9.

"You've been quiet." Haymitch observed, leaning against the living-room door frame.

Effie was standing in front of the fireplace mantle, fingers ghosting over the numerous picture frames on display.

They had found the farm by chance and had decided to try settling there because it seemed a better option than driving pointlessly. It was surrounded by a fence, the house itself was defensible and even though none of them knew anything about farming or crops, Katniss had figured they could always try to grow some vegetables close to the house. The farm was situated an hour from the nearest town – which was full of zombies but no mutts to be seen and they would take zombies over mutts any day – close enough for scavenger hunts if need be. None of that had helped the farm inhabitants of course… Finnick, Katniss, Johanna and him had to take care of that little problem but it was too good of an opportunity to miss because of four dead zombies roaming the house. The farm had wells which meant running water and, of course, independent generators with enough oil to last a while. It wasn't perfect but it would do very nicely for now. As to why the farmers hadn't managed to hold the farm… The lack of guns in the house was a good explanation. They must have been taken unaware when the virus had first started to spread.

And that would have been a shame to let such a potentially good lair go unused.

"They were people. All those zombies, they were people once. Like us." she said softly, picking up a picture to show him. "I forgot."

He walked closer and took the frame from her, placing it back on the mantle after an inquisitive glance. "What's going on with you, sweetheart?" he asked quietly.

It wasn't just her though, it was the whole group. There was a whole new tension that left them all unsettled.

The motel had shifted moods as if that particular attack had made everything seem more real all of a sudden. If someone had told Haymitch he would have ever missed Taylor Swift, he would have laughed for three days straight and yet… Prim had been very withdrawn since the attack and Katniss never wandered more than two feet away from her. Effie too had been uncharacteristically quiet, still insisting on wearing silly clothes and putting on make-up every day but they all felt she did it in an attempt at normalcy rather than her love for sparkling pretty stuff. She had stayed close to his side during those last few days, always fretful when he disappeared for too long from her line of sight but she hadn't said much and that was what was worrying Haymitch. Since the motel, she hadn't filled the truck with her chatter, hadn't tried to talk his ear off, hadn't really replied to his attempts at banter and let each of his gibes glide on her like he hadn't even opened his mouth. Worse, he couldn't tell if that was from the actual attack or from what had happened in the bathroom right before that.

She hadn't tried anything since that day, no kissing, no snuggling… She didn't seem to be comfortable if he strayed too far from her but she didn't seem interested in more either… Haymitch was confused.

"I'm scared." she confessed.

"No reason." he lied. "We will board up the ground floor, set up some rules… We should be fine at least for a little while."

"But not forever." she sighed, glancing back at the photos on the mantel. Haymitch made a mental note to remove them as soon as possible. They didn't need the daily reminder that they were living in someone else's home even if those people were long dead. Now they needed to settle down, keep the spirits up, find a way to live again as normally as possible.

"No." he admitted. "Not forever."

She looked down, obviously mulling over something. Haymitch could hear the loud banging of Peeta's hammer in the distance as they started boarding windows, Johanna was shouting for some reason and he even thought he heard Prim's distinctive laughter. That was good news.

"I would like you to do something for me but I don't know how exactly you request that sort of thing from someone you don't know that well all things considered." she whispered, folding her arms over her chest as a protection of sort. She had tied her hair in a complicated bun and some tendrils framed her face, it brushed against her cheeks every time she moved and he had to fight the urge to tuck them behind her ears.

"Well, we had sex." He didn't know why he chose to bring that up at that particular moment. It would probably have been smarter to let that problem rest for now. "We know each other quite well in my book." She was surely the first person he had bothered getting to know in a while and the one he cared for most in their little group. "What is it, sweetheart?"

She took a deep breath and he knew that whatever it was she was so uncertain about asking, it wouldn't be good or easy or anything he would care to do.

"I want you to kill me."

The words rang out in the room and drowned any exterior noise.

"What?" Maybe he had heard her wrong. Maybe she had said 'kiss' and not 'kill' even if that didn't make any sense either because she had certainly never showed any reservation about taking anything she wanted.

Her eyes widened slightly. "No! I don't meant…" She winced. "I apologize I am not making much sense. I mean if we ever get to the point where…" She fell silent and sighed, obviously frustrated with inability to express herself. "Don't let me become a monster."

Oh. That.

"Never." he swore. This was a promise he could afford to make.

"Oh, good." she smiled, relieved. "I thought you would be harder to convince."

"Then you really don't know me much." he snorted.

