5.
"You spill some of that on the leather and I swear I'm kicking you out." Haymitch growled, switching off the radio. It was mostly statics anyway. Fewer and fewer people broadcasted anything.
Effie hummed in response but didn't actually reply, too focused on painting her nails a bright metallic blue color. He didn't ask where she had found the nail polish, she probably had snatched it while he wasn't looking during their last food raid. She had taken a habit of going for useless things while he went for the essentials like food, water and liquor.
He took a sip of whiskey but quickly put the bottle down because that one had better last. He had exactly four left and they were all in the trunk with the gas and their clothes – freshly laundered clothes, he ought to add, she had insisted they stopped in a Laundromat along the way. He didn't know what he had hated more about that particular trip : the lecture on proper fabric care or the huge zombie that had tried to bite him while he was reluctantly putting his shirts in the dryer. It wasn't the worst experience of the latest two weeks, though, which probably told a lot about his life.
The car had been neatly organized by Effie after a particularly loud argument regarding their living space. Two people living in a car wasn't easy on an everyday basis, all the more so when one of them was a control freak borderline obsessive on organization. One day she had declared herself bored, she had taken a good look at the car and she had decided it wouldn't work out anymore. Haymitch had raged and threatened to leave her and drive away but the threat was empty and they both knew it so in the end he had to relent while she put his booze and the clothes in the trunk. The guns, food and water bottles had been carefully sorted out and arranged in carton boxes on the back seat. You could actually see the leather seat again now.
Haymitch had argued alcohol was a kind of food but she had stated it wasn't nourishing and had banished it to the trunk.
Most days, he wondered why he bothered with her, she was making his life a living hell. She was annoying, bossy and her voice was so high pitched it gave him headaches. She babbled all the time about everything and anything, she giggled for no reason and she had hooked a pink flower on the rear-view mirror that scented like roses – he had chucked the first one through the window but it had reappeared while he was sleeping and it kept reappearing no matter how often he got rid of it; he suspected she had a stock of them somewhere but he hadn't managed to find them yet. He was tempted at least twice a day to stop near a car and tell her to go away.
However he never did. There were perks to her presence. First, she knew how to shoot and that came in handy. Second, she never said anything about the nightmares but she would wake him before they'd get too bad which spared him those familiar and painful awakenings when he scrambled up sweaty and gasping for air. And then there were the things he absolutely didn't care about like the way her incessant chatter kept his demons away even though he barely listened or answered only half the time, the regular banter or the distractions she had come up with to lighten their unplanned road trip…
Effie, he had come to learn, needed to be occupied or she would go crazy. She had studied three maps and figured out at least fifty possible itineraries to different places she thought they could go instead of driving at random, Haymitch had humored her because he had no more idea as to where they were going than she did. Away from zombies was all he was asking for. She had raided the toy section of one of the stores they had visited and had brought back a few sets of traveling board games – and, boy, how she sucked at chess! – and a pack of cards – it was humiliating how quickly she could win at poker. And then there were the books. She wasn't a great reader and neither was he, really, but she had grabbed a few novels somewhere along the way and she read out loud sometimes, just to break the silence.
She wasn't always a ray of sunshine, though. There were days when she was silent and sullen and he knew she was thinking about the people she had left behind. He was familiar with guilt, he knew everything there was to know about it. Sometimes, when she was in that kind of mood, she would curl up against him and not say a word for miles. He didn't know how he felt about that. She was a very tactile person.
"This brand isn't good at all!" she exclaimed in annoyance, scowling at the small vial of nail polish wedged between her thighs as if it had personally offended her. The small brush was still in her hand and she was applying a new layer to her left thumb. "It is much too thick."
"Call their customer service and complain." he mocked. "I'm sure there's still someone there who wants to know if you're satisfied with their product. Who cares about zombies if Effie Trinket is unhappy?"
She shot him an irritated glance. "Worst thing?" she chuckled, oh so carefully painting the next nail. God forbid some of it spilled onto her skin! "I did a commercial for them."
"Karma." he replied.
She rolled her eyes and went along to the next nail. She was so focused on not messing up he couldn't help it. He braked. The tires screeched as the car came to an abrupt stop and she yelped in distress as the brush of nail polish ran over her hand and crashed on her white long-sleeved shirt. She looked around, assessing the situation and searching for the threat that had made him stop the car so urgently but when she found none, she glared daggers at him. "You did not just do that on purpose."
"There was a fox." he said innocently.
