of illusions, usually by springing illusions on me completely my surprise and making sure I could alway remain calm in the middle of one and get myself out of it safely. He said any good genjutsu specialist must first recognize the experience of genjutsu, and this was what made them different from, say, a ninjutsu specialist. Sasuke did not have to know what it was like to be burned to create a fireball.

I had to stop and take a deep breath, step back from the training every once in a while just to keep my head. It was dark and deep and took on whole new dimensions for me that I'd never seen in fighting before.

But on the plus side, I seemed to be improving rapidly. Kakashi once told me one day that he was proud of my progress. It was right before he put a horrific illusion on me, but the moment was still kind of touching. Kakashi did not give out praise very often.

I threw myself into my training to try to distract myself from my friend problems, my teammate problems, and the monotonous D ranks that had again become common.