Rose gazed out the window in the conservatory.
The rain was still coming down in sheets; and in the distance, meteors fell with greater frequency. The fire in the forest burned so hot, not even the rain was putting it out!
She raised an eyebrow and turned to check on the status of her laptop battery. It was alright for now, but wouldn't be for long.
If the power in the house didn't come back on, she could think of one last resort: the small backup generator stored behind the mausoleum.
Sitting down at the laptop, Rose once again began to manipulate John's environment. She clicked on the box of Betty Crocker cake mix that John's dad had left in the kitchen, with the intention of prototyping the Sprite with it.
EB: what? oh man, you're going to use that?
EB: that sucks, what a stupid idea!
TT: We have to hurry along. I'm running low on battery power.
EB: but the cake mix... ugh, that's so dumb.
TT: I doubt it matters.
TT: We might as well just use any old crap lying around.
EB: fine.
EB: i GUESS.
She attempted to drop the cake mix onto the Sprite, but it jumped around and evaded the prototyping.
It was playing hard to get! Rose guessed that's what she got for originally prototyping it with something that engendered mischief and pranksterism.
'DO THE POTTED VEGETABLE INSTEAD. IT LOOKS DELICIOUS.'
"Pipe down, you!" John muttered to the voice. "This is Rose's decision not yours!"
Rose decided she would try the Sassacre text next, and picked it up with the cursor.
EB: OH YES, SWEET!
EB: now we're talking!
TT: See if you can distract it.
TT: I'll try to sneak up on it.
'JOHN FLAIL ABOUT IN A DISTRACTING MANNER.'
John leapt in front of the Sprite and waved his arms around a bit and yelled at it.
The Sprite found the distracting manner in which he "flailed about" to be rather distracting, but not distracting enough it would seem. It noticed the book coming towards it at the last second and fled to the living room.
The pesky Sprite has eluded her once again! Not even the great Colonel himself could outfox it!
In narrowly missing with her attempt to create the Colonelsprite, Rose dropped the massive tome. The entire house rattled under the astonishing girth of the book.
In the other room, the urn atop the mantle fell over causing Nanna's ashes to dump onto the Sprite, which was caught unaware by the dousing as it floated by the fireplace.
As soon as the ashes came into contact with it, the Sprite began to glow and lit up the room.
'INSPECT HAG ASH INCIDENT.'
Seeing the light pour through from the living room and into the kitchen, John went out to see what had happened.
He found the sacred urn toppled again. But this time he was quite sure it wasn't his fault!
The Sprite was nowhere to be found.
EB: aw man, where'd it go?
TT: I can't find it anywhere in the house.
TT: No time to worry about it.
TT: The next thing we should do is get your server copy of the game from the car.
TT: You need to connect to my client, so I can repeat your steps and presumably join you, wherever you are.
TT: We should do this quickly, before my house burns down.
EB: what, there's a fire?
TT: There will be soon.
EB: oh jeez!
EB: so move this thing already!
The Cruxtruder was still sitting in the way of the front door.
TT: It looks like it requires a lot of grist to move.
TT: I don't have enough to relocate the door, either.
EB: how much do you have?
TT: Zero.
EB: oh.
EB: hmm.
EB: i thought about jumping to the car from the ledge earlier but that sounds really dangerous!
TT: I have a better idea.
TT: Meet me upstairs.
'DO AGAIN AS PURPLE WORDS SAY.'
John was about to head upstairs, but he thought he heard something behind him.
It was faint, but he swore it was a small, lighthearted chuckle. Along the lines of a spirited "Hoo-hoo-hoo!"
As he looked around to find the source of the noise, the Sprite rose up out of the floor behind him. Now that it was newly prototyped, the Sprite had gained the face and ghostly body of John's Nanna while retaining the hat, scar and arm of the harlequin.
However, John failed to notice it as it continued to hide from him as he looked around.
'IGNORE THIS WOMAN'S ANTICS.'
Regardless of what the voice seemed to be saying, John wasn't sure he had even seen a woman, let alone any of her hypothetical antics. But whatever it was he might have caught a glimpse of, it sure gave him the willies.
He headed upstairs on his way to the balcony, but it seemed his PDA's pesterchum was acting up again.
'INDULGE THE DEVICE. BUT BE CURT WITH IT.'
TG: hey bro check it out im working on some new rhymes
EB: dude, i don't have time for your nerdy raps!
TG: come on this is hells of ill just listen
EB: it sounds like you don't even believe me that i was about to get blown up!
EB: but i really was, but now im in some weird dimension that sburb sent me to or something.
EB: and now on top of that i think i'm being haunted by my dead grandma!
TG: huh
TG: for real
EB: yeah, it's true but i'll talk to you later about it!
TG: i think i could drop some sick rhymes about all this
EB: man, see i just don't think all the rapping stuff is really as cool as you think it is.
TG: no thisll be dope check it
EB: no, i have to go! bye!