She narrowed her eyes, clearly not fooled and screwed the nail polish shut before making a face at the mess her shirt was. Wearing white during a zombie apocalypse was a bad idea anyway. "That means another trip to the Laundromat, Haymitch." she snapped, taking the shirt off with no care in the world. Sauntering around him in her underwear didn't bother her, she was a model after all, she had no problem with her body but the second she caught him ogling she would launch into a lecture about manners and proper gentlemanly behavior like he could possibly care when she was flaunting her assets at him. "And you can wash it yourself, that will teach you." she huffed, throwing the shirt at his head. He watched her in the rear-view mirror as she exited the car and went to the trunk for the clothes she kept there.
There was something about her wearing jeans and only a black bra on a lonely road bordered by trees on each side… She was hot. Like really, really hot. Worse, she was aware of it and had exerted to drive him crazy as a punishment. She had barely opened the truck when he started the car and drove for a few feet, forcing her to run after it. That made for a good show. He didn't know what made him smirk more : making her afraid he was going to leave her there in nothing but jeans and a bra or the absolute fury he saw on her face when their eyes met in the rear-view mirror.
"Don't you dare start that car again." she warned, through the open trunk.
He dared.
He dared three times.
He toyed with the idea of doing it a fourth time but she was glowering at him so hard he was afraid her face would stay stuck that way forever. He stopped the car and let her put another long-sleeved shirt – a bright yellow adorned with small bows on the shoulders and the back of the neck because, really, it was appropriate to wear that kind of things during a zombie apocalypse – almost sorry to see the bra disappear under the fabric. She slammed the trunk shut more violently than strictly necessary and stared at him in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were promising a thousand painful deaths.
He was about to get out and offer her to drive as a peace offering when it happened. It was too quick for him to do anything but stare in horror.
She had taken two steps back to the car when something barged out from between the trees to their left and yelped when it saw Effie standing there in her yellow glory. Fortunately it stumbled and fell flat on the road but Effie didn't have a gun on her and Haymitch had to struggle with his seat belt before succeeding in getting out of the car. The few seconds of distraction on his part were enough for the situation to go to hell. The zombie hadn't stood up again but he couldn't see Effie over the hood of the car which meant she was down. He ran around the truck, already imagining the worst – and he didn't know how he would live with her death on his conscience, guilt was nothing new but it was nonetheless crushing – and he found…
…Effie kneeling next to a girl in dirty clothes with blond hair tied in messy braids, wide blue eyes and delicate features that made her look like a doll. She couldn't be older than thirteen.
"It's alright, dear." Effie cooed in a soothing voice. "We can take care of that, we have alcohol in the car."
The girl was clutching a bleeding knee, her eyes darted all around in a frantic panic that only increased when she saw Haymitch aiming at her with the gun. She screamed in terror and tried to scramble up but Effie held her down and glared at him for what seemed like the hundredth time that day.
"Put that away." she ordered. "You're scaring her!"
There were so many wrong things with that statement… He didn't put the gun away but he lowered it. It seemed enough for the girl to calm down.
"Don't kill me!" the kid pleaded, looking from him to Effie in utter terror. "Please, I will go away! I…"
"Don't be ridiculous, dear." Effie clucked her tongue. "No one here is going to kill you. Can you stand up? Haymitch, open the trunk and get some alcohol for her knee. It wouldn't do to have an infected wound on our hands."
"On our hands?" he repeated, dumbfounded.
"She's just a girl." Effie snapped. "Do you intend to leave her in the woods?"
"Look, sweetheart, despite what you seem to think, I'm not in the habit of taking strays." Haymitch retorted angrily. "I made an exception for you. We're not keeping the kid."
"We are keeping that poor soul." Effie argued. "Don't annoy me more than you've already done today. You won't like the outcome."
"And how would you like walking for the rest of the apocalypse?" he shot back.
That could have gone on forever if the kid hadn't cleared her voice shyly. "I lost my sister. She's probably looking for me, if you could just help me find her…"
"Oh, of course, dear." Effie readily agreed, helping her up. "What's your name?"
"Primrose." the girl said, before giving Effie a tentative smile. "Prim."
"Well, we will help you, of course, Prim. Don't you worry." Effie promised.
Haymitch wanted to strangle her. Did they have time to roam the woods in search of another lost kid that – knowing Effie – would probably end up on the back seat of his truck annoying the hell out of him? Well, yeah… They had the time. Time wasn't an issue when you were driving at random because there was no place to go. That wasn't the point anyway.
