She stood , secluded, tucked away from view behind the various vehicles parked outside the hospital entrance. She drew in a long deep breath on her second cigarette. The smoky warmth filled her, she felt the familiar pang, a tightening in her chest.
Perhaps it was time to give in, to give up all this. She watched a seagull fly overhead. Perhaps Connie should be in charge. She was undoubtedly better at the job. She placed the cigarette back in her mouth and kept in their, breathing in and out slowly. Things would be so much easier just to give in.
She needed to slow down. Her head hurt from how full it was. How cram-packed it was from memories that she had and problems that she had either neglected or not had time to process, now they had grown bigger and had lives of their own, popping up when she least needed them, invading her thoughts, keeping her awake at night.
She flicked the ash from the end of the cigarette onto the pavement, the wind blew it back onto her tights and it smeared when she brushed it away with her fingers. She tutted into the wind.
"Is it one of 'those' days?"
She heard Tess ask from behind her.
She smiled. Tess placed her hand on Zoe's shoulder.
"I heard you were up all night."
She added, concerned.
"I wondered how quickly he would spread the gossip."
Zoe frowned as she spoke and stubbed out the cigarette on the wall nearest to her.
"He?"
Tess asked, confused.
"The porter? Max something?"
Tess shook her head briefly.
"Connie mentioned it when I saw her earlier. She seemed genuinely concerned about you?"
Tess explained, giving Zoe's shoulder a squeeze.
"Connie! Concerned!"
Zoe laughed and ran a hand through her dark hair.
"That'll be the day..."
She murmured. Tess pursed her lips.
"Zoe, I've noticed myself how tired you are, if you keep going you're going to end up making a mistake and you know with Connie around that's not something you can afford to do."
She spoke quietly.
Zoe sighed and folded her arms.
"I know."
Was all she said.
"Anyway, what were you doing spending the night with a porter?!"
Tess asked incredulously, misinterpreting their earlier conversation.
Zoe laughed.
"I didn't spend the night with him, he saw me this morning...before I'd had a chance to re-do my make up. I thought he might have told everyone how awful I looked."
Tess gave her shoulder another squeeze.
"I haven't heard a word."
She reassured, letting her hand drop and motioning for Zoe to follow her back into the hospital.
"You can't hide out here all day."