Tess was waiting in her office when Zoe finally managed to leave the ward and retreat back for ten minutes rest in amongst a cup of heavily sugared coffee and paperwork.
She greeted Zoe with a warm smile as she entered, standing up to allow Zoe her seat back.
"How are you feeling?"
She asked, placing a warm hand on Zoe's shoulder as she sat down heavily in her chair.
"Exhausted."
She puffed, immediately regretting her choice of words as she saw Tess's brow furrow.
"You should have taken more time off Zoe, it isn't good for you, all this stress, not enough sleep..."
Zoe ran a hand through her hair, drawing in a deep breath.
"I can manage Tess, thanks. I've just got so much to do."
She gestured to the growing pile of files on her desk.
"They weren't here this morning."
She sighed.
"So delegate, ask for help."
Tess coaxed, seating herself on the edge of Connie's desk.
"Now you sound like Mrs Beauchamp."
Zoe breathed, raising an eyebrow and drawing the files towards her to begin sorting through them.
"Well maybe she could help?"
Tess asked, placing a hand on top of the files to stop her.
"I don't think so..."
Zoe removed her hands from the papers and placed them on her knees under the desk.
"Tess, I need to get these sorted..."
She began, Tess holding up her hands in surrender.
"I just want to speak to you, it won't take long."
She clasped her hands in her lap, pausing, looking over at Zoe who waited impatiently for her to begin.
"Is this about Max?"
She asked, too tired to skirt around the subject.
"Yes...Zoe..."
Zoe rubbed at her temples, a now familiar habit that she seemed to find herself doing almost hourly.
"Are you sure it's a good idea?"
Tess asked, lowering her voice as she spoke.
Zoe drew in another sigh and leant back in her chair, looking over at Tess.
"I hardly think you're one to judge."
She whispered, arcing an eyebrow and tilting her head, pushing her hair behind her ears.
"Zoe, that's not fair. That was different."
Tess frowned in defence, pursing her lips in concern.
"How so?"
Zoe asked, trying to mask the aggression in her voice.
"Fletch and I were a mistake, but we loved each other."
Tess lowered her voice even further so that Zoe had to strain her ears to hear.
"And I'm not clinical lead."
She added, watching as Zoe almost laughed.
"Is that what this is about? The fact that I'm clinical lead and he's what? A Lowly porter? Please Tess, I didn't think you were so judgemental."
She shook her head, pulling the pile of notes back over to her and beginning to flick through them.
"Zoe..."
"No, Tess. It is just a bit of fun, just a bit of light relief and God knows I need that right now. I couldn't care less what his job title is."
She refused to look back over at Tess, but could sense the other woman's patience wearing thin.
"Zoe, it's not because he is a porter."
Tess tried again, she saw Zoe's nose flare as she drew a breath in but remained silent.
"I've seen what he's like, he's a ladies man. And who isn't...at his age..."
Zoe laughed again, finally looking back over at Tess.
"Ah, so you mean I'm too old for him?"
She smiled, but her eyes remained cold and bitter.
"No, I just don't want to see you getting hurt again. He's a flirt Zoe, you need someone who is ready to settle down and..."
"And get married?...Have kids?"
Zoe asked pointedly. Seeing Tess wince at her words.
"I know what I want, Tess. And right now I just want to have some fun, and to forget about this fucking place. Is that so much to ask? I don't care if he's a flirt. God know's I am sometimes. And I couldn't give a fuck that he's a porter..."
Connie entered part way through her rant, pausing and letting the door close slowly behind her, she looked from Zoe to Tess and back to Zoe again.
"Oh God you're sleeping with the porter."
Connie breathed, exasperated. She set some documents down on her desk and placed her hands on her hips, looking toward Zoe who raised her eyebrows in defence.
"Don't start Connie. It's a fling, that's all it is, a fling, and I know for a fact that you've had your fair share."
She watched as Connie nodded slowly.
"Ah yes, but I think it's fair to say that I chose fairly carefully..."
She sat down at her desk, rearranging something in her drawer.
"For God's sake what is wrong with you both? If the difference between our status' matters so much to you both then I'll quit. How's that? Connie, there you go, my job handed to you on a plate."
She stood up as she spoke, her voice gaining momentum and volume, holding out her bare palms to Connie who rolled her eyes in response.
"Oh stop being so melodramatic."
Connie breathed sourly.
"Zoe..."
Tess tried to speak but Zoe interrupted.
"No, no. Here you go, look around, this is yours now."
She gestured with both hands to the small office, glaring at Connie, her eyes prickling and the back of her throat burning with bile that rose up from her stomach.
"Don't be silly, Zoe, Guy would need to..."
"I will tell Guy. I will let him know right now. Happy?"
