Four months. That was how long the contract's original deadline had been up. And aside from the minor hiccup of dealing with Granger, Dean could honestly say it was the best vacation he'd had in years.
But all good things, sadly, must come to an end.
Gabriel was being a bigger ass than usual, and had taken them to Europe without telling Dean where they were going.
Dean knew something was up the second he heard a British accent (a real one not a fake one) for the first time in two months from more than one person. That was only compounded when he saw someone pay with pounds at a cash register.
Which was why his first reaction was to give the damn arch angel a black eye, to Mort's open amusement. Still, this did present an opportunity he wasn't about to waste.
Time to really do some damage to these bastards and spread the fact he had no intention of ever being their pawn again home.
Sam had done a doubletake at the gray eyes his brother had along with the red hair, but when he told him what he was planning kept his mouth shut. Besides, he was openly curious about the community which had used his brother in his previous life before he finally had enough.
Dean walked into Diagon, after faking no knowledge of the wall and what the pattern was to open it with Sam close at his heels. Bear wasn't on a leash for once, but the Sam's hell hounds were. Dean was half-surprised that the alarms didn't go off the second he stepped into Gringotts.
"Name and business?" said the goblin bored, once he was done counting the jewels on the counter.
"I need to speak to the manager in charge of my account. I recently got a letter from the American branch but they stated that the main vault was here. Unfortunately they never gave me a key to the vault, stating that they had to renew the ones currently active."
That was partially true, but not the full truth.
Dean and Sam had an account in America, and the Campbells had moved their fortune to the States when they left England. A fortune that was mostly gone at this point. However the only way he was ever going to send a very painful message to these damn magicals was if he removed the fortune Harry had when he was alive from their claws permanently.
"Three doors down and to the right. Next!"
"I was wondering when you would be returning," said Ripfang, once the goblins saw who it really was. To be fair, all Dean did was call Mort. They took one look at him and knew who he wasn't without any wizards noticing the exchange.
"A certain pagan, who will be suffering my wrath for bringing us here, thought it would be funny to make me return to England despite the fact he knows I hate it with a fierce and fiery passion. Coincidentally I may be inclined to charbroil or melt a few areas in exchange for weapons or a bribe."
Seeing the goblin's confusion, Dean shifted into Godzilla and back.
"A black dragon with fire and acid? It's rare enough to have that form, but two elements? Though it's a bit small."
"It's not small, Dean just adjusted the size. He's bigger than Big Ben full sized," said Sam automatically.
"That makes more sense. Now about your accounts. Currently the main vault has accumulated..."
Dean stopped him right there.
"First off, I could honestly care less about the gold at this point. I just want to screw over the bastards who turned me into a living weapon. Second, I would be willing to fund and organize a relocation effort for the entire goblin nation and we can all laugh at the idiot Europeans try and fail to reclaim their gold."
Ripfang had an evil look. This was the chance they had been waiting for. A way to keep the gold and piss off the wizards who belittled them just because they believed they won a few wars. Many forgot that the only reason the goblins didn't bankrupt them outright was because they got a percentage of the bigger vaults.
"Contact the American Ministry and ask them if they would like to have a small percentage of British gold in exchange for not telling the idiots here were we left."
"And for hiding me from them. Be funny to see Malfoy's face when he finds out he's broke all because of me," agreed Dead evilly.
Draco Malfoy had, for some reason, been elected Minister shortly before Harry had enough.
Dean already had a plan for bilking the British wizards out of their fortunes.
Step one: secure the goblin's passage to America
Step two: have the entire fortune left to Harry Potter moved to Switzerland under the gnomes
Step three: activate one of the older, forgotten clauses in goblin law...the right of conquest.
Most, if not all, of the Death Eaters had been from old and wealthy families. And since they were subservient to Voldemort at the time of his death, to the point that they wore his mark, then by goblin law when Harry killed him he also won their vaults as 'loot'. It was a fact that no one bothered to tell Harry, but something Mort had 'conveniently' knocked the book over for Dean to find when he first found out about his past life. Needless to say Dean was rather pissed learning about that.
