12.

The edge of Johanna's axe grazed Effie's skin when she beheaded the mutt but Effie wasn't about to complain. She flung the corpse away from her while Johanna made sure there was nothing left of its head. She scanned the rest of the pharmacy for more threats but they seemed to be alone. She wasn't expecting Johanna to grab her arm and turn her around.

"Did he get you?" she spat tonelessly.

"No. No, I don't think so. You killed it just in time. Thank you." Effie replied, placing her hand on her neck and searching for a wound but nothing hurt. Johanna slapped her hand away to have a look for herself, she wasn't gentle but Effie didn't protest even when she unzipped her jacket just to be sure.

"You look okay." she breathed out and, for a second, Effie could see relief flash on her face. "Grab your shit and let's get out of here."

They were half-way through the front door when the first gunshot echoed through the otherwise silent town.

"Fuck!" Johanna cursed, glancing at her. "Get your gun. You're useless with that thing anyway."

Effie was only too happy to comply. Katniss wouldn't use her gun, she had her bow and Haymitch… Haymitch wouldn't use his gun unless it was really really bad and if they were at that point, she would need to be useful. She made sure the bag was safely strapped on her back and then she followed Johanna out the door.

Zombies were coming from everywhere, shuffling out of houses and crawling out of back alleys…

Some of them saw them and Johanna started swinging her axe back and forth, keeping them at bay. Effie didn't know where to begin shooting. She had limited ammo, she couldn't very well spend it all at random… "We're going to the car." the younger woman ordered.

"But the others…" she immediately started to protest only to be silenced by a glare.

"We'll get them with the car." Johanna hissed. "Now, go!"

Two more gun shots from down the street and Effie sprung into action. She knew what Johanna wanted her to do so she started running. Running was easy. She sidestepped zombies, and found the safest way to get to the old pick-up, Johanna on her heels. Fortunately they didn't see any mutt, only regular zombies that Johanna's axe was good at slowing down. Effie shot once, when they got close to the car only to have their path blocked by a particularly ugly rotting one. She opened the driver side and crawled to the passenger seat, leaving the wheel to Johanna.

"Haymitch and…" she started again, once the door was closed and they were relatively safe. She didn't like the amount of zombies banging on the windows, she didn't think the glass would resist for long.

"Shit, shit, shit." Johanna cursed, starting the car and running them over. She plowed into the mass of zombies heading to the bar. One of them hit the windscreen and they were blinded. They couldn't see anything through the cracks. "Smash it!" Johanna ordered and Effie didn't need to be told twice, she took the cutlass from her belt and banged the windscreen twice, handle first. It smashed.

That was when they saw Katniss running down the street in the direction of the other car, bypassing zombies and letting arrows fly. Gunshots were still coming from the bar.

"Haymitch." Effie said, unable to understand why Katniss was running away. "Johanna, we need to…" But Johanna had seen Katniss too and instead of continuing on her way to the bar, she swerved to avoid hitting more zombies and followed her. "What are you doing? What are you doing?" It was obvious what she was doing. Katniss had managed to reach the truck and she had started driving in the opposite direction, out of town. And Johanna was following. "Stop the car!" Johanna ignored her. "Stop the bloody car! We're not leaving him behind. We're not…."

"You don't get it, do you?" Johanna sneered. "If Katniss left him, he's lost already. Maybe he's been bitten, maybe he was too injured to make it. He's dead anyway."

"No." she replied immediately. "No. No. No." She could feel herself slipping into hysterics. Panic gets you killed, Haymitch was always saying, well she was panicking. She was panicking very very much. She could already see the town outline and she knew she needed to do something now or it would be really too late. "Stop the car." she ordered, bringing the cutlass she was still holding to Johanna's throat.

The younger woman didn't even glance at her. Her right hand let go of the wheel, grabbed her wrist and twisted it until Effie dropped the weapon with a small yelp. It was kicked out of reach but Effie didn't let that stop her. She was barely aware of the tears streaming down her cheeks, she wiped out her gun. "Stop the car, Johanna. We have to go back. We have to go back."

Johanna threw her an annoyed look. "You're going to shoot me, Trinket?"

