PART III
51. QUIET
Shane and I returned to Alabama as husband and wife. As much as I wanted to stay in Florida it wasn't possible. Shane and I both had jobs to get back too. I figured Philip would be at my door as soon we returned. I was surprised when days went by and I heard nothing. Days turn into weeks and weeks into months.
"I don't understand," I said looking at Shane.
"You don't miss him do you?"
"No, but Philip went with me to my doctor appointments. Now he has stopped. And I don't understand."
"Maybe, he has decided to allow us to raise the baby," Shane said hopeful.
"I wish. My gut tells me that is not the case," I said in a small voice.
"Well, don't call him That's asking for trouble," Shane warned me.
"I am going have to deal with this Shane. My due date is getting closer and closer. I rather know what is going through Philip's head now then to be surprised when the baby gets here," I said touching Shane's arm.
"You think he is going to try to get custody of this baby?"
"Yes, but I don't think it's likely to happen. Still, I want to know what is going on through Philip's head," I answered.
"Andrea, I don't want you anywhere near him," Shane pleaded.
"He is still the baby's father. Unless he lets you adopt the baby," I said smiling.
"Do you think he might?"
"I could ask. But no matter what we're still a family," I promised.
"If you must talk to Philip, meet him in a public place," Shane warned.
"I will."
"Are you going to tell him about our plans to move to California?"
"Yes," I said softly.
Shane nodded in approval. He understands this is a conservation that has to take place. As much as we both like to imagine Philip was gone for good, we knew it was not true. This was Philip's baby, and I could not see him walking away from fatherhood. I picked up my phone dialing his number.
"Hello," Philip said.
"Hey, Philip. This Andrea," I whispered.
"I recognized your voice," Philip said.
"I figured. I just have not heard from you in awhile," I said holding the cell phone close to my ear. Shane's eyes were burning into mine watching me while I was on the phone. I am sorry I was a bad person. I was sorry I had to keep hurting Shane and Philip. But because Philip was the father of my baby I want to keep a friendly relationship up with him.
"Miss me?"
"Well…we just have some things to discuss. About the baby," I said slowly.
"We have a lot to talk about Andrea," Philip smirks.
"Where should we meet? I think discussing the details in person would be better."
"Oh yeah. Would you like to come over?"
"No…"
"Afraid to be alone with me? Wouldn't be able to control yourself," Philip murmurs.
"No," I breathe heavily.
"I'll meet you at that Mexican restaurant close to your apartment. You know the one?"
"Yes. When?"
"Thirty minutes, but don't bring Shane. I know he is your husband now. There is no way around that," Philip said in a harsh tone.
"I understand," I said in a low voice.
"I'll see you soon, Andrea," Philip said hanging up the phone. I looked up at Shane. He walked over to me and wrapped his arms around me. His hands were running through my blonde hair, and my face was buried in his chest.
"What did he say?"
"I am going to meet him for dinner," I whispered.
Shane opened his mouth, looking unsure of what he was going to say.
"Dinner? You can't be serious? Why not coffee? How can you agree to share a meal with that asshole?"
"He did not give me a lot of choice," I said touching Shane's back.
"I'll go with you," Shane whispered.
"I have to do this alone. But you know that you can trust me," I promised Shane.
"I know," Shane said half-smiling.
I went to get cleaned up to meet Philip. Shane went to the kitchen to get a beer, and set down on the sofa.
"I'll be back soon," I told Shane before I walked out the door.
"Andrea, don't let Philip get to you," Shane warned me.
52. Arrangements
I walked into the restaurant, and I saw Philip setting there at a table close to the bar. He was wearing a dark gray tee shirt and dark Calvin Klein jeans. His brown hair was slick back, and he had a beer glass in his hand.
"Philip," I said walking over to him.
"Andrea, you look," Philip started to say.
"Pregnant. I know…" I said laughing.
"I was going to say beautiful," Philip corrected me.
I took a set across from him. His light brown eyes were burning into mine. I could still see the pain in his eyes. The pain I caused.
"Thank you," I replied.
"I am sorry I haven't been around. I was giving you some space. I know you and Shane needed time alone," Philip says touching my hand across the table.
