17. Lust
I was back in his arm. Lost in his kisses. Philip did owe me in so many ways. He was my first lover, and part of me would never want to let him go. But our physical connection was not enough. I had to end it. There I was naked in his bed again. His eyes were closed and he looked like an angel. I had to do this now.
"I should go home," I said getting up from the bed.
"Why? You want to see Shane?"
"Please don't.." I said unable to look at him.
"He not right for you. I am. I mean you were able to make love to me and not him. Doesn't that tell you something?," Philip whispered pulling me back to bed.
"We never made love Philip. We were only were never any feelings there. At least not on from me," I said coldly.
"You love me, Andrea. You won't admit because you think there is a certain way you have to live. But that's bullshit. When you are with me that is when feel alive. Don't get back together with some ex boyfriend who cheated on you because he is Catholic and I am not."
"My religion is very important to me. I couldn't marry someone who wasn't Catholic," I said.
"If you want someone who is Catholic, then I will join the church. I'll do anything for you. Name it," He said.
"Let me go. Put an end to this."
"I can't do that Andrea. I love you. And deep down I know you love me too. I am exactly what you need, but you are too blind to see. This Shane guy will fuck up again, and you know it," Philip said.
" I don't know unless I try. And if I don't try then I will always wonder. Please don't make this any harder," I said getting up from the bed. I put on my bra, underwear, tee-shirt, and jeans. Philip's brown eyes where burning into mine. He wasn't going to let this go. He wouldn't let me go with out a fight. But I had to make myself completely clear.
"I won't let you go without a fight," Philip promised grabbing my arm. He then put his hands on my face and kissed me forcefully. This kiss took my breath away, and I knew in that moment he was going to try to keep pulling me in.
"I can't do this," I said pulling away from his kiss. I could feel him following me out to my car. He wanted me, and he was not letting this be the end. Would I ever break away from his spell? Would he ever understand that it was only ever about sex for me? That I never loved him the way he needed to be loved.
"You can be with me. And you will. That night at the bar I knew it. You are meant to be mine," Philip says pulling into his arms again.
I am pushing him off me, but he is holding on to me tight. His lips touch mine intensely and return his kiss. I find myself returning to the house with him, and he know I am right where he wants me. Would I ever be able to break free? Or would my lust for Philip continue to control me?