"Yes." she said very honestly. "Turn the car around. Just take me back. Leave us if you want to but take me back."

Haymitch was all she had. Haymitch was the only one who truly mattered. The thought that she might very well never again see him smirk, hear his voice or banter with him just to see his eyes twinkle in amusement made her want to be sick. Her heart was pounding so hard in her chest she could hear nothing over the rush of her own blood in her ears. Every little things that had seemed so important to her before appeared to be of no consequences now. What did it matter if he didn't want to spend the night in her bed? What did it matter that he acted as if nothing had changed? What did it matter when he was there to take her in his arms?

At that second, she knew only one thing : if Haymitch died today, when the last thing they had done was fighting, it would kill her.

She didn't think she could live without him. She needed him. She needed his patronizing 'sweethearts' and 'princesses', she needed his affection when he sometimes grabbed her waist out of the blue – albeit always out of sight – she needed the burn of his stubble when he kissed her, she needed his reassuring presence when the day started to turn dark… She needed him.

"Johanna, please, stop the car." She tried to sound calm but it came out in a series of sobs that did nothing to move Johanna. "Please, please, take me back."

"It's already too late." Johanna retorted, grabbing the gun from her with irritation. Effie let her. She was shaking so much she couldn't shoot straight even if she had wanted to. She would probably end up killing both of them. "Katniss left him. He must be as good as dead. She wouldn't have left him otherwise."

Effie shook her head. "Please."

It was Katniss who stopped first, a few miles out of town, on a deserted road, leaving Johanna no choice but to pull over. "Get out of the car." Johanna told her when Katniss staggered out of Haymitch's truck. "I don't trust you not to try and go back."

Effie wasn't capable of coherent thought. Haymitch was all she could think about. She couldn't believe he was dead. She just couldn't. Johanna ended up manhandling her out of the pick-up and left her slumped against the hood of the car, stepping closer to Katniss who was also in tears.

"I'm sorry!" the teenager said, as soon as she saw Effie. "I'm so sorry."

Effie was in no state to comfort her. She was half lying on the hood of the pick-up, feeling dizzy and weak and so, so very useless. Everything was her fault, she thought as she pressed her cheek against the hot metal of the pick-up. She should have teamed up with Haymitch, she should have been there to protect him.

"What happened?" Johanna barked. "And stop crying for the love of God! It's enough with her." She nodded at Effie who couldn't even bring herself to care.

"We were ambushed." Katniss explained, wiping angrily the tears off her face. "There were too many of them, Haymitch was… I couldn't get to him. There were too many of them."

"And?" Johanna pressed impatiently. "He got bitten? Overrun?"

Effie whimpered in distress and clawed at the metal in despair, not caring about the scene she was giving. She didn't want to hear that. She didn't want to know. However, at the same time, she wasn't able to stop listening and she picked easily on Katniss' hesitation.

"He told me to go." the girl whispered. She could as well have shouted for the impact it had. Johanna froze. Effie's sobs stopped. "He said… Prim… He told me to go. He told me. I'm sorry."

"You left him behind." Effie hissed before Johanna could. She straightened up. Fury like she had never felt before surged through her.

"Was he alive when you left?" Johanna asked, astonished. "Not bitten, not scratched… Nothing? He was alive?"

"He told me to go." Katniss repeated. "He told me…" She turned to Effie and that was her mistake. "I'm so sorry, Effie. I had to… My sister…"

Effie couldn't tell what went through her own head. She wasn't totally there anymore, she would wager. She lunged at Katniss with a desperate cry. She didn't know what she would have done if Johanna hadn't grasped her around the waist and held her back. Hit Katniss? She certainly felt the urge to strangle her. "We could have saved him!" she screamed, struggling against Johanna. "We could have saved him!"

"Yeah, well it's too late now." Johanna growled, using her superior body strength to bring her back to the pick-up. She slammed Effie against the passenger door not too gently but, to be fair, Effie was clawing at her arms and neck. "Quit that." the younger woman demanded. "Don't think I won't punch you because you're knocked up."

"You're what?" Katniss whispered in horror, her face still damp with tears.

