Here's another chappie from Arei. And yes, it does flesh out, in full, hysterical detail, the little visit Ichigo et al paid to a certain former DADA instructor...

Enjoy!

And of course neither of us owns HP or Bleach...

Chapter 13

The Umbrage felt for Dumbridge.

Many people in the world have short fuses when it comes to their tempers.

Dumbledore and Yamamoto were not counted amongst them. It took A LOT to anger them. Hurting one of their charges or a member of their family was one of the big no-no's that could set them on you with the the force of a volcano exploding in your face.

Ichigo had actually inherited Yamamoto's temper (although he was not aware of it yet) and could have spectacular blow-ups when someone pissed him off. But a teenager's temper was nothing compared with that of the two older men; one of whom had lived over a hundred years, the other for well over a thousand.

Yamamoto was currently going through the calming motions of a private tea ceremony for himself and one of his oldest (still living) friends. Dumbledore himself remained respectfully silent, watching the movements of his old friend and allowing himself to be lured away from his rage by the simple beauty of the ceremony.

The ceremony calmed both men, and turned their combined rage from an inferno into a gentle, yet vengeful, simmer. Dolores Umbridge appeared to be on the verge of getting away with the terror she had visited on Hogwarts the year before with little more than a scolding. Yamamoto was angry over the damage that had been done – purposefully – to his great-grandson's hand, maiming it, while Dumbledore had an entire school of children to worry about, but primarily one Harry Potter, who now had to live with the words "I shall not tell lies" etched into his skin.

With the tea done, Yamamoto passed over a cup to his friend before pouring his own and both men took a long, slow sip of the flavorful tea before letting out equally satisfied sighs.

"If it was not for my respect for my duties as a Shinigami and my duty to maintain the balance between the realms of the living and the dead..." Yamamoto began, his eyes opening from their normal slit-state. "That woman would be dead and given over as a gift to Kurotsuchi."

"Don't say that old friend!" Dumbledore said with a serious expression, "Even if Kurotsuchi is as evil as you say, he does not deserve to have that woman thrust upon him. I'm not sure if even the Devil himself deserves to deal with her."

Silence reigned for several long moments before both men burst into creaky laughter that lasted for several minutes (Somewhere, in the middle of working on a random experiment, Kurotsuchi sneezed and felt as if he had managed to avoid something very... foul... even by HIS standards). Dumbledore wiped away a tear from his eye before letting out a sigh and taking another sip of tea.

"I'm half tempted to take a page from the Book of the Marauders," He said thoughtfully.

"Those two whelps that tried to prank us?"

"Oh yes," Dumbledore grinned suddenly and as he shared stories of antics the Marauders had gotten into while they were in school, a plan began to brew in their minds.

#

*one week later*

Ichigo was worried. Why?

He'd been called in for a sudden meeting with Yamamoto and Dumbledore. That wasn't why he was concerned though. It was everyone else who had been called in with him that had him worried. Kenpachi, Ikkaku, Yumichika... and Grimmjow, were all in the room with him and looked just as confused.

Before the older men could talk, Grimmjow broke under the tension.

"Whatever it is, I didn't do it, ya hear me?" growled the Arrancar-turned-ally.

"Oh, no worries my boy," Dumbledore said with a maddening twinkle in his eye, "not one of you are in any amount of trouble. In fact, we called you here to... help us with a little problem."

"Ya need MY help?" Grimmjow said in surprise.

"Indeed we do," Yamamoto said with a nod, "You especially will be needed for this little... mission... because of what you turn into."

"Ya mean my Resurrección form?"

"Indeed," Yamamoto's and Dumbledore's grins both turned wicked and the men called in for the meeting all shuddered - even Kenpachi.

"What's this about, old man?" Ichigo asked after a moment of silence.

"This is about Delores Umbridge," Yamamoto said as his eyes opened wide. Everyone jerked to attention at the blazing fire behind his eyes.

"Um... I thought we weren't supposed to kill people?" Grimmjow asked a moment later with a blink. He'd heard about what she'd done to Ichigo and Harry and had found the woman's actions lacking in honor of any kind. He was a very blunt and straight-forward sort and hated backstabbing individuals like Umbridge.

Both of the older men chuckled darkly.

"We don't want you to kill her," Dumbledore said with a gentle pat of his hands at the air in front of him. "We want you to... prank her."

"To be more accurate, we want you to scare her so badly she wishes she was dead," Yamamoto said.

"We want her out of the way," Dumbledore continued with a chuckle as he nudged Yamamoto's shoulder with his own, "and the best way to do that is to get her checked into St. Mungo's for a nice lengthy - vacation. We'll take care of things on the physical end and make sure that we are there to... hmm... 'witness her unfortunate disconnection from reality.'"

