36. Guilty

Yeah, I stopped using my head, using my head, let it all go.
Got you stuck on my body, on my body, like a tattoo.
And now I'm feeling stupid, feeling stupid, crawling back to you

I'll be waking up in the morning, probably hating myself.
And I'll be waking up, feeling satisfied but guilty as hell.

- Maroon 5

I woke up beside Philip the next morning in bed, and I knew it was wrong. Kissing Shane was bad enough, but how could I make my mind if I was still hooking up with both guys ? No, more sex until you choose between the two, I told myself. I looked over at Philip, and he looked so beautiful while sleeping. Why could Philip not be honest with me? Why the mind games? How did Philip keep pulling me in? I knew deep down he was not someone I could trust, but Shane was someone I could count on. I loved Shane. Those feelings wouldn't just go away. I never love anyone the way I did Shane, I admitted to myself. But there was something here going on with Philip I could not explain. I couldn't turn those feelings of either. The bond I had because of our baby, I thought.

I got out of the bed. Maybe, I could leave before Philip woke up. Then I go home and really think things through. If there would only be a sign from the universal on what I should do. I got out of bed and picked up my clothes. I started to get dress when I saw Philip opening his eyes.

"You aren't leaving, are you?"

"Yeah, I have to sort this all out," I admitted.

"I thought we worked everything out last night," Philip said getting out of the bed. He wrapped his arms around me, and started to pull me back to bed.

"I can't stay. I need some time to think. Please keep your word this time. I need space," I getting dressed.

"Please don't go," Philip said his brown eyes shinning.

"I have to decide. And I can't do that here," I said unable to look into his eyes.

"Do you want to hurt me? Was that your intentions from the first time we meet?"

"No, I just wanted to have a one night stand. I never thought I wouldn't be able to quit you. And I had no idea you fall in love with me," I said feeling more guilty.

"You're easy to love. And if you pick Shane this time I'll respect it. No more games," Philip brown are burning.

"I am glad you are being mature about this," I said.

"Just take your time, and don't let anyone influence your decision," Philip whispered holding me close.

"I won't. I'll choose who is right for me," I answered.

"It's me. You and the baby belong here. This is your home now," he says half smiling.

"Good-bye, Philip," I said.

"I love you, Andrea. Good-bye," He whispers kissing my lips softly. I pull my lips away from his slowly. Looking into those eyes I see pain. And I knew no matter what happened I would end up hurting someone I cared about. This is a no win situation, I thought. Not to mention the baby I was carrying. Would this ever would out? I walked to my car Philip's eyes still following me.