Dean was lounging around in the sun when he spotted her through his sunglasses.
She had bushy brown hair barely contained by a headband, a very irritated look on her face, and a wand holster on her right arm. Fortunately she had no idea what he looked like.
"Sam here."
"Sammy, tell your boytoy we might have to leave in a hurry. There's someone here to ruin our much needed vacation."
"Who?"
"The chick who stole the rabbit's foot. I am not coming out of hiding just because some morons in England want their precious 'savior' back. Not unless they want me to lay waste to magical London."
Unfortunately for Dean, his tracker happened to hear that comment. Her eyes narrowed on him with a glare.
"Shit. I think she spotted me. I'll see you in a bit. Tell Loki to keep tracking me," said Dean, hanging up. He put his mirror phone into his pocket, seeing as how he had left his cells with Bobby for a reason.
His eyes met the girl's and without a seconds hesitation he took off running into the water. In his hand was the surfboard he had been laying on, and he could feel her fury from shore.
He almost missed the ten foot tiger shark heading right towards him.
Dean weighed his options.
Either go back to shore and deal with a very pissed off witch...or show a shark who was boss. He pulled back his left arm, waited for the thing to come within striking distance, and then punched it on the nose right as it came up to the surface to take a chunk of of him.
It didn't know what hit it. The shark actually went swimming backwards for a moment, and seemed to actually look at Dean. Dean just kept swimming into the waves until he was deep enough to dive.
By that time the life guard was calling for all the surfers to pull in because he had spotted the shark fin.
Dean was well below the waves and shifting into Godzilla before the woman on shore could stop him.
Sam was on a rented fishing boat with Loki. They had been searching for hours looking for Dean since he got the call from the manager saying his brother's surfboard had been found on the beach shortly after a tiger shark had been spotted. Sam, however, knew his brother. Dean wouldn't come out of hiding until he was sure it was safe for both of them.
That was when Loki spotted a massive wave heading their way.
"Looks like Dean-o is heading out way," he commented. Sam looked where Loki was and saw a massive black shape easily ten times bigger than the boat they rented heading their direction.
Dean, will you get out of Godzilla mode already? Sam asked rubbing his forehead.
Yeah...about that. I kinda...can't...at the moment.
What.
See I was passing by this underwater dock and I may have accidentally pissed off the Russians. At least it looked Russian. Thing is they were made enough to hit me with a torpedo and while it hurt like a bitch I'm not sure it's safe to leave dragon-form at the moment in case the injuries kill me in human form...
"What did he say Sammy?" asked Loki.
"Apparently he may have pissed off some Russians, who shot a torpedo at him. He's not entirely sure it's safe for him to return to human because he's still recovering from that hit."
"How the hell did he piss off Russia?" asked Loki incredulous.
Dean, how exactly did you piss them off?
I may or may not have bumped into their sub, causing them to nearly crash into an underwater cliff. I was pretty deep at the time.
Why were you that far down?
Well to see if I could of course! I was so far down I saw one of those weird angler fish that make their own lights! Should have heard the guys in the sub cuss me out when I made sure they would be able to reach shore about their accident.
Please tell me you at least took decompression into account.
I went slow. That's why it took me so long to get this far...had to knock out their sonars so they couldn't follow which direction I went in.
"Well?"
"He hit a sub several thousand feet below sea level. Apparently they were cussing him out and he decided to bring them back up high enough that they would be able to reach someone up on the surface for help."
"How far down we talking about?"
"You know those creepy angler fish that have big teeth, creepy eyes and lure their prey with light? He saw one of them," said Sam. He looked like he had a migraine.
"Sammy, do you have any idea how deep those things are?" said Loki seriously. He had seen one of those fish before. The depths they were at were normally not survivable for humans.
What? I have thick skin you damn pagan. Coincidentally, why the hell is there so much light in here?
Loki looked at the annoyed dragon wide eyed.
"You can read my mind."
Telepathic, dumbass. Now answer my question. Why is your mind so full of light? It's kinda hard to see.
"Dean?"
Sam, avoid talking to Loki mind-to-mind. I can just barely tolerate it, and if I'm having trouble then there's no chance in hell you'd be able to deal with it.
"He's right Sammy. Talking to me via telepathy is a really, really bad idea. I guess Mort did some extra tweaking to you in hell," said Loki giving Dean a strange look.
Dean suddenly saw something else, before Loki threw him out.
The massive dragon head, which was easily the size of the boat itself (think about the size of the one from the first Jaws movie and you get the idea) looked at Loki.
Why did I hear the same accent Lucifer had in the pit?
"Accent?" said Sam.
Loki check the surrounding area. Nothing around for miles except the fish. He sighed.
"I suppose now's as good a time as any. My name wasn't always Loki. And Lucifer happens to be my older brother."
Dean looked at Loki, before something clicked. The two on the boat could feel his hot breath on their skin. It was almost painful.
What Dean did next really shocked the hell out of them both.
"Gabriel."