"Did they decide on rooms yet?" she asked curiously, lifting her head to stare at the ceiling. Sounds tended to reverberate in the house and they could hear the footsteps of whoever was upstairs.

"Yeah." That hadn't been too difficult to figure out. Johanna had claimed the barn adjacent to the house, the first floor had obviously been used as a bedroom at some point, there was a bed, a dresser full of boy clothes, a TV and some other things. Finnick and Annie had taken the master bedroom because their status as a 'couple' apparently gave them the first pick – although Prim had argued that Haymitch and Effie were a couple too but that had resulted in an awkward silence and an even more awkward denial on his part. The sister had taken the guestroom and the boys had put their stuff in what had obviously been the kids room because it had bunk beds and lots of toys. "You got the small room, sorry." And when he said small, he meant small. There wasn't much space in the room except for the single bed and the wardrobe…

"It's alright." She frowned. "Where are you staying then?"

"I told them I'm okay with the couch." he shrugged.

"Nonsense." She clucked her tongue disapprovingly. "The youngest should have left you a bed. Common courtesy. Have they no manners?"

"I didn't fancy sharing with one of them." He rolled his eyes. "I don't sleep anyway. The couch is good."

"Even so." she huffed, already storming out of the living-room. He didn't bother going after her, certain that the teenagers were in for a told-off of epic proportions.

It didn't take long for all of them to fall into a welcomed routine. A mere two weeks after they had first set foot at the farm, they had all found their place thanks to Effie's obsessive tendencies. They hadn't been two days in that place that she had already declared they couldn't afford to live in chaos and had come up with a bunch of schedules Haymitch hadn't taken into account once, except for the time she had threatened to make him eat them if he disrupted them again. She had assigned them all precise tasks that were to be completed by certain hours; she was very happy with her system but, really, they were all swapping behind her back because some people were better at some tasks than others.

Cooking and general use of the kitchen had fallen to Peeta, Katniss and Gale were trusted with hunting and gathering whatever they deemed edible, Johanna's responsibility belonged to wood chopping although she did take some watch duty too, as for Haymitch and Finnick, they roamed the grounds every day to make sure no zombies or mutts would come close to the house. Effie was overseeing the whole thing and tending the small patch of vegetables they had saved from the crops and relocated closer to the house with the help of Annie and Prim – or, more likely, as she knew nothing about gardening, she tried to help and got underfoot. She had also decided a zombie apocalypse was no excuse to get behind on one's education and had asked Annie to take charge of lessons for the kids – which the teenagers had just loved. Gale claimed to never have been so glad to be of age, Peeta and Katniss had bargained for lesser hours once they had realized Effie wasn't kidding. Prim hadn't been that lucky and was now in class most of the day under Annie's watchful eyes which was probably the only reason Katniss consented to leave her side at all.

Bringing the bottle of whiskey to his lips – one of his last, he would need to catch some when they went for a raid in a few days – Haymitch mused that life, right at that very second, was pretty sweet despite the threat of imminent death and Johanna's screaming in the distance. That woman had very powerful lungs, she was having a row with Gale about whatever nonsensical thing he had said to her during a dinner Haymitch hadn't bother to attend. They were in the kitchen and he was in the back seat of his truck, granted he was parked not far from the house but still... Impressive lungs.

Haymitch wasn't dealing so well with the 'life in community' part.

He got why Johanna decided to live in the barn even if it wasn't as safe as the house and why she spent most of her time either lumbering down trees or chopping woods they wouldn't need for weeks yet. The house was always full of noise, when the boys weren't arguing – and to be honest the boys were arguing a lot more now that their lives weren't in immediate danger – the girls were slamming doors. Effie tried to put some order into that but as Johanna so unkindly – although rightly – put it one night, she wasn't their mother which was lucky because Haymitch had caught some of the looks the boys were throwing Effie's way and were she their mother it would have been downright incestuous.

Annie and Finnick were alright, he supposed, they were easy to live with in the sense that they mostly kept to themselves but seeing them walking hands in hands, whispering sweet nothings in each other's ear and softly kissing when sitting on the front porch was hard for Haymitch. It reminded him of another time, of what he had with a girl who had died so long ago her face had blurred in his memory, it was the stab of a knife in a wound that had never really healed. It was their innocence he really envied, their calm certitude that they were made for each other and would forever be together no matter what… It was all ridiculous, all the more so in the world they were living in, but they believed and that was both beautiful and heart-breaking to witness.

