"Sammy!"
Dean hugged his brother tightly in relief. Then he spotted Loki.
"Saw the fireworks?" he asked.
"Saw the fireworks," confirmed Loki, "By the way, what are Looney Tunes?"
"No and hell no. I am not going to stick around if Sammy introduces you to that, Robot Chicken, Animaniacs, or South Park," said Dean flatly.
"Why?" asked Loki, openly amused.
"Because after I saw those series, I drove everyone damn near insane replicating some of the things I saw in them. Especially South Park," said Dean.
Sam shuddered. It was bad enough when Dean started remaking half the crap he saw in the old Looney Tunes show. But it got infinitely worse after he saw Tom and Jerry.
"I will give you a full day's head start once I introduce him to Bugs and Daffy," said Sam.
"Deal!"
Ten minutes of Looney Tunes and Loki was hooked. He cracked up at the Duck vs. Rabbit debate that resulted in Daffy having his beak blown backwards.
"Damn! Why didn't I watch this stuff sooner?" said Loki, wiping tears of laughter out of his eyes. They weren't even done with the first disc yet!
Dean had opted to take Bobby out on a hunt, if only so they could escape the inevitable pranks Loki would come up with after a marathon of Bugs Bunny and the rest.
It was shortly as they were heading back that things turned sour.
"SAM!"
Dean damn near drove the Impala into the house.
Inside was some random demon with the Colt. Where they had gotten that he had no idea. On the floor was Sam, with a bullet that had gone through his heart, killing him instantly. Loki was holding him, trying to heal the wound but even Dean could see it was a lost cause.
The demon didn't last ten seconds after Dean was through with him.
"Dammit... there's no way I'm letting this slide, not after the crap I went through to find him."
"Boy, you aren't seriously planning..." said Bobby.
"Relax Bobby, I know what I'm doing," said Dean.
"That's what I'm worried about!" snapped the older hunter.
"Crow, how soon can you get here? I want to make a deal."
"What happened?"
Crowley's voice was unusually sharp.
"Some idiot demon just killed Sam with the Colt."
"Shit. I was wondering where that went. What's the plan?"
Dean made sure Bobby and Loki weren't listening in to his big idea. He was relatively alone, outside of Bear.
"Look, the contract usually states I have to be in hell right? Is there anything that would keep me in hell once I go in?"
"Aside from the fact that you would likely end up on Alistair's racks the second you landed, not really. Why?"
"Here's the idea I had. Hardly anyone in hell is aware of Stitch outside of Mort, right?"
"Everyone still seems to be under the impression you're a Winchester and a mundane, so no."
"Would it be likely they would mistake my creature form for that of some deformed Hell hound, especially if I had Bear acting as my Alpha?"
Crowley thought about that for a moment. Dean's creature form was bizarre, but if someone didn't know any better he could see it being mistaken for some strange hell beast, especially if his hell hound crossbreed were around to keep him from being killed right off the bat. All he would need is directions and theoretically he could walk right out of hell without anyone the wiser.
And if Dean went into hell and found his own way out, then by a technical standpoint his contract would have been filled before his 'death'. Meaning he wouldn't be dragged back down after he walked out.
It was pretty damn risky and hinged on whether he could find his way out again before Lilith and the others figured out what happened to Dean though.
Then again, Dean apparently thrived on risky. And he had the luck of the devil himself.
"It's tricky, but with your luck you might be able to pull it off. Especially if you took your dog with you to keep the others off your case."
"Which means all I would need to get this done is the location of an open hell gate demons can't access freely."
"I know of one you can use. It has a barrier placed by angels, but since you're not a demon it shouldn't be too much trouble to slip through. And since Bear is a hell hound he can get out on his own by following one of mine."
"So do we have a deal? You bring Sam back and help me escape hell and in exchange I'll help you piss off some of the higher demons later," said Dean.
"That and you tell me who you were before. I want to know why you know Death," said Crowley flatly.
"Fair enough," said Dean.
Crowley appeared a few minutes later to shake Dean's hand. The moment Dean touched Crowley's flesh, he felt something latch onto his core. In the distance he heard a clap of thunder, or what sounded like it.
"There. Your brother is back among the living. Just tell me when you want to screw over whatever Lilith has planned so I can give you the location of that hell gate...and plant something so you can find it later from the pit," said Crowley.
"Got it. By the way, the person I was before?"
Crowley looked at him intently.
"I was originally Harry Potter."
Crowley choked on his own spit.
"You have got to be bloody joking. You were the Master of Death and you chose to become some no-name hunter? You had everything! Money, fame, glory!"
"But not an actual life I wanted. Money? What has money ever done for me? Fame? I hated it from the start and all it ever did was bring yes men who wanted to steal some of the spotlight. Glory? What good is glory when it brought me nothing but misery? I'm happier as Dean Harvelle, a no-name hunter who kills things that hurt others than I ever was as Harry Potter," said Dean shaking his head.
Crowley conceded his point. Potter was a powerful, famous and rich wizard, but everyone and their grandmother knew he was a pawn of the Ministry. His disappearance had come as a total shock.