Step four: escape Britain...but not before alerting the Prophet after the gold had been transferred with a big old "SCREW YOU" from Harry.
Harry was going to be 'nice' enough to alert the sheeple that he had just legally robbed them and there wasn't a damn thing they could do about it. It was also his way of telling them that anyone who tried to force him to return was going to die...painfully, slowly and in as many inhumane ways as he could concieve.
It was spiteful, mean and something Gabriel would likely approve of considering how badly they had screwed Harry over before he left.
Needless to say the goblins approved of his plan.
Dean had, after the plans were finalized, gotten blackout drunk as a last farewell to bloody England and the sheeple who had made his life a living hell. Sam was out with Gabriel, raiding Honeydukes before it was likely to go out of business. It had been heavily invested in by the Potters, and with all that gold going away it was unlikely the man would recover for a while.
Hence why Gabriel was going to buy the place out before the man was broken from the news.
Well that and Sam wanted an owl. He loved his pugs, but he wanted a pet that wouldn't be freaked out by Bear. Besides, he had seen Dean's memories of Hedwig.
When Dean woke up, the first thing he asked himself was...
'Exactly how drunk was I last night to do this much damage?'
It was the area where Sam and Bobby had buried the fake. The place looked like a bomb had gone off, trees were knocked down and everything.
Dean looked like crap, he was thirsty as hell and he was currently sporting a hell of a hangover. There was something else though. Something on the edge of his senses that kept pinging on his internal alarms.
It wasn't until he heard the humming that he realized what it was.
'Angels? What the fuck is going on? Why are there angels here? And why hasn't Mort come to complain about it?'
Mort was not happy when Dean was around angels. The only reason he didn't care about Gabriel was because the idiot was more pagan than angel and was very firmly attached to Sam. The worst he would do was prank the hell out of Dean.
However this was different.
Still, Dean was assured enough to go into the abandoned gas station and find some water. He was thirsty from all that drinking last night!
It wasn't until he passed by a mirror that he noticed something was wrong. It took him a good minute to realize what.
His hair was brown again, and his eyes were the same brilliant shade of green. Then the mirror began to fog up and Mort appeared, writing on the reflective glass.
Dean, don't react or speak. The angels believe that you were 'saved' from the pit by an angel named Castiel, and they have no idea you weren't even down there. I brought you here to keep up the ruse. Once you speak to this Castiel, I will also open a link between you and Lucifer. Remember, you have to convince him that the Apocalypse isn't worth the trouble he'll get from you.
As far as Castiel will remember, he found and 'saved' you from the pit. And here's fair warning...they are as out of date as the demons apparently are about the fact you are no longer a Winchester. Feel free to correct Castiel before he makes that mistake, since he will be watching you the closest.
Dean didn't react. He was good like that, and frankly the idea of telepathy with a hangover this bad wouldn't be worth the headache.
Then he spotted something that definitely didn't belong in the gas station inside the cash drawer. A hangover remedy.
Thank you Mort.
Without warning, Dean heard this loud high-pitched whine from nowhere. He could hear something akin to words, but he had no idea what the hell was being said. It wasn't any language he spoke.
What really bothered him was that the whine was apparently at the right frequency to break glass. He ducked when all the windows were blown.
Just as quickly as it started, it stopped. Dean carefully looked up.
He would have sworn he heard whooshing, like something with wings blowing past.
And to complete his crappy morning, his magical phone went off.
"Dean, where the hell are you? Gabe said he's sensing you back in America."
"Right, tell that idiot boyfriend of yours that his little brothers are idiots. Apparently heaven thought now was a fine time to drag my ass 'out' of the pit. See you at Bobby's," said Dean flatly.
"Say what?!" said Gabriel, his face filling the phone. It was actually a mirror.
"Your brothers went into the pit and one just did a fly by. Tried to say something but I couldn't understand a word of it," said Dean.
Gabriel groaned on the other end of the phone. Just great. His asshole brothers would be on Earth for the foreseeable future.