"Take these," Yamamoto said, handing over thin bracelets to each of the men, "They are an invention of Urahara's. It is tuned to Umbridge's magic and will allow her and her alone to see you. Give her hell men."

Ichigo shared a look with the others... and grinned.

#
*that night*

Ichigo was expecting a pink house, but honestly he was a little surprised by the outside of the home. The paint outside was a light pink, just this side of white. The others looked at Ichigo with a raised brow.

"I thought you said she has no taste?" Yumichika asked, puzzled.

"She doesn't," Ichigo said drily, "Somehow I have the feeling that she was forced to have this particular shade of pink on the outside. I'm willing to bet a goodly chunk of change that the inside is as bad as her office."

The others shared a dubious look with each other before Ikkaku moved to break down the door. Yumi swatted away the taller man and skillfully picked the lock.

"Honestly, we need the place to look like SHE did the damage. How do you think it will look with the door kicked in? Hmph!"

Everyone chuckled a bit at Ikkaku's grumbling at being scolded by his friend.

Ichigo drew his fingers down through the air in front of his face, calling forth his hollow mask. He'd long ago switched his hair color to white so that he wouldn't be easily recognizable with his hair. Grimmjow had also switched into his Resurrección and his tail was twitching in a way that reminded Ichigo of a cat about to pounce. As the others stepped into the main hall ahead of Ichigo though, Grimmjow's tail first went stiff and then limp as he looked around the house in shock.

Ichigo stepped inside and found that he had been right... it was as bad, if not worse, than her office had been.

"Holy shit! This place is pinker then Yachiru's hair!" Ikkaku exclaimed.

And it was.

The carpets were soft underfoot but were a hideous neon pink color. The walls were Pepto pink. Even the wood of the doors, cabinets and tables were pink of some sort. Ichigo frowned a bit as he looked around but Yumi's voice caught his attention.

"Mauve dyed wood?" Yumi's voice choked out and as Ichigo watched the older man's face turned pale and then green. "MAUVE dyed wood?! Oh... oh no, no no no."

What made it worse were the many, many, MANY framed photos of cats and kittens all over EVERY SINGLE surface and on every wall. Grimmjow poked at the wall as he leaned forward and squinted.

"Are these... stamps? Kitten stamps?" he asked in a dull voice as he turned to look at Ichigo.

Ichigo leaned forward to look at the small stamps that carefully filled the gaps between several mismatched frames. They did indeed have kitten images.

"Yeah... yeah, they are," Ichigo said, his voice coming out skewed by the mask, as he patted the Arrancar's shoulder consolingly.

"Ichigo?" Yumi's voice came in a croak. "Is she serious? This – isn't just a bad dream?"

"Hmm? You mean the decorations? Yeah, it was pretty much the same in her office..."

"Oh... no," Yumi shook his head and whipped out a notepad and pen from nowhere and started scribbling words onto the paper. "If you're going to go pink you HAVE to be TASTEFUL about it. Not this... this... THIS!"

Ichigo blinked and looked over at Kenpachi who shrugged.

"He's the one who did Yachiru's room," the taller man said.

"OOOH!" Ichigo said in understanding. He and Rukia had to go and get her for a meeting once and Yachiru's room, while pink, was done in gentle, muted shades. The room itself still screamed 'girl!' but it had been, indeed, tastefully done. He wondered, though, where Yumichika and Rukia hid the pads and pulled them out of. Some hidden pocket dimension? It was a neat trick, and one he wished he knew.

Grimmjow suddenly twitched, his ears perking. He darted off toward one of the hall doors, completely ignoring the door they knew to be Dumbridge's bedroom door and phased through the wood. The others blinked at each other and followed warily.

Inside they found a room filled with tons of 'baby' toys and decorations. In the center of the room was a single, large crib.

"Please tell me she didn't breed..." Ikkaku said slowly.

"She didn't," Grimmjow growled as he looked down into the crib. He reached in and pulled out a tabby colored kitten that looked a bit weak and then used his claws to carefully cut off the ribbon that was tied around the kitten's neck. The kitten immediately looked better and gave the Arrancar a grateful look. Ichigo frowned and walked over, noticing that all the kittens had similar ribbons around their necks. He picked up one himself and then hissed.

"Damned woman! You don't knot a ribbon around a growing kitten's neck like that," Ichigo grumbled as he helped Grimmjow get the ribbons off. The ribbons looked like they had been on the kittens for a while now, and while they might have been loose enough for them to breathe when they were initially put on them, they had grown enough that the ribbons were starting to impede their breathing.