Finding out he had chosen to reincarnate into a hunter's family just to escape that life wasn't surprising, from an outsider's standpoint. Frankly he was more surprised Harry hadn't tried to make a demon deal first.
"Give me a call when you're ready to pull one over Lilith and Alistair," said Crowley. That was going to be hilarious.
"Dean, what the hell did you do?!" said Sam angrily. He remembered the demon, the Colt. What he didn't remember is how he came back.
"Made a deal with Crowley. Got a surprise for the demons below."
"Dean."
"You do realize there's no getting out of a demon-contract right?" said Loki, eying Sam.
"Oh, there's a way out. It's just risky, stupid, and quite possibly insane. And best of all by the time the higher demons figure out what I did, it will be too late," said Dean.
"Say what now? You're not seriously going to try and get out of the contract are you?" asked Loki.
"I'm not going to try and get out of the contract. It's a stupid idea that's not likely to work in the year I was given. Instead I'm going to do something else. Something that the other demons won't anticipate," said Dean smugly.
"What?"
"Go in early in creature form and then walk out through a hell gate that only has a barrier over it placed by angels. Crowley said it was possible, just highly unlikely I could find the gate out of hell before the other demons figure out I'm there. The contract only states I go down... there's nothing in it that says I have to stay once I'm there."
"That...is actually a valid point. The contracts only send you down once they're up or you die. I've never seen anyone bother to make one that forces you to stay once you're there," admitted Loki.
It was a valid plan. If Dean went in early and Sam was able to pretend he was sick or something, then the demons wouldn't know Dean was already in hell. Theoretically he could escape before they found out. But it was risky, and they already knew what he looked like.
"So how you planning to avoid the racks?"
Dean smirked. Then he switch to Stitch.
"I get it now. You go in as Stitch and since for some reason the supernatural side isn't as quick on the uptake they won't know it's you. Is Bear going as well?"
"Better believe it. As far as they'll know, I'm some deformed hell beast that a hell hound adopted as it's pup," said Dean.
"That is not only smart, but it has a higher chance of working than trying to get out of it. I'm impressed Dean-o," said Loki.
Dean and Sam could tell from his expression he was being completely honest.
"So what's your plan to keep hell from finding out early?" asked Loki, popping up a sucker.
"That's the easy part. Prank war gone wrong. As far as everyone needs to know, Sam and I either got into a fight, or I could be holed up here in Bobby's while my leg heals or something," said Dean immediately, having switched back.
"You are aware time passes differently in hell right?" said Loki.
"Not surprising, but I'm also pretty sure Crowley would at least have the decency to tell Sam if my plan fails and I got sent to the racks," said Dean.
"That I can see happening," admitted Sam.
"Dammit, why do we have to deal with his stupid storage locker?" complained Dean.
Dean hated dealing with anything to do with John Winchester. So having to clean up after his mess was not something he enjoyed.
Finding out the idiot had some twisted rabbit's foot? Even less appealing.
"So what's the plan Dean?" asked Sam.
"For starters we're going to make sure that we don't lose that rabbit's foot until we get ready to dispose of it. That thing has a history of getting people killed when they lose it. Kinda like Sauron's ring."
Sam did a three second stand still and stared at his brother.
"I did not just hear you claim you've read Lord of the Rings," said Sam accusingly.
"... I've read Macbeth, Hamlet, and Sherlock Holmes too, if that's any consolation," said Dean sheepishly.
"So let me get this straight. You can't stand reading books, but you've read several classics?" said Sam in disbelief.
"I hate this modern fantasy crap. The classics are another story," said Dean defensively.
"Prove it," said Sam. It was hard to believe his classic car loving brother had read Shakespeare.
Dean rolled his eyes, before he quoted a passage.
"'A drum, a drum, Macbeth doth come.
The weird sisters, hand in hand
Posters of sea and land
Thus do go about, about
Thrice to thine and thrice to mine
And thrice again to make nine
Peace! The charm's wound up."
Sam stopped and stared in shock. Dean had just quoted a passage from Macbeth. He couldn't believe his brother actually read the classics.
"I don't believe it."
"What? I like classics," said Dean irritably. Was it really that hard to believe he liked the classics over the new crap?
"It's just you hate reading."
"No, I hate researching. Reading to kill time is another story," corrected Dean. The researching thing was something that had bleed over from Harry and his days under the proverbial whip of a certain bushy-haired brunette with a self-righteous attitude.
"At least now I know what to get you for your birthday this year," muttered Sam.
It took Dean three hours to find the ingredients to cleanse the damn rabbit's foot. And another hour to find a place to do it.
Once the thing was cleansed (and with no physical sign showing they had rid it of the bad luck it came with) it was stolen out of Sam's pocket.
Dean almost felt sorry for the thief, but he was too busy laughing from the cursing she let off when she realized something was wrong with it. (He had laced it with a scrying spell for a quick laugh.)
The only thing that bugged him was the woman's British accent. It sounded way too familiar.