"Where did you come from?" he barked, his eyes scanning the trees bordering the road. Nothing much to see, the woods seemed calm. "How did you lose your sister?"
Prim's lips wobbled a bit and Haymitch mentally swore if the kid started to cry he would just climb up in his car and drive away. "We were driving and they all came out of nowhere. A whole pack. They knocked Peeta's car over but Johanna helped us out and then… Katniss told me to run, so… I ran…" Tears gathered in her eyes. "I shouldn't have left them behind."
"Oh, sweetie…" Effie moved as if to hug her but Haymitch grabbed her arm and pulled her back, holding her against his chest and pointing the gun at the kid again. "Ouch! Haymitch! Stop this at once! What are you doing?"
He ignored her. "Did you get bitten? Scratched?"
Prim shook her head with her eyes wide open. "I'm not infected! I'm not, I swear!"
She was wearing a tee-shirt that didn't cover her arms and he could see a few scratches that could have come from her dash in the woods or from zombies. It was anyone's guess.
Effie kicked him in the shin and he let her go. "Was this really necessary?" she hissed. "What are we? Savages? I am helping that child and you are either helping us or leaving because if you're actually thinking about turning your back on a helpless person in need, I'm not sure I want to stay with you anymore."
She had been the helpless person not so long ago, he wanted to remind her, and he had helped her against his better judgment so…
"I'm twelve, I'm not a child." Prim protested but softly. She was shy that one. And probably just as helpless as Effie thought her to be.
"Alright." he yielded. "Grab a gun, sweetheart, and give one to the girl." Twelve or not, she shouldn't be unarmed.
It was almost worth it for the bright smile Effie gave him. "Thank you." she said smugly. "I knew you would make the right decision."
"The right decision being yours, I guess?" he chuckled.
She was about to reply when a new voice boomed out from between the trees. "Step away from my sister! Prim! Prim, come here!"
Haymitch was sure he gaped at the dark-haired teenage girl who was aiming at him, not with a gun, but with an actual wooden bow. Pointy arrows, quiver and everything.
"Now, you're just kidding me." he grumbled. Arrows killed as easily as bullets though and he didn't dare raise his own gun.
"Katniss!" Prim cried in relief, rushing to her sister.
Other voices joined in the call, further down between the trees. It wasn't long before two other teenagers, a tall dark-haired one and a shorter blond one arrived, both carrying proper guns. The tall one knew what he was doing, the blond one clearly didn't.
"Everything's alright, Katnip?" the tall one asked.
"I don't know." bow-girl answered.
"It's okay, they were going to help." Prim said soothingly, placing a hand on her sister's arm.
"Yeah, only going to help." Haymitch replied, slowly reaching out for Effie's arm and tugging her behind him. "Calm down, Gimli."
"Gimli is the dwarf, you're thinking of Legolas." the blond boy said helpfully, hesitating between lowering his gun and aiming at them. Neither the girl nor the tall teenager lowered their weapons.
"Aren't you a smart ass." Haymitch snorted.
The blond boy shrugged with a small smile. When his blue eyes fell on Effie, they widened comically. "Oh my god! It's Effie Trinket!"
"And here we go again…" he grumbled. He shot an irritated glance at the woman over his shoulder. "Couldn't you be a little less famous?"
If he interpreted correctly her glaring, he wasn't forgiven yet.
"Effie Trinket?" the tall one repeated, staring at her with the awe only a teenage boy could muster for his favorite fantasy.
"Let me guess…" Haymitch smirked, sparing another glance to his friend. "You did some lingerie photos."
"For Victoria's Secret, yes." she sighed. "What does this have to do with…" She apparently realized the way the boys were looking at her and winced. "Oh."
"Yeah." he snorted. "I think, it's Christmas for them. Anyway." He looked at the girl because the other two were obviously following her lead. "So, Legolas, could you point that thing away from me?"
"She looks more like Merida." Effie said, stepping from behind him with absolutely no care in the world for the weapons pointed at her. "If you insist on pop-culture references at least get them right."
"Who's Merida, now?" he scowled.
"Disney character. She's cool." Prim said and then pulled on her sister's arm a bit. "They really were going to help, Katniss."
"Put down the bow before you hurt yourself." Haymitch insisted, not unkindly and not unselfishly. Effie would probably steal his whiskey to clean eventual wounds.
"She's the regional archery champion." the blond guy snapped defensively. "She never misses. You better worry about her hurting you."
