"The CT shows a sinus infection that's spread to his brain."
Zoe stood behind Henry, the scrubs she wore were too big and rustled uncomfortably loudly every time she moved. She watched him as he performed the lumbar puncture.
"We can isolate it with a tap down here, but he's going to have to go up to the OR for drainage."
He unscrewed the lid of a pot one handed.
"Ok, little pinch."
He added, pushing the long needle into his spine.
"One more minute..."
Zoe glanced up at the wife, she was pale and clutching her handbag so tightly to her chest that the strap of it left a white indent across her chin.
Henry let the fluid from the man's spine drip into the plastic cup he held, holding it up to the light and squinting at it.
"Yeah..I thought it would be cloudy."
He murmured.
"It's just an infection, right?"
The wife looked from Henry to Zoe, her eyes wide, her face pale.
Zoe smiled slightly, unsure whether to speak.
"Ok, we're done."
He pulled the needle out slowly, seemingly ignoring his wife who still looked to Zoe for reassurance.
"You want me to run those up to the lab?"
Asked the nurse who stood by the bed, notes in hand.
"Yeah...but I want you to stay with them while they do it..."
He glanced to Zoe, a smile at his wide lips.
"They like to lose things up there."
He added.
"Ok, you can sit up now."
He addressed the patient again, pulling off his gloves briskly and tossing them into the bin.
"Why don't you try to get some sleep? And I will be back in a little bit."
Henry lifted the guard up at the edge of the bed, using his foot to pump the base of the bed so that it rose about a foot and a half higher.
"Can't sleep."
Murmured the patient. Zoe still hadn't caught his name.
"Well, I'll see about moving you into a side..."
"Doesn't matter."
The patient cut him off, waving his hand with the IV in it to silence him.
"Just try to get some rest."
Henry repeated, turning away and taking the needle over to the far side of the room to dispose of it.
The man in the bed looked over at Zoe, his face badly burned, his skin bloody and peeling.
"In my dreams, I'm still the man I used to be."
He whispered to her.
"Matt..."
His wife placed a hand on his shoulder but he refused to look away from Zoe.
"But I always wake up."
He said flatly.
"I'd give anything to carry on dreaming."
He whispered.
Zoe began to move toward him but Henry's voice caught her, summoning her away.
"We'll be back later."
She spoke quietly so that Henry couldn't hear, smiling a tight smile as she turned her back.
"I wouldn't bother."
He sighed, turning back and staring at the lights above his bed.
"What's the point? All I have is the dream...when all I want is the reality."
Zoe quickened her pace to keep up with Henry. He hadn't stopped all day. She felt the burn in the balls of her feet and longed for the desk in her office back in Holby. Connie's office, she corrected her self. Connie's hospital...
"You want a coffee?"
Henry asked, looking back at her, realising she had slowed as they passed a vending machine.
"Uh...no..."
She looked at the various selections of coffee illustrated by fading pictures.
"Henry, what is it that I'm going to be doing here? Guy was very sketchy with the details and I left in such a hurry..."
Henry slowed as she caught up with him.
"Feeling home sick?"
He asked as they walked together.
"Not exactly home sick."
She breathed, watching the various doctors and nurses busying themselves on the ward.
"Guy said you were a bit of a lose cannon. You needed to be taught how to work within a team before he considered offering you a post … trauma consultant?"
His honesty stunned her momentarily.
"Guy said that?"
She asked, speeding up again.
"Not in so many words...but I got what he was getting at. He thinks you need the discipline."
That word again. How had she been made clinical lead if they didn't think she was disciplined enough?
She raised an eyebrow.
"You don't agree?"
He asked, collecting a selection of notes from a pigeon hole that they passed.
"Oh I don't know...I just wonder if this is all just a rouse to get rid of me. Maybe he think's I'll end up staying and that'll be the end of it."
She didn't try to hide the resentment in her voice. He looked at her, a smile she almost thought might be real playing across his lips.
"I think you'd fit in here."
He said gently, still looking at her as they walked. She raised an eyebrow again, almost laughing.
"I've only been here five minutes!"
He drew up his shoulders in that way that Europeans, particularly the French have of doing.
"Sometimes you can just tell."
He said, looking down at the notes and making his way over to the first cubicle they came to.
"Ready?"
He asked, passing her the notes and placing a hand on the blue curtain that was drawn around the patient.
"She's all yours."
He said, pulling open the curtain.
Max stepped from the road onto the pavement. Finally he had reached the end of the main high street. Shops stretched out in front of him, their signs glimmering, swinging in the fading light of the day. He caught sight of names he recognised amongst the lesser known ones. There was Bloomingdales again, a bigger store this time. A man was up a ladder in front of the first window he came to, stringing fairy lights across its frontage.
He heard him swear as he struggled to untie the lights with gloved fingers.
"Fucking Christmas..."
Max smiled, a tentative, but new lease of energy finding him now that he had made it this far.
The light seemed to be slipping away quickly now, with each step the path ahead grew darker. He shivered against the cool inside of his jacket. The zip had broken a couple of blocks back when he'd tried to pull it up and now it gaped open, just his t-shirt to shield his chest from the cold.