Loki and Sam stared.
"You can talk. In dragon form," deadpanned Sam in disbelief.
Not very well. It took me months before I could talk full sentences as Stitch remember?
"How the hell did you..."
Lucifer mentioned one of his little brothers, one of the arch angels, went missing right before he was tossed into the cage. Said Gabriel had enough of the fighting and left before Micheal forced him to chose sides.
"I forgot you talked to Lucifer for a while," muttered Gabriel.
Try about seven hundred years. I spent an Earth week talking to him, but that far down it was a hundred years to a day. Mort mentioned about fixing my aura so Lucifer could keep chatting with me from the pit.
"Wait...my boyfriend's an arch angel?" said Sam, dropping into the nearest chair in shock.
Dean snorted.
At this point Sam, I'm just glad he's not a demon like Ruby. By the way, are all the host as irritating as you or are you special?
Gabriel would have been offended. Almost. Possibly.
"The host for the most part is stuck up and self righteous like you wouldn't believe. I dropped most of that when I became Loki," said Gabriel, before an idea occurred to him, "Hey Sammy, how do you feel about kids?"
"What kids? Wait. You mean those stories about you having kids is true?"
Gabriel nodded, before his expression turned sour.
"Odin went nuts about two, maybe three centuries ago and cursed three of them and threw the other in purgatory. Hel has a sanctuary down there now that's protected by Dad where the monsters go to avoid His mistakes. Thing is, I can't get to Fenrir, Jor or Sleipnir while Odin's alive...and Dean's the most powerful thing in existence barring Mort."
You want to end his curse and bring your kids out of wherever he stashed them.
"Isn't Mort just a reaper though?"
Seeing Dean and Gabriel stare at him, he realized that maybe Dean wasn't being entirely truthful about his longtime friend.
"Isn't he?" he almost begged.
Actually, Mort is what I called him and the name stuck. He's not a reaper... he's their Boss.
Sam looked like he needed to get blackout drunk.
"My older brother is best friends with Death. To hell with this, I need a drink," said Sam sagging into his chair.
"By the way...how long are you going to stay in that big form? Can't you shrink or something, because seeing my face in one of your eyeballs is rather disconcerting," asked Gabriel.
Dean did shrink, but not before he asked You know what disconcerting means?
"Oh ha, ha, ha. Very funny."
Where a colossal black dragon had been, was now a dragon about the size of Sam.
"Wait a damn minute. Since when can you shrink yourself?" demanded Sam.
I always could, but where's the fun in being a dragon the size of a car? People don't take your threats seriously!
Sam slapped the head.
Dean pouted.
"Just for that you're coming with me so I can honestly say you got stuck in a riptide and we managed to find you," said Sam irritably.
Bitch.
"Jerk," said Sam without thinking.
"Now ladies, be nice," said Gabriel. He got slapped on the head with Dean's tail.
A few days after that mess, Dean had an unwelcome visitor.
Hermione Granger.
"Look, I don't want any trouble from a half-assed British witch," said Dean flatly.
"Shut up Harry. Do you have any idea what I've been through trying to just find you?" she hissed.
"Name's Daniel Singer, not Harry. And anyway, what sort of idiot would believe a Brit?" said Dean glaring at her.
"Don't lie to me Potter. I have your magical signature from when you were in school and it's leading me right to you. Now hand over the Hallows."
"First off, rude much? Second, I don't have them. All you have to do in order to get the same powers as the Master of Death is to be touched by him three times and come back. I was touched by a reaper, saved my brother from Death by making a deal, and I treat him like an old friend. If you idiots are really that desperate to earn that sort of power, then tell the idiots you follow that they simply have to recreate all three brothers."
Hermione glared at him.
"And what about Ginny and the children?"
"Ginny Potter? Lady, that ship has sailed and crashed into an iceberg. Plus the whole thing was considered null and void once Potter gave up his body. The 'till death do us part' clause. As far as she's concerned, she's not my problem. And the kids? They were already taken care of before he went missing," said Dean.
The 'Potter' children already had a trust vault that would last them up until two years after graduation, if they were smart. Ginny had a five thousand galleon vault which was more than enough to work with, if she hadn't spent it already. The rest was sealed until Dean reclaimed his vaults. If he ever did.
Dean gave Hermione a venomous glare.
"Here's the deal, Granger. If I am forced to deal with magical England any time during the next century, I will cheerfully level it to the ground. And I can do it," said Dean.
Something about his aura told her he was not joking.
"I will inform them...but the next won't be as nice as I am."
"Bring it on. I'm not leaving my real family just for a laughable parody of one I have no interest in. Now get lost."
Hermione left without another word. This was not her Harry.
The Harry she knew would never have been that nice to an enemy. This was someone who knew about the few things that made life worth living, something Harry never understood.
She dumped her report down a tube, snapped her wand, and vanished from Magical Europe. No way in hell was she going to be around when those idiots forced the current Master of Death back to England. She wasn't suicidal!