Katniss sent a grateful look his way and the tall one glowered. Well. Wasn't she a popular girl…
"Put the gun down first." Katniss instructed.
Haymitch considered his options carefully. He didn't like the odds. Effie was unarmed, the tall boy obviously knew how to handle a gun which would make him his prime target but the girl would put an arrow in him before he could take a second shot. And there was the blond one and the kid to take into consideration. He didn't particularly fancy a cross-fire.
"Put down the gun." Effie requested softly. "They're teenagers, they won't hurt us."
"You will never learn, sweetheart." he sighed but he still dropped the gun, hoping she was right. It took another reassurance from Prim before Katniss finally put the arrow back in the quiver and shouldered the bow.
"Sorry!" the blond boy said. He seemed relieved. "We had a few bad encounters." He crossed the road, holding out his hand. "I'm Peeta."
Effie hurried to shake his hand with a delighted smile. "Effie Trinket. Don't you worry, we had our share of bad encounters."
"And you two will be the best of friends." Haymitch grumbled, eyeing the tall boy and the sullen teenage girl warily. "So, truce?" he called out. He was aware that despite the fact that they had lowered their weapons, they didn't look less distrustful.
Prim wandered back to Effie uncertainly but a smile from the woman and the girl was won over. "This is my sister Katniss." Prim said firmly, waving at the teenage girl whose dark hair was tied in the same style Prim's was. "And this is Gale."
Gale shot a hesitant glance at Katniss and then came closer to Effie in two long strides. "I'm… a big fan."
"I bet." Haymitch snorted.
Effie's mouth pinched in a disapproving line and he rolled his eyes but let her babble away all she wanted. Prim and Peeta were hanging on her every word and Gale simply looked at her like she had two heads. He wasn't sure if it was the chatting or the fact that she was actually there that left him speechless but Haymitch took the opportunity to approach the girl with the bow.
"Is she for real?" Katniss asked, staring at Effie with astonishment.
"I'm afraid so, yeah." He shrugged. "It didn't really register we're running from zombies. I think too much hairspray damaged her brain."
Brain damaged, perhaps, but not deaf and not oblivious. Her blue eyes narrowed at him. "Haymitch!"
"Haymitch!" he mimicked her voice perfectly.
"I swear…" Effie huffed but the noise of a car engine made her fall silent. No… Not one car, Haymitch realized, hurrying to the gun that was still on the road, but two.
"It's okay, it's our friends." Peeta said quickly.
"How many are you?" He didn't actually relax. More people meant if those guys decided to turn on him and Effie, they would be screwed.
"Well…" Peeta didn't have time to finish his sentence. Two cars stopped on the road, just behind theirs. A truck not unlike Haymitch's and a smaller one. A guy leaped from the passenger side before the engine was even switched off. Tall, blond, tanned, the Hawaiian surfer cliché. And he had a sort of harpoon in his hand.
"You found her!" the guy exclaimed with obvious relief when he saw Prim.
"Seriously?" Haymitch couldn't believe his eyes. "A bow and a harpoon? What's next? A sword?"
"Try an axe." laughed a dark-haired woman, stepping out of the small car, an actual axe in her hand. She was dressed all in black and, like Effie, seemed to have a liking for tank tops that showed quite a bit of cleavage. She appraised him with an insolent smile and when she was done she winked. "Hi."
"Hi." he smirked.
"A bit young for you, isn't she?" Effie gritted her teeth pointedly. She wasn't wrong, the woman was obviously in her twenties.
He nodded to the light brown haired girl who was driving the truck and had yet to get out. "What does she have?" At that point, he wouldn't be surprised to see her with a saber or a spear.
"Annie has me." the surfer claimed cheerfully, but Haymitch wasn't fooled and heard the warning for what it was.
"Good for her." he said, tucking the gun back in his belt as a show of good will.
The man looked at him and then glanced back at the axe-woman who shrugged. "Finnick." the surfer said, offering his hand.
Following his guts, Haymitch shook it.
The round of introductions took forever and, on Annie's quiet suggestion, they relocated to an abandoned rest area down the road where they would see zombies come from afar. Haymitch and Effie could have taken off but she was obviously delighted to see and speak to other people and she talked his ear off during the short ten minutes it took to go there.
Once they were sure neither Haymitch nor Effie were planning on killing them, the group was rather welcoming.
