Author's Note: This chapter takes place about four months after the last chapter. Cool? Cool. :D
In addition, I'm going to start responding to reviews in my author's notes now. Why? 'Cause I can. Chyus.
Thank you so much, StayBeautiful1, for being my wonderful Beta. If I was able to put a heart here I would(:
Read and review?(:
Michaela winced as she walked into her tent and found Darren sitting there. He was frail and sickly looking; his condition had worsened a lot in the four and a half months since he'd last drank blood. Her blood. She felt herself shudder when her mind involuntarily flashed back to that night— she was proud of herself for helping him, and she didn't regret what she did, but just the idea of Darren's lips pulling blood from her veins… it made her uneasy. She knew it was a fact of life, but she didn't want to think about Darren like that.
Michaela knew that he was dying, and from the look of him, he wasn't far from losing his life entirely. He looked like he could drop dead any second. Every time he and Evra said they were going off to play with that Sam kid, she felt like grabbing him and telling him he wasn't allowed to go in case he died while he was there or something. But then she would recall the reason why she never hung out with him, stop herself from saying anything, and watch him walk away with a sinking feeling in her stomach.
But now, with him in her tent, her heart seemed to freeze in place. She gazed at him for a moment and choked out a strained, "Hey."
He looked her straight in the eyes and smiled, the pale skin looking like it was just barely able to stretch over his cheekbones. She cringed internally, but sat across from him on her cot and forced a matching smile to spread across her lips as he responded, "Hi. Do you want to play a game of cards?"
Michaela paused for a moment before thinking of ways to get out of this and inquiring, "It depends… What time is it?"
Darren checked the watch that had once wrapped around his wrist but now hung loosely from its greatly decreased width. Michaela frowned at that too as he told her, "It's about ten thirty."
"Crap! I have to go," she lied, hoping that the truth of her not having the emotional capacity to stand his company didn't shine through. "I… We'll play later, alright?"
Darren threw the cards in his hand against her bed and scowled angrily. "Let me guess: you're going to go out and chill with Evra?"
Michaela paused before deciding to go with his assumption and nodded, putting a confused expression on his face. "Actually, yeah. How'd you know?"
Darren shook his head bitterly and spat disgustedly, "How do you honestly not know how I know? Ever since we've gotten to the Cirque, all you've done is spend time with him! Every time I want to spend time with you it's always, 'Oh, sorry Darren, I know you're my best friend, but I'm going to go hang out with some other kid I just met because he's cool'. It's… It's pissing me off! So bad!"
Michaela's eyebrows rose of their own accord at Darren's completely out of character outburst. She gave him a skeptical glance and demanded, "So… what? I'm not allowed to have any friends because you feel left out?" She felt her stomach clench as the sentence left her lips. She hated the way she knew she was making him feel— but at the same time, she hated the way he was making her feel.
"That's not what I mean, and you know it!" He paused and said in a voice just below his previous shouts, "I just want you to hang out with me, too!"
She shot daggers at him with her eyes. Did he honestly not know how much effort it took to be around him lately? She glared at him as she retorted, "I have! I've purposely gone out of my way to make time for your deteriorating ass, so don't even try to play that card!"
Darren shook his head with a bittersweet smile on his face as he said softly, "Do you honestly not know what this is about?"
Michaela could feel herself get every bit as worked up as he had been as she exclaimed, "No, I don't! All I know is that I'm sick of you acting like a fucking kicked puppydog or something! You're driving me insane!"
Without thinking, he looked at her and screamed, "Without me, you'd be dead!"
"Do you really want to go there?" she demanded harshly. When his gaze didn't falter, she went on angrily, "Alright, fine, I'll fucking meet you there. Let's see where my life would be without you; shall we? Without you, Steve would've never gotten bitten by whatever bit him. I would've never been put through hell when you went and faked your own death. I would've never lost Steve to wherever the hell he ran off to! I wouldn't have almost gotten raped while standing by the tree near your grave. Steve would've never had to save me from the assholes that did it, so I would've never gotten my heart broken a second time by him. If it weren't for you, my brother wouldn't have wanted to kill me! I could be at home right now! And, if it weren't for you, Darren Shan, I wouldn't be dying on the inside every time I look at you, because I can't stand having to watch you die right in front of me!" She shouted the last line, but when she realized what she'd said she turned her face away from him to hide her face. She regretted her words the moment her mouth closed around the last syllable. Darren didn't deserve that. He deserved better. She felt her face heat up with shame at her outburst and closed her eyes, knowing that she wouldn't be able to handle seeing the hurt look on his face or hearing the crack in his voice as he responded.