"And this woman claims to love cats," Ikkaku said with a shake of his head. Kenpachi just 'hmm'd' in agreement.

The kittens were now all outside the crib and were getting their energy back. One kitten, a little white one with blue eyes suddenly perked up its rear as it readied for a pounce and then darted rapidly at Grimmjow's leg. The little guy managed to get half-way up Grimm's leg before its claws got stuck in one of the groves of his Resurrección armor and then started to gnaw wildly at his leg where its claws were stuck. Grimm lifted his leg a bit and tried to shake it off but the kitten kept its' grip.

"How adorable! And he matches your coloring!" Yumi cooed.

The others all laughed at that as Grimm reached down to dislodge the kittens claws only for the kitten to attack him again as he tried to phase back through the door with the others. It took him three attempts before he managed to avoid one of the kitten's attacks and make it through the door.

"Ya done playin' with the fuzzballs now?" Kenpachi asked with a roll of his eyes. "I'm ready to smash this place to smithereens."

"Shut up," Grimm snapped, though Ichigo was sure he saw a blush on the Espada's face.

With a nod to the others all of the men phased through the door/wall to Dumbridge's bedroom and found the woman reading while lying in bed. Grimm growled low and caught her attention. She screamed, reaching for her wand and Ichigo flash-stepped to her side and grabbed the little squat stick. He looked it over for a moment and then snapped it, causing the toadyish woman to squeak in fear.

Kenpachi and Ikkaku started around the room, breaking things at Yumi's direction.

"That has got to go, and that. And that! Oh Kami, this frame has GOT to go Ikkaku! Keep the picture though," Yumi ordered as he moved to the side of the bed, swept a cat alarm clock off of the end table and then plopped down onto it and used it as a chair. He kept directing the other two for a few moments. He glanced at Umbridge a moment later before sniffing delicately.

"Honestly, I can TELL you have Kappa blood just with how you look but you don't HAVE to share the same standards when it comes to decor and just throw things together like you have," the feminine man said as he whipped the notepad back out. "Now we're going to get rid of all this... tacky, icky stuff and I'm going to help you figure out something tasteful and beautiful. Obviously pink is your favorite color, yes?"

Umbridge nodded in confusion, though fear still dominated her expression. Grimm suddenly jumped onto the bed on all fours, tail lashing angrily back and forth. Umbridge squeaked and drew up her blanket.

"Ignore him for the moment," Yumi said as he swatted her hand with his pen. "He can wait his turn."

"Wait my turn!? Bullshit! She could have killed those kittens!" Grimm snapped.

Umbridge started to raise herself up, an affronted look on her face, but Grimm turned back to her and stalked along the edge of the large bed before climbing to balance on the headboard and lean over her. She shrunk back down, trying to hide under her covers but Grimmjow caught the blanket and stopped her as he hissed.

"YOU are a cat's worst nightmare. Those damned ribbons were starting to cut off their air and prevent them from eating right!"

"I-I change the ribbons every few weeks!" She squeaked out.

"YOU DON'T TIE A RIBBON IN A KNOT AROUND A GROWING ANIMAL'S NECK, YOU MIDGET TOAD! YOU GET A FRICKIN' ADJUSTABLE COLLAR WITH A BREAK AWAY CLIP! THEY COULD HAVE CHOKED THEMSELVES TO DEATH IF THE RIBBONS GOT CAUGHT ON SOMETHING!"

Umbridge just squeaked in fear.

"Are you done now? Actually, one second..." Yumi sighed as he took a moment to point Kenpachi to the dresser. "Get that will you? In fact, anything wood in that color needs to go. Remember to save any pictures from the frames and I'll go through those later to see which ones are salvageable."

Kenpachi let out a laugh and kicked out with one foot, breaking the dresser into splinters and sending clothes and knickknacks flying. Ichigo was glad his mask hid his face as he was grinning widely as he leaned against the wall and watched the others work.

Grimm just nodded at Yumi but remained balanced above Umbridge. Yumi then drew her attention back to him and handed her the note pad he'd been writing on.

"Now, to start off with, the outside of the house was perfect: Just the right shade of pale, tasteful pink. Whoever made you pick that color was very smart. The big mistake is that you made absolutely everything inside pink, not to mention the abhorrent shades you decided to pick. THAT is a BIG no no when it comes to home decor. You actually want to offset the primary color..."

Ichigo tuned him out as the others started to move out of the bedroom and into the main part of the home. Ichigo moved after them and took great joy in helping to destroy the items that Yumi had given the okay on, which was almost all of the furniture, picture frames, wallpaper, etc.