"Thanks for understanding. I hate I had to bother you," I said looking into his eyes again.
"You are never a bother," Philip said taking another sip of beer. The waitress came by and took my order. I picked up a chip and took a bite. What was I going to say to Philip? How could I make this work? Some questions had no answers, I thought.
"I never wanted to hurt you."
"I know that now," Philip said softly. His hand was still on mine. His emotions were in checked at least for the moment. I never knew what Philip I would get, I thought.
"Good. Now we have to move forward. We have to make arrangements for the baby," I told Philip calmly.
"For my baby," Philip said removing his hand from mine. He was looking at the bottle of his glass.
"Our baby," I corrected him.
"You made a choice, Andrea. You married Shane," Philip said forebodingly.
"I know," I said looking into his eyes.
"Well, how are things going to work now?" he asks me.
"I am not sure. That's why I am here," I said trying to stay calm.
"I think there are two choices that will work best for everyone," Philip says after ordering another beer from the waitress. She also brings me my water, and I take a long sip trying to prepare myself for what Philip is about to say. I never know what to expect with him.
"What are the choices you propose?" I ask in tone that is supposed to sound calm, but is anything but. The waitress puts our food on the table leaving us alone.
"Well, you can admit that marrying Shane was a mistake. Come home with me. We'll raise our baby together," Philip says looking at me sweetly.
"I love Shane. I am not leaving him," I said confidently. Would Philip ever give this up?
"Well, I think after the baby is born I should raise it ALONE," Philip says taking another drink of beer.
"Without me? Baby E needs a mother," I said.
"How will it work Andrea? I am supposed to turn off my feelings for you? Pretend I don't love you every time I see with our baby? If you aren't going to be with me then I think you should leave our child with me. You know I would love that baby. And please stop calling the baby that stupid nickname. It's a slap in the face to me. How can you pick out baby names with Shane? I am the father."
"Because Shane is my husband," I said calmly. Philip has raised his voice in the restaurant. Everyone is staring at us. I am embarrassed.
"Andrea, I just think it would be best for everyone if we didn't have to see each other anymore. I can't control my feelings when I see you. I can't stop wanting to holding you. This is the way it has to be," Philip said looking at me.
"We can find away to raise this baby together. We can find a way," I pleaded.
"I found a way Andrea. You decide," Philip says getting up from the table. He takes a drink from beer, and leaves the money on the table to pay the check. Then he looks past me, and starts walking quickly to the door. I have no choice but to follow him. Moving rather slowly because the weight of stomach is slowly me down. He is getting into his car, and I get in on the other side.
"We need to really talk about this," I said looking at this broken man. You didn't break him. He was this way before you.
"You are making the decisions today Andrea,"
Philip said his hand forcefully pressed on my face. Suddenly tears started running down my face. For the first time I was afraid of him. He was losing control. What was he capable of? Philip started the car, and was driving too fast. Where was he the hell was he going?
"Leave the man I love, or abandon my child? Those are my old choices?"
"Yes."
"You can't come to any other agreement?"
"No," Philip said pushing his feet harder on the gas. Where was he going? What was happening? Why did I get in this car?
"Either way I lose someone I love. That's not fair for me," I said,
"I can only think about myself now," Philip says speeding up his car.
"Slow down. You're going to get us all kill," I said looking over at Philip.
He pulls the car over, and we are in the middle of nowhere. He looks at me with those light brown eyes. He is determined I make this choice. He sees no other way. Could I reason with him?
"You're killing me," Philip yells stopping the car completely. His hand is on my face again. He is touching me. Staring at my belly.
"I don't want to hurt you. I only want to move forward," I pleaded with him.
"How can we Andrea? How can we move forward when all I want to do is hold you? I want to kiss you? I just can't get you out of my head, and believe me I have tried," Philip said wrapping his arms around me.
"Philip, please try for me. And this baby. This is your baby," I said carefully.
"I don't know how I can keep being around you. Because I am going insane wanting you," Philip said his hand touching my cheek.
"So you want to never see me again?"
"That's the only way I can move on," Philip said plainly.
