Chapter Twenty-Eight
His eyes were death, staring down at her, steely grey that spoke of everything and nothing at all. She saw the disapproval reflecting in it, waiting for her to say something that will contradict him. But beneath the anger, his eyes held some level of uncertainty at what she might do.
All she needed to do was to say yes, to agree to go to the Capitol City and stay in the facility with them. That was all she needed to do to get away from it all; from Haymitch and his overbearing ways. To show him that she is her own person and not his prisoner. A part of her wanted to do that, too, just to spite him after what happened the night before and if he wasn't allowed to come with her to the facility, the better it will be for her.
She will miss him, of course. But at the moment, she would rather be alone than have him breathing down her neck.
The rational part of her began to mentally list out the advantages of going with the officers; the part that thought only for the safety and well-being of her children instead of her own selfishness.
"Haymitch," she began, her eyes flickered from the two officers to his face. "They say there are doctors and nurses on duty around the clock. Perhaps, this wouldn't be such a terrible choice."
"That's right, Mrs. Abernathy," one of the officers nodded encouragingly. "It's a very comprehensive medical – "
Haymitch turned around, giving them both a dirty look. One of them shuffled nervously on his feet.
"Can we talk about this?" he turned back to Effie. "In private."
They took the hint and excused themselves but not before giving Effie the reassurance that she did not have to make her decisions now. They handed Effie a card and several pamphlets for her to look through before committing to anything.
"It's a medical facility," Haymitch said, once he had slammed the door in their faces. "It's no different than a hospital, which, in case you haven't notice, is also located in District Twelve."
"Yes, but this one is different. It's for people in the same situation as I am," she informed him, turning the card in her hand. "The doctors are well equipped to deal with medical emergencies rising out of a delicate, complicated pregnancy. You're the one who is worried out of your mind about my situation. Isn't this the reason why we're arguing in the first place? Wouldn't this be a neat little solution to your problem?"
"My problem?" he asked incredulously. "Our problem, you mean? The last time I checked, it takes two to make a baby and I'm not blaming you for what happened to you in prison that could… That's not the point," he pivoted suddenly. "My problem is not you. My problem lies with the law. You and your pregnancy is just the side effect of it."
Effie, whose heart softened and whose anger ebbed away slightly when he said our problem, staggered back in surprise as surely as if he had physically hit her. It was just like him to say something endearing and ruin at the next moment with a flippant remark.
She gave a contemptuous laugh, one that made the hairs on his hands stand.
"A side effect," she repeated. "That's what you've reduced us to - an unwanted side effect that you have to deal with? God, Haymitch, you're really cold, aren't you? No wonder you've been alone all these while."
She tried to stop herself but the anger and the bitterness seemed to roll out of her like waves. Effie wanted to stop but there was a certain satisfaction in being able to force a reaction out of him; to watch his eyes narrow to slits, his hand curling into a fist.
Effie had no idea what came over her, maybe there's a masochist in her somewhere, looking for trouble when there was none, but she wanted him to look at her with something other than pity; to stop treating her like she's all tempered glass and splintered soul that will crumble at the slightest pressure. No, she'll like to think that after all she's been through she's tougher than that.
Like coals and peals.
XxX
Haymitch bristled at her comment.
"I was alone," he hissed, "because the Capitol murdered my family."
"Haymitch, this conversation is getting old," she threw her hand up in frustration. "You're not the only person in this room who has lost their family to Snow or to the Games. I did, too. My sister took her own life; my own father gave her up. We've all gone through our fair share of tragedy and I am not going to trivialize it by comparing who has suffered worst. But I am not going to stand here and have you tell me that they," she laid her hand on her tummy, "are a side effect, a pesky consequences. They're more than that. They're miracles. If you want to hate me, if you think being married to me is a problem, that's fine – there's nothing I can do about that. But give them a chance, Haymitch, please. They're your children; they're your family now. You're not alone but if you go on like this, you will be."
Haymitch ran his fingers through his hair and stared at her. She looked back at him, defiant and stubborn, and he almost smiled at her for standing up to him like that. Brave Effie Trinket, he thought to himself only to remember that she is an Abernathy now.
"Go on like what?" he demanded. He shook his head, his shaggy hair flying about. "I… I know they're my children, Effie. I just – my parents and my brother was my family. That's all I have ever known and they've been dead for years, and I'm used to being alone. This is new, you understand? The idea… the fact that they're my family now," he nodded towards her stomach. "I just want them safe, want you safe."
"This is me trying to keep them safe," Effie lowered her voice, speaking gently to him. "By going there; to the Capitol."
He sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly. Haymitch was exhausted of constantly fighting with her, of never being able to see eye to eye on anything. Yes, he knew the kind of stubbornness Effie possessed and how they were with each other after years of working with her but that was during the Games. If he grew tired of her, Haymitch could simply just tune her out but this time, it's personal. It was closer to home and he couldn't just distance himself and shut her out, not when they were arguing about their children. He pulled out a chair and sank heavily into it.
"So you're going then?" his weary voice held no scorn, no anger, just resignation. "You're not even going to give me a chance to do my job."
He felt useless, a feeling that has been simmering in him since he found out about the risk of her pregnancy. He couldn't protect her during the Rebellion which resulted in sufferings and pain that she would not speak of, not even now. It left behind lingering consequences that was affecting her and by extension, the twins. Could he really blame her if she wanted to go to the Capitol and leave him behind since he couldn't protect her anyway?
"I don't know," Effie said quietly. "Truthfully, I don't like the sound of this place. I don't condone it. From the get go, it feels like a … I feel like I'm an experiment that has to be housed in a laboratory just so they could make sure that I turn out alright, that the babies they wanted so much will turn out alright."
"Breeding machine," he nodded, latching on to what she was trying to put into words.
"Exactly. These women… How many of them are there? They're people and they have feelings. They're not just there to serve the Government's purpose, to be asked to get married, get pregnant and then to give birth. After all that, they're expected to have another child because the law mandated two children. This is wrong, Haymitch."
"So don't go," said Haymitch, watching her carefully.
"I don't want to give birth to them at the Capitol," she told him, looking down at her feet. "It doesn't feel right."
He wanted to tell her that if he were to succeed, she would most likely be raising them at the Capitol which meant that where they are born is inconsequential to him as long as they made it out to this world alive and healthy. Nonetheless, he understood what she meant. It didn't feel right to bring them into this world, at a place that took away lives upon lives of children, that took away his own childhood. She didn't have to return to the Capitol after they were separated, not necessarily. She could choose to raise them up anywhere she want and he would have little say over her life by that point of time. He didn't want to consider the possibility of her staying in Twelve. There are empty houses and plot of lands here that she could occupy but… No, he won't let his mind travel down that path but Effie seemed to like District Four. He wouldn't mind having his children raised in that district.
Instead of running his mouth, Haymitch kept quiet, letting a lone finger run over the smooth surface of his wedding band absentmindedly.
"The only reason I even considered it was because…," Effie continued. "I thought… Well, I thought that it'll give you some peace, make you stop worrying that much."
He snapped up to look at her with a frown. She was more than willing to stay in a medical facility whose principle she disagreed with for him? Effie had considered leaving for the Capitol even after he had ruined an important dinner, after their fight, after how he treated her as if he alone knew everything? He stared at her, swallowing and clenching his jaw. It wasn't the first time that her act of selflessness had taken him off guard. It was in such stark contrast to the first time he ever met years before.
"It won't," he told her, pushing himself off the chair and moved to stand in front of her. "It won't make me any less worry, I mean. Not when I can't see you, not when I'm here and you're there. I'm not putting you in their hands. I can damn well keep a look out for you myself."
She gave him a cautious smile and nodded.
"I'll stay. But, Haymitch," she said and he held his breath, waiting and watching. "Will you do me a favour? Please, in your next appeal, bring this facility up. I know they're trying to do the right thing but it's…. it's wrong. Oh, I don't know how you're going to address this issue because they are providing medical services. Will it be too confusing? Will it complicate the appeal?"
Haymitch shrugged.
"I understand where you're coming from. I'll see what can be done. This needs to be discussed with Plutarch."
XxX
"The hospital in Twelve here isn't so bad," he told her quietly. "It's far better than the one we had last time. Dr. Bell's efficient enough. I trust her and… well, I supposed, I trust you to do right by those kids."
"You're apologising," she breathed out in wonderment.
His eyes cut to hers. "I was just being difficult. Katniss used a certain word which I do not care to repeat if what you said is true and that the twins can hear me."
Effie covered her mouth and giggled quietly to herself. Her eyes twinkled with amusement and when he frowned, she only laughed harder. She scooted closer to him, resting her head on his shoulder.
"Apology accepted, I guess."
"You guess?" he chuckled, curling his finger on a strand of her hair.
"It didn't cost you an arm or a leg to admit that you trust me, do you?"
"Hmmm," he hummed, reaching over to take his liquor from the coffee table.
"Thank you," she twisted her body slightly to look at him, "for trusting me."
