22. Fate
Sooner or later it comes down to fate. I might as well be the one-Billy Joel
Philip stayed the night touching my belly while we were in the bed. He was attached to this baby, but I was not ready. I did not want to have this baby. I wanted to be with Shane. Would I lose Shane forever if I kept this baby? Maybe this was a sign that I should be with Philip. That it was fate for us to be together, and Shane was only part of my past. That's what my head said but heart wanted Shane still.
"Have you decided what you are going to do about the baby?"
"Yes. I am going to have an abortion. We're not ready for this," I said looking at the floor.
"Andrea, I am forty years old, and I have lost a daughter already. Please don't do this. If you aren't ready I'll take care of the baby. I promise," His brown eyes were sincere.
But how could I carry a baby for nine months and give it away? Could I raise Philip's child and still be with Shane? People do it all the time right? Blended families. Maybe, just maybe that would work.
"What if you raised the baby and I would could for visits. We could co parent together?"
"Yes, but I think you should come home with me. Raise our baby together. I love you and that baby," Philip whispered in my ear.
"The way I feel about Shane is not going to stop. I wish I could control who I love, but I can't," I said feeling guilty.
"Give me chance. This happened for a reason. Our whole relationship did. That night at the bar you felt something, and I know it," Philip pleaded.
"Lust is what I felt Philip. That night and ever night we have been together since. I have I ever told you once that I love you?"
"No," He said quietly.
"I never said because I did not feel it. Not for a minute. You are someone I liked to fuck and that's all," I answered coldly.
"That's not all. I am the father of your unborn child. If that counts for anything, "Philip said loudly.
"It does, but I don't know if I am going to keep this baby."
"Andrea, please consider keeping it," Philip pleaded.
"I will, but you can not try to guilt me into being with you because of the baby. You understand. If I decide to be with Shane you have to respect that. Understand?"
"Yes, Andrea. You have made your feelings clear now," Philip said walking out the door. He looked at me with those sad brown eyes.
"Philip," I said walking after him. I needed to let him go. What was wrong with me?
"Yes?"
"I won't do anything about the baby without telling you first. I promise," I said softly.
"Good, but I know you Andrea. You won't go through with it," He said touching my stomach again. Then walked off slowly to his car. Why was he not fighting harder? I could not believe he was just walking away. Was I disappointed? He was gone now, and there was Shane walking up to me. How long had Shane been outside my apartment?
"Sorry I was waiting in car until he left," Shane said taking me into his arms.
"I think I want to keep it."
"The baby?"
"Yes, but I don't want to lose you again," I admitted.
"You won't. I'll help you raise this baby, and we can still be together. I will love the baby because it is part of you," He said holding out the silver ring he give me all those years ago.
"You kept it?"
"Think I threw out your engagement ring? I have waiting to put it back on your finger since you took it off darling," Shane said sliding it on my finger.
"I didn't ever say yes," I teased.
"Will you?"
"Yes," I said kissing Shane's lips. This baby in stomach would be ours. Shane's and mine. We would have a family, I thought. Philip would understand in time. He would move on. And we could still raise this baby together.
"I only wish we would never have to deal with that crazy ex of your again," Shane said when we broke away.
"He wants to raise the baby," I said looking his dark eyes.
"Hell no. Don't give him your baby. There is something off about him," Shane said.
"He just loves me," I said still feeling guilty. I cause this but using him.
"Well, he watching us now. And I am about to beat the shit out of him," Shane said showing me Philip's car parked across the street. I had two men following after me. This was unreal, I thought. I was going to have take care of this.
"No don't do that," I said softly.
"Then I will call someone from the police department. You need to get the law involved, Andrea. He is starting to stalk you. It will only get worst if you act like him," Shane warned.
"Philip is only upset. He believes this baby means we should be together. He is only venting. When he is done I know he'll calm down."
"Andrea, you need to the wake up. Your relationship with Philip is starting to get dangerous, and if you don't make it clear to him that it is over then you are only playing mind games with this psycho's head."
"Look I have to go talk to Philip and I you understand," I told Shane walking away.
"I am going to wait here until you get back," Shane said looking at me protectively.
I said nothing but nod in agreement. I slowly walk toward where Philip is parked. He sees me and pulls up in the car.
"Get in," Philip says as he pulls up to me.
I might as well get this over with, I thought getting into his blue mustang. Shane was right I had to tell Philip the truth. That I had and always would love Shane.