"Sorry, mate, we had to leave your car behind." Finnick told Peeta while Prim was busy telling everyone's story to Effie. Haymitch listened absent-mindedly, more focused on getting a feel of the whole group. It was a large one.
There were the sisters first… Katniss, the regional archery champion who allegedly never missed although she had yet to infirm or confirm the statement, and Primrose the little sister. Their father had been long dead when the first zombies had shown up and their mother, who was suffering from depression, didn't make it out of the house. Katniss barely had time to grab her bow and her arrows but had still managed to get her sister out and unto the main road where they had met Katniss' best friend Gale who was running to her house after he had found his whole family had turned into zombies. They had decided to take off and that was how they had crossed Peeta's path a few yards away. According to Prim, they all went to the same school but weren't friends except Peeta had an old pick-up and immediately accepted to help them.
They had met Finnick and Annie a week after when they had been ambushed by zombies. Finnick's harpoon and Annie's driving skills had come into handy and they had all decided to stay together. Finnick and Annie came from the coast, he was a fisherman and she studied marine biology. Annie was having a very hard time because she had seen one of her best friends being killed by a zombie right in front of her, she was a bit unpredictable at times and she panicked easily but Finnick always knew how to bring her back. There had been an old woman with them at first but they had lost her in the first few days of the apocalypse.
They had met Johanna by chance. She had been busy beheading zombies when they had stumbled upon her. She hadn't wanted to join them in the beginning and it had taken a lot of convincing. She was very independent, very blunt and very outspoken and the girl seemed to be in awe of her.
Well, Prim made it all sound like a dramatic and very riveting story but that was all Haymitch took out of it.
"Where are you headed?" he asked Finnick.
"Mexico." Finnick shrugged. "We heard it was better in South America."
"We heard a lot of shit, if you ask me." Johanna snickered, taking a swing of her water bottle.
"Beetee and Wiress seemed sure." Annie countered softly.
"Beetee and Wiress?" Effie asked politely.
"Volts and Nuts." Prim explained.
"Prim, that's mean." Katniss chided her sister, glaring at Johanna. "You have a terrible influence on her."
"Oh, leave the kid be for once!" Johanna snapped. "Volts and Nuts were an old couple we've met. Scientists. A bit crazy, she was always muttering about clocks and mice. Probably dead by now."
Haymitch rolled his eyes. "Did they have a zombie cure?" he mocked. Scientists. What good were they nowadays?
"No, but they had a theory." Finnick sighed, rubbing his eyes. "Those things aren't zombies, they're human mutations. The virus, it doesn't kill you, it… makes you change. And… What did they say, Annie?"
"The more it spreads, the more it mutates." Annie said, leaning against Finnick. "The first generation was weak but they will start to become stronger and smarter."
"Awesome." Haymitch spat.
"That doesn't sound good." Effie commented.
"Wow, you're really a bright bulb, aren't you?" Johanna mocked her. Effie glared. They seemed to have a staring contest and five seconds later, Effie's hand accidentally landed on Haymitch's thigh. Johanna only seemed amused.
Haymitch wasn't.
Those people were good people. They probably worked as a group and if what had happened with Katniss' sister earlier was any indication, they took care of each other. It was the best they would ever find. Conversations picked up and died down and no one noticed when he followed Finnick to Annie's truck to ask a few things.
He was busy dividing their stock of food when Effie finally left the lively conversation with Prim, Annie and Peeta to join him by the car. They had all been sitting there for some time now and night was near. He wanted to be on the road before then.
"Haymitch, I had a thought." she began firmly and he couldn't help his teasing smirk.
"You don't say." he chuckled. "Did it hurt?"
She nudged him playfully but didn't take the bait. "They're nice people and strength is in number. It will be safer to stay with them."
"I agree." He could tell she wasn't expecting that. She blinked and then smiled obviously relieved.
"Oh, good, you're being reasonable." she breathed out. "I was afraid it would take hours to convince you."
"I already talked to Finnick." he said, taking her three backpacks out of the trunk and dropping them at her feet. "They're okay to take you."
"What do you mean?" she frowned. "That wasn't what I was thinking at all!"
"A deal's a deal, Princess." he shrugged. "I said you could stay until we found people. Well… We found people."
"But…" He put a finger on her mouth to shut her up before she started one of those endless lectures of hers.
"Look, sweetheart, it was fun while it lasted but I don't like people. Simple as that." He carefully didn't meet her eyes. Those blue eyes always were his downfall in the end. "You'll be safe with them."