TG: wait wait
TG: armageddon's gettin waged on us
TG: but im-a gettin armed and dangerous
TG: sending men in space for savin us
TG: see which playa's more couragerous
TG: ben or bruce? dudes reach a truce
TG: put their blowchutes to use and up-suck it
TG: afflecks saclifice, i mean -crifice, would have to sufflice. aw fluck it
TG: bro be a stained-glass saint, up on a cross gettin hella christ-plagiarous
TG: bruce's like offa that cruciflix, nuff a this fuckin savior-fuss
TG: restrained his ass per mclane-redux while buscemi remained derangerous
TG: when a plan gone astray pays off a wasted craterous
TG: ash tray caterin to layers of matt maconnaheys vague remainder-dust
TG: wait
TG: uh
TG: macconahey wasnt even in any of those meteor movies was he
TG: ill have to make a rap about
TG: i dont know
TG: morgan freeman or something
TG: being the president
TG: itll be called
TG: "obama made it so that no one gives a shit about black presidents in movies anymore"
TG: see youve got to fill me in on whats going on
TG: so i have something to rap about besides all your dumbshit movies
'ENOUGH STRANGE POETRY FROM THE RED TEXT.'
John headed out to the balcony, to find out what Rose had in mind.
She was messaging him again.
'THE PURPLE TEXT IS LESS IRRATIONAL THAN THE RED TEXT.'
TT: I'm lifting the car up to the balcony.
EB: whoa, ok.
TT: Once it is up, retrieve the game. Then I'll put it back down on the driveway.
EB: but the door is locked!
TT: Then break a window.
EB: but it's my dad's car :(
TT: It's just a window, and this is sort of an emergency.
TT: Otherwise I promise I'll handle the car with velvet gloves.
EB: alright.
Rose clicked on the car and began to drag it up towards where John was standing. But, as she was doing so, she once again lost the connection and dropped the car.
It fell back down to the remnants of the driveway, but its impact caused the piece of ground to break off and John watched as the car plummeted down into the abyss below, taking the game with it.
'RIDICULOUS FOLLY. INEXCUSABLE.'
John was inclined to agree, but hey, accidents happened. He double checked his PDA to see if Rose was really gone. Indeed this seemed to be the case.
TG was still pestering him of course. But another chum was now logged in as well.
'WHAT COLOR ARE THE WORDS THAT THIS CHUM SAYS?'
GG: im back!
EB: oh hi!
GG: i went to investigate the explosion i heard
EB: was it by any chance a meteor?
GG: yes!
GG: how did you know?
EB: oh man, it's kind of a long story!
EB: anyway, are you ok? did it blow up your yard or start a fire or anything?
GG: no i am fine!
GG: it landed a pretty good ways from my house and i went to look at it
GG: and its pretty big!
GG: but bec doesnt want me to go near it
GG: so i came home
GG: he seems to think its dangerous!
EB: well gosh, he's probably right!
GG: anyway what have you been up to john?
GG: oh! did you get my package yet? :O
EB: er...
EB: yeah, i was trying to get it, but rose dropped my car into a weird spooky bottomless pit and the package was in the car and im really sorry about that.
GG: oh no!
EB: wow, ok, i guess i should start at the beginning.
EB: see, a meteor blew up my neighborhood.
GG: thats terrible john! im so sorry!
EB: but i'm ok! and my house is too, sort of.
EB: that game i was telling you about, sburb which i was playing with rose, sort of transported me somewhere at the last minute.
EB: but now i'm trapped here and it's weird and dark and i can't find my dad and i just lost the car and my copy of the game in the pit and i think i have to save the world from the apocalypse!
GG: O_O
GG: well...
GG: it sounds really crazy and kind of scary but...
GG: it also sounds kind of exciting!
GG: i dont know john maybe this is your destiny
GG: if anyone can save the world i think it is probably you!
EB: wow, you think so?
GG: yes!
EB: well ok, BUT.
EB: it's not even that simple!
EB: i was about to connect to rose to help transport her and save her from meteors and fire and stuff.
EB: but she lost battery power and i lost the game disc!
EB: so i think i have to get TG to use his copy to save her!
EB: but that jackass won't shut up and stop rapping and stuff.
GG: hahaha
GG: he is so silly!
EB: yeah. anyway i should talk to him about it, so brb.
'THE GREEN TEXT WAS ATTRACTIVE. NOW VIEW THE RED TEXT AGAIN.'
TG: when the film crew zooms where the presidents at
TG: im like if that dudes black ill eat my hat
TG: turns out he is, so we're all "damn, director's got gumption"
TG: like we'll all flip our shit he aint shining shoes or somethin
TG: its called freemancipation. if its not pres-election its god-ascension
TG: in bruce almighty. whoops, different bruce from the one i just mentioned
EB: aaaaaarrrgh!
TG: cant explain to me why this aint condescension to think ill shit a brick
TG: not even he can convey the intention with his quickspun wit
TG: rather defray all this tension, sit on his lap while he whittles a splint
TG: and some guy eyes what he does and patronizes: i guess negrocity's the mother of invention
EB: stop rapping for a second you horse's ass!
EB: i have something important to talk about.
TG: whats up
EB: rose is in trouble and she needs help. i was going to connect to her with sburb but i lost my copy!
TG: ok
EB: also she lost battery power. if she can get back up and running, she'll need someone with the game to get her out of there before her house burns down.
EB: so i think you should use your copy of the game to help her!
TG: my copy?
TG: thats going to be tough
EB: why?
TG: i lost it
TG: its a stupid story and id rather not talk about it
TG: shit be embarrassing yo
EB: i thought you said you had two?
TG: well yeah
TG: one is my brothers copy
EB: ok, well get his then!
TG: alright
TG: but hes not gonna be happy about that
EB: whatever.
EB: also you might want to read rose's walkthrough to get up to speed on this.
TG: oh man
EB: what?
TG: nothing really
TG: look all im saying is the girl tends to lay it on kinda thick you know?
EB: /ROLLS EYES