She took hold of the bag she had under her desk, looping it over her shoulder, pausing to look from a smug Connie to a startled Tess.
"Happy?"
She asked again. Her chest contracting sharply around jaggered breaths.
Both Tess and Connie remained silent. Tess through sheer shock, Connie through fear she may change her mind.
"I'll take that as a yes."
Zoe wheezed, leaving the office sharply, slamming the door behind her and making her way to Guy's office, her heels cracking sharply on the tiled floor as she walked.
She caught sight of Max in the distance, pinning something to a notice board. She stalked past him to the stairs, ignoring him, not wanting to falter in case she lost her nerve.
"Zoe?"
He called after her, taking the stairs two at a time to catch up with her.
"Zoe?"
Still she ignored him.
"Where are you going?"
He jogged to catch up with her, reaching out for her arm but she shrugged him off.
"To see Guy Self."
She said, her jaw was set and her voice sounded flat and unnaturally calm.
"Why? Zoe, what's happened?"
He walked beside her, once again reaching out for only to be shaken off.
"I'm not doing this anymore."
She said quickly, wiping the sweat from her forehead with the back of her hand, still not slowing down.
"What?!" He faltered, bumping into her as she stopped abruptly outside of Guy's office, banging on the door loudly with her fist.
"Zoe, Zoe look at me..."
He tried to force her hands into his but she pulled away banging again until Guy himself opened the door, his face flushed and stern.
She pushed her way into the office without a word, shutting the door firmly behind her.
She left the office. Stepping back out into the corridor, something of a weight seeming to lift from her, she caught sight of Max standing nearby, reading a poster that someone had stuck up on the wall of the waiting room.
"Max..."
She called, he turned, glancing at her before walking away from her.
"Max, Stop! Come back here."
She shouted, breathless and slightly giddy from the adrenaline that throbbed within her veins.
He turned, somewhere a smile lurked beneath his his lips.
"Stop? Come back here? Which, I'm confused..."
A smile tempted his lips into a slow grin as she neared and he noticed the slight sheen of sweat across her forehead.
"You're talking to me now then?"
He whispered, folding his arms across his chest.
"Sorry..."
She began.
"What's going on?"
He asked, moving with her out of the way of the patients and staff that passed them by.
"Not here."
She breathed.
"Can we go to your cupboard?"
She asked, hoping a smile would help to repay him for her earlier behaviour.
"Only if you call it my office."
He smiled, relaxing his arms and moving off ahead of her.
"Fine."
She followed him down the flight of stairs back down to the ED.
"Can we go to your office."
She repeated, still trailing behind him as they made their way to his cupboard. He unlocked the door and held it open. She ducked under his arm to enter, the smell of cleaning products and damp meeting her.
He locked the door behind them and gestured for her to sit in the chair.
"Drink?"
He asked, she shook her head and sat in the chair, waiting as he sat down in front of her on the table, she smiled briefly, remembering their previous visit to this room.
"So what's going on?"
He asked, clasping his hands between his knees, leaning forward, unable to read the flurry of emotions behind her eyes.
"I quit."
She said simply.
"Pardon?"
Whatever he had been expecting her to say, 'I quit' wasn't it.
"I've just been to hand my resignation in to Guy."
She said slowly, her stomach still knotted and slightly nauseas.
He didn't seem to speak for sometime, just watched her, unsure of what to say. Eventually he leant back and drew in a long breath before exhaling.
"Fuck."
He whispered. Standing up and pacing around the table.
"Why?"
He eventually asked, still pacing, looking at the floor beneath his feet, his hands deep in his back pockets.
"I'm not the best one for the job."
She answered quietly, twisting the ring she wore around and around on her finger.
"I don't get it."
He sat down opposite her again, looking across at her, eyebrows furrowed, his blue eyes glittering in the light from overhead.
"It should be Connie."
She said, stifling a yawn, the dim lighting in the cupboard making her suddenly sleepy.
"Bullshit."
He shook his head, rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.
"Has this got anything to do with me?"
He asked, looking directly at her, looking for some give away, or tell tale truth of what was going on.
"Not directly."
She shook her head, unable to maintain eye contact.
"Fuck."
He whispered again.
"So what now?"
He asked.
"Where are you going to go?"
He added, too many thoughts battling to the forefront of his mind.
She drew up her shoulders, her eyes pricked with tears once more.
"Who knows...away? Just for a while?"
She whispered, smiling an odd nervous smile.
"You can't leave like this, this is shit."
He hissed, still staring at her, unblinking.
"Shit happens."
She whispered, standing gingerly, wanting to reach out for him but resisting, avoiding eye contact as she left, closing the door softly behind her.
More to come, tonight or tomorrow depending on whether my children stay asleep! Hope you enjoyed it? :) x