He walked without stopping, every now and then a wave of hunger and light headedness would threaten to stop him, but he forced his legs to keep moving, his bottom teeth knocking against the top ones with the cold.
A dog without an owner cantered behind him, stopping to bustle about under his feet before running into the road where someone blazed a horn and swore loudly out of the window.
He moved towards a sign post, the arms of it pointing in various directions.
"St Joseph's Mercy Hospital."
He blinked against the street light, double checking it wasn't wishful thinking. He rubbed his lips with a hand, looking up at the sign.
"Are you lost?"
A voice asked from behind him.
He turned, a slight woman stood behind him, leaning against a bench. She dipped her head to look at him against the glare of the street light.
"No...just dithering."
He answered, he smiled that smile, the smile that caught in Zoe's throat. The first time he had smiled since arriving.
"Dithering?"
She asked, frowning. She was wrapped in a fur jacket, real or not he couldn't tell, and her blonde hair whipped against her lips in the wind.
He smiled again.
"Just contemplating life."
He turned to face her properly.
"You're English."
She said with a slow smile.
"Well spotted."
He hesitated, tilting back and forth on the soles of his feet, still the damp irritated him.
"Smoke?"
She asked, pulling a packet of cigarettes from her pocket and holding them out to him, the lid held back.
"Fu-uck...you have no idea how much I need one."
He propelled himself forward, reaching out with a hand to slide a long white cigarette from the box. She took one for herself, slipped them back in her pocket and held up a lighter, flame bouncing at it's tip. He leaned forward cupping it with his hand, the flame warming his face as the tip of the cigarette caught and burned.
He sucked in the first drawer with a tremoring hand, closing his eyes and breathing out slowly.
"Fuck."
He repeated, a whisper now, the smoke spilling from his mouth as he spoke.
He opened his eyes, she was smiling at him, a wide amused smile.
"What?"
He asked, sucking another breath in.
She shook her head.
"Sit?"
She asked, sitting down on the bench herself and patting the space beside her.
He glanced at the sign behind him, convincing himself he had time to sit, just for a moment.
He took the space beside her, she smelled heavily of perfume.
"So what were you contemplating?"
She asked, crossing her legs and leaning forwards to look at him. Her eyes were green, one iris streaked with brown.
"Oh...love...life...why I'm such a fuckwit."
He mused, watching as she laughed, placing a hand over her mouth as though she hadn't had any control over her outburst.
"Sorry...it's just... 'fuckwit?'"
She smiled and sucked on the cigarette again.
"So what are you doing, loitering in the dark?"
He asked, sucking so deeply on the cigarette that he felt his throat begin to burn.
She gestured with both hands in an oddly eccentric way.
"I'm just...avoiding..."
She replied eventually.
"Avoiding what?"
He asked, watching the smoke spiral dance from their cigarettes they smoked.
"Oh...love...life..."
She looked sideways at him, smiling slightly as he screwed up his nose.
"People are always telling you that change is a good thing, you know?"
She said suddenly, leaning back in the seat and looking up at the stars.
"But all they're really saying is that something you didn't want to happen at all... has happened. My store is closing this week. I own a store..owned a store. It was a lovely store, and in a week it will be something really depressing, like a Baby Gap. Soon, it'll just be a memory. In fact, someone, some foolish person, will probably think it's a tribute to this city, the way it keeps changing on you, the way you can never count on it, or something. I know because that's the sort of thing I'm always saying. But the truth is... I'm heartbroken. I feel as if a part of me has died, and my mother has died all over again, and no one can ever make it right..."
Her gaze fell from the stars and she looked back at him, smiling widely.
"Fuck..."
He said again, looking at her, an amused wide eyed expression seeming to contort his face.
"Fuck indeed."
She drawled, tapping the toes of her shoes in the puddle at her feet.
"Now I guess I'm just waiting for something else to happen...something good?"
She added with a sigh.
"Can't you try again, with a shop somewhere else?"
He asked, catching how she smiled, repeating the word 'shop' under her breath with a smile and a nod of the head.
"Do you ever feel you've become the worst version of yourself? That a Pandora's box of all the secret, hateful parts - your arrogance, your spite, your condescension - has sprung open? Someone upsets you and instead of smiling and moving on, you zing them. "Hello, it's Mr Nasty..."
She tailed off, leaving him unsure of where she was going with the conversation.
"I'm sure you have no idea what I'm talking about."
She sighed again. He smirked, turning his head away from her, glancing again at the sign post.
"Teddy!"
She shouted, making him jump.
She laughed again, that low, rollicking laugh of someone older.
The dog that had sniffed at his heels earlier scuttled out from behind the sign post.
"Teddy is my dog.,."
She lowered herself and dipped out a hand to the dog that moved stiffly over to her. He was older than he had looked, bounding along earlier. He nuzzled her hand, licking it with a hot wet tongue.
"He loves the streets at night as much as I do, although he likes to eat bits of pizza and bagels off the sidewalk and I prefer to buy them."
She looked up at him from where she was bent over to fondle the dogs ears.