Her hand crept up to the collar of his shirt and tugged him forward, placing a kiss on the corner of his lips. She ran her finger down his chest, playing coyly with the button of his shirt.
He smirked down at her and attempted to kiss her lips but she pushed him away. "No, you don't get to do that."
"You're a minx, aren't you?" he murmured, slipping his hand under the slip of her neckline and resting it at the base of her throat. His thumb grazed her collarbone, back and forth, over and over again, lulling her into a state of comfort.
"I haven't forgiven you for ruining dinner yesterday. It was an important dinner for me."
"Oh?" he arched an eyebrow. "I know of a way to make it up to you."
"We all know what you want," she laughed at his attempt, swatting his hand away.
"I am required by law to have inter –"
"Not that again," Effie rolled her eyes having remembered their conversation at District Four. "But, of course, you're right. It's the proper thing to do, to make it up to me after your appalling behavior at dinner."
"Of course," he agreed and slipped his hand under her blouse, over the swell of her belly.
XxX
The next day dawned on them far too early for his liking. He shivered in the cold and cracked his eyes open, trying to discreetly tug the blanket Effie had draped over herself only to give up on it, letting her have it all.
Haymitch turned on his back and stared up at the patterns of the ceiling, refusing to get up before the sun even rose over District Twelve. He glanced at her sleeping form and briefly wondered if sleeping with her was a way to ruffle out any disagreements they might have because then he would need to file that information for future reference.
Ah, he mused, that probably explain how some people could stay married to each other for so long if they have sex each time they fought. It wouldn't be so bad, I guess.
There seemed to be a mutual, unspoken agreement between them to never bring up the night of their anniversary again. They have certainly mastered the ability to put up a wall and blocked out their disagreement, sweep it under the rug and never unearth it again. He knew that it was not necessarily advisable, that things kept hidden under the lid could one day blow in their faces but Haymitch wasn't going to opt for the alternative of talking things out with her when they are perfectly fine right now. Talking things out was not his forte – it was tedious and it involved a lot of repressed emotions, something he was not inclined to partake in unless it was necessary, like stopping her from going to the City.
He was just about to fall back to sleep when a thought finally occurred to him. His mind finally processed the fact that he had been married to Effie for a year. He had been living with her, been sharing his bed with her and build a life around each other for a year. That's 365 days, he thought, that seems like a long time.
Time appeared to have slipped past his fingers like grains of sand and instead of the joy any married couples in a normal given circumstances would feel, he felt an increasing sense of pressure bearing down on his chest.
It was the law, it was always the law.
It has to be repealed soon. How long more was he supposed to stay married to Effie? How long more was she supposed to be tied down to this life with him, robbed of the freedom to lead a life of her own choosing, the way she dreamt it to be, the way everyone dreamt after Snow fell?
More importantly, it needed to be abolished soon because to give his children an illusion that they are together as a family was cruel. Yes, they are his children, that much he had accepted and they are a part of him but Effie and him were brought together through extenuating circumstances. He did not want the twins to grow up thinking that they would be together when they most likely will not. Better not to give them hope where there is none.
It was then that his thoughts took a turn for the worse. Klaus Adler. He invaded Haymitch's mind and poisoned his thoughts. That man was more than willing to drop his percentage of the share in some lucrative business for a chance to have a life with his wife.
His mood darkened considerably. Adler had so much at stake – his business, his profit – and yet he would give it up for Effie and her children, the children she sired with another man, with Haymitch.
Haymitch hated Klaus Adler without ever having met the man because there was no contest here - Adler was the better man. Despite what Felix said of Haymitch, he was just selfish.
No, he shook his head to clear his thoughts. I'm giving Effie back her life. It would be selfish if I wanted to keep her to myself.
To clear things up, I wanted to show that Haymitch is still learning how to be in a marriage. The kinds of things he'll do that will get them arguing, the things he'll do that can get him out of trouble and the importance of communicating (or lack thereof). I also thought if the Government is desperate enough to repopulate a country, every pregnancy will be precious and if it's a complicated one, they would take steps to make sure that the baby is born healthy or something. It may sound strategical and cold, just like the law, and that's why Effie isn't happy about it. The whole chapter seems to revolved around their own needs and the other's need, whether any decisions they made are in their own self-interest or not. So i hope i get that across without it being too confusing.
A/N: I'm going on a vacation next weekend, therefore there won't be an update and I don't think there will be one till Jan 2014 - I'm going to take a little break myself. So I will see you then! Happy New Year, in advance! Please leave a review, that'll be great :)