Chapter 9
Lavinia March 1919
Lavinia glanced over to Matthew and Mary who were deep in conversation over the other side of the room. Mary laughed and touched Matthew's arm for a moment. Matthew smiled back at her. Neither of them saw her looking.
Lavinia felt like she spent a good portion of the time that she and Matthew were at the big house watching him with Mary across the room like this and her old doubts were back with a vengeance. Of course Matthew was kind and attentive to her, and spoke excitedly of their wedding now only weeks away, but sometimes she felt she could detect a wistfulness in him and he certainly didn't laugh as much with her as he did with Mary. She had made the mistake of saying something of this to Sir Richard a few days back as they sat together watching their fiancées laugh with each other across the room. Perhaps as a result of tiredness or jealousy, or both, she had suggested that perhaps everyone needed to be a little more honest with each other. She knew it had been a mistake as Sir Richard arched his eyebrows at her, and she hurriedly tried to claim she had been referring to some wedding planning argument she and Matthew had had. She felt sure Richard had known her true meaning but had been kind enough to pretend otherwise.
The problem was she had no idea what she should do. Matthew had been so insistent upon regaining his health that they must be married that she hadn't had a chance to really think about it properly before he had announced it formally at dinner. She wanted more than anything in the world to be married to Matthew, but she needed to know that he also wanted it more than anything in the world - including Mary Crawley.
She had been conversing about the problem by letter with a very dear friend who had told her, in no uncertain terms, that she should marry Matthew regardless and do everything in her power to hasten Mary's marriage. Whilst some of Matthew's heart might belong to Mary, her friend had reasoned, he would not be the kind of man to continue such a friendship once they were married and, indeed, once they were married she could suggest that live for a while in London or Manchester which would break any attachment for good. Lavinia was sure it was well meant advice, but it seemed so mercenary. Surely if Matthew no longer wanted to marry her then she should be honourable and step aside?
She took a final sip of her drink and began to make preparations to leave for the night. Matthew noticed and, immediately stood up.
"Are you ready to leave my darling?" he asked.
She nodded and he went over to ring the bell. When Carson arrived he asked him to arrange for the car to be brought round to the front as they were ready to leave.
As he walked back to her he smiled and asked her if she'd had a good evening.
"Yes mostly" she replied.
"I have a bit of a headache though"
He was all concern and assured her he would make sure she was home as soon as possible, and that he was sure she would feel better in the morning.
Lavinia took his arm as they make their farewells to the room and looked up at his brilliant blue eyes. When he looked at her like that her doubts seemed to melt away. Could she really let such a man go?