"Knocked up." Johanna chuckled without any trace of amusement. "She has a bun in the oven and no man to protect it anymore which means that falls on us. We're so fucked up. Fuck." She kicked the car with her knee but didn't slacken her grip on Effie. Not that it was needed. All fight left Effie all of a sudden and she toppled forward but Johanna let her go. "Hell, no! I'm not going to hug you better."

She let her slid against the side of the door until Effie was sitting on the road, curled up against the side of the car as tightly as she could. She pressed her face against her knees and let the sobs wreck her body without any care in the world for what was happening around her. She was vaguely aware that Katniss moved as if to help but that Johanna held her back, stating that the girl had done enough for tonight.

Effie almost wanted to tell them to take the cars and go away, to leave her there to die. She had nothing left. Her parents were dead, her friends were dead and now Haymitch…

"Night will fall soon." Johanna said after more useless kicking of the pick-up. "We need to get a move on." Effie stayed where she was, she was crying so hard she could barely breathe but Johanna was never one for compassion. "Get up." She grabbed her arm and tried to force her on her feet, that didn't work out. Effie was like a limp doll, her legs were made of jelly. "Get up or…"

"Jo!" Katniss shouted, already running for the truck and the bow she had left there. Johanna dropped Effie's arm and let her slump back down on the road, half throwing herself inside the truck for a gun. Effie didn't know what had alarmed them and she didn't particularly care. She was lost in an all-consuming sorrow.

The noise of an engine finally broke through her trance but it wasn't enough to interest her until the car stopped, the door slammed and Katniss gasped loudly.

"Fuck." Johanna said, for what seemed to be the thousandth time that day.

"Haymitch!" Katniss exclaimed and that got Effie's attention. She grabbed the hood of the car and pulled herself up in time to see the teenager throwing her arms around his neck. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, kid." Haymitch said awkwardly, hugging Katniss back, his eyes searching for her.

Effie almost collapsed again right then right there. The moment he saw her, he relaxed. He nudged Katniss aside gently and took a step forward only to find his path blocked by Johanna and her gun. Effie wanted to hit the stupid woman but she couldn't move, her whole body was still shaking and she couldn't stop weeping however much she wanted to.

"Don't take this the wrong way…" Johanna started. "But how did you get out of there?"

"Luck." Haymitch scowled. "Killed the mutts, got out of the bar."

"It was swarming with zombies." Johanna sneered.

"Yeah, I noticed you didn't go out of your way to wait for me." he retorted. Effie made a distressed sound and his eyes immediately shot to her in worry. "I got in that car, it worked. Luck, as I said. Get out of my way, now."

Johanna didn't move. "No bite? No scratch?" He took off his jacket with obvious irritation, pulled up his sleeves and showed her what she wanted to see. Effie could see blood on him, an awful amount of it, but it wasn't his. If it had been, Johanna wouldn't have stepped aside and put her gun away. "I think she snapped." she warned him.

It took a few seconds for Effie to understand Johanna was talking about her but by the time she got it, he was there, in front of her and there was nothing more important in the whole world. She was shaking so badly she barely managed to sneak her arms around his neck. He gathered her close to him, supporting most of her weight while she wept and stammered and more generally made a spectacle of herself. "It's alright, sweetheart." he promised. Except it really wasn't.

"I can't… I can't stop…" she heaved against his shoulder. It was exactly what she had been afraid of. Now that she had started crying, it was impossible to stop the tears.

"Oh, get a grip!" Johanna huffed. "He's here, he's fine. Can we move, now?" She climbed in the pick-up and slammed the door behind her to make her point understood.

Effie's fingers were digging in Haymitch's shoulders. She breathed him in but it was hard to believe he was actually there. Real. Safe and sound. He had been dead. For a painful, endless half an hour, he had been dead. "Never leave me again." she begged, burrowing her face in the side of his neck.

He kissed her shoulder, soft and feather-like, and then the spot just under her jaw. "Probably not a good time to point out you were the one doing the leaving?" he joked, low enough that she would be the only one to hear. Katniss was hovering uncertainly a few feet away. Effie wished the girl would just get in the pick-up with Johanna, she was still furious with her. Unfair perhaps, but she couldn't control it. "Come on, Princess. I'm fine." he whispered.