"Michaela…" He looked at the right side of her face, which was the side that was facing him. He stared at her profile for a few moments as he tried to figure out what to say. When nothing came to him, he managed to choke out a simple, "I'm… I'm so sorry. About everything."
She shook her head softly, trying to erase all emotions from herself. She failed to do so and instead looked down at her shoes. A lone teardrop fell between her left and her right sneakers. Her voice cracked as she said, "I don't… I don't want to fight. Why are we fighting? We've never fought before."
Darren wrapped his arms around her like he always used to, but it wasn't the same. He felt… different. Weaker. Nowhere near as reassuring. It broke her heart to have to feel him dying, too, but she still managed to welcome his embrace eagerly. He stroked her hair lightly as he whispered, "I know. I'm sorry. I'm just so scared to lose you."
"Never," she breathed. "Not in a million years." She rested her head against his shoulder in a vain attempt to hide her tears from him. She gave up her attempts to keep them secret after a few moments and instead pulled back to stare him straight in the face. "Listen… I'm really sorry about what I said."
He cut her off abruptly and informed her sadly, "None of that was inaccurate. Don't worry. Really."
"That was part one of the list," she informed him gravely, holding up her pointer finger to enunciate her point. She lifted her middle finger to join it and inquired, "Want to hear part two?"
He hesitated, but she took the opportunity to begin. "If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have ever known love. If it wasn't for you, I wouldn't have known what it meant to be a best friend. I wouldn't have a best friend. I wouldn't have ever had a boyfriend, and I'd still be a virgin. If it weren't for you, I'd still be cutting myself. If it wasn't for you, Dare, I probably wouldn't even be alive right now. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be safe. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't have made a new best friend in Evra. And mostly, Darren, if it weren't for you I'd… I'd still be the same scared little girl I was in the beginning of high school. And in some ways, I am. But you've made me stronger, braver, smarter, and I love you for that. It's an un-repayable favor, and you'll never in your life be in danger of losing me. I'll love you forever."
Darren stared at her blankly for a moment before embracing his best friend in the entire world into a big bear hug. He held her as tightly as he could manage in his frail state and whispered in her ear, "I love you."
Michaela felt her heart begin to sing when she heard those words, which she could never get enough of. But at the same time she felt an apprehensive chill run down her spine— she couldn't help but wonder if this would be the last time she got to hear him say those words. "I love you too, Darren," she told him with all honesty. "I really don't know what I'd do without you."
He paused for a moment, hesitating before he made his next big move. He decided against thinking it through, because he knew that if he did, he would lose the courage. "Can I tell you a secret, Mikes?"
"Of course," she said earnestly, then pulled her head away from his chest so she could stare him in the eyes. "What is it?"
"I think I might want to kiss you," he told her, never once breaking eye contact.
She fought to keep her jaw from falling slack at his admission. She knew that they loved each other, and to say that she'd never considered him that way would be a lie— but she'd never thought that he would actually have feelings towards her, or that he'd act on them.
She especially never thought that she would consider letting him!
Her eyes bore holes into his for a moment, and he couldn't help but wonder what she'd say in return. He hoped that he hadn't ruined anything by blurting out something so stupid.
He needn't wonder for long, because after a moment of regaining her balance she came up with an answer that suited her. "If you drink blood, and I don't have to worry about you dying, maybe I'll think about it." She paused before adding an extra, "Maybe."
A/N: I thought it was time for them to have a moment like that. I don't know about you guys, but I've been waiting for it. Lmao. (: Joking aside though, this is my legit favorite chapter so far.
Review please? :D