"I want you to move on. I want you to be happy, Philip," I said my hands touching his face this time.
"Then do this for me. Allow me to raise my child alone, and you can go with your life with Shane," Philip said firmly.
"Are you serious?"
"Yes, it's the only way I can survive," Philip answered.
"I can't just give my baby away. If I could make things easier for you I would," I answered.
"You could Andrea. Leave Shane, and come home with me. You can always change your mind," Philip whispered in my ear.
"I can't do that. It would not be fair for Shane to change my mind NOW. Even if I wanted too."
"Andrea, I could not give a shit about what is fair! You know what it is unfair? You telling me that you will try to work out this relationship, but instead you marry Shane over the weekend. That's fucked up," Philip yells getting out of the car.
"Philip, please. I know I was not fair to you," I said following him again.
"Why did you do this today? Why did you meet up with me? Do you enjoy causing me pain?" Philip screams.
"What do you mean? You know we had to talk about the baby," I said.
"That's not why you are here. And you know it," Philip says grabbing my arm.
"Why do you think I am here? What is going on in that head of yours?"
"You missed me. You wanted to keep in touch with me, and you wanted to see how I was. You needed to make sure I still love you incase it does not work out with Shane," Philip said furiously.
"That's not it," I said tears coming to my face.
"You know that it's true," Philip said pulling me closer to him.
"Yes, you are right. It was not all about the baby. I can't stop thinking about you. I wanted to see if you were okay. I was worried about you," I admitted out loud.
"You can't worry about me anymore. You lost the privilege to care about me when you married Shane," Philip yells.
"I can't stop wanting you. I can't get you out of my thoughts either," I said breaking down.
Philip had gotten to me again. He always did. Tears were falling down my face uncontrollably. I had tried so hard to keep everything together, and now I was losing it.
"You have to chose Andrea. I don't want half of your heart. Shane might be happy with half it of. But I want all of you," Philip said with a mad look in his eyes.
He pulled closer to him. His arms wrapped around my hips. He was forcefully holding me in his arms, while tears continued to pour down my face. I tried to move but he was holding on tight.
"Philip, please," I begged trying to break free.
"You can't say these things to me, and not expect me to have this exact reaction," Philip said his arms wrapped even tighter around me now.
I begin to push him away, and attempt to move out of his arms. Still, I could not break free. Philip could see the frustration in my eyes, but he could also see the part of me that was still longing to be in his arms. The small part of me that still wanted his devotion.
"Philip," I beg trying to get out of his embrace.
"You care about me. You love me," Philip whispered pulling his lips against to mine. I find myself kissing him back for about a minute. Then I slowly try to push him away again.
"Let go Philip," I said loudly when he wouldn't let go of my arms. He said nothing, but looked at me with those light brown eyes.
"Come here," A loud voice said pulling Philip of off me. I look up and Shane is the one that has grabbed Philip. He has Philip on the ground punching him in the face. I watch as he punches him over and over. Philip is much smaller than Shane, but still gives him a good punch back. I see blood on Philip's hands. I want this to stop.
"You ever put your fucking hands on my wife again, I'll beat the shit out of you. You'll be dead! I promise you that Philip," Shane screams coming back at Philip.
"If your wife loved you then you wouldn't have to worry about me. Andrea, come with me. Leave with me," Philip pleads with me one last time.
"No," I said softly. He looks at me with pain in his eyes. Shane walks over to me his dark eyes concerned.
"Damn, Andrea I told you not go with him alone. I told you to stay in a public place," Shane said holding me close.
"I am all right, Shane," I reassure him.
"You have to be more careful. He could have really hurt you today," Shane said.
"Philip won't hurt me," I said pulling Shane closer.
"Did he get upset when you told him about the move? What caused him to hold you like that?"
"Philip is just jealous. He wants us to be together still," I said holding Shane close.
"I won't all that to happen. I don't want you meeting him alone again," Shane said.
"I'll going to have to deal with him once the baby is born," I said breathlessly.
"We're figure it out. I won't let that asshole hurt you," Shane promises. I say nothing, but hold him closer. How was this going to end? Would we all be able to put aside our feelings for the baby?