"Elephant poo."
Max hissed, following Zoe into the ED. It was 9:02 AM, the half-glances and murmured whispers following Zoe as she walked back through the department towards Guy's office after having spent the previous evening arranging a meeting with him before sitting down to a take away curry with Charlie, Max and a very tense Tess.
"What?"
Zoe asked under her breath, the whispers and the impending chat with Guy Self making her nervous.
"Elephant poo."
Max repeated, no louder, his eyes sparkling with amusement as they stopped infront of Guy's office door. She knocked loudly three times.
"Go away you're distracting me."
She ushered him away with her hands, smiling to herself as he tossed a wink in her direction, walking backwards away from her as Guy opened the door, allowing her in.
"Dr Hana..."
He welcomed her, his eyes dark, unnerving her almost instantly.
"Take a seat."
He gestured to the only other chair in the room as he sat back at his desk.
"Thank you..."
She sat, folding her hands in her lap, pressing them together, feeling the moisture building between her palms.
"So..."
He gestured with his hands, waiting for her to say whatever it was she had come to say.
"I want to withdrawer my resignation."
She began, wondering if she caught the glimpse of disappointment behind his eyes.
"Connie can have clinical lead. I don't want that. I want to apply for the trauma position."
He looked mildly surprised, raising his eyebrows.
"I'm afraid we are unable to offer you that position at the moment."
He said matter of factly, beginning to flick through the pages of the diary that he had on his desk.
"I'm sorry?"
She asked, irritated that he wasn't giving her his full attention.
"The position isn't available at this time."
He said simply.
"What does that even mean?!"
She asked, confused, wondering who else could be in the running for the job.
"Zoe."
He said her name in a way that meant her time with him was already coming to an end.
"There isn't a place for you at Holby right now. Perhaps you would consider this?"
He passed her over several pages of printed A4 stapled together at the corner.
"What's this?"
She asked, flicking through it, skimming the words quickly.
"America? Why would I want to take a job in America when there is clearly one available for me here? Or at least there was yesterday when I left. I know because I was the one who posted the job..."
She looked up at him, his gaze silencing her.
"You'll gain experience..."
He looked at her pointedly.
"Discipline..."
She folded the papers in half and tucked them under her arm, her gaze never leaving his.
"You can work out your notice. Three weeks and then you leave. All expenses paid."
He said, closing his diary and placing his hands in his lap.
"That's half of my notice."
She answered flatly, watching him. A gnawing ache chewing at her stomach.
"All expenses paid."
He repeated, unblinking.
"You really do want rid of me don't you?"
She breathed in a long faltering breath.
"Thanks...Guy."
She stood abruptly, realising there was nothing else to say, clenching the papers under her arm and leaving the office, pausing on the other side of the door for a moment to catch her breath.
She made her way back to the ward, taking the long route as she briefly forgot that she was no longer welcome in what used to be her own office. She opened the door to the staff room, peering inside.
"Max..."
Lofty, Robyn, Ethan and Lily all looked up from what they were doing, Max standing against the work surface a sandwich half way to his mouth.
"Can I have a quick word?"
She asked, watching as everyone else turned to watch Max place his sandwich back into the wrapper and make his way over to her.
"Zoom, and whoosh. There's two for you."
He said, following her out of the room.
"Very clever."
She threw him a faint smile, still clutching the papers tightly beneath her arm.
"Don't you think you should be a little bit more discreet? Summoning me like that?"
He almost bumped into her as she stopped and turned to face him, inches from his cupboard.
"Max..."
She began.
"Uh oh. How did it go with Guy?"
He asked, sensing her unease. He folded his arms across his chest, glimpsing the papers folded against her side.
"Not sure... think I might have used the words 'job', 'stick', 'up' and 'arse' all in one sentence. Is that a bad thing?"
She asked, her voice wobbling. Somehow she couldn't quite bring herself to tell him what had really happened.
"Well..."
He paused, trying to maintain eye contact with her.
"I think tone of voice is very important...Zoe?"
She was staring into the middle distance just over his left shoulder.
"Is it?"
She asked, blinking out of her trance and looking back at him.
"Damn. Shit. Excuse me I have some patients to see."
She began to move away but he caught hold of her arm, holding her steady. His grip was stronger than she had felt it before.
"Max, can you be a little bit more discreet..."
She whispered as he let go of her arm.
"I may be many things, but not being indiscreet isn't one of them."
He said with a smile, but as he spoke he realised whatever he said she wasn't listening.
"What're you thinking?"
He asked, waving a hand in front of her eyes.
"Hmm?"
She came back to him, blinking several times to clear her mind.
"Sorry, Max, it's not you. I'm just not sure what to do now. I've got three weeks."
She lowered her voice although they were on their own in the corridor.
"Three weeks to live?"
She rolled her eyes.
"Three weeks, half of my notice. Then I'm gone, no more job. No more Dr Zoe Hana."
She said, touching the papers under her arm briefly with her other hand.
"Ah."
Was all he said, unsure of what else to say.
"Do you want to...?"
He nodded in the direction of his cupboard, not sure of what she wanted. To talk things over? To cry?
She shook her head.
"I've just got to get on with it, and try to prove myself invaluable."
She sighed, sucking in a breath so large that she struggled to contain It.
"And then what? What if it gets to the end of three weeks and he hasn't changed his mind?"
He asked, every part of him telling him to reach out to her, to touch her, but he knew if he did Sod's law would prevail and someone would catch them.
She shrugged dramatically, her eyes wide and he noticed how every time they entered the hospital something seemed to switch off, the light behind her eyes gave way to a permanent sense of panic and strain.
"That is what I'm trying not to think about."
She whispered.
"Zoe..."
He clenched his fists by his sides to stop himself from reaching out to her.
"What were you on about earlier anyway? Elephant poo?!"
She asked, drawing in another breath, desperate to change the subject, noticing his fists and wishing too that he could hold her.
"Ah. Someone once told me that if you say 'elephant poo' quickly it sounds like 'I love you'..."
He watched her smile.
"Or maybe I'm just gullible."
He whispered.
Would love to hear your comments etc :) will update more either tonight or tomorrow. Thank you so much (again) for following and reading this story! x