And of course, there was Effie. They danced around each other, not actually knowing where they stood and adding tension to the already volatile mix. There never seemed to be a good time either to clear the air – and by clear the air, Haymitch meant pinning her to whatever wall was nearer because he would face a zombie before he started talking feelings – or to just simply let out some steam. Someone was always trailing after one of them or asking things or waiting for them to find a solution to every damn problem in their life…

Haymitch was used to his solitude. He had always been a bit of a loner but after he lost his family he had been living like a hermit for years. Being surrounded by people all the time was a brand new kind of nightmare. A person, a single person, at a time was okay but eight other people circling around him, chatting, laughing, invading his space? Bad. Really, really bad. He was snapping at everybody and being mean for no good reason at all, he realized that.

He spent more and more time in his car lately, neglecting the couch for the back seat. He was used to sleeping in the truck, nothing new there. Sometimes, he toyed with the idea of just… driving away. Not that he would, of course. He wasn't that much of a coward and he wouldn't abandon people who were relying on him… Even if people who had relied on him in the past had generally ended in a grave and he a bit more broken with each death.

He wasn't particularly surprised to hear the front door slamming shut or to see Johanna stomping away in the night toward the barn. He slumped down on the seat, staring at the truck's ceiling and wondering what he was even doing there. If he hadn't come back for Effie… His whiskey was half gone and he was feeling the pleasant buzz of tipsiness he didn't get to experience often enough those days. The necessity to ration alcohol didn't help his mood nor his temper, without alcohol he couldn't sleep properly, without sleep his body was exhausted and when Haymitch was exhausted, he was usually snappish.

He almost startled when the dark figure appeared by the opposite window but his racing heart slowed down quickly once he realized it wasn't a zombie. Zombies didn't know how to open car doors and they certainly didn't wear electric blue blouses.

"Drinking alone in your car in the dark." Effie tilted her head. "Not very clever, is it? You do realize there is an apocalypse going on out there?"

"Says the woman wearing high heels and clownish make-up." he smirked.

She whacked his feet away from the seat and he obliged, scooting over until they were both sitting side by side in the car like they had been so often in the last few months. He didn't know how long it had been exactly, days tended to fuse together now.

"So." he said, when she remained silent. "What brings you to my truck on this fine night?" She snatched the bottle from his hand and brought it to her lips. "My booze, then." he snorted. "What's the matter, sweetheart? You're unhappy with your army of suitors?"

She frowned and handed him back the whiskey. "What do you mean?" He rejoiced in her straightforwardness. He missed it. She was different when they were with the whole group, more guarded, always careful to keep up a cheerful smile and an oblivious face. Never with him, though.

"I mean the boys drooling after you." he smirked. "You know, you could go in that house and have any of them, right now. I bet all you would have to do is snap your fingers."

She tilted her head and pinched her mouth disapprovingly, obviously annoyed. "Please, Haymitch, don't be vulgar. Peeta and Gale are babies. I'm older than I look."

He took a swing of whiskey and propped himself with his back against the door so he could watch her properly. "Finnick isn't."

Even in the dark he could see her blush. "Finnick is in love with Annie."

"Doesn't stop him from checking your ass every time you turn your back on him." Haymitch replied.

"And you don't?" There was a challenge in her voice he was only too happy to take up.

"Well, it's a two millions insured ass, Princess…" he retorted. "You can't blame a guy for staring."

Her lips twitched in amusement but she kept a stern face. "Please, kindly refrain from saying that kind of things about Finnick. I don't want any trouble with Annie. As for the boys, you know how in love they both are with Katniss…"

"Love… Lust…" he waved his bottle around to make his point. "Two very different things."

"Is it?" she mused.

"Yeah." he insisted, taking another gulp of whiskey. "Very different."

She pried the bottle away from his grip and propped it down carefully on the front seat to make sure it wouldn't spill and then she slid a leg across his lap so she was straddling him. His hands shot for her waist instinctively. "I disagree." she told him. "I think it's a lot more complicated than that."

"I don't want complicated." he reminded her, tucking the blouse away from her jean and removing the gun pressed against the small of her back while he was at it. He dropped it on the front seat with the one he had been carrying.

"And yet you came back." she whispered, brushing her lips against his ear. Her mouth trailed down his jaw and nibbled on his neck, teeth scraping his stubble. "Love and lust aren't so different. Perhaps I should prove you wrong."

