This chapter contains talk of weight issues, body issues, and eating disorders.
BlairPOV-
''So, Ms. Anderson,'' the doctor begins ,''How long has this been going on?''
''I… I guess you could say on and off through my sophomore and junior years in high school, and now,'' I respond, my dad shifting next to me as Kurt tightens his grip on my shoulder.
''Do you worry about your weight often,'' she asks.
''Yes,'' I look at the ground.
''How long have you been worried about your weight,'' she questions.
''Since I was about thirteen,'' I play with a few curls.
The questions continue, and I try to think that the discomfort is worth how much easier things will probably get.
But, of course, that's easier said than done.
''So… what now,'' Ryder asks, moving some hair from my face.
It's the Saturday before Easter, and he is finally, finally home for spring break.
We're lying across my bed, the warm spring sun shining in through my window.
''I have to go back for the physical exam on Tuesday and an evaluation on Wednesday.. But he said I fit all of the criteria for… for bulimia.''
''It's gonna be fine. And if you are diagnosed with bulimia, you have me, Mr. Hummel, your dad… Rory and Sugar, too. This is all gonna be fine.''
He presses a kiss to my head, and I wonder how I ever got so lucky.
''I know you probably wish you'd just gone with your friends to the beach now,'' I reach out to trace the pattern on his Spider-Man shirt.
Pretty, gorgeous, thin girls. In bikinis and other swimsuits. And I bet some of those girls are willing to give Ryder what he can't have from me when we're miles apart like that.
''Blair Anderson,'' he makes me look at him ,''I love you. He had to come home and see you. And I miss Grace so, so much. I don't regret my decision.''
''Yeah?''
''Yeah,'' he shifts closer to me ,''Besides, I hadn't really talked to you for weeks. So I'm glad we have now. And soon I'll be back, and going to NYU. What else did the doctor say?''
''She said that since my mom struggled with her weight, even after I was born, that it may have effected on me. I won't blame her, though,'' I reply ,''She did her best raising me. She tried not to talk about her weight...I just… I was too observant, I guess. And she said it's amazing my parents caught it now, because some people deal with it for years. She also feels it's best if I quit my job at the Spotlight Diner for now, too relieve some stress. And that I should take the first semester off from college. So I'll apply for the spring semester.''
Ryder takes that in, then nods.
''And dad, Kurt, Rory and I have to go through family therapy.''
''Anything I can do,'' he asks.
''No just… look, I know it would probably be so much easier to be with a girl who has a better self image. And I know these gorgeous girls have been flirting with you, offering to sleep with you… but for some reason you're still with me.''
''I told you nothing was going to happen,'' he reminds me ,''I don't want them. I kinda need you. And, Blair, you are a beautiful girl. I'm gonna get that through your head one way or another. And if you are diagnosed, then I'll be there with you through the therapy and doctor appointments… everything. If this ever happens again, I feel like it won't though, we will know what to do.''
''Why are you being so nice to me,'' I ask.
''I love you,'' he shrugs as if it is that simple.
Maybe I am over thinking things, and it really is that simple.
''I love you, too,'' I kiss him ,''And I am doing a little better. I am eating now, and I haven't… you know since I got out of the hospital. I'll get back on a healthy track. And on Monday, Kurt is taking me shopping to look for clothes I feel good in. So everything is going to work out.''
I've been saying that to dad and Kurt for a week, but I didn't believe it until now.
''Now, as important as this conversation is, I haven't been with you since January. Less talking, more kissing,'' I smile when he rolls on top of me, bringing his lips to mine.
The kiss is heated, as all of our kisses usually are. Then Ryder's hand is moving up my thigh, pushing my skirt up, and-
''Wait,'' I pant out, breaking our kiss ,''I c-can't.''
''What's wrong,'' he asks quickly moving his hands.
''I know it's been months, and I want to do this too. But I don't think we should until I feel better about my body.''
''Right,'' he nods, rolling to my side ,''I'm sorry.''
''No, it's not your fault. I want to. I love you, and I mean have you seen yourself?,'' I blush when I realized what I say ,''You know what I mean.''
''Well,'' he moves some hair off of my shoulder, ''I have seen every part of your sexy, gorgeous body. And whether you lose weight, gain weight, or stay the same, I'd love you just the same. I didn't ask you out for your body, Blair. I did it because, as cheesy as it sounds, you captured my attention. And I didn't want to lose yours.''
''You're lame,'' I roll my eyes ,''But I love you. Now can we get back to making out?''
''I love you, too,'' he rests his hands on the curve of my hip ,''And yes we can.''
It's a long road to recovery, but I know I'll get there.
After today, there is not a doubt in my mind that it's all going to work out.
RoryPOV-
''Who's Melissa,'' Sugar teases, looking at my cast.
''A ninth grade girl who begged me to let her sign it,'' I reply, and Sugar laughs.
''So I'm dating Mr. Popularity,'' she smirks, tracing over where she elegantly signed her name in pink marker.