She pressed her forehead against his shoulder and forced herself to take deep, regular breaths. The sobs subsided slowly and she nodded, allowing him to guide her toward the truck. He helped her climb in and then made a quick dash for the car that had probably saved his life. She could barely believe her eyes when she saw him coming back with a bag full of bottles.

"No sense in leaving it behind." he said defensively, gesturing at Johanna to go first through the window. Effie refrained from commenting but she snuggled against his side and he put an arm around her shoulders without any hesitation, keeping her as close to him as he could while driving. Katniss had taken the third car and was following behind them. Effie took comfort in the fact that they were sandwiched between the two cars and would probably be safer in case of an attack.

"You're quiet." Haymitch said after a few minutes. She could tell he was unnerved by her unusual silence.

"I thought you were dead." she offered as an explanation. She didn't feel like acting all happy and bubbly right then even for his sake. She didn't feel like pretending everything was alright when it so obviously wasn't.

"Yeah, well… You shouldn't get so worked up about that, you know." he snorted. "Nobody would cry over me if I…" He abruptly fell silent when he caught sight of her glaring daggers at him. "Point taken, sweetheart." It seemed to make him uncomfortable. "Pass me a bottle. I almost died for this stuff, it better be good." She nudged the bag further away with her foot without even glancing at it. "Okay. Want to tell me what the hell you're pissed about now?" He was annoyed she knew. The kind of annoyed that usually led to a shouting match of sort but she was too exhausted to play that game tonight.

"No more drinking and driving." she simply told him. "No more reckless behavior either. You're done playing the hero."

"Did you ever see me play the hero?" he mocked her.

"All the time." she answered very seriously. "And it ends tonight."

"Effie…" he sighed but she pressed herself further against him and that seemed to do the trick because he dropped a kiss against her hair but remained silent all the way to the farm.

They had been out longer than they had planned. Finnick, Peeta and Gale were impatiently pacing in front of the house, hovering next to their last car, Prim was sitting on the porch with Annie and bolted to her feet as soon as she spied them. Katniss wasn't totally out of the car when she lunged at her.

"What happened?" Finnick asked, gesturing to Johanna's broken windshield.

"Don't even ask." the younger woman replied, glaring at everyone. She immediately stormed out in the direction of the barn.

Effie watched as Katniss went from arms to arms, hugging and getting hugged in turn. Finnick was the first to turn to their car, obviously not understanding why Haymitch and Effie had made no move to get out.

"We can't stay here forever, sweetheart." Haymitch pointed out softly, squeezing her shoulder.

"We could try." she whispered but she knew he was right and, with a sigh, she reluctantly left his side to get out. She barely took two steps away before she was tackled in a bone-crushing hug by Prim. The smile came easily to Effie's lips, it wasn't sincere but it came easily.

"What happened to you? You're covered in blood!" Annie gasped, placing a hand on her shoulder. Prim immediately recoiled, wrinkling her nose.

"Are you hurt?" Peeta worried at once, dropping the bag he was carrying to the kitchen.

"Blood?" Haymitch was at her side in seconds, gently tearing the girl away from her arms to look her over. "What happened? You didn't say anything. Are you alright?"

Her fake smile only widened and his face darkened like he knew she was going to lie. "Nothing to be concerned about. The blood doesn't belong to me."

That was enough for the others who went back to unloading the bags but not for Haymitch. He frowned. "How close was it?"

She could feel her hands starting to shake just at the thought. If Johanna hadn't been as quick as she was… "I am perfectly alright, Haymitch."

"Not what I asked." he growled, grabbing her arm. "How close?"

She resisted the urge to shrug. Shrugging was neither polite nor specific. "Less than it was for you, I would wager." She gently pried his fingers away from her arm and wandered to Johanna's car to get the bag she had left there. As small as it was, it wasn't easy to give the box to Annie without being seen. Katniss seemed to follow Effie at a distance, obviously still upset about the whole thing, and Haymitch was watching her like a hawk. Finnick wouldn't get too far from Annie either and, really, it was more than Effie could take so, after she successfully passed the pregnancy test to her friend, she headed to her room, declining Peeta's offer to get her something to eat. She was pretty sure she wouldn't have been able to keep anything down anyway.