She gripped his wrist and forced his hand away. The lecture didn't come though, only a resolute pout. "I will go with you, then." She threw a regretful glance at the group laughing a few feet away. "I'm sure we will manage."
"I will, you won't." he replied firmly. "We had a deal, Effie. Don't make it harder than it should be."
"You don't want me?" she asked, her blue eyes immediately filling with tears.
"I'm not a people person." he repeated. "I don't want friends. I don't want… I don't want complicated."
"Oh, and I'm complicated?!" she huffed. Some tears fell down her cheeks and he brushed them away uncertainly.
"You're very complicated." he confessed in a low voice. He was starting to care a bit too much and that scared him because he knew what it would do to him when he failed. Because he ultimately would fail like he always did and she would die on his watch, just like his girl and his family did. He couldn't fall in that trap again. He was done with people.
"Don't leave me." she pleaded. "Please, Haymitch, I…"
"You will make friends in no time. Looks like you and Johanna are hitting it off already." he joked. "Come on, sweetheart, I'm ready to take off. Give me a smile."
She gave him a fake smile that didn't reach her eyes and then she hugged him really tight and she didn't let go. He hugged back because it would be the last time and it seemed less dangerous somehow. "I will miss you." she whispered in his ear, her voice strained and broken. "Don't drink too much and don't do anything reckless."
"That's my line." he snorted. "Be careful, sweetheart. Watch your back." He had put the handgun and some ammos in her bag. She should be able to find more along the way. "And don't do anything dangerous just to get your clownish things."
"It's called fashion, really, Haymitch." she chided him but her heart wasn't in it. It fell flat.
He was aware some people in the group were watching them curiously, Finnick gave them a hushed explanation and they all turned around and gave them their privacy. Haymitch was glad for that. He closed his eyes, breathed her in one last time and then, he let go. Her arms fell down but they didn't actually step away from each other, the lack of distance should have been awkward and yet it wasn't. It was the proper lack of distance for a kiss and, for a second, he thought she would do it. She didn't. She turned her head away, forced that stupid smile on her lips again and pretended to be awfully cheerful. The whole thing was pretty sad. "Thank you for the ride."
"My pleasure, sweetheart." he tried to smirk, it came out as a wince. He decided it would be better to cut the goodbyes short. He looked around and met Katniss' eyes who was helping Peeta grab the food from Johanna's trunk. The girl seemed to get what the problem was because she looked at him with sincere sympathy.
"Don't worry, we will take care of her." Peeta promised.
Effie's staring was burning a hole on his face but he didn't glance back at her as he shut the trunk of his car, he only looked at the boy. "You better. Or I will come back to kick your ass."
That made Katniss snicker. "One last advice?" the girl asked.
He didn't know if she was joking or not but he went to the driver side, thinking about that particular question. In the end, he shrugged. "Stay alive." He sat behind the wheel and steered the truck away. He watched her in the rear-view mirror as he drove away, she didn't move for the longest time, a blurred yellow spot in his line of sight. It was the last image he had of her.
He drove for three hours, straight on, not particularly caring to go one way or another. He stopped at a store, killed a few zombies that were or were not getting a bit smarter, and hoped for alcohol. He didn't find a single bottle but there had apparently been a discount on nail polish right before the apocalypse kicked in and there were a lot of those little bottles Effie liked scattered all around the floor near the entrance. He pocketed a golden one before he thought twice about it.
He took back everything nice he had ever thought about karma. Karma was a bitch.
Back in the car, he decided to get rid of the last plastic pink flower dangling on the mirror but, in the end, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Everything in the car reminded him of her. The traveling board games neatly piled in the glove compartment next to his knife, the white long-sleeved shirt stained with nail polish that had been forgotten on the front seat, the artificial scent of roses that made for a nice change from the smell of rot and liquor… The silence in the car was deafening too. Even when she wasn't talking, the sound of her breathing filled the car. He hadn't realized how alone he would feel without her. Worse, he hadn't realized he had been lonely before she had jumped under the tires of his car. But now… The feeling of loneliness was crushing.
Nothing he wasn't used to, though…
He only needed to familiarize with silence again. Silence was great. Silence meant no one counted on you. Silence meant you weren't responsible for anyone. Silence meant you wouldn't get anyone killed.
Silence meant alone and alone meant nobody would be able to hurt you.
Silence, he came to understand quickly enough, was just as much a bitch as karma was.
He turned the radio on, searching for a disembodied voice somewhere in between the statics who would fill the void she had left behind.