"Once I read a story about a butterfly in the subway, and today, I saw one! It got on at 42nd and off at 59th, where, I assume, it was going to Bloomingdales to buy a hat that will turn out to be a mistake, as almost all hats are..."
It was his turn to laugh as she spoke.
"What?!"
She asked, indignation passing across her face.
"Women. You're all completely mad."
He whispered, feeling the soft knock of her fist playfully hit his arm.
"Aren't the best people always a bit mad?"
She asked.
"Another?"
Henry asked, lifting the wine bottle and pouring it generously into the glass that Zoe held steady. He had insisted on taking her for a drink after work, to celebrate her first day.
"Cheers."
He held up his glass, swapping the wine bottle for it and holding it out to her.
"Cheers..."
She raised her own, clinking it lightly against his glass and taking a sip.
"I was impressed with you today."
He said, his accent was thicker, more of a drawl after the few glasses they had shared.
"Maybe you could pass that onto Guy..."
She mused, letting her eyes wander about the surroundings of the small bar that they had found themselves in. There were few tables, each occupied by a group of people much younger than themselves. The window behind Henry looked out into the street beyond, passer-bys stopping to light cigarettes, or fish for things in their bags under the street light that stood just outside the bar door.
"Do you really think you'll go back?"
He asked, swilling his wine in the glass, watching her with steady blue eyes.
She shrugged, tilting her head to one side.
"I can't stay here. I might as well fight for what I have left at home..."
She looked up at him, the window beyond a blur as she focussed on him, his slow smile.
"We need people like you Zoe."
Was all he said, taking another sip of his wine, never once breaking eye contact.
She watched him.
"Did Guy put you up to this?"
She asked finally, setting her glass down and resting back into the seat.
He smiled and shook his head.
"No. I just want to have the best in my department..."
He flattered her all too obviously and she rolled her eyes, smiling slightly.
"You remind me of someone back at home."
She breathed, thinking of Connie now, who would undoubtedly be sitting in the office...her office.
He topped up his drink, and she let her gaze wander again, looking behind him, watching the blur of cars passing by, the lights of Hot Topic glimmered behind a tall street sign laden with various arms all seeming to point in different directions.
A bull dog sniffed at it's base, it's nose buried inside an old polystyrene take away container. She watched as it wagged it's fat stumpy tail, enjoying whatever it had found.
Someone paused to answer their phone just outside the window and her view was blocked momentarily, when they moved on the dog was heading over to the bench just over Henry's left shoulder, she watched as it disappeared, the backs of the couple on the bench towards her, she could see only the backs of their heads deep in conversation.
She glanced back at Henry who was still watching her.
"What is it that you are running away from?"
He asked, his voice quiet and thoughtful, intrigued by the dream like gaze she held with the window beyond him.
She shook her head and feigned a half laugh.
"Life...love...something like that. Doesn't everyone have to escape at some point in their lives."
She looked back over his shoulder as she spoke, watching the couple on the bench smoking, wisps of cigarette smoke intertwining above them, their heads still dipped in conversation.
She watched as the girl playfully punched her partner on the arm, she smiled to herself. Henry glanced over his shoulder to the bench.
"Maybe you weren't supposed to escape."
He answered, his voice sounding flat, he placed his glass on the table and began to re fill both of their glasses as she watched the window.
As she watched, she noticed the girl turn slightly, catching sight of someone who walked past the window behind Henry. Zoe looked at him, a green woollen hat pulled down tightly over his ears, a scarf about his throat covering his eyes. The girl seemed to lean back, to pull away from the man on the bench, rearranging herself.
Zoe drew in a breath, letting her eyes stray to the now full glass.
"Thanks."
She whispered, taking hold of it again.
A shout caught her attention, Henry turned as she looked up. The man in the woollen hat had snatched the bag that was set on the edge of the bench she had been watching, the strap had caught on the arm of the bench and he fought to pull it free as the man from the bench shouted again, something she couldn't make out.
He stood, reaching out to grab at the bag, but as he did so the thief caught him by the collar of his jacket, pulling the bag free and with his hand balled up inside the leather of the bag he punched him square in the face, knocking the man who had sat so intimately with his friend on the bench to his knees, kicking him violently in the head before turning, a half-glance to the girl, and running with the speed of experience down a side road.
Without her noticing Henry had stood up and was making his way the door, already a crowd was gathering. She could no longer see the man who lay on the ground.
She glanced about her, everyone behind seemed to be standing, trying to see past her to the street beyond. She pushed back her chair, following Henry onto the street.
"Stand back, please. I'm a doctor."
He called, forcing his way through the crowd as Zoe moved up closer behind him, placing a hand on his back to keep herself from losing him.
"Zoe can you put this under his head."
Henry shrugged off his jacket as they approached the man, tossing it to her and crouching down next to him as he noticed the man's fingers lay crooked and broken by his side.
She knelt down against the cool wet gravel, balling the suit jacket into a cushion as best she could before helping Henry to roll him over onto his back, he groaned as they moved him, his head lolling back into her lap.
He opened an eye, his face scratched from the sharp gravel.
"Now that's fate."
He whispered.
I hope you enjoyed it... more tomorrow ;) xxx