Haymitch was standing in her bedroom doorframe a few seconds only after she had made her excuses, seemingly uncertain of his welcome. She wordlessly pulled him in the room and closed the door behind him. She didn't have time to say anything before he kissed her.

It was a weird kiss for them, Effie thought. All their previous kisses seemed to bear a tinge of despair, as if neither of them was sure it wouldn't be their last, it was usually messy and frantic, a prelude to more lustful activities… That one was different. It was slow, almost hesitant, lazy in a sense or perhaps just exhausted. Their noses bumped a few times but it wasn't as awkward as it could have been.

"We need a shower." she mumbled against his lips because as much as she loved kissing him, they were both stinking.

"We need sleep." he argued with a final peck. "Come on." He unzipped her jacket and slipped it off her before throwing it in the corner of the room. When he grabbed the hem of her top, she just lifted her arms so he could take it off too. He undressed her like a doll and she let him, feeling too tired to discuss the point. He guided her to the bed, pushed her under the covers and she barely had enough energy left in her to spare a thought for her clean sheets.

She was surprised when he started undressing too but she remained silent, content to simply watch him. She was even more surprised when he climbed into bed with her and gathered her into his arms without any obvious intention to have sex. The bed was too small for the both of them, she was half lying on top of him. She rested her head on his chest, listening to the strong and regular thumping of his heart. Her hand found the familiar ugly scar on his side and stayed there.

It wasn't long before he started playing with her half-destroyed ponytail. She really should have brushed her hair, it would be a pain to untangle it in the morning, but she was too comfortable and too sleepy to move.

"What you said in the car before…" He sounded hesitant. "About me not caring about you…"

"I know." she sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said any of that. It doesn't matter anyway." It didn't. She knew that now that she had almost lost him. She would take what he was willing to give and that would be enough.

"I'm not using you for sex and I'm not interested in Johanna." he grumbled.

"I know." she said again, hoping he would drop the subject entirely. No such luck however. Haymitch was like a dog with a bone.

"You said I wasn't getting the problem." he insisted. "And maybe I don't but what I don't get right now is why you didn't tell me there was a problem in the first place, sweetheart."

She stayed silent for a few minutes, debating between what she wanted to say and what she would have liked to keep secret a bit longer. And then, she remembered the terrible hollowness in her chest when she had thought him dead.

"I love you." She closed her eyes and held her breath when she felt his whole body tense. "I was wrong though. This is my problem, not yours." She planted a kiss right above his heart, hoping it would soften him.

It didn't.

It took almost ten minutes before he started to relax again and he still hadn't answered her. She waited patiently, knowing the fact that he hadn't ran away yet was a small miracle in itself.

"I will get you killed." It wasn't even a whisper, more like a murmur, something so low and so rushed she wasn't even sure she heard him right.

She propped herself on her elbow to look at him. His eyes were closed but there was a pained expression on his face. "Now, you're not making any sense." she frowned.

His grey eyes found her blue ones, so sad and full of regret it took her breath away. "You love me, you die. That's the rule."

She wasn't sure he was totally aware of what he was saying. He had the same faraway look that he had every time he woke up from a nightmare. "Well, it is very obviously a stupid rule so I elect to ignore it." She placed her head back on his chest stubbornly, acting a lot more confident than she felt.

She was relieved when his arms wrapped around her small frame again. His chuckles echoed in his chest, it was a low rumble and she loved it. "You would." he said with mixed weariness and amazement. "So much for not wanting complicated…"

"This isn't complicated at all." Effie sighed, her thumb absentmindedly retracing one of the scars on his chest. She had asked about them once but he had deflected the question like he always did when she ventured on the topic of his past. She sometimes felt like she had told him everything there was to know about her, from start to finish, her whole life had been exposed to him but his own life was off-limit. She wondered if the scars had anything to do with the current subject. "The world ended and I love you. See? It's straightforward enough in my opinion."

"Maybe." he admitted without committing to anything.

She would have to count that as a small victory anyway.