19. Your love

This hunger wants sweetness
this ache an ache for love
you're everything that I want
and maybe that's
what I'm afraid of- Laura Doyle

The wind was blowing my blonde hair, but that did not bother me.

It was beautiful March day. I watched Shane get back into his cop car. We would be together again tonight, and tomorrow I would face Philip. I would take off day from work. I make it clear to him that I was going to be with Shane. I would not lose anymore time with Shane. We were going to get married and have babies. Even though he was driving away I could still feel his arms around me. Being with him was amazing. After waiting so long I knew it could not have been more perfect. No ,it was not in a hotel room with flowers and candles. But I did not need that. All I need was Shane. And his love. I finally drove off still thinking about our first time. His hands covering, the sweat, and the pure desire we had for each other. Nothing could ever compare to this.

20. Damn Andrea

I followed Andrea home. I knew better to trust anyone. I have been cheated on before. What I saw should have been no surprised, but it still shocked the hell out of me. Andrea was pulled over by a cop. It was not any cop though. It was her stalker ex boyfriend. He pulled her over for no reason other than to see her.

I watched as Shane put her hands on him. His hands were running through her blonde curls. She was smiling up at him. And they got into the back off the police car together. I knew she was fucking him. My Andrea was letting another man touch her. What the hell was she thinking? How could she do this to us? Stupid bitch would have hell to pay. So would her pussy ass boyfriend. No one would take what was mine. I watched as Andrea drove off. I thought about following her. Instead I followed Shane. I followed him the whole afternoon until he was back at his apartment. My first thought was to get out of my car, and beat the shit out of him. But I did not want him knowing I knew where he lived. So for now I drove off, and started making plans for my revenge. If Andrea knew what was good for her she would be breaking up with that loser. She didn't want to fuck with me, I thought.

I dialed her number on the phone, and she finally answered it.

"Hey, Philip," She said sweetly.

Stupid bitch, I thought.

"What are you doing? I got off work early," I said.

"I actually have a lot of work to do, and I'll have to cancel our plans for tonight," She said softly.

"Liar," I whispered.

"Why you say that?"

"Because I know it's time for your period. You probably want to rest," I said keeping my emotions in control.

"Yeah that's it," She lied. I knew Shane was coming over and we both knew it.

"We could stay in. I'll bring those red velvet cupcakes you like," I offered.

"No. We can talk tomorrow," She said dryly.

"Andrea, let me take care of you."

"You can stop by for a few minutes," She said giving in. Andrea never could tell me no. Hopefully her new boyfriend would show in time to see as other. I drove my car as fast I could to get the cupcakes and get to her apartment. I wanted to beat Shane there.

21. Unplanned

Philip talking about periods made realize mine was late, and I decided to run to the store. I got a pregnancy test and prayed it would be negative. I was peeing on the stick when there was a knock on the door. I left it in the bathroom and got the door. There he was. Philip looking sexy as ever. How could he be so fucking sexy?

"Cupcakes?"

"Put on the kitchen table," I said smiling. I loved Shane, but something about Philip made hunger after him. It was lust and it could not be trusted. I could not trust myself loving him. He would find someone, but it could not be me. I wanted the pure and simple love I shared with Shane.

"Sure. I am going to run to the restroom," Philip said moving quickly after he sat the cupcakes down. Did he know? How could he know? I tried to stop him,but I was too late. He saw the pregnancy test. It was in his hand.

"I can explain," I said moving closer to him.

"It's positive, Andrea," Philip smiled. How was he happy about this? We have never planned on having kids, and always used condoms.

"Shit. What are we going to do?"

"You wouldn't have an abortion would you? I mean your Catholic does that not go against everything you believe in?"

"I think I threw my beliefs out the window that night I went home with you at the bar," I said coldly.

"But you can't," He said. I knew he was right, but I was still considering it. This baby was not the one I planned on having. That baby was supposed to be Shane's. We had just found each other again. This pregnancy would destroy us all over again.

"It's my body, and I will make the final decision," I said moving away from him. I was so lost at this moment. Why couldn't it be Shane's baby? Was this the price I had to pay for not waiting? I should never used Philip for sex and play with his emotions I knew better than that. Now I bed made my bed and have to lie in it.

There was another knock at the door. Shane was here. I opened the door, and Philip stared right at him.

"Andrea what is this asshole doing here?"

"I am pregnant," I whispered. If looks could kill I swear Shane gave Philip one.

"He did this on purpose. He wants to keep us apart," Shane said looking at me with those dark eyes.

"Mind your own business asshole. This is our baby. And I have been here for Andrea not you," Philip shouted.

"You don't have to be with him because there is a baby, Andrea," Shane said quietly to me.

"I know, but Philip and I are going to need to be alone to talk. I am so sorry. I had no idea.I'll call you later," I said.

"Don't let him suck you back in, Andrea. He is fucking crazy. I can't prove it but I know it. He won't be good for you or that baby," Shane said walking out the door. My heart fell to floor when Shane left my apartment. Was it really over this time? How did I let this happen? Philip walked up to me and wrapped his arms around my neck. Tears were running down my face. I was so lost and confused.

"It's all right baby," Philip said patting my back. I said nothing but buried my head in his arms. If I could only turn back time I thought. I would have gone home with Philip.