41. Decisions
Staying up all night talking to my sister gave me clarity. She had brought some of my old scrapbooks from home. Inside were pictures of Shane and I throughout the years. Some from when we were four all the way up to senior prom. Also I saw pictures of Lori and Rick. I missed the old group, I thought. Although I still talked to them it was not the same as actually seeing them. They had a son name Carl, now I never even saw in person. I should go visit them I thought. Looking all these pictures reminded how much a part of my life Shane was. How his family had been mine. And how lonely I was the last seven years without him. Could I ever have this type of history with Philip? Should I even consider being with Philip after his behavior over the last few months? Amy did not think so, and what my sister said mattered. Although it would mean more if actually meant Philip, I thought. Still, Amy had made a point. I did trust my friends, and they would not pick on Philip for no reason. They did not trust Philip, and I didn't either. I close my eyes trying to decide what to do. Should I stay with the boy I had always loved, or move on with the man who control my desires? The man I was having a baby with? Why could my life not be easier? Would there ever be a point where I did not have to make difficult decisions?
I closed my eyes, knowing I would dream about Shane and Philip.
"Morning," Amy said bringing me a plate full of pancakes with strawberries.
"Thank you," I said smiling at my sister.
"I figured you and baby would be hungry," She said.
"Always. Baby E is a hand of full," I said taking a bite out the pancake.
"Baby E?"
"Shane and I picked out the name Emily if it's a girl. But since I don't know yet I call it baby E."
"What if it's a boy?"
"Undecided on a name, but there are plenty that start with E. Like Evan, Ephram, and Erik. I still have time if it's a boy," I said drinking some milk.
"When will you find out?"
"I am not going too," I smiled.
"You're going to wait?"
"Yes. Until he or she is born."
"Wow. I don't think I could do that," Amy said.
"I am certain it's a girl," I said touching my tummy.
"I can't wait to find out. I am going to spoil my niece or nephew," Amy said pulling her blonde hair out of her face.
"This baby is going to be completely spoiled. I just need to tell mom and dad," I said looking at my tummy.
"You should tell them today," Amy beamed.
"Well, I was going to tell them on next visit," I answered her.
"I have a surprise for you. Shane brought you a plane ticket home," Amy said showing me the ticket.
"He really did?" I said shocked looking at the plane ticket.
"You have to come home with me, Andrea," Amy pleaded.
"I don't know Amy. I have a lot of work to do, and I supposed to meet up with Philip on Monday," I said.
"It's only Saturday. Come home for the weekend. See mom and dad. We can go visit Lori and the new baby. Please," Amy begged.
"Okay. Just let me get my suitcase," I said smiling at her. Going back home, I thought. What would that be like? I knew the memories I have of Shane would be overwhelming. That's why he brought this plane ticket. He wants me to remember all of our times together, I thought. He wants me to remember he is my first love, and how good we are together. As if I could ever forget?