He kissed her to shut her up. He didn't want to think about that, mainly because he was afraid she would prove him wrong and he didn't think he would ever be ready to face that. Love wasn't something he had let himself consider for years now and he didn't think the middle of a zombie apocalypse was a good time to start. He slipped his hands under her blouse, sighing happily in her mouth when he felt her skin under his fingers. In another time, another life now, he was sure he would never have let her leave his bed, they would have spent days in a bedroom just having sex, fighting, bantering and having sex some more. He wished they had time to do that properly. She deserved better than a quicky in a bathroom or in a car like it meant nothing. Despite all his speeches about lust and complicated relationships, he wasn't foolish enough to think what they were doing didn't matter. It wasn't just sex. There was a spark there, something more.

"Why now?" he asked, when she unbuckled his belt with shaky hands before taking a condom out of her pocket. She had come prepared, then. It was planned not a spur of the moment thing. "It's been weeks."

"I need you." she simply said, wriggling out of her jeans clumsily. It made her laugh. "Not very sexy. I used to be good at this."

He didn't laugh with her. He cupped her cheek and drew her in a kiss that left him breathless. "Dangerous business, needing me." he mumbled against her lips. "You know who survive that kind of world? Loners."

But then she slid on him and his head feel back in bliss. It felt like his brain exploded. She set the pace – and wasn't that a perfect metaphor for the way things had been between them from the start – rocking them slowly. It was a difficult rhythm to follow when he wanted to grab her, pin her down under him and make her scream his name but he respected her wish. His hands roamed everywhere on her skin, stroking and clenching in turn. She moaned incoherently and slumped against him, forgetting any idea of restraint.

"Can't we be loners together?" she whimpered.

"Yeah?" he panted, trying to keep his cool, to make it last this time because the first time had been embarrassing enough. "What do we do with the others? We left them behind? Your boys will be heartbroken." The memory of Gale checking her out as he passed behind her that morning came back full force and he couldn't help himself. Her neck was right there, in front of his eyes, and for a tiny second, he understood the urge the zombies had to bite. Her fingers dug painfully into his shoulders when he nibbled on her skin probably more forcefully than was enjoyable but he wanted to leave a mark. He wanted Finnick, Gale and Peeta to know she was out of bounds even if it was only an innocent peek. She was his.

And wasn't that a sobering thought…

"Haymitch…" she begged and then it was over. He didn't know who came first, possibly she did and he followed or he did and that was her undoing…

She clung to him as she recovered, burying her face in his neck, pressing soft kisses against his skin. Haymitch held her tight, almost wishing the moment could go on forever. The windows and windshields were clouded over, they were covered in sweat and sticky in some places but it was strangely perfect.

Until someone knocked on the window.

She bolted from his arms and quickly pulled up her underwear and jeans, flushing crimson. Haymitch was slower to arrange his clothing, equally lazy, tired and annoyed by the intrusion.

The door opened on Peeta whose cheeks were just as red as Effie's. "I'm so sorry." the boy mumbled awkwardly looking everywhere but at them. "We're a bit low on some supplies, we were talking about going to town… Johanna is back in the kitchen, she said… Well, we could use your input, Haymitch."

"What about my boot kicking your ass?" he grumbled.

"Language, Haymitch." Effie chided him, still not looking anyone in the eye. "We will be right there, Peeta."

Haymitch closed the door again as soon as the boy started walking back toward the house and kissed her hard. Her lips were already swollen and abused from previous kisses but she yielded to him without a fight, deepening the kiss.

"See?" he said, dropping kisses on her cheek and neck with special care for the spot he had bitten a bit too harshly. "That's why I hate people. We could do that all night."

"You are aware that I have a bed, aren't you?" she asked, breathless again. "In a room with an actual lock instead of a couch in an open space… I was waiting for you to join me. Every night I thought you would but you never did."

He stopped exploring her skin long enough to look at her in the eyes. So pretty blue eyes… He could get lost in them if he didn't pay attention. "You should have said, sweetheart, I was waiting for you to invite me."

"Miscommunication." She grabbed his neck and kissed him senseless. "Let me clarify : you are welcome into my bed. Any time it strikes your fancy." He was the one who kissed her this time. Her offer would probably make living in community a bit easier. He nearly tore her blouse off in his need to feel her again. She was like a drug, he was high on her…

The car door opened without any knocking this time and Effie gasped in shock either at the cool air or at being exposed in such an intimate setting. Johanna didn't seem impressed by what she saw.

"Could you get your asses in the kitchen and focus for five minutes before I kill one of those idiots?" she asked in her familiar angry tone of voice. "I'm doing you a favor, Trinket, you've been at it for almost an hour. You need to stop before you break your toy, he's not a young man anymore."

She left before either of them could say anything.

Haymitch let his head fall on Effie's shoulder. "I hate people."