''Hardly,'' I roll my eyes ,''You're the popular one.''
''Awww,'' she smiles, leaning back against the pillows on her bed and kissing me ,''How about we just be glad we have eachother?''
''Deal,'' I move some of her hair with my good hand ,''And we are gonna be married in two months.''
''Mrs. Sugar Motta-Hummel,'' she beams ,''And I'm taking Harmony, Courtney and Blair to get their bridesmaids dresses next month. This is going to be amazing.''
Amazingly terrifying, or amazingly thrilling? Maybe a little bit of both, but I would not change a thing.
''I know there are pretty, curvier girls out there,'' she tells me ,''But I'm glad you chose me.''
''And I know there are stronger, more handsome guys, but you chose me,'' I shrug ,''So I think we're pretty good together.''
As much as I am terrified that I will mess our marriage up, I know I want to do this. If dad and Blaine's relationship is anything to judge by, the first year is very hard.
But maybe it will be easier. The tabloids will have fun when they find out the rumours are true. Ever since Mrs. Motta's business has taken off, Sugar has been getting almost as much attention as I have. Being in the public eye can suck but it doesn't matter. We both want to do careers that involve it, so it will be worth it.
Sugar and I decided to wait a few years before having kids, at least until our careers have kicked off. One or two kids, a girl and a boy hopefully. Kurt Daniel Hummel and Rosalie Evelyn Hummel, after my parents and hers.
The thing is, it's all happening so fast. We are getting married in two months. From cap and gown to wedding gown. From my valedictorian speech to my wedding vows.
I love Sugar, and I want to start my life with her as quickly as possible.
So what is this insane feeling in the pit of my stomach?
KPOV-
The sound of Grace's giggles fill the air as I open the door to the apartment.
She looks up, smiles and waves, making Blaine turn around.
''Dada!,'' she beams as I cross over to where she and Blaine are.
''Hey, gorgeous,'' I kiss her head, then Blaine's lips ,''Hey, handsome.''
''Hi,'' he notices the cup in my hand ,'Coffee?''
''Yours,'' I nod ,''So what have you been up to?''
''Ryder's with Blair, and this one,'' he nods at our toddler, who is dressed only in her diaper and a pink, short sleeved shirt, ''Refuses to do anything but wear a shirt and diaper.''
''Risky fashion choice,'' I joke, playing with the curls not under her pink flower headband before she takes a few pieces of cereal from Blaine, toddling off to be in front of the television.
''I'm her personal snack dispenser,'' he takes a handful of the cereal, putting them in his mouth ,''I feel used.''
As if on cue, she toddles over for more, leaving when her hands are full.
''Shut up,'' I kiss my husband ,''She loves her papa.''
''Yeah,'' he smirks ,''And her papa loves you.''
''Easy, Blaine,'' I laugh when he quickly presses his lips to my neck ,''We'll have our alone time soon enough.''
These past few months haven't been easy, but it is getting better. Rory's cast comes off next week, and we'll see if he has to go to physical therapy. And Blair has her doctors appointment, which Blaine and I are both taking her too.
No matter what happens, we'll help her get through this. That's just what this family does.
''Why didn't you tell me you were stopping to get coffee,'' Blaine asks when Grace plops back in front of the television, a bowl of cut bananas in front of her.
''I didn't plan on staying,'' I shrug ,''I ran into Adam, and we got to talking. He and his boyfriend just broke up.''
''I see,'' Blaine takes a sip of his coffee.
''But...''
''But nothing,'' Blaine turns to me ,''I trust you. And Adam is a good guy.''
''Good,'' I take Blaine's face in my hand ,''Because you know you're my favorite guy.''
''You're cheesy,'' he bluntly states, causing me to laugh, ''But you are a good friend. I know he and his boyfriend were together for years.''
''He was a mess,'' I admit ,''Although, I'd be the same way if anything ever happened to us.''
''Good thing nothing ever will,'' Blaine beams.
''Right,'' I press a quick kiss to his cheek before releasing his face.
''You know… I know we don't celebrate Easter. But since we already have Dani, Santana, Sebastian and Karofsky coming over for dinner, let's just invite Adam so he's not alone,'' Blaine suggests.
''And maybe a certain blonde, single wedding planner,'' I mention, referring to Chandler.
''But we are in no way setting them up,'' he shrugs.
''Right. It is just a coincidence that they would be perfect for each other,'' I nod.
''And if they happen to hit it off, cool, right?''
''Right,'' I lay my head on his shoulder ,''We're not that sneaky anyways.''
''True,'' he kisses my head before taking a sip of coffee, eyes darting back to wear Gracie is absorbed in the television show ,''And Kurt?''
''Yes, Blaine,'' I sigh, absolutely content for the first time in weeks.
''I love you.''
''I love you, too, Blaine,'' I admit, cuddling closer to him.
Always have, and I always will.
Disclaimer- glee belongs to Fox and Ryan Murphy.