"On the plus side I think Mort just gave me permission to corrupt Lucifer to our side. Said to convince him that continuing the fight wouldn't be worth the trouble he'd get from me," said Dean grinning. Thank god for hangover remedies and a merciful Death.
"Now you're talking my language. We'll meet you at Bobby's!" said Gabriel grinning evilly.
Corrupting Lucifer so that he doesn't fight Micheal? Gabriel would rather convert his brother to the fun of pranking the hell out of their uptight brother than trying to kill him!
"Boy, what the hell are you doing back?" asked Bobby gruffly.
"Apparently heaven decided to 'rescue' me from hell. I woke up with a bitch of a hangover and a warning from Mort that they're going to be observing us for the future," said Dean rolling his eyes.
"Great..." said Bobby sarcastically.
"Coincidentally if you hear a high pitched whine, cover your ears and avoid glass."
"That would be an angel trying to talk without a vessel. We have that kind of effect. So what exactly did he say to you anyway?" asked Gabriel.
"I don't care what relationship you have with these two idjits, but any and all pranks wars are to be done outside the property and away from me an' Ellen. Are we clear pagan?" said Bobby looking Gabriel in the eye.
"Fair enough."
"What in... Sam, where the hell did you get that bird?!" yelled Bobby.
Sam blinked, then looked at Loki, his new owl. The bird was like an owl version of Gabriel, hence why he had named it after the arch angel's Trickster persona. Gabriel had thought it amusing enough and had been flattered Sam thought that highly of him.
He had a second cage with a year-old owl he had found when he went to buy Loki. It was a female and looked almost like Hedwig from Harry's memories.
"I bought them. Relax Bobby, they're trained post owls," said Sam rolling his eyes.
Bobby looked shifty... Gabriel suddenly blinked as he had an idea why.
"You're afraid of birds?"
"Shut up ye damn Trickster!"
"Oh this I have to hear. What happened?"
Bobby refused to look the two in the eye, but he knew Dean. He was a dog on a bone sometimes.
"It was after The Birds first came out. Some damn witch cast a curse on me that attracted the damn things for a week. After that I couldn't even be around the caged kind without having flashbacks...hell the only reason I lived after that was because I ducked when a whole flock of the damn things tried to skewer me and hit the witch instead!"
Dean winced.
"What if we kept the bird..."
"Birds," corrected Sam absently.
"Birds...wait, birds? Why did you buy more than one?"
"Ask me that when you see the one I got you. No way in hell am I sitting around on my ass twice after capture without you having a way to contact me without stealing Loki," said Sam flatly.
"...You named your owl after this dipshit?" said Dean incredulous.
"I take offense to that," said Gabriel mock insulted.
"Anyway, how about we agree to keep the birds outside and only bring them in during cold weather and never around you?"
Bobby looked Dean square in the eye.
"Standard demon clause, and I'll ignore they exist," said Bobby.
"Deal."
Gabriel however looked confused.
"What's the standard demon clause?"
"Basically no contacting the only demon I even consider remotely trustworthy for information around Bobby, the Roadhouse or anyone who knows and doesn't like him. We have to meet at a neutral location if we want to chat," said Dean, "Anyway, Bobby, where did you put the pensieve? I want this feathered idiot to translate whatever the hell his brother said."
"Third cabinet in the library," said Bobby without hesitation.
Gabriel listened to the words, and while they were somewhat mangled because Dean's aural frequency had been tweaked during the angel trying to talk to him, he got the general gist of it.
"'My name is Castiel, and I wish to meet. Heaven has a job for you Dean Winchester...'" said Gabriel, waiting for Dean and Sam's irritation to blow up a lightbulb before continuing "'And I would like to speak to you without having being shot at.'"
Dean twitched.
"Who said I would waste bullets on a damn angel? If it doesn't work on you then what's the point of trying it on him?"
Gabriel cackled. Dean had, in a fit of irritation, shot Gabriel in the ass when he walked in on him and Sam in bed. Gabriel had been annoyed, but otherwise unharmed. He had also made a point to lock the damn door after.