A thin ripple of grey-white smoke looped and curled, filtering through Max's mouth, past his lips and twisting up and out into the wind.
It was raining again. The hospital looked dull and grey in the morning light.
He stood facing away from the hospital entrance, watching the cars pull in, Zoe's parking space still empty.
He turned his phone over and over in the palm of his hand, he clicked call again, highlighting her name, not bothering to hold it to his ear, he could hear from a distance that it went straight to voice mail again.
He sucked the last out of his cigarette, his face was damp with rain, the sort of rain that you barely notice until you are wet through.
"Max?"
Someone shouted his name. Rita was leaning out of the hospital entrance, her hand sheltering her eyes from the weather.
He flicked the butt of the cigarette to the ground, letting it fizz and sizzle in a pool of muddy water.
He turned and made his way towards her.
"Mr Taylor needs to come back down from Darwin, and when you've finished can you take..."
She paused, fumbling with the files she held against her chest, her cheeks were flushed and her hands clumsy.
"Miss Wheeler, she needs to be taken down to theatre."
She concluded, hugging the files close to her, leading the way back onto the ward.
"Great..."
He picked a sliver of tobacco from his teeth.
"You alright then?"
She asked, stopping momentarily while she buzzed the double doors open. He glanced at her, a half smile twitching his lips. He had no idea what she knew, if anything about the miscarriage...about how he had treated Zoe in the aftermath.
"Yep."
He answered, raising his eyebrows at her briefly before slipping through the double doors ahead of her.
He took the stairs to Darwin, staircase after staircase, winding up from the emergancy department. He began to feel dizzy, pausing to look out of the window out over the carpark. Still her space remained empty. Surely she wouldn't take longer off than she needed.
He turned, sliding his fingertips up the wooden banister, taking the last two staircases quickly, emerging at the top slightly out of breath. He could still feel the tail end of the cold, a tightness of his lungs when he breathed, a dry cough.
He passed Elliot's office, dithering, asking someone the way and following their hand gesture, still his movements seeming deliberately slow.
He took hold of the wheelchair which held a sleeping Mr Taylor, wheeling him past the nurses station towards the lift. He waited, absently toying with the contents of his pocket.
He was worried he might lose it before he got a chance to see her, to show her.
It took almost a full minute for him to realise he hadn't yet pressed the button to call the lift. He pushed it, glancing furtively about himself. No one had seen, or if they had they were pretending they hadn't.
The lift pinged as it clunked and jolted at his level, the doors breathing a hiss as they opened, engulfing him and the sleeping man. Wheezing back into place, the lift lurched back to the ground floor, stopping on the way to pick up a group of visitors who politely ignored him.
He pushed through them when none seemed to move, thanking them loudly, clipping someone's heel with the wheel of the chair.
Someone had to know where she was. He stopped before moving onto the ward, taking his phone from his pocket and checking it again, flicking the screen on and off as if it would somehow help.
He had to explain to her.
The night before had been a mistake. Everything seemed to have happened at once. Their relationship, the miscarriage, the breakup. He chewed the flesh of his bottom lip, still paused in the middle of the corridor, his mind ticking over that night.
Somewhere in his mind, perhaps it was the old him, he was still convinced that he had done the right thing. But another voice, perhaps the elusive voice of reason laughed at him and his stupidity.
"Everything ok, Max?"
Tess placed a hand on his back, he stiffened, blinking rapidly, his surroundings fazing back into focus.
"Just...on my way to the ward."
He pushed the wheelchair, setting off again, seeing Tess move away from him, her hand raised to knock on the door to Connie's office.
"Zoe...I mean Tess? Do you know where she is?"
He asked, finally giving in. He had to ask someone and Tess seemed the most likely perso to know.
"Do I know where who is?"
She asked, her hand still poised to knock. Was she feigning ignorance he wondered, moving the wheelchair back and forth restlessly.
"Zoe."
He asked, smiling a quick slip of a smile at Ethan as he passed by.
Tess pulled a face, an odd mix of confusion and disbelief.
"I thought you'd know? She spoke to Guy early this morning, she's gone to America early..."
She watched as he struggled to understand the words that she had just said.
"What?"
He finally managed, moving the wheelchair quicker and quicker, Mr Taylor not seeming to notice.
"She decided to leave for America early, rather than waiting until her three weeks were up. I assumed it had something to do with the miscarriage and needing some time out. I thought you'd know?"
Again he didn't seem to get what she was saying, his frown deepened and his face seemed to contort his usually attractive features into a gargoyle of himself.
"I didn't know she was going to America at all..."
He said simply, trying to collect all of the different, shattered thoughts that seemed to have dispersed in the for front of his mind.
"When she spoke to Guy about returning to work? He recommended taking a job in America, it's just for six weeks. Training? Something about discipline?"
She was trying to jog his memory, but he looked at her blankly, just the slight shake of his head.
"Are you OK? You and Zoe...?"
She watched as he glanced towards the clock at the end of the corridor, and swiftly back to her again.
"When does she leave?"
He asked, looking to the clock again, instantly having forgotten the time from his last look.
"Max..."
"I could get someone to cover my shift..."
Tess drew in a sigh.
"Max, this isn't an episode of Friends, you can't catch her. This is real life."
She paused, watching the colour seem to disperse from his face, his eyes unfocused, his thoughts racing ahead of themselves.
"She's already left Max, she lands in Michigan at 6:00PM our time."
Thank you for the lovely comments from last night, I hope I didn't offend anybody with all that f-ing and blinding?! Apologies if I did.
More to come, reviews to encourage me on this very dreary evening very much welcome! x