Honestly he missed whatever it was that Yumi or Grimmjow did next but the result was that Umbridge ran screaming from her home, barreling through the window without even bothering to open it. The group shared a grin and rush to the window just in time to see her run right past Dumbledore and Yamamoto screaming that the Apocalypse had arrived and its armies were heralded by a demon cat and a fashion designer. Kenpachi suddenly grinned demonically and Flash-stepped in front of her to block her path.

She started to run circles around the street, struggling to avoid the 'monster that was chasing her' as Kenpachi kept popping up in front of her to keep her in the general area. That kept up until the Ministry officials arrived due to Dumbledore's 'concerned' summons and they struggled to corral the woman.

Grimmjow burst into laughter at that point and just couldn't seem to stop. He fell to the ground, crying now as he struggled to gather air to breath. Ichigo and the others chuckled a bit at the sight as they apparated away with the crazy toad. Ichigo then turned, a man on a mission as he made his hollow mask fade away and went to go gather up the kittens. He brought them back out in a small box and handed the box to Dumbledore.

"These guys all need a better home," he said and then proceeded to explain what they'd found.

"Oh, my... of course! Mrs. Figg would certainly be able to take care of these little ones and find them nice hom- ack!"

The small white kitten leaped from the box and latched onto the Head Master's beard. Using the beard as a ladder the kitten managed to climb down and made a beeline for Grimmjow, latching once more to the Arrancar's leg and gnawing on it. Grimm didn't pay it much mind, petting the kitten before bursting into laughter again when he had the air.

The two older men shared a look before bursting into creaky laughter. Yamamoto waved a hand at Kenpachi and pointed to the incapacitated Grimmjow.

"Escort him home," he said with a chuckle.

"Sure, old man," Kenpachi picked up the laughing Grimmjow, kitten still attached and then looked at Ichigo. "Where's this idiot live again?"

Ichigo laughed. "I'll lead you there."

They entered the Gate to the Seireitei, grabbed their Gigais and from there opened another Gate to Karakura Town.

By the time they arrived at Grimm and Nell's place (they still lived with the Vizards in the abandoned warehouse and hadn't gotten their own flat as yet), Grimmjow had finally managed to stop laughing, though he still had a manic grin on his lips. In his hands he held the white kitten, who was purring like mad. Grimmjow opened the door to the large abandoned warehouse and led the others inside, kicking off his sandals without a care. One shot out to hit the wall with an echoing thud and Rose, who was tuning his guitar, received the other one to the face. The blonde Vizard, barely fazed by the blow, blinked a bit after the sandal fell to the ground and raised a brow at the three men entering the warehouse.

"Things went well I take it?" he asked with a lazy smile as the other Vizards in the main building started to crowd around the group.

"Yep, she reacted just like we wanted her to," Ichigo said with an answering smirk.

"Really wish I could have gone!" Hiyori said as she punched her fist into her other hand. "I would have kicked her ass!"

"The goal was to make her appear insane, Hiyori, not to cause her physical harm," Shinji said with a roll of his eyes. "Honestly, the only missions you should ever go on are the ones where they need a wrecking ball."

"WHAT DID YOU SAY!?" Hiyori shouted as she lunged at the older blonde. He merely grinned and dodged out of the way of her blows, leading her away from the group. Mashiro and Hachigen shared a look and both burst into chuckles.

"Nel? Nel! Get in here! Got somethin' for ya!" Grimmjow called out suddenly.

Nel came rushing out of one of the side rooms, followed at a more sedate pace by Chad and Urahara, and came to a skidding halt when she saw the kitten in his hands. She cooed suddenly and teared up to the surprise of everyone there.

"Grimm!" She squealed suddenly and then glomped him, causing him to fall onto his back with an 'Oomph! Blast it woman!' "You found us a child!"

Everyone chuckled and Urahara started to say something when Nel suddenly yanked the kitten from his hands and held it up to her face. The kitten licked her nose and somehow started to purr even louder. "And he looks just like you!"

Ichigo couldn't help it. He'd held it back this long but that was the last straw. He lost it and fell to the ground laughing at the sight in front of him. When Nel suddenly put the kitten down the front of her shirt and Grimmjow got a jealous look on his face, Ichigo lost the ability to breathe momentarily because he was laughing so hard. Even Kenpachi let out a booming laugh at the sight.

The Vizards all started to tease Grimmjow after that and Nel, Hachi, Mashiro and even Chad started to discuss possible names for the white-furred kitten.

#

The next day Dumbledore and Yamamoto were once again sharing a cup of tea and wearing satisfied smiles as they read the Daily Prophet's front page concerning Umbridge's sudden breakdown and her subsequent check in to the Wizarding Hospital.

"I love it when a plan comes together!" Dumbledore said with a laugh.